“If you’re Cupid, can’t you just make everyone fall in love? Why can’t you just slip that purple potion in the water supply?”
“It doesn’t work like that. All I can do is reveal to them true love, but they must be close to it already. The problem today is that people do not know what true love is. Most people are pleasure seekers or they get in a relationship because they are afraid to be alone. For true love to work, you cannot be afraid to be alone. Most people compare their love to how much love they see coming toward them, how much they are receiving from their partner. But true love starts with how much love is coming out of you, and you need a certain amount of time alone to understand its power. There is nothing more beautiful than two people who find true love and see it in each other. That is what I perfect. But in order for me to help anyone, they must first believe in it, and in these days that is very rare.”
“That is interesting Charlie, or, I mean Cupid. Do you want me to call you Cupid now?”
“Charlie will be fine,” he said. “I’m kind of undercover, you know.”
“You obviously thought a lot about what love is. Have you fallen in love with a girl?” Julie asked out of curiosity.
“Why?”
The look on his face as he had questioned why made it appear as if Julie’s question did not make sense.
“What do you mean why? Everyone wants to find someone else they can share their life with.”
Charlie looked puzzled. The words of the older woman who claimed to be his mother echoed in his mind, You’re going to grow old and be all alone… He considered that Julie might not be able to perceive the truth in his claim. It was too farfetched for her to even consider it to be true. But he answered anyway, “I am not human. I do not need such things. It is my job to help humans find love.”
“I’m not buying it,” she shook her head. “You called me beautiful. You were attracted to me. You obviously have some human desire to be with someone.” Julie indulged him as if to find the flaws in his story that would acknowledge that he is not Cupid. She was more irritated now than attracted to him.
“No, it is just because of the body I am in. I don’t need physical love like humans do. I am not a physical creature,” he pointed out as he began to shovel down his veggie omelet and sipped on yet another café mocha.
Julie stared into his eyes refusing to turn away. Charlie felt uncomfortable, like he still had something to hide from her and was about to be exposed. He diverted his eyes and attention back to his food and drink. She noticed his unkempt hair. He washed it but he never combed it as if he didn’t think twice about impressing anyone.
“I think your story is one of the saddest stories I’ve ever heard.”
That caught his attention. Charlie recognized the sincerity in her voice. He felt a spark of hope that she might believe his story. He felt the weight of having to hide from the world lifted off his shoulders. But he didn’t understand why she would feel sadness for him.
“What do you mean?” he asked. “I am very happy. I feel love for everything all the time. There is great joy in this. It is just this human body, you know, it is easy to become frustrated in it, but I know what love is.”
“But you do not share that love with anyone,” Julie argued. “That is what we humans want.”
“I share my love with everyone all the time. I, of all creatures, know what true love is. It’s the gift I give, or at least used to give, to humanity.”
“It‘s not that. If what you’re saying is true, then you have spent eternity helping others fall in love, in true love, but you haven’t found it for yourself, with someone else. That is what I think is sad.”
“You’re talking about the human part of love. Where I’m from we do not fall in love in human ways, despite what your mythologies say.”
Julie paused. She could feel the frustration in his tone. She considered the possibility that what he was claiming was true.
“You’ve spent your whole existence giving the gift of true love to others and you never experienced it yourself with someone else in a human way,” she admitted the humanness with pride. “You’ve never expressed that true love you feel with the closeness we humans have. That is what I think is sad.”
“Of course not. I am not human!” he repeated. “Many of us gods found ways of bringing humans closer to God. I did it through human love, but I have no need for it. I’m already with God.”
“Maybe,” she indulged him, “but you’re human now. Don’t you think you should know what human love is like if that is what you are selling?”
“It is too dangerous for me to be close to someone even if I wanted to be. I’m not used to this body and if I get angry bad things can happen,” he recited the warning again, like a broken record to her bored ears.
“So you desire love in a human way but you’re too afraid that you may hurt someone if you love them?” she made clear.
“Yes, I mean no,” Charlie shook his head. “I do not need love in human ways. It is just this body that needs it. It will not last and I will be formless again. It’s this body; I have difficulty with these human emotions. They are new to me. Human love ignites passions, which can be difficult to control, and I can harm someone with my thoughts just like that. It is best that I stay away. I’m just here to observe more closely, Juliet,” he explained. “To find out what happened to love.”
Julie stared at him again as he looked around the room, observing all the couples talking over their mochas, lattés, and pastry snacks.
“I tried to tell people who I was before. I didn’t think it would be such a big thing, but they just thought I was nuts. So I kept quiet about it, until now. I live alone and just do my work. I never tell anyone these things, not even the couples I help. Not even the older couple who took care of me believed me.”
“So you did tell them?” she asked.
“Yes, I did, but then I denied it when I saw the look on their faces. They thought I was so sincere about it that I should go into acting.”
“Then why did you tell me?” Julie asked.
“Besides you continuously pestering me about it?” Charlie said jokingly, but it felt mean. “No, I…I don’t know.”
“I think it’s simply the human in you,” she responded.
“What do you mean?”
“We all want someone to share ourselves with. We want to be noticed by at least one other person on this planet in a special way. To be completely accepted by someone, like I was with my father.” She sipped her latté then continued. “Maybe that is what is so wrong with relationships today. People are so busy…you know, they never really look at each other. You accept people for who they are, but I think you want someone to accept you completely for who you are. Perhaps you’re more human than you would like to admit.”
“Perhaps,” he pondered the possibility for a moment, “but my humanness is only temporary,” he said, seeming to give her his full attention again.
“So is mine,” she replied. These three words grabbed his attention more than anything else. Suddenly he didn’t feel so different from her, so different from all the people around him in the café who sipped their mochas and latté’s just like him, who were temporarily human, just like him.
“Do you want to know what human love is like?” Julie asked as if she believed for a moment that he was a god in human form that needed the experience explained to him.
Charlie looked into the seriousness of her beautiful, green eyes, “Tell me.”
He listened intently.
“The most I can say about true love, or at least what I think true love is, is that it happens when you know someone is looking at you and sees all your imperfections as well as your perfections and doesn’t judge you because of them,” she said as she remembered the way her father looked at her. The way the couple in the café looked at each other. “The person just accepts you completely for who you are.” Then she thought of her love relationships, especially Brian, and said, “That’s what h
appens when two strangers first meet and they feel deeply attracted to each other. They get a glimpse of true love and are flooded with ideas that they cannot live without this person. But slowly they get to know each other. They become aware of the perfections and the imperfections. That’s when they start judging. They discriminate between what they like and dislike about the person. That is when the state of true love stops being true love. They feel love when they see the other person’s perfections, but fall out of love a minute later when they see the things they do not like about them. That’s when the love stops coming out of their heart and they focus on the love that is coming toward them. They begin to feel this person is not giving them what they need, what they want, and is not the right person for them. But they hang onto the relationship because they are afraid to be alone or the relationship has become part of their daily routine. They think this is the best they can do so they stick it out until it becomes unbearable. That is human love, Charlie.”
“And that is why Air Supply writes sad love songs,” he replied. He sipped his mocha. “Thank you, Juliet,” he added with a quiet sadness.
“You’re welcome.”
Their eyes remained locked in a silent stare. They didn’t know how much time had passed, but it was the longest they looked at each other before the feeling of awkwardness set in.
Chapter 11
When they were finished eating, the waitress brought the bill to the table. Charlie left her a generous tip and the wish for happiness. From there, he and Julie walked aimlessly around the city, more interested in each other than in sightseeing.
Charlie, feeling relaxed, said, “You were right. I do feel better now that I let my secret out and you don’t think I am crazy because of it.”
“I think if you really want to know what human love is like, you have to experience it for yourself. How else will you really know what you are helping people find?” she asked. “You’re like a car salesman who has never had a driver’s license,” she laughed. There was a moment of uncomfortable silence. Julie turned away.
Charlie had a thoughtful mind and a kind heart, but Julie really did not want to get involved. Something inside her said to turn away, to not get too comfortable in that silence. She thought he was perhaps the kindest person she ever met, Cupid or not, but she was not attracted to him in a physical way, despite his relatively youthful, handsome appearance, hidden behind that brown corduroy coat and unkempt hair. She had always been attracted to the dangerous looking, bad boy type. She wanted the sense of danger, yet to be treated the way she knew Charlie would treat her. What was she thinking anyway? She had only known him a couple days and he claimed to have caused a bus crash with his thoughts, jumped off a building, and now claimed to be the god, Cupid. She turned her attention away from these thoughts.
“Charlie?”
“Yes, Juliet?”
“I have one more question for you,” she said.
“What is it?” he waited patiently.
“If you’re Cupid…I mean when you took human form, where did you get the name Charlie Daniels?”
“I chose the name.”
“You chose the name Charlie Daniels?” she asked in disbelief, wondering why anybody but Charlie Daniels would want the name Charlie Daniels.
“Yes, I chose it. My friend mentioned the name before, something about a song written about him. I liked it,” he explained.
“You mean The Devil Went Down to Georgia by the Charlie Daniels Band? The song about Johnny betting his soul for a fiddle of gold?”
“Yes, that’s the one,” he said with a sincere smile on his face. She could tell he was relaxed on the city streets again among the blaring horns and crowds of people, or was he so focused on her that he didn’t even notice the city?
“Your friend mentioned the song was written about him? Are you friends with Johnny?” she asked using a semi-sarcastic tone, thinking his stories were getting a little too far out of hand.
“No, I mean, well,” he stumbled for words, “I met Johnny. He’s a nice guy and all, but I would not say we’re close. After all, he did take my friend’s fiddle.”
“Your ‘friend’s fiddle?’ You mean the Devil? You’re friends with the Devil?”
“He does not like that title very much,” Charlie whispered, as if the Devil himself might hear. “He goes by Mephistopheles these days. It is much more contemporary and low key for him. He does not like all the attention.”
“You’re saying you’re friends with the Devil, I mean Mephistopheles, the ruler of Hell? And that the song The Devil Went Down to Georgia is a true story?”
“Oh yes, it is very true but he doesn’t steal souls. No one can control another person’s soul. He’s been a good friend of mine for a long, long, long time.”
“But you help people love each other and he’s, well he’s the Devil,” she whispered as if the Mephistopheles himself might hear her. “How can you be friends with him?”
They entered the park. Charlie looked up at the giant trees. Despite their height, the buildings still formed the skyline behind them.
“Oh, you humans got it all wrong,” he explained. “You see, Mephistopheles was not the only god, or angel, to get angry with God about all the suffering on Earth, in fact we all did, just as you humans do. But he’s really not a bad guy.”
“If he’s not a bad guy then why is he ruling Hell?” Julie asked encouraging the unbelievable story.
“Well, somebody had too.” Charlie paused remembering her humanness. He understood where she was coming from, the limitation of her modern day perception of it all, and he continued. “Oh, I know what you are thinking. I studied a little bit of your religions. You humans got it all wrong. Mephistopheles was given dominion over Hell like you humans were given dominion over the Earth. He didn’t create it and he does not rule it with an iron fist, as you might think. Perhaps if you humans held your dominion over the Earth better, focused on love rather than getting what you want in the world, there would be no Hell.”
There was a long silence. He had a point.
She stopped and faced him as if she had something more to say, but said nothing. The sun was sinking fast but the city was alive with lights, traffic, and the voices of people stirring in the streets. They stood there facing each other in silence, oblivious to the chaotic existence all around them, as if they stood in a beautiful meadow with nothing but the soft breeze and night crickets to distract their senses.
“It’s getting late. It doesn’t look like I’m leaving tonight.”
“I’ll get you another hotel room,” Charlie offered.
“It’s okay; I’ll stay with you again. I enjoy our conversations,” Julie smiled. “Besides, the spider room isn’t that scary and it’s nice not being alone. All our stuff is there, too.”
Charlie said nothing. The passing car lit up Julie’s face to Charlie’s delight. They both began to realize how cold it was now.
After they ate they arrived at the motel. Julie changed her clothes and they silently crawled into separate beds. Charlie lay awake with his head to the side staring out the window, trying to see the stars hidden behind a veil of streetlights and headlights.
Julie stared at the ceiling and quietly asked, “Why do you think true love is so hard to find these days? I mean, why is it so hard to figure out?”
Charlie rolled on his back and said, “True love is not for the intellect to know, it is something you experience, something you feel, something you become with every part of your being. I tell you, you cannot find true love in a single relationship until you fill yourself with love for all things.”
Julie rolled onto her side and faced him, “Tell me as best you can. Tell me what true love is like, Charlie.”
He remained on his back, staring at the cracks in the dark ceiling above and said, “If you listen to a great symphony, every note is perfect in what it is doing. The melody could not be what it is unless the chords are what they are. In a great symphony, there is no note that is bet
ter than the other. But people don’t know how to listen. They only hear the melody and think it is beautiful. When they listen to the notes on their own it does not sound the same. The same is true for love. You may catch a glimpse of true love when you first meet someone, a moment of timelessness where you rest completely in no judgment of anything or anyone, but when you try to focus all your love on one person or expect to receive all the love you need from that one person, it falls apart. To let true love last, you must fall in love with all things, your enemies as well as your friends, just like a great composer loves every note of the symphony equally.
“But people don’t know how to listen,” he said again. “They get caught up in the attractiveness of the melody or the darkness of the bass. True love is like emptying yourself and absorbing every note individually and the oneness of them all at the same time.”
“That’s beautiful, Charlie,” she said.
He turned to face her. “Life is like a great symphony and nothing is more important than anything else, including angels, humans, enemies, friends, animals, bugs, even spiders,” he added with laughter, “or the dust on the street. All of it is endowed with the Great Composer’s gifts. What you do to one note, no matter how insignificant it appears to be, you do to the whole symphony.”
Charlie faced the ceiling again. There was a moment of silence and Charlie thought of Mephistopheles again and said to Julie, as if thinking out loud, “Of course if there was no Hell, Mephistopheles would have to get a new job. I’m not sure what else he is qualified for; he has been ruling Hell for as long as humans have been going there. But I am sure he could find something. He is very creative.”
“Oh?” Julie wondered as she turned to lie on her back and listen, folding her arms in the coldness of the room.
“He’s very good at chess. Of course everyone knows how well he plays the fiddle. But he mostly enjoys the classics like Giuseppe, Claude, Felix, Ludwig, and Bela. Oh, how he loved to hear Bela. Such beautiful music.”
A New York Romance Page 7