by Cee Smith
“I just can’t believe Adam would do this to me. To my family.” I said more to myself as I thought over Dominic’s words.
“Things haven’t exactly been the same since you got back. I’m sure it was hard for him to see you with Dominic and then the baby and the wedding…”
“Do you think that’s what set him off? Us getting married?”
“It probably didn’t help that you didn’t invite anyone.”
The family had joined us for Christmas when we were still out in South Dakota, but they returned home before New Year’s—everyone except Jessa. It was New Year’s day, just a mere week after Dominic proposed, when he suggested we get married.
The slight chill in the air was what woke me up, followed by the blinding white that filtered through the curtains that were partially left open from last night’s stargazing. After another night of branding my body as his, I moved to the window, wondering if the stars shined as brightly through the petals of snow that swept across the sky. I could feel Dominic watching me from the bed, his eyes drinking in my skin like I was the essence of the earth, the truth of his being. He didn’t stay watching for long, he never could. His arms wrapped around my stomach, molding me into the fibers of his skin until there was nothing separating us. It was a memory that made me smile when I woke up.
“I have something for you,” Dominic said with a wry smile.
“Is it in the closet? Will I know it when I see it?” I whispered through the frog in my throat. I smiled, too. These were the words he’d said to me so many months before. At that time, my “present” had been a mint-colored dress that fit like a second skin and shimmered like a mermaid’s tail. It was the very dress I had worn to the ball that had changed everything for us.
The box was large and a warm brown color that held something that I was sure was just as expensive as the box that held my other dress. I carried the cumbersome load to the bed, setting it down in the middle of the mattress as I looked at Dominic. Whereas before I might have questioned his motives for providing me such extravagances, this time I opened the box with gusto.
“Is this a belated Christmas present? If so, I have to say I already cleaned up as far as gifts go.”
“You’ll see. Open it.”
I sifted through carefully folded tissue paper and there, nestled into the depths of the box, was the whitest of fabrics, delicate chiffon that felt like butterfly’s wings against my fingertips, a sculpted bodice with a sweetheart neckline. I knew without a doubt that it was the dress I would marry him in. I just wasn’t expecting it to be that very day.
He didn’t need to urge me to put it on this time. I dropped my negligee to the floor and watched his eyes flash in greed as I poured myself into the dress. Layers of fabric swished at my feet and I spun slowly, watching as the chiffon danced with the slightest of breezes.
“Here.” Dominic got up from the bed. He removed a flat box from the nightstand and approached me slowly. When he was close enough, his hand danced along the nakedness of my shoulder, shifting my hair across my breasts as he moved behind me. His hands fixed me in diamonds that glittered across my collarbone and dangled from my ears.
“Perfect,” he said in the closest thing to a purr I would ever hear from my future husband’s lips.
The officiant came to the house and married us in the living room, and I shined brighter than the white snow piled just outside the glass wall we were married in front of. Dominic gifted Jessa a dress as well, so when she stood to my left, she looked just as radiant as I’d felt. It was one of the most surprisingly beautiful moments of my life.
That morning, I slept in late, and if it weren’t for the slight headache burning behind my eyes and across my skull, I would have actually enjoyed the comfort. The light peeking through the blinds felt like it was searing my retinas through my still-closed eyelids. I rolled over to cover my face and bumped into soft, warm skin that beckoned my chilled flesh. Throwing my arms across the bed to pull myself closer to this warmth, my sister’s voice grumbled out, “Take it easy. I don’t want you mistaking me for your husband.”
“Ah,” I whined while trying to steal my sister’s body heat without being indecent. I crushed my arms between my chest and her back and turned my face to cocoon my head within the soft pillow.
We arrived in New York in the dead of winter, and so far I wasn’t impressed with the cold mornings and colder nights. If we were going solely off of weather, I would have fled back to California before I even exited the sliding doors of JFK Airport. I thought South Dakota was cold, but compared to New York, brrrr.
“How much did we drink last night?” I pulled the covers over my head, trying to recycle the warm breath escaping my mouth.
“God, it’s been so long since I’ve had a drink,” Jessa mumbled into the pillow.
“I haven’t had a drink since the first night in Queensland. You remember that shitty bar we ended up at?”
“Don’t remind me. We got so drunk that night, my head was spinning before we even left the bar. Remember? Adam had to carry us both back to the hotel.”
Hearing his name was like a splash of cold water, awakening me from my semi-hungover state. I still didn’t know what I was going to say to him when I called him. I think I was still hoping I would wake up and Scout would tell me he’d been wrong and that it was someone else’s brother. Shit, any other Adam but mine. The expression that Jessa had last night when I told her that Adam was responsible was still fresh in my mind. Even through the alcohol, I couldn’t forget the mixture of surprise, anguish, disbelief, and pain—whether it was her pain or mine, I wasn’t sure, but it hurt to see how his betrayal affected us both.
I pulled my face from the depths of the pillow and rolled onto my back.
“What am I going to say to him?” My words were full of all of the overwhelming emotion brimming beneath the surface. My throat hurt to speak the question, as if every word was a shard of glass embedding itself deeper into the pit of my throat.
“We’ll figure it out. Let’s get up and get some breakfast, and we’ll work it out from there. He’s three hours behind anyway, so we have some time.”
“Ughhhh!” I groaned as I threw back the covers, letting the cold air assault my body from the neck down. I made my way to the door, already resolved to get on with the day that already felt like it could hold the world record for “longest day ever.”
“I’ll meet you in the kitchen. Let me get cleaned up first.”
I clung to the doorframe thinking over her words. Usually she would get up and eat and lounge around for hours before actually getting ready. She tried to act casual, but I knew her real reason for wanting to get ready.
“He’s probably not going to be around, you know. He was only here last night so we could pick you up. He has a room, but he doesn’t technically live here.” I let out a light snicker before I bounced on the balls of my feet, leaving Jessa still in bed. I barely escaped the door before I heard her shouting, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” I shook my head on the way to Ellie’s room, laughing off her obviousness. She’ll tell me when she’s ready.
***
“You have to call him, Hailey. You can’t keep putting this off. I know what you’re doing.”
I went about cleaning and organizing like a pregnant lady nests. Suddenly, I felt like there was a list of chores as long as the Constitution—things to do that would keep me busy for days. I wasn’t ready, and frankly, I didn’t know if I ever would be. My calling Adam wouldn’t change anything. He drew a line in the sand the moment he contacted a reporter. Hearing his voice would make it feel all too real. Calling him out would put the final nail in the coffin; there would be no going back from any of this.
“I know. I’m not stalling. I’m gonna call him—”
“Now. You’re going to call him now, Hailey.” I hated when Jessa took on a motherly tone with me. It was as though she thought she was responsible for me because she’d been born a minute or two before me
. Perhaps, it was because before Dominic, I had relied on her too much—for happiness, for strength, for purpose. I was too mousy, too timid, too dependent. Despite all I’d been through, she didn’t really see how much things had changed for me. She still saw me as the Hailey I was. It made sense. Only Dominic really saw me for the person I had become.
I grabbed my phone from the kitchen counter and made my way to the dining room table, listening to the echo of Jessa’s steps as she followed me through the house. This call was too personal to have in such a public area as the kitchen. Anyone could walk in and hear our conversation and know that my family life was in shambles. It was already bad enough that Scout knew. I didn’t much care what he thought about that, but it didn’t change that I was still embarrassed that it was my own brother who put us in this situation.
His face sat on the front of my phone, looking up from the white high-glossed table in a state of shock. The boy in the picture had wavy hair that looked like spun gold, vibrant crystal blue eyes, and a smile that was as warm as it was mischievous . The picture was old—sometime right before we graduated high school, when it still felt like we had the whole world to conquer.
Jessa sat across from me, her elbows pressed into the middle of the table as she leaned forward to get closer to the phone. I mirrored her, my knees pressed firmly into the seat cushions while my body hovered above the table.
I blew out an exhaustive breath and looked up at Jessa. She gave me an encouraging nod just before I pressed “call.” By the third ring, I was thinking that he would avoid the call, let it go to voicemail so I could leave some lame message about how it was important he call me back. Once upon a time he would have answered on the first ring as if he had premeditated my call. Adam was more than my adopted brother; he was my best friend, my confidant. He was fun, lighthearted, and a complete prankster…at least he was. I had no idea who he was now. I let those thoughts take my mind away as the phone continued ringing.
“Hello?” His voice broke through my thoughts like a hammer shattering glass. I was stunned, not only by the fact that he answered, but by how tired he sounded. Where was the jovial, fun-loving Adam? Where was the trickster? Was this the man he’d become—someone who sounded downtrodden and bitter?
“Adam?”
“Hi. Long time no talk, right?” He sounded like he was joking, but I could hear the resentment shining through like a searing light slicing through a piece of my heart still untainted by his betrayal.
“Do you have a second? I wanted to talk to you.”
“Sure.”
“I could beat around the bush all day, but the fact of the matter is I know what you did.” When I looked across the table, I met Jessa’s hazel eyes that looked deep, like a vast ocean of understanding and strength was there at my disposal, ready for me to absorb anything I needed to follow-through with this call. I took a fortifying breath in the mere seconds that passed without him admitting to anything.
“I don’t know what you think you know, and honestly I don’t care, but how could you go to a reporter about me? About my family? Did you even stop to think about what this would do to my daughter? Our lives?”
“What happened to us? Our family? Did you think about what it would do to us?”
“What are you talking about?” My words were breathy and elongated, dripping with the weight of the conversation that had been weighing me down for days. I knew Adam would try to justify his actions, but I didn’t believe that he would be so easy to write me and Ellie off, even if he hated Dominic.
“I don’t know what happened to you, Hailey, but you haven’t been the same since you returned, and we both know why.”
“You’re right, Adam!” I yelled. There was no way I was going to be able to remain calm and levelheaded. I didn’t even look at Jessa anymore because I didn’t want to see her face while I fell apart. “I’m not the same. You were the only one that was delusional enough to believe that everything would be the same, but it’s not and it never will be. I think it’s high time that you got over your sick fascination with me and started worrying about your own life. You’re my brother. There wasn’t nor will there ever be anything more than that between us. Fuck! Move on!” I didn’t even allow him a reply before I was pressing the end button and slamming my phone back against the table. I stayed leaning over the table, staring at the reflection of myself. My eyebrows were scrunched tight, the skin rippling above the bridge of my nose; my lips were pinched, displaying the slight dimple in my chin that rarely showed itself; even my hair looked tussled, my blonde locks fraying out from the sides of my head as if I’d just gotten into a scuffle with a hairbrush.
I stared at myself until my breathing calmed and Jessa leaned back in her chair, taking a proper seat.
“I’m sure that wasn’t exactly what you expected when you told me to call him?” I said not meeting her eyes. It wasn’t often that I lost control of myself. In fact, it had happened so rarely that I was almost ashamed to look up and see Jessa’s reaction.
“You did good, Hailey. I’m proud of you. I didn’t think it would be easy to make the call, but you needed to. Not just for your sake, but for all of our sakes. I know you’re thinking about your immediate family and how this affects you guys, but it affects all of us. What do you think Mom and Dad are thinking about all of this? They’re more in the dark than we are. Shit, have you even called them since the news broke?”
“I don’t need you to make me feel worse, Jessa. It was hard enough to make that call. I told you the truth because you deserved to know. You’re my sister. My twin. You’re personally invested in my relationship with Dominic. He wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for…I can’t tell Mom and Dad the truth. I hope you understand.”
“I understand why you told me. I don’t agree with any of this, but your secrets are my secrets. If you don’t want them to know, then it’s not up to me to tell them. I’m on your side, Hailey, no matter what, but you should call them. It’s the right thing to do. Don’t shut them out. Not after everything that’s happened.”
I didn’t know how long we sat at the table in silence, but it felt like the light passing through the window at my back had dimmed—shining from a bright yellow to a murky white with the passing of time. Now, the only thing left to do was pacify my parents and reintroduce my sister to my husband—my real husband—the one who abducted me with a means to use me as an organ donor. With the call to my brother out of the way, now I was able to focus my nervousness on Jessa and Dominic being in the same room together.
Despite the cold evening, Jinni sat at a bistro table just inside the open doors of Le Fleur—a new cafe that had socialites like Jinni Newman flocking by the dozens. From the end of the block, I captured glimpses of her red hair like freshly polished copper, ruffling with the wind that just kicked up. I tucked my peacoat firmly around my body, lifting the collar of my jacket to protect my neck against the winds pelting my skin like hail.
“Dominic! It’s so good to see you, dear.” Jinni's smile was dentist-made perfect, and she showcased it whenever given the opportunity. I could count 26 of the 32 teeth in her mouth just in the smile she used to say hello. Given my circumstances, my smile wasn't as sunny. I was actually trying my hardest to do something other than grimace, seeing as how I was sure that it would constitute as “news” for the tabloids.
“Jinni. Long time no see.”
Jinni met me at the side of the table, clutched my forearms and leaned up to give me a kiss on the cheek. Her perfume wafted on the breeze—a botanical garden smell—kicked up by her propelled movements.
I'd known Jinni since we were kids. We attended private school together. We weren't particularly close until the summer break before college. She became a consistent fuck-buddy for the times when we happened to be in the same place at the same time. It was a comfortable arrangement—Jinni seemed to know that anything more wasn't in the cards for us. Perhaps it was because my family didn't have the right pedigree, or maybe I just wasn't suave enou
gh. Whatever it was, I was thankful that I wasn't on her radar as someone eligible. I never had to worry about how to let her down gently because she knew just as well as I did that whatever we had wasn't permanent. It was just something to pass the time.
We each took our seats, and she leaned across the table to finish her thought, glancing around to make sure no waiters were within earshot, “Especially after all of the awful things I've been hearing on the news. Please tell me you've got someone working on this.” Her feathers looked ruffled with righteous indignation.
“We're looking at our options. At this point, I'm just trying to stay out of the limelight as much as possible...fucking vultures are everywhere.” I unwrapped my coat from my chest, peeling the sleeves from my arms before tossing the coat over the back of my chair. The waiter approached just as I began looking around.
“I've got your seltzer with lime, and here is your lemonade.” Jinni ignored the waiter as he set down the drinks.
“I went ahead and ordered your drink for you. It's still seltzer with lime, yes?” She tilted the straw close to her ruby red lips as her cognac eyes beamed a glassy look that mirrored her smile. It was a look I was familiar with—usually displayed across the faces of women who could tell my worth by the clothes I wore or the watch on my wrist. It was a look I wasn't quite expecting from Jinni, but then again, maybe she was in-between suitors at the moment. I didn’t begrudge her her ignorance. How was she to know that my wife meant everything to me, that I would never sacrifice what we had for another woman? The only thing Jinni knew about me, besides a vague knowledge of how I liked to fuck, was superficial shit she would have picked up from attending the same schools, knowing the same people. The Dominic she knew was just a mirage, a figment of the man she needed when she had an itch that needed scratching.
“Yes, thanks,” I said, ignoring her flirtations.
I took a thick swallow of my water, ignoring the clink of ice rushing up to meet my teeth as the cold liquid slipped across my tongue. There was a tense moment of awkward silence as she watched me drink, possibly wondering why I’d asked her to meet me. Or, maybe she didn’t so much care why I’d called, seeing as how she seemed so happy to see me.