by Cee Smith
That was the hardest part, sitting in the airport waiting, hoping that every large man with dark hair that turned the corner would be Dominic rushing to meet me before we boarded the plane, but this wasn’t the movies. There would be no mad dash to tell me not to go, to plead with me to stay. For the first time in my life, I was well and truly on my own. Even Jessa sat quietly in her seat next to me, showing her apparent shock with every minute that she fidgeted without saying a word. I could tell that she was searching for anything to say that would make it better, but the truth was, there was nothing that could fix the hole in my heart that eroded with every mile we flew farther away from him.
Ellie lay in my lap, her peaceful sleep uninterrupted by my silent hiccups. Clema and Jackson sat in the adjacent aisle, and while I didn’t hear words passed between them, I could see the looks exchanged. Apparently, we were all a bit lost—if their wide eyes and grim mouths were anything to go by.
Hours passed and Ellie bounced from lap to lap as we got up and walked off the rigidity in our limbs from being cramped up in the same spot for hours on end. It was a musical chairs of sort. She even made it to Jackson’s lap for a time—which put a surprising smile on my face as I watched him hold her with a small amount of trepidation and discomfort.
“Did you tell Mom we were flying back tonight?” Jessa asked, sometime after I’d gone to the restroom to pull myself together.
“It was too early. I just sent a message. I’ll call when we get to New York,” I said as I looked at my watch, calculating the hours left before we would be landing.
“Are you going to tell them about you and Dominic?
“I don’t even know what to say.”
She nodded her head in understanding and then asked, “Well, are you going to tell me?”
“Oh, Jessa, sometimes I wish I would have dated before I met Dominic. Maybe then I would know how to even explain what I’m feeling right now.”
“I’m sure it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Good or bad, Dominic is truly one of a kind.”
“Right now…it’s mostly bad.” She gave a sympathetic nod and the whirring of the plane resounded in the silence that stretched between us.
We got into New York and I called our parents, letting them know that we would be on the next flight out to California. I’m sure when I said “we,” they naturally included Dominic in the picture. I couldn’t bring myself to tell them over the phone that it would be everyone except Dominic joining me. Instead, I resigned myself to the fact that I would spend the next five hours rehearsing my excuse for his absence. It wouldn’t be too hard; I just hated lying to them. They’d heard enough of our lies.
The tires unfolding from the bottom of the plane was like a kickstart to my chest, jarring me with thoughts about my new reality. I was really home, and I’d really left Dominic. It felt like I was having an out-of-body experience as the plane came to a stop. My hands still held the armrests in a death-grip and I wasn’t sure if it was because of the natural nerves of flying or my circumstances that had every tendon in my hands flexed tight. Jessa’s hand folded over mine—without words, I knew she was lending me the strength I needed.
That night would become just a blip in my memories, but the ramifications of everything that had happened that day would be far-reaching.
I met Jessa’s eyes and with a nod of my head we both got up from our seats, following Jackson, Clema, and Ellie to the exit. Jessa held my hand the entire time as we made our way through the airport until we entered the car that was waiting for us outside. I didn’t ask how they knew to expect us; it had happened so often—that a driver would be waiting—that it didn’t come as a surprise that someone would be here waiting once again to take us home.
It felt like we’d been chasing the sun around the world, and I watched as once again the sun fell beneath the trees—each mile marked by the headlights of passing vehicles. My body felt strung out, pulled taut between my restlessness of returning home and weary from the jetlag.
As we rolled into the cul-de-sac, every nerve in my body came alive like a livewire to water, sending bolts of energy cascading down my limbs. I felt immobilized, terrorized by the fear of what each day would feel like without Dominic. My heart felt like it’d been through a wood chipper and I was left to reassemble the pieces, alone. How could I do this without Dominic? How could I go about my day without feeling the blistering ache of his absence? Did I do the right thing?
I was a merry-go-round of confusion. My thoughts were dizzying as I regurgitated every disparaging word that described my circumstances. When the car stopped, I could still feel my head spinning, except my thoughts had gained weight in the quarter-mile it took to reach my house. The car door opened and once again, Jessa looked at me, willing me to move, but I was an anchor drowning beneath the weight of my decision.
“We never went to an opera,” I said.
“Italy will still be there.”
The spotlights lit up the home like a castle, highlighting the triangular peaks of the roof. I looked across the yard and saw our mom in every tree, shrub, and flower—her garden was regal in the poised leaves and blooming bulbs.
I was home.
I spilled out of the car, my limbs creaking like a hinge left abandoned. My shoes fell into the cracks of the cobblestone walk up, and I stumbled like a newborn fawn just learning how to use its legs. I continued walking closer. My sister, Clema, Ellie, and Jackson trailed behind me in silence, as if the heaviness of being there without Dominic weighed on us all. The soft light outside the door washed over me as I ascended up the steps. Voices floated from the other side of the door, drifting into the stillness of the night. I couldn’t make out either of my parents through the glass door, but their animated voices reminded me of those first few months when Jessa and I began living there. How they stayed up late reading bedtime stories to us, anything to comfort us in our new home. That was what I needed at that moment, comfort. I needed to be held, to be told that I had made the right choice, that everything would be OK. Even if it wouldn’t be. I needed to believe.
Jessa crowded behind me as we stood on the other side of the door. She pressed the doorbell and we listened as the chimes rung like cathedral bells marking the hour. The light coming from within was clouded over as a shadow moved closer to the front door. My throat constricted, and when the door opened, I felt all of the air leave my lungs.
I didn’t feel the bodies brush past me to enter the home or hear my mom greet the visitors by taking coats and promising sweets and drinks to everyone who entered. All I saw was him. It didn’t make sense. His tall frame filled the door and he held it open as if he owned it. We both stood, with a bevy of unspoken words between us. How could this be?
“How?” I said as I scrambled to say something.
“I barely just made it here myself.” He moved through the door to meet me on the porch and I took a tentative step back. I needed space. I needed to wrap my head around what I was seeing. Dominic was there at my home. He’d somehow made it back before me.
“What does this mean?” I held up my hands prompting him not to move closer. I couldn’t continue the argument we’d had in Italy. It took too much out of me the first time. I wasn’t even sure the worst of it had hit me yet. I was still expecting that at any moment I would break down in a fit of tears that would cripple me.
“You asked me if it would ever be enough, if you would ever be enough. The truth is, I’ve never been enough for you. I’ve made so many mistakes, Hailey.” Dominic’s head hung low as if the flood of mistakes he’d referred to had washed through his thoughts like a tsunami of poor choices, with one wave bigger than the next.
“You deserve someone that’s going to be there for you every day, someone undamaged, someone less selfish. I know everything that you deserve, and if I was a bigger man, I would let you go find that—but I’m not, Hailey. All I can tell you is that it’s over. We’ll never have a clean slate. I could never give you that, but we have a real chance to
move forward now.”
I took a step closer, but still remained at arm’s length. “How do I know it’s over? How can I trust that this is done? Because, Dominic, I meant what I said. I can’t—” I wasn’t able to finish my words from the tears that blurred my eyes and the lump that settled in my throat, making talking nearly impossible.
Dominic closed that final step between us and captured every tear with the same rough palms that had worshipped my body for the better part of a year. He pulled me up alongside his body, until my legs were settled around his waist and my arms around his neck. I hiccupped into his shoulder as he carried me through the house, petting my hair and whispering words that my soul ached to hear.
“I told you. I’ll always come back for you.” And unlike so many words he’d said over the last few weeks, it was the strength in his voice—the determination in every word—that made me believe. I might not have been Dominic’s first obsession, but I would be his last. Besides, the worst of our secrets were out in the open now.
-5 years later-
“Dom,” I yelled from the first floor. My voice echoed off the walls, carrying my impatience upstairs to where Dominic was.
“Dom, it’s time to go! Finish tying Lenny’s shoes and let’s get out of here.”
Ellie came bounding down the stairs, her little hands barely skimming the handrails as she descended. She was growing into quite the little daredevil. Dominic and I constantly found ourselves trailing behind her, Neosporin and Band-Aids in hand. I often worried about the example she was setting for her little sister, Leona.
“Mommy, I’ve got my bunnies,” she said as she came to stand in front of me, showing off the fact that she could now make bunny ears with her shoelaces. Her shoes probably weren’t black-tie appropriate, but if we were going to make it out of the house on time, there would be no arguing about it.
Kneeling down, I kissed her on her forehead before I sifted her soft curls through my fingers. Her hair was the color of sand and like the softest pelt of fur I’d ever touched. My own eyes stared back at me, large and full of wonder, glimmering with the soft glow of the overhead light.
“You look pretty, Mommy. You’re giving a speech tonight?” Ellie touched my face in acknowledgment of the makeup that coated my skin for the night’s event. I’d been busy the last few months in preparation for this night. The unveiling of my nonprofit, Harpooned Happiness.
Dominic still had a seat on the board of Callas, but he was on an indefinite leave, which allowed us to spend time investing in various businesses and projects. There was always an idea that lingered in the back of my mind, but it took a while for me to drum up the nerve to include Dominic on my idea. I was nervous he wouldn’t approve. This was personal, not just to me, but to us, and by starting this organization, I was opening our lives back up to scrutiny. It was Dominic that encouraged me to do it, and his support was the last motivation I needed to get the ball rolling.
Footsteps echoed down the corridor and I waited, watching Dominic as he carried Lenny down the steps. He walked down the stairs comfortably as if he didn’t have a two year old clinging to him and he wasn’t wearing a tuxedo. I met him at the bottom of the stairs and pulled Lenny from him so I could take her place at his side. Dominic wrapped his arms around my waist and nuzzled my neck, and I felt the familiar stirrings that Dominic always conjured.
“We have a long night to get through. You might want to take it easy.”
“Says the girl who knows what’s coming to her.”
He flashed me a devilish smirk and we both laughed lightly.
“Mommy, it’s time to go!” Ellie pulled the bottom of my dress, directing me toward the front door.
“Daddy, Clem?” Lenny said as she patted Dominic’s leg. I looked back to see those soft black eyes brimming with tears threatening to fall at the thought that Clema wasn’t coming. Lenny was so transparent about every little emotion she felt. She may have had my blonde hair, but aside from that naturally tanned look and the plumpness of her cheeks, she was definitely Dominic’s daughter through and through. He didn’t like to admit it, but he was never good at masking his emotions either.
“She’ll be there, baby. Now what did I say about tears?”
“I’m a big girl,” Lenny said with an exaggerated breath.
I threw him a scowl for his criticism of Lenny’s tears and wrangled the girls toward the door with Dominic following behind me, his hand warm against my back as he guided us out.
***
The event turned out better than I could have ever imagined. Lights were glistening. I could feel the excitement thrumming from everyone waiting to get in. Everything looked beautiful. We did a brief walk down the red carpet and for once it felt weird to have Dominic be considered arm candy. That was typically my role since he was so well known in these communities, but everyone smiled at me and called my name, and it was as terrifying as it was exciting.
The marble floors were polished so they acted as mirrors as we glided across the floors. Crystal chandeliers reflected rainbows across the walls and ceilings, and waiters flitted about with hors d'oeuvres from award-winning chefs. Everyone looked gorgeous in their posh suits and designer dresses, but the most unbelievable part of it all was that everyone was here to support me, to support the cause that had been seven years in the making.
“Honey,” my dad said as he reached me just inside the doors.
“Dad.” I hugged him as if we hadn’t just been by the house the day before so that they could spend time with the kids.
“You look beautiful, dear,” my mom said, lining up to hug me.
“Thanks, Mom. At least I’ve got that part down then.”
“Do you have your speech prepared?” she continued, while dad went about chatting with Dominic and splitting his attention between the girls.
“Yeah, I’ve finally finished. Have you seen Jessa yet?”
“I think she was having a hard time getting out of the house, something with the sitter.” I felt my face fall at the thought that my sister wasn’t there yet. It wasn’t like I needed her to hold my hand anymore, but it’d been a couple weeks since we’d spent time together, and I was starting to miss her. My mom must have seen my expression and moved to smooth things over. “She should be here shortly though,” she said with a comforting smile.
“And Adam?” I asked with hesitation. Even after all this time, there was still a bit of tension there, so when I felt Dominic stiffen at my side, I knew he’d heard Adam’s name.
“He’s around here somewhere. You know Caroline wasn’t able to make it though. Doctor’s put her on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy.”
“Oh, that’s too bad. Well at least they’re back in the states now. Who knows what healthcare looks like out there in the Amazon.”
Shortly after Dominic and I returned from Italy, Adam decided to relocate to South America to help with some organization of engineers program.
“I know. I think it did him some good though. He’s definitely grown up.”
After a few more minutes of socializing, we made our way through the crowd. It probably took us fifteen minutes to move twenty feet as everyone stopped to congratulate me as I moved about the room. As usual, Ellie and Lenny picked up a mass of adoring fans that fawned over their undeniable cuteness. Lenny just smiled that shy smile of hers, but Ellie played it up until she had everyone wrapped around her little finger. She reminded me of Jessa, with her authoritative tone and stubborn will.
“Have I told you how sexy you look, matakia mou? I can’t wait to rip you out of this dress and fuck you stupid,” Dominic whispered into my ear as he reached around me to grasp our champagne flutes. I felt a burning in my cheeks and oxygen still in my lungs at the thought.
“If I didn’t know any better I would think you are trying to make me uncomfortable, but you wouldn’t do that, would you Dominic?”
“No. Uncomfortable would be bending you over this bar, shoving up that dress and splitting that puss
y in two.”
“I’d think you’d have some explaining to do to your children and our family,” I said as I nudged in the direction of my parents.
“Yes, but it’d be worth it.”
“If you’re a good boy and wait until after my speech, I’ll give you a reward in the car.”
His wink told me he’d be on his best behavior. He handed me my glass and we both sipped our champagne, and by the look in his eyes, I could tell he was also imagining all of the things we could get up to in the back of that car.
A chorus of tings erupted throughout the room, and I looked up to the stage to see Mary, the event planner, with a glass in her hand in front of the microphone.
“Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. If I can have your attention.” Her words drowned out as I concentrated on my breathing on the side of the stage. The room was packed and even though someone was on the stage with a microphone and bright shining lights, it still felt like all eyes were on me. I knew why some people were there. There were always those people who wondered if the rumors were true, if Dominic had in fact kidnapped me. They wanted to know what happened those two months I had been sequestered in some cabin. No one really knew the details, but today for the start of my future, I was willing to say more than I’d ever had on the subject.
“And with that, I bring you the lady of the hour, Hailey Callas.” The clapping seemed more enthusiastic than I’d ever remembered at events like those so that was a welcoming thought as I bounded up the stairs. I swallowed thickly as I made my way up to the microphone.
The lights brought an instant dash of sweat to my brow. Or maybe that’s nerves? I looked out across the front row, looking over the blended family that Dominic and I had created, made, pieced together like patchwork. Keeping his promise, Dominic quit his search for his parents’ bodies, but six months later, Scout surprised us all with the news that he’d personally hired a team to continue searching the Ionian Sea. The bones of Leona and Stavros were found alongside the weapon that’d been used to kill them.