The Roycrofters’ chief source of income was printing and binding expensive editions of the classics as well as Hubbard’s own writings (Alice’s, too). In addition they wove rag rugs and baskets, and manufactured hand-modelled leather goods, brassware, pottery, and Mission-style furniture.
“I’m pleased to talk to you, Mr. Van Dine,” he said. He had an undeniable warmth, and possessed a presence as compelling as his wife-who disappeared into the sofa-did not. “After all, one of my tiny claims to fame is pioneering the on-the-spot profile.”
“Your ‘Little Journeys,’ ” I said, with a forced smile and a nod, referring to booklets he’d published over the years in which he’d written articles based on visits with famous people. John D. Rockerfeller, Luther Burbank, Thomas Edison-one celebrity a month for fourteen years. . all of the articles hero-worshipping tripe.
Though his face was almost childishly placid, his brown eyes had fire. “I presume you wish to speak to me about my article. . Did you get a copy?”
“No, I did not, sir.”
“How about you, young lady?”
“No, Mr. Hubbard,” Miss Vance said.
He beamed and reached down and unlatched the bulging briefcase, withdrawing two copies of a digest-sized magazine with a rather plain cover. He handed a copy to me, and another to Miss Vance, with obvious pride.
The magazine’s title-The Philistine-was in a sort of Gothic script, vaguely religious in aspect. It was subheaded: “A Periodical of Protest,” and bore no cover illustration, just an aphorism between red bars: “NEUTRALITY: The attempt of a prejudiced mind to convince itself that it is not prejudiced.”
A small design included the volume and issue number, and in a justified-margin square of type it said: “Printed Every Little While for the Society of the Philistines and Published by Them Monthly. Subscription, One Dollar Yearly. Single Copies, Ten Cents. October 1914.”
“I’m anxious to read your article,” I said, meaning it. “But I’ve already read many excerpts in the press.”
“ ‘Who Lifted the Lid Off Hell?’ has attracted more attention than anything I’ve written since ‘Garcia.’ ” He was grinning like a monkey, and his wife was looking at him sideways, with her own smile, less the simian variety and more the madonna.
Miss Vance said, “I understand it’s quite critical of Kaiser Bill.”
“I like to call him Bill Kaiser,” Hubbard said, and winked at her, as if this were an incredible display of wit.
“You called him a number of other things, too,” I said. I had the magazine open, and quickly scanned the article that was considered the most scathing condemnation of the Kaiser to appear in any American publication to date, looking for examples. “Here you say he’s ‘a mastoid degenerate’. . and here, a ‘megalomaniac.’ ”
Hubbard was nodding. “Bill Kaiser’s always speaking of God as if the Creator were waiting to see him in the lobby. He says God is on his side.” He snorted a laugh. “Any man who believes the Maker of the Universe takes a special interest in him is clearly a megalomaniac.”
He had a point.
I offered another example: “The Kaiser’s a ‘sad, mad, bad, bloody monster.’ ”
Again nodding, Hubbard said, “That’s right. Oh, some have said Bill Kaiser has kept the peace for forty-three years. . but he was just biding his time for this grab at world domination. And every male child born in those forty-three years, who can carry a gun, is being made to do that monster’s obscene bidding.”
“ ‘Caligula, that royal pagan pervert, was kind compared to the Kaiser.’. . ‘Nero, the fiddling fiend, never burned half as much property.’. . And yet you expect the Kaiser to grant you an audience? An interview?”
He folded his arms, and that kindly face offered me a patronizing smile. “Mr. Van Dine, the only way to avoid criticism is to do nothing. . and say nothing.”
“But if you want the Kaiser to listen to reason, wasn’t it a mistake to-”
“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually fear you’ll make one.”
How could you discuss anything intelligently with this human homily machine?
“Bill Kaiser,” he was saying, “is just another of these self-appointed folk who rule us, who are unwilling to do unto others as they would be done by them. . that is, to mind their own damned business and cease coveting things that don’t belong to them! That’s all war is, you know-a result of the covetous spirit to possess.”
I didn’t disagree with any of this, exactly, it just seemed obvious, as obvious as the way this character liked to hear the sound of his own voice.
But Miss Vance, surprisingly, seemed keenly interested, and asked him, “Why do you think the German people stand behind ‘Bill Kaiser,’ then?”
“The answer is easy,” he said. “It’s a matter of the hypnotic spell of patriotism. . the lure of the crowd, combined with coercion. Look at Germany today! No private individual can operate an automobile. No bands can play in public parks. All savings banks are closed. Factories are closed. Colleges have been turned into hospitals-why not? All the students are at the front!”
I tried again. “Do you consider yourself anti-German, or just anti-‘Bill Kaiser’?”
“Oh, my heart is with Germany! The Germany of science, invention, music, education, skill. The crazy Kaiser will not win.”
“But you think he will talk to you.”
“Even if I don’t get any closer to the Kaiser than the Paris suburbs, I’ll write of the war from an American point of view that’s sorely needed-from Zeppelin raids over London, to the British viewpoint on American neutrality.”
“But you’ve heard from the German government. .?”
“Yes-they say I will be allowed to observe conditions as they are. I will represent myself with a friendly nature and a quiet demeanor.”
“What’s the use of the trip, then?”
He grinned and tapped his skull alongside the flowing graying locks. “I intend to store all in my bean and in that way elude the censor. I’ll give the truth to my readers, when I get back. . if I get back.”
“You have your doubts?”
He shrugged, and patted his wife’s hand. They exchanged secret smiles. “I may meet with a mine, or a submarine. . or hold a friendly conversation with a stray bullet in the trenches. Who can say?”
Miss Vance said, rather suddenly, “Mrs. Hubbard-why are you following your husband into harm’s way?”
Her husband watched the quiet, seemingly meek woman, waiting with the rest of us for her response.
“If such a thing happens,” she said, in a gentle second soprano, “Elbert and I will go down hand in hand.”
This sobered Miss Vance and myself, but Hubbard beamed at his bride. Then to us he said, “I’m always considering what I would do, should this happen, or that. So nothing can surprise me-even death!”
Surprisingly, I was finding myself interested in this man’s point of view-never had I encountered so cheerful a brand of fatalism.
Miss Vance asked, “Are you a religious man, Mr. Hubbard?”
“I’m familiar with the various religious beliefs and the ecclesiastical creeds and dogmas of the world. . I’ve investigated and analyzed all the theological theories. . and believe in none of them. My religion is the religion of humanity, which has its heaven on this earth.”
I found this remarkably compatible with my own views, and asked, “Where do you think science fits in?”
He grinned. “Now that’s the real miracle worker-the great philanthropist who freed the slaves and civilized the master. Science is our savior and our perpetual providence, the teacher of every virtue, the enemy of every vice and the discoverer of every fact.”
“Some would call that blasphemy,” I pointed out.
“Public opinion is the judgment of the incapable many,” he said, “opposed to that of the discerning few.”
He was falling back on the aphorisms again-for a while there the sage in the Buster Brown haircut ha
d actually been discussing his views. Perhaps my frustration showed, because when he spoke again, the aphorism-spouting ceased, for a while anyway.
“Mr. Van Dine, I am a farmer, a publicist, a lecturer, a businessman and a writer. I do believe in a Supreme being, but my only prayer is, ‘Give us this day our daily work’. . though I suppose I pray, too, that I never meddle, dictate, or give unwanted advice. . If I can help people, I’ll do it by giving them a chance to help themselves.”
“ ‘Rest is rust?’ ” I said with a smile, invoking his most famous saying.
“That’s right-and life is love, laughter and work. Not to mention, just one damned thing after another. .”
Even if we were back to aphorisms, I actually laughed at that, as did Miss Vance.
He started to play to the receptive audience, saying, “I don’t take it too seriously, life. . None of us get out of it alive, you know.”
His wife spoke up again. “As a great man once said, ‘He has achieved success in life who has worked well, laughed often and loved much.’ ”
I did her the courtesy of writing that down, then asked, “And who said that?”
“Why, my husband, of course.”
Shifting in my chair, I said, “These positive thoughts are all well and good, Mr. Hubbard. . but the fact remains, we are sailing toward a zone of war, and you were warned by telegram that this ship was targeted for destruction.”
For the first time, Hubbard frowned, more in thought and surprise than in displeasure. . though some of that was in there, as well. “How did you know that, sir?”
I shrugged. “I’m a journalist-I picked up that crumpled telegram you discarded. Are you aware five other prominent passengers on this ship were similarly warned?”
Still frowning, he nodded. “Staff Captain Anderson informed me. But he said not to worry.”
“Did he, now. Tell me, when you published this inflammatory piece on ‘Bill Kaiser,’ what sort of reaction did you get from the German-Americans among your readership?”
His chin lifted and he seemed proud to report, “Ten thousand of them cancelled their subscriptions overnight.” He shrugged and added, “This is nothing new-when I was critical of Brandeis, I lost many of my Jewish readers, despite my stand over the years against anti-Semitism.”
“What did you do about these cancellations?”
“Well, over all, our circulation increased. . We’ve reprinted that issue in the hundreds of thousands, much as with the ‘Message to Garcia.’ And, of course, I wrote each of those who cancelled a friendly letter.”
“You wrote ten thousand letters, yourself?”
He nodded. “It took some time-but they were my readers, after all.”
His wife made one of her rare contributions to the conversation. “Elbert is too modest to say so,” she began, and I thought, modest? “But before, after and during the controversy, seventy-eight German-American names were on the Hubbard payroll.”
Ignoring this, Miss Vance asked Hubbard, “What about death threats?”
“My heavens, I’ve always had my share of those. I suppose I had thirty or forty, concerning the Bill Kaiser piece.”
“Were they investigated by the police?”
“Of course not. Suffering such cranks is part and parcel of my role in life.”
I exchanged glances with Miss Vance-she knew as I did that dismissing the possibility of Hubbard as an assassination target was not easily done, in light of all this.
“Do you think ‘Bill Kaiser’ might have this ship hit by a U-boat,” I asked, “just to make an example of you?
His eyes danced at such a grandiose thought. “To be torpedoed,” he said, “would be a good advertisement for my views, don’t you think?”
I had heard him say much the same thing to the reporters, coming aboard the ship, and it indicated just how prefabricated his “off the cuff” remarks were. Still, the words-in light of German stowaways, sabotage and murder-had a new and chilling effect on me.
Miss Vance took this opportunity to explain her role as the ship’s detective, and informed the Hubbards of the possibility of a thief or ring of thieves being aboard. She believed he might be a target. Had he brought any valuables along, or an unduly large amount of cash?
“By the standards of a Vanderbilt,” Hubbard said, “I probably seem a piker-but I admit I did bring along some five thousand dollars in paper money.”
“Why so much?” I asked. “I can’t imagine you and Mrs. Hubbard giving yourselves over to extravagance, even on a European trip.”
“Mr. Van Dine, I’m more than just an idea garage, supplying spare parts, lubricating oil and mental gasoline to my fellow human beings. .”
I managed not to groan.
“. . I am also a businessman. My Roycrofters are expert in fine bookbinding, and creating craftworks in wood, metal, copper and leather. A secondary mission of this trip is to seek quality materials, in particular Spanish leather for our bindery.”
Was every briefcase in first class crammed with money?
We inquired if he’d spoken to any strangers on the ship, if anyone had tried to strike up a conversation, and make a friend of him. .
“Why, certainly. Everyone I’ve encountered-scores in these two days. They are, after all, my species!”
“Your species,” I said numbly.
“Yours, too! Mr. Van Dine, the fact that you are a human being brings you near to me-it is a bond that unites us! Often in life, all we need is the smile or hand-clasp of a fellow human being, and perhaps a word of good cheer, to get us through a rough day.”
Miss Vance tried to cut through this Pollyanna blather, asking, “But has anyone pressed too hard? Perhaps, approached you for business reasons?”
“No.”
I asked, “Have you observed anything suspicious? A steward, perhaps, whom you came onto in your quarters, but who had scant reason to be there?”
He glanced at his wife, who met his eyes with a shrug.
“No,” he said.
“Would you consider,” I suggested, “removing your rose-colored spectacles, for the duration of this voyage, and report to Miss Vance or myself anything suspicious you might observe?”
Miss Vance added, “There may be physical danger, either to you and your wife, or risk to your possessions. . specifically, your business funds.”
Seeming to take no offense at my “rose-colored spectacles” remark, Hubbard smiled and nodded. “More than happy to cooperate. Do you agree, Alice?”
She nodded, too. “More than happy.”
That seemed to sum them up for me: more than happy. . moving well past joy into the realm of ignorant bliss.
Right now Hubbard was studying me-perhaps sensing my cynicism, though little I’d said revealed as much. He asked, “Mr. Van Dine, have you heard of Mr. and Mrs. Isador Straus?”
“The names are familiar, but. .”
“They died on the Titanic-Mr. Straus was a wealthy man, in the department store trade; he and his wife had been married a very long time. They chose to stay aboard and meet their fate, rather than be separated, when Mrs. Straus could easily have found a seat on a lifeboat. . ‘Women and children first’ being the law of the sea.”
“I do remember,” I said.
He looked heavenward. “They knew how to do three great things, the Strauses-how to live, how to love and how to die.” He turned his gaze fondly on his wife, and she returned it; they were holding hands, and I suppose I should have found it trite, but there was something genuine and even moving about it, much as I despise cheap sentiment.
Hubbard said, “To pass from this world, as did Mr. and Mrs. Straus, is glorious-happy lovers, both. In life they were never separated, and in death they are not divided.”
The hambone was nothing if not a showman, and without another word-not even an aphorism-he rose, as did his wife, and they nodded their good-byes and made their exit.
TWELVE
The Art of Friendship
The next mor
ning, Monday, found the great ship off the Grand Banks, basking in sunshine, riding a gentle swell. According to one of our fellow first-class passengers, Charles Lauriat-a Boston bookseller who considered himself an amateur expert on matters nautical-the Lucy was doing a good twenty knots, maintaining a long, easy stride, though occasionally pulsating in brief spasms from the sheer force of her steam turbines.*
As was the usual case on a lengthy ocean voyage, the reassuring routine of shipboard life had quietly asserted itself. Passengers plopped into deck chairs with novels (that many were reading Theodore Drieser’s new one, The Financier, was an encouraging sign in such culturally barren times). Away from their sedentary situations, middle-aged men strode the decks like athletes, their stomachs tucked in, their chests thrust out, sucking in the fresh sea breeze, cleansing their city-soiled innards. The sharp, salty air seemed to egg on the appetite, making possible the consumption of the endless cornucopia of food; and people you might ignore on dry land seemed not only tolerable company but witty, worthy cohorts.
Miss Vance and I did not spend all of our time engaged in investigation. Now and then, on an evening, we could be found doing the tango or the foxtrot, and well. Often, however, we were not available, spending time privately in either her or my quarters, and what was exchanged between us is not germane to this narrative; besides, even I am too gentlemanly to go into detail, however wonderful it might be to record such vivid memories.
We also on occasion attended the ship’s concerts, where an array of talent performed, ranging from the world’s finest to numerous self-proclaimed artistes with more audacity than ability. Nonetheless, in our self-indulgent, overfed mood, we were inclined to find all of them entertaining, even if not in the way intended; like cattle being fattened for the slaughterhouse, Miss Vance and I were part of a contented lot.
Perhaps we had become distracted by shipboard foolishness, or lulled into complacency by the knowledge that the stowaways were indeed deceased and nothing further of a suspicious or dangerous nature had transpired, since their passing. In our defense, the final interviews of individuals on Klaus’s list were arranged not at our convenience, but at that of the interviewees.
The Lusitania Murders d-4 Page 14