Etienne saved things. He saved people. He did for everyone else what he hadn’t been able to do for his wife.
That was why he was always so concerned about her. Oh, sure, he desired her, but then she was pretty sure that Etienne had a lot of experience desiring women. The concern thing clearly had its roots in his personal tragedy. It was up to her to free him from that. From now on, that was going to be her goal, to disentangle Etienne from her life so that if some little something ever did happen to her, he wouldn’t blame himself.
That meant she needed to be less concerned about things. Publicly, that is.
“What?” she asked, realizing that she had missed his words while she’d been plotting.
“Here. Come inside, or would you rather sit on the patio? It’s overcast, but I think we’re safe from the rain for now,” he said as he stopped walking. Meg looked up to see that they had walked to the entrance of Bistro Campagne.
Meg chose the patio. It was full of chatter and interesting people. The restaurant was a charming place, one she had never been to and the food was magnifique, as Etienne said, but Meg was concentrating so hard on being bright and cheery and convincing Etienne that she was now the strongest, most learned, most accomplished, least likely person to ever suffer a tragedy or setback or even so much as a paper cut, that she missed most of the meal.
When they left the restaurant and began walking down the street, Etienne gave her a sideways smile. “You are an intriguing and infuriating woman, Meg Leighton.”
That certainly got her attention. “Infuriating? In what way? I thought I was being rather pleasant tonight.”
“Exactement. You’re being the brightest, most falsely cheerful person ever. It is an act a man who didn’t even know you could see right through. And I happen to know you. Well,” he said in a way that made her feel that he knew intimate things about her. She felt the tingle rip slowly through her body.
“I was that obvious, was I?”
“Well, maybe not that obvious, but as I said, I know you.”
He did, but…not everything. He certainly couldn’t know just how much his words, his accent, his dimples, the way he looked at her or touched her affected her. She was totally incapable of managing her feelings when Etienne was near.
“You were trying to distract me so that I wouldn’t worry,” he accused. “Weren’t you?”
She couldn’t lie to him. Much. “Maybe a little,” she admitted. “But what about you?” she said. “I happen to know you, too, and I know very well that I did not score a run today.”
Etienne looked as if she had taken that baseball bat and physically walloped him with it. “Meg…” he began.
“Etienne,” she said, turning to face him and standing her ground. “You know you won’t lie to me.”
“I won’t.”
“What was Lily doing behind me when Paula was asking me all those questions? I heard a sound, and later when we went inside I saw that things looked a bit…disturbed around the base.”
“You don’t seriously think I would say something bad about Lily, do you?”
“It wouldn’t be a bad thing. Don’t you think I know that everyone felt sorry for me because I was such a stinker at the game and that they all wanted me to at least have one drop of success? That’s true, isn’t it?”
He reached out and brushed her cheek, and sensation shot through her. “If it’s true, it was a good thing, Meg. They love you.”
“But it was cheating.”
He laughed. “Not when both teams are rooting for the same person. Besides, it broke the ice for Paula. In the end, I’d say several good things happened there. Everyone worked together, they all went away happy and now people are speaking to Paula so she can concentrate on her work more.”
“If she wasn’t concentrating on her work before, it was because she has a crush on you.”
“That’s just because she’s lonely. It will pass.”
“Etienne?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you for trying to make me believe that I don’t suck at baseball. I knew it wasn’t true, but it was nice to be forced to pretend for a while.”
“So you’ll let them continue to believe you believe?”
“If it will keep everyone happy, I will. And…when I said that I won today, well, I did. Maybe I didn’t break my long running record of never scoring a run, but the fact that people cared enough to make me want to believe that I had…that was winning for me. So no, I won’t say anything.”
“You’re going to be so good at this, Meg. You have the love and loyalty of the people who work for you. I didn’t teach you that.”
She smiled. “But you are responsible for this.” She looked down at herself. “Daniel sent someone to my house to teach me how to apply makeup and do my nails. A woman showed up and gave me all kinds of instructions on the best clothing to, quote, accent my physical features. She even showed me how to walk with more confidence so that I would ‘wear my clothes well’ and they wouldn’t wear me. I know that was all your doing.”
“Window dressing,” he said. “Polish. So…since we’re discussing clothing, I notice that you, Meg Leighton, are dressed all in white tonight. No other color. Meg?”
She shrugged. “It seemed to fit the mood.”
Etienne frowned. “But it’s not you. Don’t try to change yourself in order to accommodate someone else’s mood.” He turned the corner. It wasn’t the way to his car.
“Where are we going?”
“Somewhere…I know there was a man the other day when I was out this way…Here,” Etienne said, satisfaction coloring that rich, deep voice of his. He stopped before a flower vendor, picked out a nosegay of wine-red roses and handed them to Meg.
When she took them, Etienne moved back two steps. “Yes. All’s right with the world now. Red. It’s you. Passionate. Colorful. Exciting.”
She laughed. “Is there another woman standing behind me that you’re talking about? No one has ever said that I was exciting.”
“Well, now they have. I have. And you know that I don’t lie to you.”
They had backtracked and were on their way back to the car when the threat of rain became a reality. A light mist began to fall and quickly became harder.
Automatically it seemed, Etienne put his arm around Meg and pulled her under the shelter of an awning.
“Wait here,” he told her as he rushed back out into the rain, which was coming down harder now.
“Etienne, you’re getting soaked,” she yelled, but he paid her no mind. Instead he ducked into a nearby hotel. Through the glass doors, she could see him speaking to the doorman, gesturing to the man. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. Within seconds he was running back to her carrying a large black umbrella. He flipped it open and when he reached the awning, he took her hand and pulled her under the umbrella with him.
“The man sold you one of the hotel’s guest umbrellas?” she asked, laughing as Etienne wrapped one arm around her waist to hold her close and keep her out of the rain. “I’ll bet he’s not supposed to do that. Did you have to give him half your fortune?”
“Meg,” Etienne lectured. “Are you making fun of me for trying to keep you from getting soaked?”
Suddenly she stopped. She turned in his arms and faced him. “Not at all. I like the way you identify a problem and then immediately identify a solution. You’re a magic man, mon cher. Is that how you say it?”
But he was still holding her against him, the flowers crushed between their bodies. “That’s how you say it, my Meg. And no, I’m not a magic man. Just a man. A man who has to do this. Right now.”
His mouth came down on hers. He pulled her closer still. She dragged her arm, flowers and all, free and looped it around his neck, trying to get closer to him.
The rain came down, and Etienne’s kisses became deeper, more demanding.
Meg tilted her head and gave and gave. And took and took. She tasted him, she savored him, she wished thi
s moment would never end, that they could stay beneath this cocoon of an umbrella in the rain forever. Alone. Just the two of them. With nothing else to come between them.
But in the distance a car horn honked. People yelled at each other, they laughed. More traffic noises intruded, and the streetlights came on.
The real world returned, and in the real world Etienne was a man who might want kisses but didn’t want more. He could have any woman he wanted, but he wanted none. At least not for more than this.
And Meg realized how unprotected her heart was. She was in grave danger of doing something very unhealthy to herself. Something she had sworn not to do again. Fall for a man who would, ultimately, break her heart. Etienne might not want to do that to her, but it would be done nonetheless.
And when it happened, he would know. It would send him to a very bad place, emotionally. She needed to keep that from happening. Somehow she needed to be a woman who dealt in solutions. Emotional solutions.
Gently, carefully, reluctantly, Meg eased herself away. “That was…very nice. You’re exceptionally good at that. But I suppose you know that. It was…a very effective lesson.”
He frowned. He growled. “You know that was no lesson.”
“I know you didn’t mean it to be one, but nevertheless it was. If I’m going to be doing business with the big boys, I have to know how to go one-on-one with them. I’m assuming that now and then there might be temptation. I need to know how to…to walk away from it, don’t I?”
For several seconds Etienne didn’t answer. He was looking angry, angrier than she had ever seen him. “You definitely need to know how to walk away from temptation. Especially temptation that is bad for you.”
She just couldn’t do it. No matter the need, even to save Etienne in the end, she just couldn’t pretend in this way. Instead she touched him on the sleeve. “I didn’t mean it. You’re not bad for me. You know how much you’ve done for me, but…this…this part of the two of us…it’s only going to hurt us both in the end. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Dammit, Meg, I’m the one who’s supposed to say that. I pulled you into this. I get to be the protector.”
She placed her palm across his lips and slowly shook her head. “You can’t be my protector, Etienne. You can’t save me. In the long run we both know that that job can’t be yours. And I don’t want you to regret it. I want you to enjoy your time with me.”
“I do,” he promised. “I am. I will.”
“For now,” she whispered. “We still have some time left. And we have rain and red flowers and a beautiful umbrella. Let’s walk in the rain.”
“Impetuous,” he said and the word was a caress. “But your leg. I’ve walked you too far already.”
“I don’t even feel it anymore,” she promised. And it was true. For now all she felt was the need to walk with this man who had changed her life so much. For this one moment she would not worry about tomorrow and just enjoy this man and this simple pleasure. Who knew what tomorrow would bring?
CHAPTER TWELVE
ETIENNE knew that he was losing control where Meg was concerned. There was just something about her that made him forget all the things he needed to remember. Yes, he was a successful businessman, but he had failed in his personal life and had hurt those he should have taken better care of. He just could not risk failing or hurting anyone else, especially not Meg.
Bright, beautiful Meg who deserved that loving, secure home surrounded by children that she desired. The thought of interfering with those dreams of hers in any way just wasn’t something he could face. He’d hate himself if he caused her any pain. So he had to stop thinking about her all the time, stop spending so much time with her before he did any irreversible harm to her.
How was he going to do that?
Keep it low-key, Gavard, he told himself. Keep it all business. The way Meg wanted things. Couldn’t he do that much for her?
With that as his goal, he pressed himself to concentrate on the company and drove himself around the clock. He almost thought that he was making progress when he had gone a whole week without touching Meg. Yes, it had been a hellish week. He missed Meg so much that he felt crazy and hot, so much so that he hadn’t even been paying attention to the calendar and that hated day looming before him. He wanted nothing more than to go slamming into Meg’s office and just…look at her, be near her. But somehow he managed to stay away. With a gargantuan effort he kept his distance. He was even beginning to think that he might have himself under control a bit.
Until he looked up one day and found her standing in the doorway to his office. Her brown eyes were bright and fierce.
Immediately, as if he couldn’t help himself, he rose and went to her. “Meg, what’s wrong?” He reached out and took her hands.
She hesitated.
“Meg? Tell me.”
She shook her head. “It’s you.”
“Me? What did I do?”
“You’re just doing too much for us. You’re pushing yourself too hard. You’ve been here day and night and you’re looking tired. It’s occurred to me that there’s a lot more at stake here than just Fieldman’s and all of us who work here.”
Etienne frowned at that. “What do you mean?”
“I mean you. Your reputation. You’ve been working so hard for us, but…what about you? You’ve been very nice about not pointing out to all of us that you have a reputation to uphold. Whether we…I, do a good job and cut a good image could affect you. And you haven’t even said anything. Is that why you’ve been so upset lately?”
It almost broke Etienne’s heart that Meg was worrying about him. “I haven’t been upset, ma chère.”
She crossed her arms. “You promised me truth.”
“All right, the truth is that I’ve given no thought whatsoever to my reputation.” He offered up a smile.
Meg frowned harder. “Then the reason you’ve been upset—”
“I didn’t say I was upset.”
“Etienne, did I ever tell you that I’m a very visual person? I need to see things in order to get them straight, but once I see them, everything falls into place. You’ve been preoccupied and you’ve been frowning a lot. Your eyes…”
“My eyes?”
She glanced up then and blushed. “Well, never mind your eyes, but something is wrong. I know it.”
What to say? He was not going to bring up his concerns about hurting or disappointing her. He had promised that they would be friends and all business. The fact that he was having trouble sticking to the script was his problem and not hers.
“Is it…Etienne, I know this is nosy. And it’s none of my business but…I mentioned earlier that I read about you and your life on the Internet. I’m sure this is a difficult time of the year for you. I don’t want to be insensitive. If you’d like…If you need time away, Edie and Jeff and the rest of us won’t let the place collapse while you’re gone and I can promise you that we…Etienne, you’ve made things easier for us. I wish I could make this easier for you somehow…”
Her voice faltered and Etienne realized that she was all but ripping off the button on her skirt, twisting it nervously.
Carefully he covered her hand with his own, stilling her.
“I don’t want you worrying about me,” he said.
“But…”
“Meg, my problems aren’t yours. And don’t worry. I’m used to dealing with problems. It’s what I do.”
She got that stubborn look in her eyes. “Maybe, but you’re still human. When July 18 rolls around, I’ll expect you to take the day off.”
The fact that she had the day right hit him in the solar plexus. The fact that she hadn’t backed down and was still insisting that he tend to his needs…amazed him.
“Are you giving me orders, Meg?”
She pushed her chin up. “No, I’m not. I’m just being your friend. You had a wife. You had a child on the way. You get to be human and take time out to mourn them.”
But he never reall
y had. He reached out suddenly, took Meg’s hands and pulled her to him. “It’s not that simple, Meg. I wasn’t a good husband to Louisa. The child was a duty for her, another accomplishment to be checked off the list for me. Had I been paying any attention to her at all, we might have discovered her condition and avoided the pregnancy, but I wasn’t even thinking about her. And later, when I made that statement to my mother, I didn’t even think about the fact that I was, intentionally or not, placing some of the blame for Louisa’s and our son’s death on her. I failed my wife, my child and my family, so no, I don’t allow myself to mourn. If I didn’t do the right things while they were with me it’s too late to do them now. There’s no need to worry about me, though, Meg. Work may have been what killed my marriage, but it’s also what keeps me sane now.”
He looked up and saw that Meg’s eyes were wet. Two thick tears hung on her lashes.
“I thought that you never cried.”
“I don’t,” she said, dashing the tears away. “I’m not crying. I’m angry.”
“At what?”
“At you. Why do you expect yourself to be so…perfect, so responsible for everyone and everything? That’s wrong. People should be responsible for their own happiness, but…No, I’m not going to say any more. It’s totally wrong for me to be telling you all this when I have no idea what it’s like to live in your shoes. I never can keep my mouth shut.”
“I’ve never asked you to.”
She shook her head. “I know that. I’m trying to learn to do that myself, but I’m still a work in progress.”
He smiled sadly. “Don’t worry about me, Meg. My distance lately hasn’t been because I’m morose but because…well, you know that I desire you. I don’t want to leave here with regrets.”
“You’re still worried that you’ll hurt me? Well, I still say that my emotional state is my own problem. You can’t be responsible because I won’t allow it. Our deal was that you should teach me, not that you should wrap me up in tissue paper and put me in a box so I won’t get broken.”
“Do you feel that I’ve fallen down on the job? Have I failed to teach you something you think you need to know? You already know most of what’s necessary to keep this company running.”
The Frenchman's Plain-Jane Project Page 11