Guarded Heart

by C. A. Harms

  Eighteen

  “You want to talk about it?” Allison flopped down on my bed early Saturday morning. She had called me last night after Mitch had given her the details he had been given from Wes at work that day. I told her I was exhausted and that we could talk Saturday. I really had no idea that she would be sitting on my bed at what…eight fifteen in the morning holding a Starbucks coffee for me. “He wanted to end it so he did. He didn’t let me explain he just assumed the worst and left…I never asked Tony to show up here. I thought he would be with Heather and pass along my sympathy…end of story. I screwed up Alli.”

  She rubbed my leg and told me to get up and meet her in the kitchen. “I have to get up. I volunteered to work today…I figured I had the time.” Alli grunted in response and flopped back down on the end of the bed. “Damn it I was thinking Spa day…” she pouted at me.

  She hung out with me while I got ready and I asked her about Wes meeting with the judge yesterday? She explained that he was awarded full Temporary custody and they will go before a judge next month to reevaluate and make a more permanent ruling. With Sarah’s more recent reoccurring bad habits and run ins with the law, losing her job and so on I knew he would be okay and be awarded full custody of MaKayla.

  I moped through my day feeling lost but pretending to be happy was really not an easy task. I was feeling way off and I just wanted to go back to bed.

  I went home to get into my jammies and crawl into bed. I wasn’t feeling very well my head was pounding I was exhausted. I woke Sunday morning to my phone ringing. I noticed the time on my clock and had to look twice. Eleven thirty in the morning…I never slept this late. I grabbed my phone to answer, “Yes?” I croaked causing me to cough and then grab for my throat as it ache when I tried to speak. Swallowing hurt…holy hell! My head throbbed, my throat ached and my body felt so heavy. Damn it all to hell…I hate being sick. “What on earth was that Sam…you sick? You sound horrible hun actually you sound worse than horrible.” I managed to whisper back telling her I was okay that I would take some cold medicine and go back to bed. Alli agreed telling me she would check on me later and I grunted back to her and hung up. Sinking back into my pillow I could not rustle up enough energy to crawl out of bed for medicine I just needed sleep.

  I woke to someone holding their hand on my forehead. I opened my eyes expecting to see Allison standing over me considering she was the only one with a key but I found Wes instead. I tried to speak but nothing came out but a raspy whine. “Shh…don’t try to talk…Alli let me in she said you were sick. At least with your throat hurting I can talk and you have no choice but to listen right…He smiled softly. Have you taken anything?” I shook my head and he got up and left the room. I could hear him going through the cabinets and finally he came back holding a glass of water and some Tylenol. “You do know you have a fever right? I called Alli and told her to get you something for a sore throat and she said she would be here soon.” He kept looking at me and I turned into my pillow pulling the covers up around me. I was warm and really just wanted to strip off the cover and my sweats to cool off but I was hurt by what he said and I chose to hide from him instead. “I know you’re mad at me…but I was mad at you too. I hated that you called him. You said you get jealous Samantha I can get jealous so damn easy and when I saw him here and heard you tell him you shouldn’t have called I couldn’t help getting pissed. I had a million thoughts going through my mind at that moment but the worst one was losing you to him. I know you have a history and I feared that it would out beat us. That thought just fed the fire.” He took a deep breath, “I care about you so much, more than I thought I would this soon. I got pissed when I heard him confess his love…I don’t want to hear him tell you that he still loves you. I wanted to beat his ass to be honest. I said shit I shouldn’t have said out of pure anger and jealousy. I want us and I lied when I said I didn’t.”

  I slid the covers lower and rolled toward him so I could see his face. I wanted to kiss him but I was pretty sure he didn’t want to be sick. Wes lightly rubbed my cheek, “Can you forgive me for being an asshole? I really am sorry…I have missed you like crazy…I hope I didn’t push you away forever…” I swallowed causing me to cringe as my throat was set on fire.

  Allison showed up a little later with some cold meds and soup. I declined the soup for now. I heard her and Wes talking and he told her he planned on sticking around with me and his sister had taking Kayla for a sleepover. I dosed off, “Hey Sam let me see your throat…stick your tongue out.” I did as she asked and she made a Ewe sound, “Nasty you have blisters Sam…You’re definitely going to need some antibiotics hun or you’re just going to get worse.” After a lot of resistance on my part Wes and Allison gotten me to his truck and he took me to the ER.

  Waking up Monday was still no fun. The antibiotics would take a couple days before I started feeling better. Strep throat…at least I got a few days off work. I lounged around and slept my day away. Wes called on his way to his sisters to pick up Kayla. I didn’t want to be around her and take a chance of her getting sick. He was going to try to stop by tomorrow sometime while she was in daycare.

  Tuesday was a little better it was a little easier to talk and I wasn’t as tired. I managed to shower and make my way to the couch with a blanket. I needed a break from my bedroom. Wes was stopping over on his way to the daycare to get Kayla. I had given him my other spare key yesterday morning before he left.

  “Hey baby, how you feeling?” I had to admit seeing Wes made me feel better. I smiled up at him. “All of a sudden I feel much better”, I didn’t expect to feel this connection with him but it was there and it was strong. It had only known Tony for so long that the thought of having feelings toward any other man…just seemed really far-fetched…pretty much impossible. I don’t want to love him this soon I can’t be so dependent on him that if things don’t work out I end up crushed all over again.

  Wes snuggled me tightly to his side and kissed the top of my head. We sat together on the couch and I felt safe and that feeling was completely amazing. He couldn’t stay long because he needed to pick up MaKayla, having her around me wasn’t the best idea right now so we would give it a few more days.

  Nineteen

  By Thursday I felt so much better. It was time to get back into my life and normal activities. I cleaned my house and sanitized. It was almost noon and I was already out of things to do.

  I called Allison and she decided to come over and hang out. Apparently she had words with Mitch’s mother this morning and was really worried how Mitch would react when he found out.

  “Maybe I should just hide out here until he isn’t angry at me”, poor girl looked like she was going to break down any minute. “Alli you don’t even know that he will be mad, I mean really was it that bad?” She had a tendency to over react but when it came to defending herself she really went all out full throttle. She began telling me the details about how his mother showed up at eight this morning and began cleaning her kitchen because it was “filthy” in her terms. “I really let that go even though I wanted to just dunk her head into the dirty dishwater and hold it there until she admitted that she was a bitch”, she proceeded to tell me all the little things that led up to the ‘Big Bang’. Alli had said that after she cleaned the kitchen she then started folding the laundry that she had not yet gotten out of the dryer. Mitch’s mom criticized Alli’s every move when it came to her son. She never felt good enough.

  She criticized her cleaning, cooking and even her hair and clothes. She always talked about Mitch’s ex-girlfriend and how particular and perfect she was…blah blah. Sometimes I wanted to smack his mom. I couldn’t imagine dealing with her daily…I take that back I had my mother so I could really sympathize with her.

  What finally put Allison over the edge was when Mitch’s mother started cleaning out the refrigerator and began throwing things away that she thought weren’t healthy for her son to consume. “Mitch picked that shit out himself and apparently I don’t h
ave his health in mind and how dare I buy those things for him to live on. She acted like I was feeding him rat poison. I mean Damn it Sam that is our house and if Mitch wants to sit on his couch drinking a beer with his hand in a bag of Doritos than it should be fine. I am tired of trying to please her. She disrespects me in my own home.” I told her she needed to talk to Mitch that if he didn’t know how she felt…really felt then how was he supposed to help make it right.

  She took off about two and went to talk to Mitch and here I was back to square one. An idea came to me but I wasn’t sure if he would agree…

  I grabbed my phone to send Wes a message…

  What would you say if I asked you if I could get Kayla out of daycare early to bring her home with me and bake some yummy’s for her daddy. Would that be something you would let me do?

  I held my breath and hit send. Time seemed to drag on and on. Five minutes had passed and still no response. After about ten minutes I felt like maybe I shouldn’t have asked. What was I thinking…I am not her mommy and I knew that but if Wes is in my life so is Kayla. To be perfectly honest she was the sweetest little girl and I really loved having her around. I love seeing her interact with Wes it warmed my heart. I jumped when the ringing brought me out of my daydream.

  ‘Hello’

  His voice was so low and sexy…the things he did to me by just talking…yum!

  ‘Hey baby, I think that would be nice. I actually just called the daycare and gave them your name. You can go pick her up anytime. Bring your license they will need to see it because since this whole Sarah thing they have strict rules about releasing Kayla.

  I smiled feeling excited that he was allowing me to get her…

  I’ll come by after work…okay

  I smiled and agreed to make dinner for us. We quickly said our goodbyes and I grabbed my keys to rush out the door to pick her up. I made a quick stop at Target to grab a Booster seat for Kayla. The thought popped in my head as I pulled out of the driveway…I hadn’t thought about needing one until that moment. Wes was right they checked my ID at the door and then led me to the office where they called him again to clarify it was in fact okay for Kayla to go with me. It was good they were so protective of the children. When I finally was able to walk out with Kayla in hand I strapped her in the booster we made a quick trip to the store before arriving at home to start cooking.

  Three hours later Wes walked in to find both Kayla and myself covered with flower and tomato sauce. I had put a shirt of mine over her clothes and it was covered now with cookie dough and chocolate icing. We hadn’t noticed him standing in the doorway watching us and we laughed and we sang along with the radio. She spun around and sauce flew in my direction off the spoon she held in her hand. “Kayla…are you trying to paint my shirt with sauce”, I dipped my finger into the sauce bowl and wiped it on the tip of her nose. She giggled and then she seen Wes standing watching. She squealed and jumped up and down on the chair she was standing on next to the kitchen island, “Daddy…look I cooked!” Kayla was so excited and he was smiling as he walked over to her and kissed her cheek. “I see sweetheart and it looks like you did a great job.” His eyes connected with mine and he stepped toward me with this emotion all over his face that made my heart race. Kayla was staring off watching the cartoons playing on the television as she continued to stir the sauce.

  When Wes reached me he placed his hand on my hip never taking his eyes off mine. He leaned in closely and before bringing his lips to mine he whispered, “I love you Sam…I am so in love with you.” I suddenly felt like I had stopped breathing. He kissed me so softly and it felt so different. I could feel the emotion he put in to that kiss. It wasn’t sexual, it wasn’t lustful or hungry…it was loving. I was shocked this beautiful man just told me he was in love with me and I couldn’t find any words…none. Nothing came out…nothing. He stared into my eyes and watched for my reaction. When it didn’t come he pulled back and turned to Kayla to have her let him taste the sauce. “That is so good baby girl. You are a magical chef. We need to get you a chef’s hat…” he looked back up at me and I still stood there in the same spot…shocked! “Hey do you care if I go take a shower”, he looked a little confused maybe. I managed to swallow the lump in my throat and respond finally, “Um…Yeah sure go…go ahead.” I watched him as he turned and walked down the hall.

  I cleaned up Kayla and the kitchen the best I could quickly and started putting dinner on the table. When Wes came out we were sitting waiting for him. Spaghetti and salads with garlic bread, we made a chocolate cake and chocolate chip cookies for desert. MaKayla was so proud of herself. When he joined us I could feel his eyes on me but I avoided eye contact. He freaked me out a little I mean I know I care for him deeply but I was afraid to admit that it may also be love. I was terrified of being hurt again.

  After dinner and desert Wes cleaned up while I took Kayla to give her a quick bath. She had sauce and god knows what else matted into her long hair. I let her use my special Body Wash because as she put it… ‘She is a big girl now and uses big girl things’. She was too cute for her own good. Wes startled me as he knelt down next to me by the tub placing his hand on the edge brushing his thumb over my arm. “Mm Kayla you smell pretty, I love that smell…reminds me of someone really special”, his words made me smile. I leaned into him and lay my head onto his shoulder. “I’m going to have to get her home soon”, Wes whispered into my hair. I didn’t want him to leave yet or at all really. Before I could think about it any further I turned to him, “Don’t leave…stay here tonight. I have the spare bedroom and it is right across from mine. I think we need to talk and I want you to stay…both of you.” I kissed him and he nodded back at me in return.

  He didn’t live to far away and he ran home to get some things Kayla won’t sleep without plus her pajama’s and clothes for the morning. We got her ready for bed and she loved the fact that all her dolly’s had enough room to sleep with her in the ‘Big Girl Bed’. Wes read her a bedtime story and I sat on the end of my bed after I got out of the shower listening to them. He was an amazing dad.

  After things had been quiet for a while I figured she had falling asleep and Wes made his way across the hall. He stopped and leaned on the door frame as he watched me. I stood up and walked to him wrapping my hands around his waist and hugged him closely. He ran his hands through my hair and rested them onto my back. He held me for a moment and I was trying to form the words that I wanted to say. “You freaked me out earlier Wes…I never expected you to say…for you to admit that you…” ‘Loved you’ he finished. I took a deep breath and nodded my head into his chest. He brought his hands to the back of my neck tilting my head up to his. He smiled down at me, “Baby I’m sorry that it freaks you out but…I do. I meant it and I don’t regret saying it. I love you Sam…I have fallen in love with everything about you. Even when you frustrate the hell out of me from being stubborn I still love you. I didn’t expect you to say it back…not until you know that you won’t regret it.” He kissed me sweetly and resting his forehead onto mine.

  I reached up and pulled him close to me. Running my hands up his body and under his shirt I slowly lifted it up over his head. He didn’t speak and I didn’t speak as our breathing became heavier. I trailed kisses across his shoulder and down his chest pulling him by his hands and leading him to the bed. I nudged him backwards as he lowered himself lying onto his back. I stood at the foot of the bed looking at this amazing man with such a big heart. I knew I was in love with him too…I just wasn’t ready to tell him…not yet. I brought my body down over his to continue kissing him. Letting my tongue slowly run across his stomach as he tensed his muscles, “Mm baby…”

  His sexy voice hit me and I knew I wanted to make him moan...over and over. I unbuckled his pants and slowly started to lower them along with his boxers as his erection sprung free. Knowing I did this to him made me feel sexy and erotic. Maybe the fact that I had been craving him so badly for days was driving me but I wanted to pleasure him and had ever
y intention of doing just that. After his pants were lying in a pile on the floor I ran my hands up his legs and rested them onto his stomach. I knelt at the end of the bed and leaned over him looking up at him as I circled my hand around his hardness…I slowly began stroking him before lowering my mouth onto the tip. “Holy fuck…yeah!” He groaned in response and I ran my tongue over him and slowly lowered my mouth onto his throbbing cock. Licking and sucking I took him in and then I tasted him. Pre-cum dripping from the tip…he had his hands at his sides gripping the sheets. “Baby you got to stop or I am going to lose it. I don’t want to cum in your mouth Sam…Damn Mm. Baby I want make love to you…come here”, he reached for me and I brought myself up and over him as I undid my robe. I hadn’t bothered to get dressed and he moaned in approval when he discovered I was completely naked. I straddled him as he rose up to kiss me. His tongue ran down my neck to my breast as he sucked on one and massaged the other, “Sit on my cock baby…I need you.” I didn’t hesitate as I lowered myself onto him and began to move. His breathing was so heavy and I wanted to scream out in complete pleasure but I needed to control myself from not waking up Kayla. He felt so good inside of me and I felt so full. “Does that feel good baby? Do I make you feel good…” it felt so much better than good. “Good doesn’t even come close Wes. Making love to you is so amazing…yes!” He groaned deep in his chest as I tensed and shook with pure pleasure. He thrust upward and before I could bring myself back from the intense orgasm he spun me around and was now on top of me slamming into me hard and fast. I was so sensitive from my recent orgasm that my toes curled and I dug my nails into his shoulders and back. I bite my lip to keep from screaming out his name. He had buried his face into my neck and I could hear his low whispers. “I love you baby so much...you make me so happy. I am so deeply in love with you Sam…we are so good together”, hearing his whispers pulled at my heart and at that moment I felt his love, it was so intense. I was climbing that familiar ladder and felt at any moment I was going to be thrown into another yummy orgasm. I squeezed my legs tightly around his hips as he drove into me over and over. “Cum with me baby…let go. I am so close I want you to cum with me…give it to baby…oh yeah there you go. FUCK YEAH!” He moaned as we came together hard and intensely.