Guarded Heart

by C. A. Harms

  Thirty Six

  “Samantha honey, would you like to meet your son?” I could hear a women speaking and I wanted to open my eyes but they were so heavy. My son…wait a minute my hands went directly to my stomach…what. Where…Ouch! I cringed damn it…that hurt. Why did it hurt so much? I had my baby? I don’t even remember. I forced my eyes open. Slowly everything came in focus…

  Wes…Alli and…my son…Wes was holding our son. He came closer and sat onto the bed next to me. “Kane meet your mommy buddy.” Wes moved him in closer to me and oh my god he was beautiful…I was a mommy. When my eyes met Wes I could tell he was holding back the tears as he watched me. It was amazing and almost unbelievable that our son was here. I continued to hold him and because I was still weak and sore I insisted that Wes keep his hand securely under Kane just in case.

  After another day they moved me into a regular room on the maternity floor which allowed me to have longer visits and more time with Kane. Wes finally snuck away to get a shower and a change of clothes. It wasn’t hard to make sure someone stayed with me and Kane because everyone seemed to want that job, Aunt Alli was now addicted and Uncle Mitch was mesmerized. They never left me side once. I had to admit seeing Mitch holding Kane gave me a sense of how good he was going to be with their baby when the time came. I found out that both Kane and I may get to go home tomorrow and I was really ready to get out of here. I knew the nursery was still unfinished along with the train wreck that we called our kitchen. I couldn’t forget either about the mound of baby clothes and bedding that would need to be done…I may consider hiring a cleaning company…ugh.

  Friday rolled around and our little man was now five days old and he and I have just been giving our release papers. Wes was on his way with the car seat and I was beyond ready to take our son home. After we loaded Kane into his car seat and grabbed up everything that had accumulated in both his room and mine we were finally on our way.

  Pulling into our driveway I was overwhelmed with emotion. ‘Welcome home Sam and Kane’ a banner had been displayed across the front of our porch with balloons and streamers. Cars lined the street as family and friends waited for us to arrive. “You know Alli baby…she does not pass up an opportunity to celebrate and decorate.” I smiled at him he was right and I loved her like crazy. She was an amazing friend. Everyone helped unload the car and when I entered the house it had been cleaned…my kitchen was perfect, organized…food smells filled my nose and I knew that I had my future mother in law to thank for this. When I found her I wrapped my arms around her and cried into her shoulder, “Thank you so much…you’re so wonderful. You have no idea how much I love you.” She squeezed me in return, “Oh darling I would do anything for you…Wes is not the only one is this family that adores you sweetheart. You don’t have to thank me I am here to help.” This woman was definitely not your typical mother in law she was unbelievably sweet and kind and never made me feel like I wasn’t good enough.

  I was sitting on the couch watching everyone as they held Kane and hugged Wes. They were careful with me because of my staples and Wes was watching like a hawk to be sure I was comfortable and treating me like I was made of glass. After people started to leave and Maykayla was off to stay with her aunt Rachel Wes carried me upstairs with Mitch and Allison following close behind with Kane. I knew with the looks of my kitchen that the nursery was probably put together too…or at least I was secretly hoping it was.

  It was adorable…of course. Everything was organized and all the clothes were washed and put away. “I took everything home and washed it but Rachel and I put all of it away this morning.” I thanked Allison I really had no idea what I would do without her. Wes had hung the curtains and the pictures on the walls. He put up all the little animal decals and setup all the stuffed zoo animals in their places. It really was perfect. Kane looked so tiny in his crib. Mitch and Allison said their goodbyes and left leaving Wes and myself alone with our son. I knew it was probably going to be a long night with the feeding and everything but it felt great to be home and I just wanted to be in my own bed with my man.

  He brushed the hair from my face, “I have never been so scared in my life. Baby the thought of losing you kills me. When I saw you lying there on the kitchen floor…” he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. “I am okay Wes…I am too stubborn you know that.” I smiled at him and he just looked into my eyes. He leaned in and kissed me so very softly and after a couple more kisses he whispered how much he loved me and that now that I was home and Kane was home with him and Kayla life was perfect.

  Thirty Seven

  The next six weeks were an adjustment but we finally got it together. Kane was sleeping better at night which I honestly thought would never happen we had spent the first week after he came home up all night long he would scream no matter what. The moment we would lay him down he would wake up…at first it was adorable but then after being sleep deprived and still recovering from a C-section I felt like I may have lost my mind. Wes had his mother spend a couple nights with us so we could get some rest and he could get to work on time.

  Things were better now and life was coming together. I had lost weight and was close to my pre-pregnancy weight. I felt lucky that I was able to bounce back so quickly. I had stretch marks now but Wes still thought I was sexy so that was all I needed. Makayla had just turned five and she was used to Kane being around. We went through the jealousy stage and the acting out to get attention stage now we were able to get through the day with her knowing that we loved her just as much as her baby brother and that would never change. We still hadn’t heard from Sarah and Kayla has completely stopped asking about her. I found it hard every day to figure out how she walked away from her child. I made it my goal to make sure that Kayla knew she was amazing and beautiful and special every day.

  Wes did not want me to go back to work for a while. He thought it would be great for me to be able to stay home with MaKayla and Kane for longer than six weeks so I agreed to six months before I would think about going back to work. I had to admit I was in love with being at home with our kids. We had put off the wedding and with the adjustments and the recovery we had not even talked about setting a date yet. I knew that I wanted to marry him but I was waiting for him to say the word. Yeah my stubbornness was kicking in…

  “Kayla sweetheart what do think…want to take bubby for a little walk in his stroller?” It was beautiful outside and Kane was about ready for his bottle and then his nap which would allow me to take some time to get some things done. I thought a little fresh air would help Kane to sleep better. She was excited and we decided a walk around the block would be nice. Once I had him all strapped in and securely set in the stroller we grabbed our key locking the door behind us and began walking down the side walk. Kayla was telling me all about a picture she was working on for her daddy and how she couldn’t find her purple crayon…she found blue but she needed purple. I was so engrossed in her story that I had not even noticed the truck that just turned into the driveway across the street. We were only about three houses down from our own when I heard my name called out.

  “Sammy…hey how are you”, no god damn way…you have got to be kidding me. Tony was standing behind his truck which was securely parked into the garage of the condo diagonal from our house. The air had left my lungs and I couldn’t force my feet to move. He was walking across the street toward me. Kayla pulled on the side of my shorts, “Momma who is that?” She has found it easier to call me Momma which she calls her real mother Mommy so I did not feel right correcting her. “It is okay sweetheart come on lets go”, I began to push forward but he didn’t get the hint. “Is that your baby…wow when did you have…him right?” He leaned over and looked into the stroller reaching his hand out like he was going to touch his face. “Don’t!” It was all I could manage and he stopped pulling his arm back in. “You live around here? I actually just moved into that condo over there about a week ago. It is really nice you should come and see it sometime.” Yeah right not going to
happen. I had to end this and quickly, “Listen Tony just because we see each other doesn’t mean we have to talk in fact….we shouldn’t talk we should just pretend we don’t even see each other. I have to go.” We started walking again, “What your boyfriend can’t handle you talking to me…Is he scared I am going to steal you away. Is he worried that when you’re near me all those old feelings may resurface?” I just ignored him and kept walking. The conversation I knew I was going to have to handle later with Wes was going to be stressful I could see it now.

  Dinner was on the table and ready when Wes came through the door, “Hey everybody…it is good to be home. How was your day?” He came up behind me placing a kiss onto my neck. “Hey baby…I missed you. How were the kids today?” I turned to face him and kissed him softly, “Our day was good but now that daddy is home I have to say it just got a whole lot better.” We shared a few more kisses and he ran up to take a quick shower.

  After dinner I had planned on talking to him about Tony once the kids were in bed and we had time alone. Once baths were done and the kids were tucked in I made my way to our bedroom. He was sitting on the side of the bed and he looked stressed, “What’s wrong babe…you tired?” I now stood in front of him with my hands firmly rested on his shoulders. He reached up and pulled me to him kissing me deeply and pulling me over him as he rested back onto the bed. I didn’t stop him as he kissed me rolling me over onto my back and bringing his body over mine. We lay there together making out like two teenagers. He stopped and looked down into my eyes I was about to ask why he stopped when he decided to tell me what was on his mind.

  “Sarah showed up today…at work. I guess she went to the old apartment and when she found out I no longer lived there she um…came looking for me. She is so strung out. She looks horrible with stringy ass hair and about ninety pounds if that. I bet she hasn’t had a shower in a week. I figured she wanted to see MaKayla or she would ask how she was…no she didn’t…She just she uh…She sold my daughter…just sold her.” I looked up at him dumbfounded for a moment. What did he mean she sold MaKayla? “Wes you are confusing me…what do you mean?” He kissed me softly, “Baby you are an amazing woman. You love my little girl more than her own mother did. You make her feel special and loved…Sarah signed over her rights as Kayla’s mom. She no longer has any legal rights to her…it only cost two thousand dollars. Can you believe that Two thousand dollars and she signed the papers and walked away from her no questions asked.” I could tell he was conflicted with it. “At first Sam I felt angry and I wanted to tell her to go fuck herself when she asked for the money…I mean she actually said ‘If you give me two thousand dollars I will give you MaKayla and you will never see me again’. After I thought about it I realized that it was probably the best thing I could ever do. So I called my attorney and we met at his office after I stopped at the bank. Within an hour I was handing her the money and the papers where signed. It’s done!”

  He laid his head onto my chest as I lightly ran my fingers through his hair and across his shoulders. “So…when you going to marry me?” I smiled as he turned his head up to look at me with a matching smile across his face. “I was waiting for you.” He laughed, “What are you waiting for me for…I would have married you months ago when I asked you.” He propped himself up and was now looking down at me. “I am ready baby…whenever you are. I am ready for you to be my wife. Marrying you just completes my dream. You are the last piece of my uncompleted puzzle. Let’s do it.” He kissed me, “Okay…one month I just need one month. I have to get everything together. Will that work?” He stretched his body over mine and kissed me slowly and sweetly, “I’ll give you one month…no longer. I am beyond ready to be your husband.” He kissed me again and this time I wrapped my legs up around his waist and pulled him in to me securely. I deepened the kiss and trailed my tongue along his lower lip then softly bit pulling it into my mouth to suck softly. “Mm baby…that is not fair”, Wes moaned back at me. “What’s not fair I was cleared two days ago for normal activities…I have just waiting for you to stop treating me like glass.” Mr. Tall Dark and Fuckable just reappeared with that sexy ass grin.

  We made love very slowly and every single moment was amazing and it felt like the first time all over again. He was gentle but slightly aggressive. He was sweet but yet fueled my hunger with his oh so sexy dirty talk. As we lay in our bed wrapped around each other and our breathing settled I let my mind wonder to earlier today and I knew I needed to tell him about Tony. I wasn’t sure this was the right time but I hated to hide things from him that is how we ended up having most of our problems within our relationship. “I can hear the wheel turning baby…tell me what’s wrong Sam?” Was I really that obvious?

  After I took a few deep breathe I let it out. I told him about seeing Tony and I told him everything he said and what I said in return. He was silent when I finished and for a second I started to worry until he lifted my chin and kissed me letting his lips rest on mine for a second, “I trust you Sam…completely I just don’t trust him. He better stay on his side of the street or I will hurt him…that is a promise.” That was it…the conversation was over and besides the Two am feeding we held one another all night long.

  The Wedding

  “You look so pretty…like a beautiful princess. Your daddy is going to love your little crown and this dress is gorgeous.” I was standing in the hallway at the church while I waited for Allison to get there with my veil. We had forgotten it at my house and her and Rachel ran back to get it. MaKayla was the flower girl and she was so excited. I couldn’t believe I was about to be married. It felt like a dream. Everything had come together so smoothly. We were being married in a small church by Wes’s great uncle Carl and then having a reception at my new in-laws they rented a large white tent which the company set up four days ago. Rachel and Allison went all out with decorating it. Food was being catered and of course Wade’s band would be playing.

  “We’re here…sorry we tried to hurry.” Rachel was panting as they walked into room and helped me quickly place it onto my head. I had Rachel and Allison standing up with me and Wes had both of his brothers standing with him. I had asked Mitch to walk me down the aisle and he was more than happy to grant my request.

  “Oh Darling you look amazing absolutely beautiful.” Wes’s mother hugged me and whispered, “My son is one lucky man sweetheart.” I pulled away and looked at her telling her that I was the lucky one and I thanked her for raising such an amazing man.

  After a long talk with Wes I ended up wearing my wedding dress I had gotten so many months ago…I could still hear Wes’s words, “Baby you bought the dress because YOU loved it…not because he would love it. It is your dream dress Samantha and I want you to be happy with what you have on. I would marry you if you wore a brown paper bag baby…Please wear your dress because I know you love it.” I know that I am one lucky woman. I was about to marry the perfect man.

  Mitch poked his head in the door, “Ladies…it’s time.” I was not nervous I was so excited I missed Wes so bad. He stayed at his brothers last night and I haven’t seen him.

  When the music started I felt the fluttering in my stomach. Once I entered holding Mitch’s arm I looked up to meet Wes smiling at me with such love. At that moment it felt like everything and everyone else faded away. Once I reached him Mitch placed a light kiss on my cheek and passed my hands to Wes. “Baby you look so beautiful…I can’t believe how lucky I am.” I smiled up to him and it took everything I had not to kiss him right then.

  We exchanged our vows and we kissed. Everyone applauded and offered their best wishes as we excited the church. We had a limo that would take us from the church to the reception after a little drive around town. Wes helped me in tucking in my dress before shutting the door. I grabbed him by the collar and kissed him with every single ounce of love I felt for him. When he pulled back to look at me I knew my life was complete. “I love you so very much Mr. Craven. You have made me so extremely happy. I will spend the rest of m
y life loving you and cherishing you. Each day that passes I find myself falling deeper and deeper in love with you. You are such an amazing man and father. You are my soul mate and I adore you.”

  “Mrs. Samantha Craven you are everything to me. My entire heart belongs to you and my children baby…forever.”

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five

  Six

  Seven

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Twelve

  Thirteen

  Thirteen

  Fourteen

  Fifteen

  Sixteen

  Seventeen

  Eighteen

  Nineteen

  Twenty

  Twenty One

  Twenty Two

  Twenty Three

  Twenty Four

  Twenty Five

  Twenty six

  Twenty Seven

  Twenty Eight

  Twenty Nine

  Thirty

  Thirty One

  Thirty Two

  Thirty Three

  Thirty Four

  Thirty Five

  Thirty Six

  Thirty Seven

  The Wedding