by Tina Clough
“It’s food for thought you know,” she said seriously. “I think we’re so alike in how we’ve always gone for fairly plain - pretty but plain, and never bothered much about makeup. Well, I don’t mean mascara and lipstick, but the rest of it.”
“Yes, you’re right. We’ve never been the Glamour Sisters, have we? We just always kept it simple. I must say though, that having learnt about foundations and blushers and whatever else has been a real eye-opener to me. I never understood before what a fantastic boost it is to your confidence to know that you are looking really great!”
Sarah nodded. “The minute I saw you last night I felt you had changed, even before you’d said a single word and quite apart from the new clothes. It was just such a polished and smooth look. I kept looking at you all evening. I’d love to learn how to look like that – not overdone, but really great.”
“Well, it was like a master class in makeup! The girl who taught me is just so good at her job, amazing. Someone I know recommended her and I just went in and told her I felt I needed to look more sophisticated and more self-assured. She could tell right away that I wasn’t the type for bright lipstick and coloured eye shadow! I’ll give you her name if you like.”
By the time Sarah left at half past three, to be picked up by James and go to the movies with friends, Mia was exhausted. Having probed every second of the previous evening and gone over every detail of the Greg and Barb saga made her feel as if she’d been through a wringer. The hardest thing was to keep a tight lid on what was really going on – it was all very well to decide that for the time being she was not prepared to reveal it, but neither could she bear to tell Sarah outright lies. At times she had scrambled for ways to put things and she had coped by being slightly evasive or by diverting Sarah’s attention.
“Thank you for coming!” Mia said. “I will always grieve for what Greg and I had together, but you can stop worrying about me now. I know I’ll be all right, last night was the proverbial corner I’ve been waiting to turn.”
Sarah hugged her. “You are such a star - and I’m so relieved. Bye!” Mia smiled at the thought of all the information and speculation that Sarah would soon pour out to James and close friends. Very shortly the grapevine would spring into action. People would think that she had kept it to herself and not talked about it until she could confront Barb face to face. She felt a warm glow of satisfaction at having managed well so far, but in the back of her mind a little voice reminded her not to be too confident – work could be harder to deal with.
A few minutes later Sarah called from the car. “I forgot to ask you - are you still able to take us to the airport next Sunday? Just so I can tick that off on the Big Trip list! I am getting so excited now - I think I might start packing tonight! Bye, talk to you later.”
Mia had forgotten that Sarah and James’s big trip would be coming up soon. She went back to the study to check her diary, but found nothing there. In the end she found a note pinned to the little notice board. ‘Sun 20 August, take S & J to airport @ 6 pm. Back on 16 Sep.’ It was coming back to her now, the well-planned holiday to Poland, Russia and London, Sarah’s list of museums, cathedrals and art galleries, James’s list of WW2 sites and military museums. She smiled as she remembered all the things they’d brought back: Brochures from art collections, babushka dolls, caviar and masses of photos.
Just before going to bed Mia started a list of things to do that could prove that she had “lived in the future”. Some things might not happen as they had the first time round, but if she could document a few events with enough detail and over a good spread of time, surely some of them would re-occur.
She wrote a single line on a clean sheet of paper before she went to bed: Ruby, born 23 April 2007.
CHAPTER 4
Once again Mia’s first waking thought was to check that she was still in 2006. There was a tingle of apprehension in her stomach - today would be the biggest test. To carry it off at work she must perform with the appearance of total competence. She had tried her best to prepare, but she was still uneasy. She usually made a lot of notes at work, but there was always the possibility that she had made a verbal promise to do something and perhaps she would have no idea what it was. She would have to be prepared to improvise and stay calm, but she was well aware that if she could not then she would be in serious trouble.
Mia got off the bus in Newmarket Broadway and walked the two blocks to her office, mentally rehearsing the stratagems she could use to cover any mistakes. Her umbrella rocked in a windy shower; she felt cosy under it and was able to concentrate on her thoughts. She had dressed in a careful selection of newly acquired clothes and taken special care with her make-up hoping that the magic of a protective façade would once again help her confidence. As she walked she carried on an internal debate about how she could reveal the story of Greg’s infidelity and the way she had dealt with it. It was important to transfer her new image to work, and she remembered how mortified she had been when she discovered that people at work knew about the affair. Someone who knew Greg had found out and when he died the rumour of his infidelity had spread. The recollection of how she had become aware of this and the mortification it caused her made her cringe.
I want them to stop seeing me as just helpless and sad and buffeted by events; I want them to see me as strong and self-contained. And it’ll help explain my sudden recovery from immediate grief. I certainly can’t tell them I’ve lived one year longer than they have!
When she pushed open the big glass door to the foyer she still did not know how she would bridge the credibility gap. She would have to wait for the right opportunity to present itself and hope for the best. Lovely Alice greeted her from the reception desk in the foyer, glamorous and cheerful as always. “Hi, Mia! Have you recovered?”
Mia stopped by the desk, shook her umbrella and took her jacket off. “Thanks, I’m fine now. I was much better already by Friday evening - it was just one of those twenty-four hour bugs. I actually went to my sister’s for dinner on Friday night and felt completely OK.”
Alice was looking her up and down as she was talking – the new look was getting a thorough inspection. “New outfit!” said Alice “You look crash hot!”
Mia smiled her appreciation and walked down the corridor to her office, glanced into Alan’s empty room and continued to her own three doors down. She was grateful that she hadn’t bumped into Josh yet. She hoped to have time to check her notes before she saw him. He was as sharp as a tack and had an instinct for people’s weak spots.
Josh was only a couple of years older than Mia, but he had gone to university straight from school and had a few more years of experience. He had been hired just before her and was Alan’s deputy in the department, but Mia reported directly to Alan. Josh had come with some impressive achievements in innovative marketing behind him. He had quickly made friends across all departments and he was reputed to be a golden boy heading for an impressive career. Mia, with the hindsight of having lived an extra year in That Time, knew that he was ruthless and ambitious and ready to use dishonesty to get ahead. He had sacrificed Mia for his own advancement and her reputation had suffered considerable harm, which had added to her depression.
As she hung her jacket on the back of the door she realised that one of the first things she must establish was if the disastrous events of spring 2006 were already underway. The deception, which had brought Josh unmerited praise and blighted her own prospects, might not even have started its destructive course yet This Time. Well, that’s another thing to figure out as soon as I can, though heaven knows it will take clever strategy to protect myself from harm. It won’t be as straightforward as it was dealing with Barb by a long, long way.
She put her dripping umbrella in the corner and popped a plastic folder under it, and cast a fond glance at the large poster of Edward Munch’s Madonna opposite her desk. She was aware that some people found it disturbing, but to her mind it was explicit and stunning and made perfect sense. She sat down and
turned on the computer. Her thoughts flitted back to the Josh debacle. What will our relationship be at this point of This Time? Best keep our first meeting neutral and pleasant and try to give nothing away until I’ve got it sorted.
She checked her computer diary and saw no meetings entered for Monday 14 August 2006. The first thing she must do was read the emails from the last couple of weeks, and check the ones she had printed out and clipped together with a bulldog clip. The habit of printing important emails and keeping them to gradually make notes on and to remind herself of exactly what was in progress was a longstanding habit. Right now it was invaluable. Others might find it pedantic, but it suited her way of working and today it was the perfect tool. She spent half an hour searching for clues, hoping that she would end up with a reasonable grasp on what work was in progress. She was bound to have forgotten some details, but on the whole she was starting to feel that she would be able to carry it off.
Alan appeared in the doorway, wiping rain from his bald head with a large handkerchief. “Hi Mia, are you OK now?”
“Yes, thanks, it was just a twenty-four hour bug – I’m fine.”
“You’ll see in your emails from Friday that there’s a full staff-meeting at three this afternoon. The CEO announced it on Friday. He’ll brief us on progress about the merger. Heaven knows if he’ll tell us the only thing everyone really wants to know – how many jobs might be lost.”
Mia looked at his kind and chubby face, which had a worried look not natural to him. “Are you really worried about our department? And do you think any management jobs will be lost?”
“Honestly, Mia, if I knew I’d tell you. I think the most likely scenario is that they’ll lay off those roles where they can make immediate economies of scale, the obvious ones, and then wait for natural attrition to lower staffing levels some more. And then if that doesn’t work or they discover there are further economies to be made, they might ‘disestablish’ some roles - which is just a trendy way of saying that people will be made redundant.”
Mia knew exactly what would happen and how many would be laid off overall, but said nothing and looked suitably concerned.
Alan really liked Mia and had been appalled on her behalf, when Greg was killed. He had heard the rumours about Greg and then watched Mia slide into depression. He tried to be as supportive as he could because he felt that life had dealt her a nasty blow and the gossip was not helping. His wife had died of breast cancer a couple of years ago and he related strongly to Mia’s loss and felt a genuine affection for her.
But today something was different – he could nearly smell it. He sensed that a shift of attitude had taken place and she looked different somehow. He was not at all sure of what had changed, but the effect was not lost on him. “Probably something to do to with clothes,” he thought as he went back to his room. “Or maybe it is her hair, very positive anyway, whatever it is. And very attractive!”
Mia looked at the empty doorway after Alan left, but without focus – her memory was bringing up details she thought she had forgotten about the merger and the job losses, which happened over a longish period. Amazing how you think you’ve forced your mind to give up every last possible thing and then a day or two later another layer of facts emerge, as clearly defined as if they’d been stored only yesterday. I know that I could give him the final body count.
She finished her survey of emails and made some notes. Cruising through documents on the server she found the official update of the merger plans, revisited some files she had saved in her personal folder and sent a few files home to herself to study more closely. In the end she sat back reasonably satisfied with her grasp on events and began planning which task on her notepad she should tackle first. Once she got started it was no different from any other working day. Gradually it began to feel normal and her confidence increased.
Josh came in to check if she had had time to read a file he had emailed her on Friday. “How’s the sick girl then? You look healthy, but I’ll keep a safe distance. Did you read my email yet?”
Mia observed him carefully from behind a neutral façade. She felt reasonably certain from his tone and look, that they were still friends. She knew that once he had used her as a scapegoat to save his reputation he had changed his approach to her. Even though he had harmed her and they both knew it, he had treated her with pity, as if she had genuinely messed up and ruined her own prospects. And she had never confronted him directly about it – she had just let it sit in the background like some toxic substance slowly poisoning her mind.
“No, Josh, I haven’t had time to read it yet. I’m catching up with some things I left mid-stream on Thursday, but I’ll have a look at it later today.”
“Okay, we’ll catch up later. Be good!”
He left and she reflected on the deceptiveness of good looks. Josh was one of the cliché golden boys, tall and good-looking and with enough personal charm to have fooled her completely. She had never liked his half-flirty approach but had never told him to lay off. He had surprisingly turned out to be ruthless and dangerous. But then, forewarned is forearmed and perhaps this time round she would be able to prevent him from ruining her career.
Left to herself again she tried to assembled her puzzle pieces. The merger was at the ‘just-to-be-announced’ stage. Josh was still pretending to be a nice guy. Alan still valued Josh and Mia equally, though Josh automatically assumed superiority on the basis of having a more glamorous position compared to Mia’s more fact-based role. And Alice was still not pregnant with the baby of that horrible man that she had decided she never wanted to see again.
And last but not least, in This Time she herself was prepared for all sorts of different reactions and actions, compared to That Time. She had let herself be dragged along by events, shackled by her own passivity and lack of assertiveness - more things to be considered tonight and more planning to do now that she was much better equipped to deal with what fate might have in store for her.
Her stenographer’s pad with notes was a habit she had developed as a student, and over time it had been refined into a personal reminder system, blended with notes of inspiration or ideas for her work. It was a great way of prioritising her day. First thing every morning she read her notes and marked items, which must be completed or that had to be taken a step further before the end of the day. Since starting this job she had built a reputation for always meeting deadlines and in a workplace with so many creatively gifted people this made her stand out.
Josh, of course, mocked her and called her obsessive and ‘list dependent’ and he often made a joke about “Mia, who wouldn’t remember to go home at night if it wasn’t on her list”.
“It works for me,” was all she would say in response, when Josh trotted out the same joke again in the staff room. Josh would chuckle and wink at whatever female person was looking in his direction.
That horrid habit of winking – what a cheap trick that is! I really detest it and all it implies. That alone should have been enough to alert me to his character months earlier. Ah well, it’s easy to be wiser now – a perfect example of 20/20 hindsight. God knows - if I wake up tomorrow morning and I’m back in 2007 I’ll be in a real muddle about what’s what.
But such was her newfound confidence that even this thought failed to dent her mood. The staff room was always noisy and busy for an hour each afternoon and never completely empty in between. With one hundred and twenty on the staff and one big room shared between four floors of offices, it was the corporate version of the village pump. Every day you might meet different people, depending on which combination of staff members you coincided with. Soon after starting work there Mia asked Alan if everyone had ever turned up at the same time.
“No, thank goodness! We did discuss it when we moved in, but it’s not happened once in the four years we’ve been here. But I’m prepared to bet it won’t ever happen. Most people grab a coffee from the coffee machine on their floor and drink it in their rooms. And I’ve noticed that some
sort of tradition has developed with different groups turning up at roughly the same time each day.”
Mia went upstairs for a cup of coffee at eleven hoping to avoid those she worked the closest with; it seemed like good self-protection not to pick up last Thursday’s conversations right away. She grabbed a coffee and turned round to find a place to sit. Someone in a group at a table over by the windows called out: “Mia! Join us over here!” She carried her coffee mug across the room, weaving past various conversations on the way, picking up the word redundancy a couple of times.
Callum, Tex and Mandy were at a table for four and she sat down at their table, thanking her lucky star for a chance to share a table with Mandy. Callum and Tex were a creative team with a high profile; they were younger than most of the other creative teams but they had won a prestigious award in Australia the year before. Mandy worked in IT and was the company gossip. It was rumoured that she and Tex had a thing going, though Tex was married and Mandy had an endless supply of boyfriends. She had the roundest eyes Mia had ever seen, like a beady-eyed animal – very suitable for someone who was forever on the lookout for titbits of information.
Luck was still standing guard behind Mia, because after five minutes of merger-gossip Callum gave her the opening she needed by asking if Barb was back from England yet. She knew from before that he had met Barb a couple of times and he knew that she and Mia were best friends. Mia had thought he might be interested in Barb. Now she made a lightning fast decision to grab the chance to launch her new persona. The advantage of having Mandy there to hear it was a great piece of luck; she would spread the gossip like wildfire and Mia would not have to tell anyone else herself.
“Yes, she’s back now,” said Mia coolly, looking at Callum and ignoring the other two. “She was at my sister Sarah’s place for a dinner party in the weekend, but I sent her packing before the meal”.