This Child Is Mine

by Mildred Colvin

  How had it happened? At what point had Beth become so important to him? As caretaker for his children—yes. He needed her for that. No question about it. But at the moment, his thoughts of Beth held little resemblance to his thoughts of a nanny.

  He recognized the raging jealousy that tore through his heart and was disgusted with himself for his weakness. He’d determined to stay away from her and had been satisfied in his accomplishment. Until today.

  Beth had the right to date anyone she wished. Why, then, did he feel as if she’d just asked permission to cheat on him?

  Chapter Eleven

  Beth dressed for her date, brushed her hair until it shone, then put it up in a roll on the back of her head. One last glance at the mirror and she was satisfied. After all she was a widowed mother of two. Bob couldn’t be expecting too much. She turned from the mirror to stare out the window to the street below.

  Why was she going on a date? Bob Macklin was a nice enough man. He attended church regularly. He was clean and neat about his appearance and he was reasonably good looking. But why did she want to go with him? For something to do, or because his invitation made her feel like a woman again? Maybe she’d accepted his invitation for the sole purpose of getting Jon’s attention. Not that it worked. For the past two weeks he’d ignored her as if their earlier camaraderie had never existed.

  She missed Steven so much. If he hadn’t died, she wouldn’t be in the position of losing her heart to another man only to have him break it and toss away the pieces. A ragged sigh tore from her lips and she turned toward the door leading into the nursery. It was time for her to go downstairs.

  Mary sat in the rocker watching the two babies play with some toys in the corner of the nursery. She smiled as Beth stepped through the door.

  “My, don’t you look pretty.”

  “Thank you.” Beth smoothed her hands down the light blue folds of her skirt and returned Mary’s smile. “I thought I should tell the girls bye before I go.”

  Mary looked toward the girls as Lexie handed a doll to Stevie. “They’re becoming fast friends, aren’t they?”

  “Yes, they are.” Beth winced. That was another complication for her to deal with. With Jon acting so strange toward her now, how long would it be before he asked her to leave? Stevie would never understand being torn away from her sister, for surely she and Lexie were becoming as close as sisters. Which meant Lexie would be hurt, too.

  Beth knelt beside the girls and gave them each a hug and kiss. Stevie showed her the baby doll she held and Beth had to kiss it, too. When she stood, she wished she could slip back into a pair of jeans and T-shirt and play house with the little ones.

  “Don’t worry about them. We’ll be fine.” Mary’s voice forced her from the nursery. “To tell the truth, I’ve missed playing with Lexie since you’ve been here. We’ll have twice as much fun with Stevie.”

  Beth closed the nursery door behind her and went downstairs determined to have a good time. She glanced at her watch. It was almost time for Bob to come.

  The front door of the house opened into an entry hall separated by a half-wall from a small sitting room to the left. Beth assumed the room would be a good place to wait for Bob since she could more easily hear when he came to the door.

  As she stepped around the corner into the sitting room, she stopped and clutched the door frame. Jon must have had the same idea. He sat in a recliner, hiding behind a newspaper. While she hesitated, he lowered the paper and let his gaze travel from her upswept hairdo to the soles of her two-inch heels and back.

  Although an expression she couldn’t read swept across his face, all he said was, “You look nice.”

  “Thank you.” She took another tentative step into the room. “I thought I’d wait for Bob in here since it’s close to the door.”

  “Yes, it is.” Jon lifted the paper again.

  “Are you going to stay?” Beth’s eyebrows drew together. Surely he wouldn’t.

  The paper lowered. “Yes, if you don’t mind.”

  “Well, actually—” The doorbell cut into Beth’s objection.

  “That must be him now.” Jon folded the paper and stood. “Would you like for me to get the door?”

  “No!” Beth turned stricken eyes toward the door and then back at Jon. What did he think he was doing? Even her father had never been so conspicuous when she dated as a teenager. “That’s all right. There’s no need for you to bother.”

  “Oh, it’s no bother at all.” Jon stepped around her into the entry and reached for the door.

  Beth had no time to think or call out a protest before he had Bob pulled inside.

  Where was the proverbial hole in the floor to swallow her when she needed it? Beth felt heat cover her face as Bob turned a puzzled look her way.

  Jon grabbed Bob’s hand and pumped. “Hello, I’m Jonathan McDuff. And I assume you are the Bob Macklin Beth’s been talking about?”

  Bob nodded, but appeared to be speechless. Beth summoned enough strength to move. She grabbed Bob’s arm before Jon could do any more damage. Although his vigorous handshake might have jarred Bob’s shoulder out of the socket, she worried more about what Jon might say next. She tugged Bob back through the door, as she didn’t intend to stay long enough for Jon to open his mouth again.

  Jon caught the door when she tried to close it. He grinned and leaned out to call loud enough for the neighbors to hear. “Don’t worry about our babies, Beth. I’ll take good care of them.”

  Beth almost ran to the car, pulling Bob behind her.

  To his credit, Bob remained quiet until he pulled into the church parking lot two blocks down the street. He turned off the engine and stared out the windshield of his late-model car. His voice, when he spoke, sounded forced. “Who was that?”

  “You mean at the house?”

  He looked at her then. “Yes, I mean at the house. I knew you had one daughter. I thought you were widowed.”

  Beth felt sorry for Bob. She could only imagine what he thought. She shook her head. “My husband died almost three years ago. Stevie and I moved here about a month ago so I could work for Mr. McDuff as nanny for his daughter. Jonathan McDuff is my employer.”

  “He’s in love with you.”

  “What?” Her heart jumped and set up a hard pound.

  “I said he’s in love with you. Why else would he act like a jealous husband except to scare me off.”

  “Oh, that’s nonsense.” Beth pulled on the door handle. “He hasn’t spoken to me any more than necessary for the last two weeks. My guess is he thought I should have stayed with the girls instead of leaving them for the housekeeper to watch. But he told me I should go out and do things, so that’s what I’m going to do.”

  She opened the door and stepped out. “Are you coming?”

  Bob joined her at the back of the car and they walked into the church. He leaned close. “Let’s not worry about it. We came to enjoy ourselves.”

  Beth couldn’t have agreed with him more. Just thinking Jon might be in love with her was ridiculous. So why couldn’t she dislodge Bob’s words from her mind?

  Beth spoke to several people as they stopped to chat with her and Bob. She tried to associate names and faces since she didn’t know many there beyond Larry Dauber, the Sunday school teacher, and Daniel Bozeman, their pastor.

  “Don’t worry.” Bob seemed to sense her shyness. “In time you’ll learn who everyone is. Shall we go sit down?”

  The fellowship hall had been decorated with a Mexican theme in keeping with the missionary emphasis of their Sunday school class.

  Teenagers from the church acted as waitresses and waiters. Beth was impressed with the service and the food. Just as if they were in a restaurant, they were allowed to place an order from a menu. Beth chose a taco salad and a bean burrito.

  Bob recovered well from their bad start. He swallowed his bite of salad, took a sip of soft drink, and smiled. “I’d like to know where you lived before you moved here. Somewhere south of here,
wasn’t it?”

  “Yes, Bolivar.” She laughed. “That’s the small town in Missouri, not in South America. It’s pronounced differently, too.”

  He chuckled. “Yes, I’m familiar with the area. So how do you like city life so far?”

  “It’s fine. I’m originally from Blue Springs.” Beth talked about her life before Kansas City as Bob asked questions and listened as if he was interested. He made no reference to her present job, however. Not that she blamed him. He probably preferred to forget about Jon.

  He also talked about himself. She learned he had never been married and was rapidly approaching his thirtieth birthday.

  “I’d like to marry someday and have a family.” He smiled at her. “Maybe in time I will. How about you? Do you think you’ll ever marry again?”

  “No, I don’t think so.” Beth forced the image of Jon from her mind. “I loved my husband very much.”

  Bob shook his head. “You may be surprised by what God has in store for you. You’re young yet. Don’t close your mind to His will.”

  Several minutes later, Beth thought of Bob’s advice when the Sunday school teacher stood and asked for attention. “I’ve been asked to give a short devotional tonight. If you brought a Bible please turn to Judges 16:20. If you didn’t bring your Bible, that’s fine. Just listen along with me and let God speak from His Word to your heart.”

  He lifted his Bible. “What I’m about to read is one of the saddest sentences ever written. Listen to this and see if you agree with me. We’re reading here about Samson in the Old Testament, but this is far too true of many people today.” He lifted his Bible and read, “‘But he did not know that the Lord had departed from him.’ Tell me now, could there be anything worse than for the Lord to depart from us unless it’s that we don’t even know it?”

  Beth listened to Larry expound on the Scripture he’d just read, and his words pricked her heart. “The day when Samson lived seems to have a special theme we might recognize today. It is this: ‘Every man did that which was right in his own eyes.’ In Proverbs 14:12, it says, ‘There is a way which seemeth right unto a man; but the end thereof are the ways of death.’ Doesn’t this sound like Kansas City today?”

  He listed several common sins and said, “People don’t recognize the wrong in what they do.” Then his voice dropped. “But let’s get closer to home. We’re all Christians here, right? We don’t do those things I mentioned. So what about the flip side? What is it we are not doing? Are we going on about our lives without seeking God’s will? He has a plan for your life. Ask Him what it is and then walk in it.”

  Beth realized she had been trying to order her life the way she thought God wanted her to. She had been trying to do right. But all along God had wanted her to do His will as He saw fit for her to do. How could she know what was right for her life without direction from God? She determined to spend more time in prayer and Bible reading. She would listen to God speak through His word and through the gentle nudge to her conscience that she had been so prone to ignore in the past.

  Beth bowed her head with the others as Larry prayed. She prayed for God to take care of her future and that she would be able to step aside and allow Him to control the outcome of her employment with Jonathan. She had been worrying about losing Lexie when all along she should have been trusting God to take care of the situation.

  With her trust placed in God’s capable hands, Beth’s heart felt lighter than it had in weeks. She smiled and spoke to those around her and Bob. As they left, she stopped long enough to tell Larry how much she appreciated his devotional.

  He smiled. “Thank you. I’m glad it was of help. I hope you enjoyed the banquet. The food? Was it all right?”

  “Oh, yes. I love Mexican food.” Beth allowed Bob to nudge her toward the door.

  He kept his arm at her waist as they walked to his car. He helped her in the car and then drove the short distance to the McDuff house.

  Beth saw lights on in the lower front of the house and hoped Jon had not decided to wait up for her there. Bob opened her door. As she crawled out of the car, he reached for her hand and together they walked to the front steps. On the porch, she turned to Bob.

  “Thank you for taking me. I enjoyed the banquet and the devotional very much. Until tonight I hadn’t realized how much I was trying to control my own life with no concern for God’s will.”

  Bob nodded. “It’s hard to let go, isn’t it? I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve gotten in God’s way to my own detriment.”

  Beth looked up at Bob. He seemed to be such a nice Christian man and he seemed to like her. If she must marry again, why not to someone like Bob? Why not Bob?

  Bob leaned closer to Beth. He intended to kiss her. She lifted her face toward his and the door behind her jerked open.

  Stevie’s screams filled the night. Beth swung to encounter Jon holding the crying baby. His shirt was unbuttoned at the neck and both sleeves had been rolled up to the elbows. Beth couldn’t tear her eyes from him until he spoke and Stevie’s distress reached her.

  “Can you do something here, Beth? I can’t get her to go to sleep. I think she needs her mother.”

  Beth focused on Stevie then, and she took her from Jon. She cradled her against her shoulder and patted her back. The crying stopped even before she pushed past Jon into the house.

  “See, I knew she just needed you.” Jon started to close the door when Beth turned and saw Bob still standing on the porch, a stunned expression on his face.

  “Oh, I’m sorry.” She nudged Jon out of the way. “I didn’t mean to walk away, but Stevie. . . You understand, don’t you?”

  Bob nodded. “Yes, of course. I’ll see you in the morning at church, Beth.” He turned and stepped off the porch before Jon closed the door.

  Chapter Twelve

  The next morning, Jon stood in his downstairs bathroom and shaved. He finished, looked into the mirror, and shook his head. “You should be ashamed of the way you treated Beth last night.”

  When his mirror image didn’t respond, he answered, “Yes, but Beth shouldn’t be kissing other men on my front porch.”

  He turned from the mirror and went into his bedroom. His shirt and pants lay where he had tossed them on the bed. He slipped into the pants and picked up his shirt.

  He wasn’t ashamed of interrupting Beth’s kiss even if he should be. Actually, he still thrilled at the way things had worked out. Bob whatever-his-name-was probably wouldn’t be back. So what? Beth didn’t need that guy. Didn’t she know dating could lead to marriage? And the man she married would be Stevie’s step-father. The very thought soured Jon’s stomach.

  He slipped into his shirt and buttoned it.

  No, he wasn’t at all ashamed of his actions. When he’d looked out the window and saw Beth standing on his porch holding hands with Bob, his stomach had curled. Then, when they started to kiss, something had snapped inside. He forgot all about Stevie when he jerked the door open with such force. He sure hoped Beth never found out that Stevie was asleep in his arms until he opened the door. Of course, he hadn’t lied. Stevie wanted her mother all right. She must have. She stopped crying as soon as Beth took her.

  Jon sat on the bed to put on his socks and shoes.

  What bothered him more than anything was the jealousy that raged inside him when Beth came downstairs looking like she had just stepped out of a fashion magazine. She never dressed up like that for him when he took her anywhere. With her dark hair done up on her head, she looked sophisticated—like someone he didn’t know. Maybe like someone he would like to know.

  He stood and ran a comb through his hair, damp from the shower. He’d grab a tie and coat later, but right now he wanted some breakfast. Satisfied he looked all right for church, he left his room and went around to the kitchen.

  ~*~

  Jon hesitated at the door to the kitchen when he saw Beth and the girls seated around the table. Unsure what kind of reception he would receive, he crossed the room to the refr
igerator.

  “Where’s Mrs. Garrett?” He spoke without looking at Beth.

  “She’s already had breakfast and gone. She said something about meeting an old friend before church.”

  “Oh.” Jon took a gallon jug of milk out and set it on the table next to a box of cereal. He kissed first Stevie and then Lexie.

  “How are my girls this morning?” He avoided looking at Beth, although he could see from his peripheral vision that she watched him.

  “Dada.” Lexie dropped her spoon against her plate of oatmeal and toast and reached for him.

  “Dada.” Stevie grinned, flashing her dimple at him. She continued to eat.

  Every time Lexie called him Dada, a warm glow filled his heart, but when Stevie said the word, his heart tripped and the warm glow burned brighter than ever. Each day he thanked God for giving his daughter back to him.

  He got a bowl and spoon before sitting beside Lexie. As he pulled in his chair, his foot hit something that rolled. He looked down and picked up a sippy cup.

  “Is this yours, Lexie.” He grinned and handed it to her.

  Temporarily satisfied, Lexie took the cup and drank her milk.

  “She dropped it just before you came in.” Beth said.

  “I see.”

  “The girls got up early this morning. I thought they would be hungry.”

  Before Jon could respond, Stevie slapped her spoon against her tray, sending a glob of oatmeal across the table to land within inches of his bowl of cereal. Lexie clapped her hands and giggled. Stevie grinned and tried to repeat the performance only this time with an empty spoon.

  “Maybe we should disarm her before she figures out where the ammunition is.” Jon grinned at Beth.

  Beth reached across the corner of the table for Stevie’s spoon just as Lexie decided to send her oatmeal flying. Her spoon hit the tray and as Stevie’s had done, a glob of oatmeal became airborne. Only Lexie’s missile made contact with Beth’s jawline.

  Jon watched the expression on Beth’s face change from shock to determination in the space of seconds. He clamped his mouth shut to keep from laughing out loud. Even then a soft snort must have escaped because as Beth wiped the gooey oatmeal from her face, she turned toward him with a glare.