by Linda Kage
And extremely jealous.
I kind of didn’t want to go back to my apartment after that, and I didn’t have to work that evening. There was no band practice. It was as if I had nothing.
After Pick dropped me off and I jogged down the steps into my basement, I texted Remy to see if he wanted to grab something to eat with me. It was nearing the noon hour and I’d skipped breakfast. My stomach was growling. It sounded like the perfect plan to me.
But he wrote back, saying he had to work, so I called him a loser, and tossed my phone onto my coffee table. Slumping onto my sofa, I stared at my television, not really in the mood to watch anything. I didn’t even want to play Call of Duty, because it’d been more fun when I’d done that with Sticks.
Ugh. I needed a life. Dropping my head back, I stared up at the ceiling as my stomach growled again. I wasn’t in the mood to prepare my own food so I decided now was as good a time as any to check out that family restaurant of Remy’s. Castañeda’s or whatever it was called.
Slugging back to me feet, I gathered my phone, wallet, and keys and was out the door.
“Elisa!”
Tío Alonso’s voice jarred me from the daydream I was having. Hands buried in a bowl of floury dough, I spun around.
“Lo siento,” I immediately apologized before he could even scold me for whatever he was going to scold me for this time. “I’ll have these in the oven in five minutes.”
I’d been distracted ever since getting the call from Asher. He’d sounded lonely. I had no idea how I could tell that from one little text, but I still felt guilty about having to tell him no. I felt guilty about turning down his offer to hang out longer last night, too, and I felt guilty about lying to him, and falling for him and—God, I was just really extremely guilt ridden, okay?
But it would’ve made everything worse if I’d followed him home from the diner last night. I needed space from Asher. I was growing too many feelings, and it was only making things harder for me to handle.
“That’s not what I needed,” my uncle said, waving me forward. “I mean, yes, we need them, but you’re required out front now.”
When I only frowned in confusion, he sighed. “Juan and Diego couldn’t make it in today.”
I nodded, then scrunched up my eyebrows because I still wasn’t sure how this related to me. My mother’s two younger brothers Diego and Juan only came in once a week on Wednesdays to play with Big T and Luis—Diego’s son—in their special live mariachi music band. They liked to move from table to table to serenade the customers. While Tío Diego and Big T played guitars, Tío Juan strummed a harp, and Luis shook maracas.
Clapping his hands at me impatiently, Tío Alonso waved me to follow him. “Come on. We need some live entertainment. It’s Wednesday. The people are expecting music.”
I gasped with excitement, totally not expecting him to ask me. “And you want me to play the extra guitar? Or the harp?” Because, really, I could do either.
But my uncle scowled. “No, no. You sing. You have a beautiful voice. Tomás can accompany you on his guitar.”
My shoulders slumped. Of course he’d want me to sing…and probably something like “Ave Maria” or “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina,” too, something all soulful and depressing. He never let me play an instrument. The man was so freaking old school, he didn’t believe in females being in a mariachi band to play instruments. They could only sing.
Blah.
Not that I hated singing. I just despised his outlook on life sometimes.
“Come.” He clapped his hands as if beckoning a dog.
I sighed and turned back to my dough. “But what about my sopapillas?”
He scowled at my project for a second before waving me forward again. “Bring it with you. You can finish preparing them on the big worktable out front. Put on a cooking show while you sing.”
Heaving out another sigh, I picked up the bowl, then grabbed a baking sheet, a few other things I’d need, and followed him out the door with my flour-speckled apron and hairnet still on.
The dining room was crowded and loud, and no one paid me or my uncle any attention as I followed him to the large wooden worktable, where he took off a vase of flowers and began to clean the surface before I could use it. Standing just behind him and clutching my cooking supplies to my chest, I waited like a good girl until someone moved up behind me and murmured into my ear.
“I knew he’d talk you into singing.”
I sent a glare over my shoulder and told Big T, “Cállate,” as I lightly rammed my elbow back into his gut. Only the sound of his lightly pained grunt made my lips quiver into a mini smile.
“Prima, you are mean.”
My smile grew a bit larger.
“So what’re we performing?” he asked. “‘Cielito Lindo’?”
I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, thinking about it. “No…something different.”
In my back pocket, my phone buzzed, letting me know I had a new text. I pulled it free out of habit and saw that it was from Asher.
Holy shit. I found her.
Scowling, because I had no idea what he was talking about, I began to ask him who he’d found. But another text from him came through.
What’s the name of the girl who—
“Elisa!” Tío Alonso boomed, making me jump out of my skin and look up before I could finish reading Asher’s question. He splayed out his hand, letting me know he was ready for me to begin. I stuffed my phone away just as it buzzed again with a third text.
Drawing in a big breath, I concentrated on laying out my supplies, while Big T positioned himself behind and a little to the left of me. As I worked, a couple patrons glanced my way as they kept eating and talking, probably realizing I was about to do something to entertain them.
Just as I got everything set out where I needed it, my phone buzzed against my butt for a fourth time. Big T leaned forward, murmuring, “¿Prima?” wanting to know what I was going to sing so he’d know what to play.
I knew Tío Alonso expected something purely Spanish, but I decided to do a little mix of both English and Spanish. And besides, Doris Day was one of my mother’s favorite singers before she went crazy. So I murmured, “Que Sera Sera,” over my shoulder.
A couple seconds later, the guitar started to strum the melody. Some tables of people stopped eating to watch us. But not until the introduction was over and I began to sing did we really gain the attention of everyone.
I ignored everyone and acted as if I was self-involved in my menial task of peppering the table with a cupful of flour. Once I had a fine layer covering the wooden slab, I plopped down my ball of dough and began to iron it into a flat circle with the rolling pin I’d brought in. Flour sprayed everywhere.
More people stopped their conversations to watch me work. I kept up the oblivious act, purposely smearing a trail of flour across my cheek when I brushed at a stray hair that had come down from my hairnet.
It wasn’t until I picked up the rolling pin and began to roll the dough flat that I hit the chorus and really lifted my voice.
I swear, everyone in the joint stopped what they were doing just to listen to me.
It felt almost electric. Yes, drumming was my heart and soul, but in that moment, I could see why Asher loved to sing the really powerful songs where you had to put your everything into it. Because this right here felt good.
Centering my focus on a place deep inside me, I let the guitar’s melody pour through my hands and my diaphragm until the twang in my voice rose to a crescendo and my last note echoed into the silent parlor. I finished the last line and then…applause.
At all the whistling, clapping, and cheering, I blinked and smiled at my audience. But my attention landed on one pair of green eyes watching me from a corner booth with intense scrutiny.
Oh, shit.
Asher was here.
Frozen, I could only gape at him as he rose from the booth where he was sitting alone.
He stepped toward me, and my
heart leapt into my stomach. Dios, he was coming over to talk to me.
What the hell was I supposed to do?
“Bien hecho, Elisa,” Tío Alonso said, patting me on the shoulder as he passed by.
His praise jolted me from my rigor mortis and I swung around to blink up at him. Then he motioned to my worktable and told me to get the cut sopapillas back to my second cousin Frida at the fryer.
I told my uncle I’d get right to it as I glanced toward Asher. He was still coming my way, so I picked up the sheet to flee. When he just kind of froze in his step as if not sure what to do, I whirled away and rushed back into the kitchen.
But as soon as I was behind the swinging door, I stole a glance out one of the round windows. He was still standing where he’d stopped in his tracks, watching the place where I’d disappeared. But as soon as he saw me peeking back out at him, a smile spread across his face and he waved.
Dios. That smile. That smug, I-know-you-see-me-and-remember-me smile did things to me.
If this man caught me in girl-mode again, I wasn’t sure if I could resist him…and I really needed to resist him. Lying to him and pretending to be a guy was bad enough. But actually falling into bed with him while I was still lying and pretending to be a guy at other times would be the ultimate deception.
Whatever happened, I could not ever run into him as a girl again. Not unless he knew the truth.
So I was able to avoid running into Asher at the restaurant. I dawdled long enough at the fryer that he was gone by the time my uncle called me back to the dining room for another song, and I dragged myself in front of the customers again.
But he knew where I worked now, so this could be bad.
I was going to have to do some serious damage control to keep him away from girl-me.
By the time I finished my shift, I’d forgotten that he’d text-bombed me right before I sang. So when I started to call him, I was surprised to see all his old messages awaiting me. They went a little something like:
1. Holy shit! I found her.
2. What’s the name of the girl who works at your family’s restaurant? The one with the purple streaks in her hair?
3. Never mind. I just learned it.
I frowned, trying to recall anyone calling me Remy, but then I remembered… Tío Alonso had called me Elisa. A few times.
4. Call me as soon as you get off work.
Blowing out a breath, I dialed him, not sure what to say but determined to throw him off the scent of…well, me.
Yeah, I couldn’t believe I was going to do that, either.
“Hey,” he answered, and I swear, the cheer and smile in his voice lit me up from the inside.
“Hey,” I murmured right back, still not sure what to tell him because I knew he was going to ask about her… I mean, me.
He was going to ask about me.
“So…” And here it came. “I know someone you can set me up with.”
“Hmm?” My throat went immediately dry. I played dumb. “What?”
“That girl at Castañeda’s, your family’s Mexican restaurant. Elisa, right?”
Oh…hell. He really thought my name was Elisa. “Elisa?” I said slowly.
But seriously. Me? He wanted me to set him up with me? For a split second, I envisioned it. I could use my slutty señorita voice, pretend I was someone named Elisa, and I could finally get my hands on Asher Hart, the way I’d been craving.
But then reality set in.
No, I couldn’t do that to him. I absolutely could not. I just…I wouldn’t.
“You’ll never believe this. But she’s shower girl. From Chicago.”
Words failed me. What the hell did I say now? Finally, I stuttered, “No shit?”
“Yeah, and she’s related to you, right? You said everyone who worked there was related. What is she, a cousin or something?”
“Sure,” I said, not knowing how else to answer.
He gave a laugh. “You don’t sound too certain of that.”
I shrugged and flailed out my hand. “Well, you know…complicated Mexican family trees and all that.”
“Ahh,” he murmured as if he understood but was honestly more confused than ever. “So, you really don’t know what she was doing in Chicago? In our hotel room?”
“Well, uh, I… I guess I did know she’d be there that weekend, and I told her where I was staying, but I hadn’t thought she’d stopped by to see me. Maybe, uh, maybe when I went to meet you for breakfast, I left the door unlocked or something, and she stopped by then and just…needed to borrow the shower. I…I’ll have to ask her about that.”
“Yeah…definitely do that. And…why didn’t you realize who I was talking about when I mentioned the purple streaks, since you were obviously expecting her?”
Damn it, Asher, I almost growled. Stop making me think up more lies.
“Are they purple?” I asked, then laughed. “I thought they were a grayish color.”
Big T always teased me that they looked gray instead of purple.
“No,” Asher’s voice echoed through my ear. “They’re clearly a light purple.”
Thank you, I almost told him. I was glad some people didn’t see gray.
“So you think you can do it?” he pressed.
I blinked and shook my head. “Do what?”
He sighed. “Set me up with her?”
He seemed so eager…to meet me. Me! This powerful zap of energy bolted through me and I suddenly felt more alive than I ever had before. Asher wanted me. Female me. I kind of wanted to scream and dance and hug the entire world.
But yeah…reality and all that.
My own disappointment crashed through me as I slowly said, “No….I can’t do that, sorry.”
Silence.
He wasn’t expecting that answer. He honestly thought I’d help him out. Then he slowly asked, “Because of your own feelings for me? Or because she’s your cousin?”
Since hurt laced his voice, I quickly assured him, “No, no. It has nothing to do with…either of those things.”
When I floundered, trying to come up with an answer that might appease him, he said, “Does she already have a boyfriend?”
“No.” Crap! Yes! I should’ve said yes, and that would’ve stopped him in his tracks. Damn it, why was I so stupid?
“Then….?”
“You don’t want to go out with her,” I blurted, not sure what else to say.
He laughed. “Yes, I do. I just told you I did.”
“No…” I shook my head adamantly, even though he couldn’t see me. “You don’t.”
“Why?”
“Because…” Yeah, Remy, why? “Because you don’t even know her.”
Again, he chuckled, but this time, it sounded more strained. “Which is the reason I want to meet her. So we can get to know each other, see how things flow.”
But I continued to shake my head. “No.”
Finally, irritation flooded his voice. “Just what the hell do you think I’d do to her? I realize she’s family to you, which makes you protective, but I thought you and I were good enough friends that you knew I’d never—”
“That’s not it,” I broke in before he could really work himself into a tizzy. “That’s not it at all.”
“Then what is it?” He seemed so affronted.
I shrugged, feeling shitty. “Maybe it’s the other way around,” I said before I could stop myself. “Maybe it’s you I’m worried about getting hurt. Not her.” Because honestly, this was all because I didn’t want to hurt him.
A couple seconds of silence followed. Finally, he settled with a perplexed, “What?”
“Please just…trust me,” I told him softly. “I can’t…I can’t tell you the particulars, but I know you don’t want to get tangled up with her.”
He sighed. “Okay. Fine.”
But I knew it wasn’t fine. He’d really wanted to meet girl-me. And when he tersely told me he had to go a few minutes later, I crumbled into a chair and hugged myself, wond
ering how the hell I was going to fix this.
I think I fucked up.
I never should’ve asked Remy to set me up with his cousin. I wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t trust me to treat his kin right or because he liked me himself. He’d insisted it was neither, but I knew it had to be something.
Like a woman telling you she was fine; he wasn’t fine.
The whole thing seemed oddly like I was dealing with a chick. With other dudes, I never worried about hurting their feelings, or even what they were feeling. Never so much drama. You either knocked another dude on his ass for pissing you off or told him the fuck off. Five minutes later, you were friends again.
Not so with Remy Curran. I wasn’t sure if it was the gay thing or what, but it’d been three days and there was this distance between us.
I wasn’t helping things, either. I was still miffed because he’d so adamantly shut me down and not only refused to help me with a girl I wanted to meet more than…probably any other girl I’d ever seen before—probably even Incubus shirt girl—but he’d then gone and cock-blocked me, telling me he didn’t want me near her at all, so now I couldn’t even try to get to her on my own. Felt like a pretty shit move to me, frankly. He knew better than anyone that my intentions were actually honorable. I wouldn’t fuck her and drop her. I legitimately wanted to get to know her.
The jackass.
And if it was because he wanted me for himself, he needed to cut that out too. I mean, I liked the guy. He’d probably become my best friend in the few weeks we’d known each other, but I wasn’t going to trade sides, not even for him. I couldn’t help it that I preferred women. Damn it. The whole fucking thing irritated me to no end. Kind of made me want to drop him and his drama completely.
Except I missed hanging out with him. He was entertaining and competitive, had similar tastes as me so we always had plenty to talk about, and I knew I could rely on him for probably just about anything. He was the perfect friend, except for the part where he wanted my dick. But I could look past that.