by Fiona Keane
“How are Sean and Avery?” I changed the topic, feeling her fingers still on my skin. “Lizzie,” I quietly stated, getting no response from her. I repeated her name two more times before her gaze lifted. “How are Sean and Avery?”
Her smile fell, twisting into a nervous pout while she glanced around me. A couple walked their dog along the lapping shoreline, distracting both of us for a second. Lizzie’s avoidant stare was on the couple, their dog, my tattoos. I thought about my ink taking her back in time, to the day we met, the day Sean almost died.
“They didn’t come to dinner on Sunday.”
“Are they okay?”
She shrugged, returning her stroking fingertips to my mermaid. “I think so.” She was silent once more, and I didn’t press it further…until I felt her shoulders soften against me and the world’s deepest breath leave her body.
Lowering my lips to her ear, I softly whispered, “And you? How’s my girl?” I was rewarded with Lizzie’s head tipping back, her cheeks glowing with a soft highlight of the moon, before her pursed lips slowly pushed against mine.
“I’m really happy for them, Noah,” she uttered as her lips left mine. “I’m just worried. Worried about them, nervous…about you…about this, us…”
I took my right hand from her knee and wrapped my arm across her chest to pull her closer to me while I kissed her forehead. Lizzie hummed with my touch, the sound reassuring and calm. I wished it wasn’t a public beach, because Lizzie was perfect, and I didn’t want to miss a moment of anything with her. I would’ve let her do anything to me anywhere, as long as she felt safe, cared for. The reckless part of me wanted to devour Lizzie with only my hands, tortured by just knowing her from the outside and desperate to touch her. My heart quickened, and I felt hers pound against my chest. I looked at the sky, a small chuckle rumbling in my chest when I thought of how fast I’d fallen for Lizzie, how hopeless I already felt. I thought of how irrational it all seemed, how perfectly messed up it was to meet each other, and how incredible it felt to hold her.
“What’s so funny?”
“Do you ever look up at the stars, Lizzie, and wonder about how it’s all up there? How we’re all here?”
“I used to.”
“I just think, right now,” I paused to kiss her hair, “how of all the stars in the universe, those are the ones shining on us. And of all the people in the world, I get to look at them with you.”
Releasing my right arm from the comforting cage I built around her, I glided my fingers along her neck, feeling Lizzie shiver with my touch, locking my palm around her throat while I lowered my lips to hers.
I don’t know how much time passed while Lizzie and I were lying in the park, sheltered only by the moonlight. It didn’t matter. My phone didn’t ring, her face was in my hands, and life was on pause. Except for my life with Lizzie, that was happening. My life with Lizzie…holy shit.
I bit my lip almost the entire walk back to her condo, realizing it was real, that we were something, and I felt this messed-up feeling. I couldn’t control my heartbeat; the bastard was pounding out of control. Anxiety, lust, hopelessly romantic; it all swirled around me like a damn tornado of emotions. I was a wreck. I needed her. Damn, I needed her.
She took one step toward her front door, and I stopped, watching her once more like I did before the park, feeling my soul go somewhere else as we both focused on Lizzie. I knew it, I felt it; I’d been waiting for Lizzie my entire life. Sure, it was fast, there was trauma, there was so much to learn, but I wanted to know it all. I needed Lizzie to educate me, to show me what it’s like to be loved unconditionally, to have a future, to have fun…to live. But my life didn’t promise that to either of us, and I was a horrible person for needing her so much.
“Noah?” My name on her mouth stole my attention, and I lifted my eyes from her legs to her face. “Come up?” Lizzie reached out for me, and my hand fell into hers without a second thought, like the damn thing was under her control and not mine. “You can meet my cats.”
“Your cats?” I watched Lizzie’s cheeks redden, her lips turning inward to stifle a laugh attempting to split her mouth. I slowly nodded, stepping closer to her. “I’d love to, Lizzie.”
Her stare alone was enough to surrender my heart, and I’d known this the second I heard her giggle behind Avery’s hospital door, but Lizzie’s blue eyes were darker than usual as they demanded I surrender. I swallowed the ball of nerves in my throat as she pulled me behind her through the front door of her condo. The smell of incense was overwhelming, but in a good way, like the smell of fresh waffle cones in an ice cream parlor or when you can taste the barrel on a swig of scotch. The fragrance softened the nerves running mad within me, giving me a moment to appreciate the next five seconds.
It took three. Three seconds before I kicked the door closed and Lizzie’s hands were around my neck. One more second before my palms pressed into her hips, lifting her legs around my waist. Two seconds and I slammed her back into the wall, our tongues twisting into a knot of devouring competition. Her licks were potent, champagne and desire, and it took everything in me to remember how to breathe. The softness of her body between me and the cold wall of her foyer melted me. I glided my palms along her thighs, pressing into her silky skin as the hem of her dress pulled away from her knees, holding my hands along the curve of her hips, which spread, allowing her long legs to tighten around my waist.
The echo of her heels falling onto the wooden floor of her foyer resounded around us, vibrating with a promise of whatever was next. Her fingers knotted in my hair, tugging against my scalp while I lowered my face to hers and kissed her forehead. Lizzie’s lips parted, a soft moan escaping and taking my soul with it. I glided my hands along the curves of her waist, grazing by the summoning rise of her chest, feeling Lizzie shiver beneath my touch as my fingertips stroked her neck. I cupped her face, my thumbs gently sweeping under her eyes as our foreheads met.
“M-m-my roo-room,” she could barely breathe, but I felt the rapid gasps of air between our throbbing chests. I would have fallen to the floor with her, if she’d let me, but it wasn’t my call. It was Lizzie’s, and I would do whatever she wanted. Wherever she wanted it, whenever she needed it.
“Couch is…is closer,” Lizzie panted, her hands coming around my face to press a finger against my lips. “Noah?”
“Yes?” I couldn’t help smiling at her.
Lizzie’s blue eyes were wide, gazing up at me. They squinted with her grin as she hoisted herself up higher on my hips, tightening the way her ankles held her warm legs against my waist. I lowered my hands to hold her, rewarded with the curve of her backside in my palms and a giggle erupting from Lizzie. Her damn giggle went straight to my pants, and I almost fell over. I needed Lizzie, now.
“Lizzie,” I grunted through clenched teeth, getting her giggle again. But this time, she squeezed her hands around the sides of my face, pulling my desperate stare to hers. Her eyes flicked behind me before her long lashes slowly fluttered and a grin parted her lips.
“Couch,” she whispered before lowering her mouth to my jaw and tugging my earlobe between her teeth. It definitely pushed my pace, and I didn’t even know where her couch was in the dark. I found it near her bay window, thankfully lit by the moonlight, and we fell onto it. I was on top of her while Lizzie refused to release her knees and ankles from my waist, imprisoning me perfectly.
My fingertips felt rough against the softness of her thighs as I tickled her skin, waiting for her to tell me what she wanted, hoping it was what we both needed. I knew my breath was shaky, my muscles tight and waiting for her to release it all, so I lowered my face to her ear, grinning against her throat as Lizzie tipped back her head with a deep moan.
I whispered her name, feeling the goosebumps against my teeth. “You need to tell me what you want.”
“You,” she demanded without hesitating. I watched her bite her bottom lip, fighting a smile with her eyes closed, and I dropped my head back to her throat. Her
perfume was perfect, subtle and sensual against her delicious skin. I caressed her clavicle with my right hand, winding my left beneath her panting body, leaving a trail of bites and kisses from her collar bone to her temple.
“Now,” she pressed, wiggling her hips into mine. Lizzie’s head rolled to meet mine, our eyes stuck on the other, bodies humming with need. I took my hands from her and pushed her legs off of me while I sat up, my knees pressing into the cushions around Lizzie’s hips.
Her blue eyes widened, gazing up at me while she slowly unbuttoned my shirt, one torturous button at a time. Her thumbs fumbled, so I ripped the fabric away myself, greedily reaching for the hem of Lizzie’s dress while she tried to wiggle from it. My heart slammed into my balls when I caught sight of her stomach, but it wasn’t the curve below her ribs or the soft skin that tore my attention from her wriggling free from the dress. It was the cursive tattooed below the curve of her underwire, and you can damn well bet that lace was already enough to destroy me. It was bright blue and sheer. Beneath the wire was the delicate ink of a tattoo she’d promised I’d see eventually and, damn, this was the way to see it. Her back arched beneath my touch, my fingertips climbing over her stomach and wrapping around her ribs to bring her heaving chest closer to me.
I grazed the text that followed the curve of her breast, softly reading the quote marking her skin while she kissed my jaw.
“Hemingway,” she mumbled against my throat, her teeth relentless against my skin. “Now find the others.”
Can’t. Breathe. I caved, and with a wink from Lizzie, I was unhooking her bra and pressing my heated skin against hers. We rolled from the couch, and neither of us felt a thing. We were blinded, numbed perfectly by the fire between us. Lizzie mounted me, half naked and full of beauty as she lowered herself against me, murmuring my name with a grin on her perfect face. She was too beautiful; I honestly couldn’t fathom it. What had I done to meet her, to know her, to get the chance to be with her?
“Babe,” I uttered as she unfastened my belt and kissed my throat. I lowered my hands, pressing them on top of hers as she started to tug on the waistband of my boxers.
“Don’t worry, mermaid,” she teased, her voice deep and sexy as hell. Her hand cupped the part of me aching the most, taking my breath away with the slightest stroke of her thumb. “I’m a modern woman, fully protected. No,” one hand lifted to stroke the tattoo she sought in the dark, her fingertips searing against the mermaid, “shackles of femininity here.”
I thought my soul left my body. I didn’t remember exactly how, but I did know it was at Lizzie’s control, and that was exactly where I needed to be. Moonlight trickled in through the window above her couch while we greedily clung to the floor and one another, the light accenting the tattoo I’d discovered, like a film noir highlights the vixen’s eyes. She’s incredible.
“I’m so,” she paused, wrapping her arms around my neck as our chests pressed together, wiggling herself on top of me, “happy we agreed to be,” she bit my earlobe, and I couldn’t breathe, everything in me tight and hard while her breath crackled against my ear, her hips pushing against mine, “more than friends.”
Her fingernails scratched my neck as she rose and fell like a wave, and I was helpless. I wanted my hands on her, but they wanted to be everywhere all over her all at once, so I kept my grasp spread around her hips and followed her lead. I was drunk on her, absolutely smashed and desperate for the hangover that she’d leave me in. I knew it would be brutal, and I wanted it because it meant I had a fix and the next would be right around the corner.
“Me too,” I grunted, because my breath and voice couldn’t meet. The only thing I could do was hold her while she rattled the past from my memory. There was nothing behind me, and she needed to know.
“You’re gorgeous,” I breathed, finally coming to. I glided my hands along her body, up to her neck where my fingers spread and anchored her gaze. “Look at me.” She complied, grinning before kissing my forehead.
“I want this, I want you,” I uttered, catching her bottom lip between my teeth. I felt her breath quicken as her head slipped from my hands and fell onto my shoulder. I lifted to sit beneath her, holding Lizzie’s body to mine moments before she shattered everything I knew; everything except how much I needed her in my world, my heart; everything that was me before coming undone with the most beautiful woman I’d ever known.
***
Something tickled my cheek, soft and warm…furry. My eyelids were heavy, my body depleted from Lizzie and sore from the hardwood floor. While I don’t think I slept much, I could feel that whatever sleep I got was the deepest I’d had since infancy. It was her, and I was hooked. Something touched my nose, wiped along my cheek. Muffin. Coming to on the floor, I struggled to blink open my eyes. I took in the surroundings. Our clothes were scattered, couch cushions everywhere, and Muffin nowhere to be found. Oh, shit. Muffin. I’d never neglected him so long. I told myself cleaning the mess would be no problem, and I’d stop for a few new toys and treats on my way home later in the morning. The long, fluffy gray swatted against me again. Come meet my cats. I laughed to myself, Lizzie’s words from the night before repeating in my mind as I lifted a hand to her cat’s cold, wet nose. Lizzie was trouble, and I was ready for the consequences.
Her cat scampered away as I sat up, turning around once to blink at me before sauntering like its owner into another room. I glanced around, grinning at our mess and the fact I’d slept with just a throw pillow on my waist. The air filled with coffee and breakfast, two things I was eager to make part of a routine with Lizzie. For as long as it can last. I was quick to slide back into the slacks I wore last night, following the scent of her cooking while buttoning my fly.
“Do you think you’ll want to have more sleepovers, mermaid?” She smiled over the rim of her coffee cup as I entered the kitchen, humming softly as she placed her drink onto the counter. Lizzie turned from me, her wrist twirling as she whisked batter. I was rigid once more, caught on the vision of her in nothing but my unbuttoned shirt.
I approached her from behind and wrapped my hands around her hips, grasping onto her while I kissed her cheek. “Lizzie, I’ll do whatever you want me to do as long as we keep spending the night and you keep spoiling me with food.” I snickered. Lowering my mouth to her ear, the loose curls of blonde tickling my cheek, I breathed, “I’ll promise to keep spoiling you too.”
Chapter Nine
Four amazing weeks passed. I don’t even remember reality, just Lizzie. Lizzie in my bed, Lizzie in her bed, Lizzie on the couch, Lizzie in my kitchen, Lizzie on her patio, Lizzie on my living room floor, Lizzie. I was on call during dinner at her place the Sunday after our date, the first time we really spent the night together, and a twisted part of me felt relieved at the excuse of work because I wasn’t ready to meet her friends, not then. But when another two weeks passed and it was Lizzie’s turn to host their dinner again, her text message asking if I’d pick up some wine on my way home left me feeling all sorts of messed up. I knew what wine with Lizzie at home on a Saturday night meant. I lived for that now. It was what came when we woke up that had me anxious.
Dinner.
Sean.
Avery.
Dinner with them, at Lizzie’s.
I was her boyfriend. Dinner. Sean. Dammit, Noah.
I paced the fire station, overthinking Lizzie’s text message instead of focusing on work. But how could I not think of it? Jesse and Ella were great; it wasn’t them I worried about.
Worried? I’d been in combat, I rescued people, I saved lives. I saved their lives. That was the worry, the angst…the unease. I combed my fingers through my hair, pressing along my scalp to pull some blood back from my balls once thoughts of Lizzie turned too dangerous for work.
“Rossi.” The chief stood in the doorway. “You have something to tell me?”
“What?” I looked at him, my gaze moving from him to the furry lump in his arms. I bit my lips to resist a smile, knowing he was referring to
the sparkling blue collar around my geriatric roommate. “I like the color blue. It’s Muffin’s favorite.”
“It sparkles,” he grunted, lifting an eyebrow at me. Lizzie’s toenail polish sparkled too. And there I went, staring at my dog’s obnoxious collar while thinking of Lizzie’s toes, and her legs, and her belly button, and her tattoos, and all of that in my bed this morning when I left for work.
“Rossi,” his voice was tense, “what’s happening to my strongest man here?”
“No gender stereotypes, chief,” I admonished. “I like things that sparkle. I also like lace and wine, and I’ve found peppermint oil diffusers have really helped with my headaches.” All things Lizzie, all things I’d fallen for like an addicted fool. I rolled my eyes up to Muffin, watching his wide tongue lick his jowls while he panted in the chief’s arms, smiling at me.
“I’m not letting him wear this shit if I’m watching him when you’re called again,” the chief rumbled with laughter as he turned away. “If he’s staying with me, he’s wearing something else.”
Just like that, my expression fell to the floor with my balls and heart, sloshing around in a pile of guilt. I’d pushed it behind me, neglected reality, and wonderfully so because I could escape with Lizzie, in her and around her, and it felt perfect.
I heard Muffin’s claws pattering on the floor when the chief placed him down, and the bastard followed my boss instead of me. I watched the prisms reflecting from his collar bounce around the hallway as he left, thinking again of Lizzie and how nervous I was to meet them. She gave Muffin that collar a few nights after our night together two weeks ago, sort of like her I’m your new mama and I’m sorry my shoes smell like my cats gift to explain why Muffin was going to be spending a lot of time with her. And he did, every night for two weeks, with the exception of tonight when he came to the station with me for work.