“No, they were the ones acting illegally. They were attempting to kidnap someone who’d just reenlisted in the FAF.”
“Oh. Now I get it,” said Rei with a sigh. “Well, your timing’s perfect. Reenlistment would be very convenient for me at the moment.”
“That looks like the truth, Rei,” said Lynn.
“It is,” replied the agent. “Your reenlistment request was actually accepted by the FAF authorities the moment you left the airport and bought those newspapers.”
Rei thought about this for a moment.
“Major Booker,” he decided. “He had this all arranged from the start.”
“You mean this isn’t what you want?”
Those men claiming to be from the Japanese navy might have been actors, and the whole thing might have been a hoax set up by the FAF authorities to get him back to Faery. Still, it doesn’t matter, Rei thought. He’d made up his mind to go back well before any of this happened.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “You saved me.”
The elevator car stopped at the entrance level, and the agent hustled them out.
“It’s dangerous to stay here, Lieutenant,” he said. “The guys chasing you haven’t received any official documents from us yet that prove you’re back in the FAF. We’ve got to get you on that shuttle. I’ve ordered my subordinate to take care of that. Just sign this and you’ll be good to go.”
If this was real, and not just a show for his benefit, he doubted having that paper was going to stop a nation from flexing its might against him.
“Ironic, eh? It’s safer for me to be on Faery with the JAM,” Rei said.
“Sorry you couldn’t take some time and let me show you the sights, Lieutenant Fukai. But then, I suppose you’re used to being in a hurry,” Lynn said as they left the hotel. Rei wondered what would have happened to him had this woman not been there. Then he suddenly realized that she was probably in as much danger here as he was.
“It’d probably be safer for you to come to Faery,” Rei told her. “You’re not a human, and it’d be dangerous for you to get mixed up in their stupid wars. With your career, you’ve got the civilian qualifications to come to Faery. You can do your work there,” Rei said, just before he got into a waiting car on the street. But Lynn shook her head.
“I also think the wars humans fight amongst themselves are foolish,” she said. “But I’m not going.”
“Why not?”
“Because I still have hope. I believe humanity won’t always be this mad. It may be true that, like you, I’m not just a regular human. But in other ways I’m not like you at all.”
“I see,” Rei said. “Damn, this leave ended way too soon, but I’m glad I could meet you.”
“Next time you come, I’d like to play guide for you as much as you’d like.”
“As long as the price is fair.”
“Of course. Trust me,” Lynn Jackson said with a smile.
It’s a nice smile, Rei thought. He’d been lucky to see such a smile on his all too brief sojourn.
Later on, he could look back over all of this at his leisure and wonder what the hell had happened, but he knew some things for certain. First, his misgivings that Earth no longer existed were laid to rest. Second, he’d met a human who recognized the threat posed by the JAM. But if she’s not a regular human, then what is she? he wondered.
An Earther. That was it. He’d seen the smile of an actual Earther.
“May we meet again, Earther. Good luck.”
“And you, Lieutenant Fukai, man from Faery.”
Rei nodded, then climbed into the car and ordered the driver to go as he shut the door. His leave was over. Yukikaze was waiting.
III
RETURN TO BATTLE
1
ALTHOUGH REI HAD been in a vegetative state for three months, the SAF medical staff guaranteed that they could have him back to his former strength in half that time. That was dependent, however, on his precisely following the rehabilitation program. The program had been devised when he awakened, but then had to be modified due to his debriefing and trip back home to Earth, so it didn’t kick into full swing until after Rei had reenlisted and returned to Faery. It had been ten days since Rei had rejoined the SAF, and he was following the program diligently. Major Booker called him into his office to see what effect it was having.
Rei appeared to be in good shape. Better shape than Booker was, actually. “It’s nice to be young,” he told Rei. “At my age, you can take twice as much time to recover and never get back to full strength. I still get a twinge in my neck every now and then.”
“It’s your body saying you shouldn’t be riding around in a fighter plane at your age, Jack,” Rei replied.
“That was my call to make, and I don’t think it was wrong. I dragged you back to consciousness, didn’t I?”
“You didn’t need to fly out in the FRX or in Yukikaze.”
“No, I did. In the case of Lieutenant Yagashira, there was nobody else I could trust. This is war. Real combat, not desk jockeying. Going out in a fighter once in a while lets you understand the war situation in your guts, not just your head. The brass should go out on sorties once in a while.”
“So they can feel the JAM threat in their bodies, you mean?”
“Not just for that,” Major Booker said.
“What else would there be?”
“The JAM aren’t the only threat. If they rode in that plane, they’d understand.”
“You’re talking about how wild the Maeve’s combat maneuvering can be, aren’t you?”
They were referring, of course, to the newest model tactical combat reconnaissance fighter: the FFR41. It was named Maeve, after the mythical queen of the wind, and at the moment, Yukikaze was the only one in existence.
“It’s not just about the Maeve,” the major replied. “There’s also the fact that we don’t really know what the FAF’s combat intelligences are thinking. How can the brass not understand that’s a threat to us humans?”
“You mean how this war is between the JAM and the FAF’s combat machines, not between the JAM and humanity, right?”
“Exactly,” Major Booker replied, nodding. “From the very start, when the JAM appeared thirty years ago, they haven’t been at war with humans. You and I understand that, but the higher-ups who control our forces don’t. They probably can’t, and they won’t unless they go to the front and experience the danger of combat themselves. That goes for me too. God only knows what the people living safe and sound on Earth think about all this.”
“The JAM have already invaded Earth.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“I can’t really put it clearly. It was just a feeling I got when I went back there. I don’t think humans are capable of really sensing the true, actual JAM themselves.” Rei told the major about what he’d seen on his brief leave back to Earth, about his suspicion that the JAM had already invaded Earth’s electronic networks.
“Rei, why didn’t you say anything about that?” the major asked.
“Because I didn’t have any obligation to report it. I went back to Earth as a civilian, and I can’t substantiate what I felt. And even if it’s true, the people on Earth will deal with those JAM. It’s not our problem.”
“Just saying it’s not our problem won’t make the problem go away.”
“Why not?”
“Why not?!” Major Booker shook his head, looking utterly shocked by what Rei had just said. “Rei, why did you come back here?”
“I came here because you wanted a report on how well my rehabilitation program was going. I’m here because of you, Major Booker.”
“I’m asking if you’re telling me that you believe you’re a completely isolated being in this room here, unconnected to the SAF, the FAF, or the entire Earth. You really think that you can just live here as you please, unconcerned with what happens back there?”
“Yeah, I do,” Rei replied. “The FAF may not believe that, but I think they’
re wrong.”
“You went to Earth. You saw that it still exists, right?”
“It doesn’t matter if Earth is real or just a dream. That’s no problem as far as my living here on Faery.”
“You’re saying you came back because you think this is the only place where you can live now?”
“Yeah, I guess I am,” Rei said.
“So, Earth’s already been contaminated by the JAM, and you won’t fight on Earth, so that’s why you came back here?”
“Yeah. On Earth, I’d have to fight humans as well as the JAM. I may as well cut down the number of enemies I have to deal with.”
“Fight humans on Earth?”
“Yeah, Jack,” Rei said with a nod. “Life is battle, and there’s nobody there I can depend on. I’m not an Earth human anymore, and neither are you.”
“What do you mean, you’re not an Earth human?”
“We’re Faerians now. We have to fight an enemy that threatens that existence. This battle we’re in isn’t a war. It’s a struggle for existence. It’s not about beating the enemy; it’s about living. Victory for us is not losing. The JAM aren’t the only ones competing against us. Going to Earth showed me that clearly.”
“Rei, I really don’t have time to listen to your great philosophy of life. No matter what you may think, the FAF exists to represent Earth’s interests. That’s reality,” Booker said. “You think we just have to not lose here? If we lose our backup from Earth, you’ll see us lose here pretty damned quickly. You don’t seem to get that. And this stuff about us being ‘Faerians’...Where’d you get an idea like that? Somebody had to have fed you that line, because it doesn’t sound like the sort of thing you’d...” The major paused. “It was Lynn Jackson, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“What, does she expect the FAF to launch a war of independence from Earth? Is that what she’s got you all worked up to do?”
“No. Ms. Jackson just said that I wasn’t a human anymore,” Rei said. “When I asked her what I am, she said I was a Faerian, like that. I thought it was a clear and simple answer, that’s all.”
“That woman is a dyed-in-the-wool journalist. She’s got a toughness to her that keeps her from taking sides with anyone. But you’re not like that. You’re naive, especially now, with your mind and body as unstable as they are. It’s easy to brainwash somebody who’s convalescing, like you are.”
“So you do it, Jack.”
“Me?” the major asked.
“Yeah. It should be simple for you to make me believe that I can have a happy life sacrificing myself for the people of Earth.”
Major Booker took a long, hard look at Captain Rei Fukai. He’s changed, the major thought. There was a subtle change to the style of conversation he was practicing now. But where exactly was the change? He’d been promoted from first lieutenant to captain. Appearance-wise, he was thinner, having lost some muscle mass. But those were just minor changes. The big ones had happened inside. You could tell just by looking at him.
The look in his eyes conveyed a sharper vitality, or from another viewpoint, they were the eyes of a man who now knew fear. They exuded an air of wariness. The old Rei hadn’t been like that. He’d been a man who did nothing but passively glare at the world, with an attitude that said he didn’t like anything and would never like anything. He engaged the JAM as though swatting away flies buzzing in front of him. Anything aside from that, he’d always simply say, “Not my problem.” He was the very image of an advanced weapon who could only see his JAM targets.
But Rei was different now. Now Rei seemed to be observing himself from a higher vantage point. He’d begun to think about the relationship between himself and the world in which he lived. He’d probably realized that there was value to being aware of and thinking about the questions of existence.
In short, Major Booker thought, for the first time in his life, Rei acknowledges that people other than himself exist in the world with him. Even so, the change hadn’t made him more emotional. He was still behaving in an inorganic, mechanical, almost emotionless manner. Rei’s original personality hadn’t changed at all. This man didn’t care what happened to the people of Earth. He’d just come out and said as much only moments ago. But he’d said, “It’s not our problem,” rather than “It’s not my problem.” On the surface, it was just a minor difference, but that difference was conclusive. To put it in terms of weaponry, he was like a missile that had just been switched from passive to active seeking.
But I don’t know for certain that the change is for the better, Major Booker thought coldly. Psychologically, Rei was still very definitely naive. His betrayal by Yukikaze, the one thing he’d trusted, had left a deep wound. That would need rehabilitation along with the wounds to his body. The major had just told Rei that he was in a state that left him open to brainwashing. Rei had just challenged the major to change his mind. Perhaps, somewhere inside, part of Rei doubted whether the changes he’d made had put him on the right course.
Even so, it was clear that this man wanted to put himself on a more precise heading. The major wondered where exactly Rei was flying to.
“This battle we’re in isn’t a war. It’s a struggle for existence,” Major Booker said, trying out Rei’s words for himself. “That’s true for the rank and file of every war. No soldier wants to die in vain. You have to kill the enemy in front of you or be killed yourself. Same goes for the enemy. The struggle for existence. All it means is that you just don’t want to be an enlisted man who gets used up as cannon fodder.”
“I’m not an enlisted man,” Rei replied. “The FAF has never had enlisted men, and I’m a captain now, Major Booker.”
“A figure of speech,” the major said. “You’ve always said that rank didn’t matter to you. Or perhaps you now see the meaning of it and want to rise even higher.”
“I thought you said you didn’t have time to listen to my philosophy of life.”
“Well, it’s already eaten up enough time. So how about it, Rei?”
“Why are you asking?” Rei said.
“I want to make sure the SAF can still use you as a top-class Maeve driver. That’s my job. Now answer me, Captain Fukai.”
“If getting a higher rank badge meant I could guarantee how I die, it might not be a bad thing to aim for. But you can’t say that even a general won’t die stupidly by slipping in the bathroom. The opposite is just as true. If you’re a general, the odds are much higher that you’ll die a ridiculous death like that rather than dying in battle.”
“Die a ridiculous death, huh? It reminds me of the story of Aeschylus.”
“Who’s that?” Rei asked. “Someone famous for dying stupidly?”
“Whether it’s stupid or not depends on your point of view. He was one of the three great tragedians of ancient Greece. He was killed by a tortoise that fell out of the sky onto his head.”
“What?”
“The tortoise had been caught by a crow or an eagle that was flying overhead, and the bird was looking for a good rock to drop it on to break its shell open. Aeschylus was completely bald, and there’s a famous story that the bird mistook the tragedian’s bald head for a rock to split the tortoise open with,” the major said. “Tragedy is the flipside of comedy. Take it as you will. It was a death even he might have written. But the point is that the way he lived his life isn’t as known to posterity as this little anecdote about his death. He was a man of great rank and social status, so don’t you think he would be remembered more for that?”
“All that was just someone else’s way of valuing him. That had nothing to do with how satisfied he was with his own life,” Rei said.
“But why do we concentrate on the way he died rather than on how he lived? The way you die never goes the way you expect it to. There’s an element to it that’s beyond human knowledge. Besides, it’s not like dying is something you consent to.”
“Everyone dies, regardless of rank or class. Living life without realizing that is meaningless,
and I don’t want to live a meaningless life.”
“Memento mori,” the major said. “Remember your mortality. Rei, you really have changed, haven’t you?”
“I don’t think it’s easy to live a life that you can agree to, but I’m trying my best to.”
“Even while you keep saying ‘Not my problem.’ ”
“I’ve never had any regrets before and I don’t have any now.”
“And yet you seem unable to face the thought of death. Isn’t that another way of saying that you regret the way you’ve lived your life?” Major Booker asked. Rei answered him coldly. “You’re right. I may have been wrong. Living a life without regret doesn’t mean you’ll be ready for death when it comes for you. I understand that. I just never thought about it before.”
“I see,” said Major Booker, nodding. “That’s how it is. No matter how often you claim something isn’t your problem, there are always some problems you have to accept. That’s reality. It’s common sense. The same goes for death. No matter how often you say ‘I’m not going to die, and I don’t care about death,’ death is still coming for you. People normally live with that as a fact of life, but your way of life wasn’t normal. You lived as if saying ‘I’m not going to die’ meant you really weren’t going to die. Of course, one day reality is going to kick that worldview in the ass. It wasn’t the JAM who taught you that. It was your trusted Yukikaze, wasn’t it? You were ready to be killed by the JAM, but Yukikaze wasn’t —”
“And now I don’t want to sit back quietly and get killed by the JAM. Or by anyone else, for that matter.”
“Of course you don’t. I know exactly what it is that you’re worried about,” the major said.
“And what’s that?”
“Rei, you sense that you might end up being killed by Yukikaze. That’s something you haven’t faced until now.”
“I don’t think that Yukikaze betrayed me, and I don’t expect her to. Yukikaze still needs me, even now.”
“That’s fine if you’re immortal. There’s no problem at all, then. The thing is, you’re human. If you die, you can’t come back to life and there won’t be a spare body ready for you to use. You don’t have an equal relationship with Yukikaze,” the major said. “That’s the thing you just can’t accept. This isn’t a question that lies on the emotional plane — of whether she betrayed you or whether you think she did, Rei. That’s common sense. Yukikaze is a machine, so she has no emotions. There’s no room for it in your relationship with her. If Yukikaze killed you out of hatred, you could accept that. But if she’s going to kill you, she’s just going to kill you. It won’t be like a gun accidentally going off and killing its owner, because Yukikaze isn’t a simple device like that. She possesses the barest seed of self-awareness now, and you don’t know how to handle the idea of being killed by something like that. You came back here to seek out Yukikaze because you’re looking for an answer.”
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