by Jeff Adams
I extended my arms as the ball dropped. Ben sped up, looking for the interception. He got right in next to me, but I got my hands on the ball first. So he shifted into tackle mode and brought me down. The ball popped loose as I hit the ground I scrambled across the snow to get it. Ben, the sneaky devil, clambered over the top of me and scooped it up first. He didn’t get far. I scrambled to get up and threw myself on top of him. Ben grunted. He may have ended up with the ball, but I had the final word on the tackle.
“Evil bastard,” I said, crushing him as best I could. “Climbing over me like that.”
“Oh yeah, a Benny pile up,” Eric said as he fell on top of us.
Damn that hurt. Ben let out an “uff” under me as he now had more than three hundred pounds draped over him. It may’ve hurt, but it was great being out here with my brothers and friends playing ball. It was a reminder of simpler times.
“Some things never change,” Simon said. I looked up and found him along with Alex and Sean staring at us.
“Don’t break my fiancé,” Sam called out from the front porch.
She stood on the porch giving us a stern look. I liked Sam, or Samantha as she was sometimes called. Ben had found a wonderful woman and I was very happy for him.
“You hear that?” Ben labored to say at the bottom of the pile. “You’re not supposed to break me.”
“I ‘spose we should let him up,” I said.
“I guess,” Eric said, “although I’m not sure we’ve made our point about interceptions.”
Suddenly Ben bucked underneath us and jostled Eric and me just enough to get us off him.
“Good job, honey,” Sam said before she retreated inside.
Ben laughed as he stood up, snow stuck to his clothes, hair and goatee. “I don’t think Sam expected us to play football at the end of our engagement party.” He tried to brush himself off but the mix of melting snow and grass made it difficult.
“I certainly didn’t,” Alex said. “I would’ve brought a change of clothes, and better shoes. These are not run-in-the-snow shoes.” He looked down at his dress boots, which were wet and a little muddy.
“At least we held back until most of the guests were gone,” I said. “Although I suspect some of the other guys would’ve happily joined us.”
“Matty’s gonna be sad he missed this,” I said.
“What happened anyway?” Ben asked. “We picked this day for the shower because you guys were available.”
“He got delayed on the job in Miami,” I said, trying to keep the frustration out of my voice. “Probably won’t get back until mid-next week now.”
“You do have the wedding date marked, right?”
We spread ourselves out as we talked so we could play catch, which made conversation much easier.
“Oh yeah. March twenty-third is all yours. We blocked it on our calendars.”
“When do we get to go to your wedding?” Alex asked, pitching the ball back to Simon.
“Yeah. You’re one of the last holdouts.” Simon added as he tossed the ball to me.
I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I said with a sigh. “We talked about it while we were celebrating our tenth last month, and again during Christmas, but we didn’t make any decisions.”
“Everything okay with you guys?” Eric asked, holding on to the ball I’d thrown him.
“I guess.”
I definitely loved Matty and he loved me. We just weren’t connecting much lately, thanks to our schedules and other commitments.
“Just haven’t seen much of each other,” I continued. “He’s been in Miami a lot on the building project. And between team travel and being in Wilkes-Barre part-time, I’m on the go a lot, too. We laughed over our anniversary dinner that it feels like we saw each other more in school, when we were in different states, than we do now.”
It was true that we were busy. I was a physical therapist for the Pittsburgh Penguins as well as their farm team in Wilkes-Barre, so I traveled a fair bit. Matty worked for his dad’s architecture firm and even though hockey season was in full swing, he traveled far more than me.
Eric got the ball back into play. “I would just tell you to fix that, but I know it’s not that easy.”
“You guys had this problem?” I asked, looking to Eric and Sean.
“Slightly different,” Sean said. “When we got Emma everything changed. Taking care of each other ended up way down the to-do list. We had to change that, otherwise we were just two guys taking care of a little girl.”
“We’re already talking about the same thing,” Simon added. “With the surrogate due in about six months, we know there’re big changes coming. Even more so since we found out it’s twins.”
“Twins!” Ben said. “I didn’t know that. Congrats.”
“Seriously?” I asked. It was news to me, too.
“Yeah.” Alex said. “We found out a couple days ago. We told our parents yesterday when we got here.”
“Congratulations,” I said.
Everyone was having kids. Eric and Sean’s daughter was nearly eight. Simon and Alex had kids on the way after being married for a few years. And Ben would certainly be a dad sooner than later. I wasn’t sure where that left Matty and me.
“Is there more going on?” Ben asked, looking closely at me.
“No.” I said, but immediately changed it. “Maybe. I worry we’re drifting apart. Or that we’ve gotten so used to living separately that it’s going to be that way forever.”
Ben caught the ball and came over to me. “Can I tell you something?” He put his arm around my shoulders.
“Sure.”
“You guys are meant to be. I’ve known that since the first time I met Matty.”
I shot him a dubious look. “Really? You were, like, fourteen. How could you possibly know?”
“I may have been young, but I wasn’t blind. He drove more than an hour to our house, braved meeting our parents who didn’t even know about him, and then held you while you lost your shit.”
Wow. Ben really did pay attention.
Matty had done all of that.
One of my other best friends, Jackson, was killed in the high school parking lot while defending Simon and Alex. I’d held his bloody head in my hands, waiting for the paramedics to arrive. Jackson died in the hospital that night.
I’d been the hockey team captain and had to keep myself together for the team. When I got home I still kept my emotions bottled up because I felt like I had too. But Matty showed up later that night after he’d heard what happened. I supposed I should’ve been worried about how I’d look in front of the guy I’d only known a little while, but he made me feel safe.
I’d cried for hours in his arms that night.
Matty and I weren’t even an official couple yet, and he’d done that. It was a knight in shining armor moment.
“It’s funny,” I said. “I kinda knew he was perfect after that. Not even Becky checked on me. Later she said that she thought I needed some space, but that day she didn’t even send a text and she was my girlfriend at the time.”
“Have you guys talked?” Simon asked.
“Sort of, but not really.” I grabbed the ball from Ben and threw it to Eric to get it back in play. “How do you guys deal with your schedules?”
“We make sure to set aside at least an hour for ourselves every night before bed,” Eric said. “Emma’s asleep, our bedroom door is closed, and it’s our time to talk, fool around, whatever. No interruptions. We also arrange a date night once a week to get out of the house.”
“And you just make up those rules?” I asked.
“It’s been refined over the years, but yeah,” Sean said. “It keeps us connected.”
“We’ve got rules, too,” Alex said. “For instance, when we get home from work, unless there’s something that has to be done, we put our phones away. That way the evening is just about us. The outside world can wait.”
“Maybe that’s what we need. Even when we’re home, we�
�re so tied up in our own stuff, it’s a miracle if we even see each other until we crash in bed, exhausted.”
My shoulders drooped as sadness overwhelmed me. Laying it all out to my closest friends made it more real and it sounded awful. It was easy to delude myself, but the truth was Matty and I were barely together.
When you looked at Alex and Simon or Eric and Sean, there was no doubt they were together. It was how they exchanged glances from across the room at exactly the same moment, or the way their hands would casually touch as they walked. Or how they smiled at each other when they thought no one else was looking. If Matty were here, would they see any of that between us?
Simon threw the ball my way, but I was so in my head that it hit me square in the chest and I ended up dropping it.
“What can we do?” Simon asked.
I offered a half-smile as I picked up the ball. Simon was always the counselor, especially with his friends. While his specialty was teens, he was always quick to help any of us.
“I guess Matty and I need to have a talk and figure out what we want.”
I looked at the guys, and they looked back. No one, even Simon, knew quite what to say.
“Ben, sorry I zapped the fun out of the catch,” I said, walking over to Ben after too much awkward silence had passed.
“Bro, it’s just us.” Ben smiled. “You didn’t zap anything. And you heard Sam, as long as I’m not broken, it’s all good.”
“My God, I can’t believe you’re engaged.” I hugged Ben close. “This makes me the odd man out. I’m with a bunch of married or soon to be married guys.”
“It’s not like you’re single,” Eric said, “so don’t be so dramatic.”
“Fine,” I said, pretending to be annoyed. “I’m gonna talk to Matty, though. Something’s gotta give.”
I ran from the group and spun around looking to pass.
“Heads up, guys!” I yelled out. “Get open, Alex.”
It was better to play than dwell on what we’d talked about.
Chapter 2: Matt
“Dad, it’s taken care of,” I said, trying to not lose my temper. “Margaret’s handling it. She’ll keep me updated on the meetings with the city. She’s been in on all of them, just like I have.”
If anyone could handle the project, it was my sister. Margaret was the best project manager I’d ever worked with. Often times she knew the project better than I did because in her role she had to know everything.
“I wished you’d discussed this with me before coming back. If the city planners keep us in this hold, the whole project is in danger.”
I muted the phone and slammed my hand on the steering wheel. Talking to my father while driving could be the death of me. I waited a moment and then clicked off mute, as I struggled to keep my anger at bay even as my body was tensed up.
“You told me to come back for the Breck meeting. So here…”
“That was before this snag came up. Where’s your common sense, Matthew?”
“It’ll be fine, Dad.” A sigh escaped with the last word.
“I want you back there tomorrow night.”
“What? No.”
The double beep indicated he was gone.
“Fuck,” I said to no one and slammed my hand against the wheel again.
I’d already been gone longer than expected. I’d missed Ben’s engagement party, which I knew disappointed Leo even though he tried to convince me otherwise. Now I’m supposed to go back after being home less than a day.
This job was not what I’d expected. I’d interned for my dad the last two years of undergrad and then shifted to working full-time after I graduated. I came in as a junior architect, and I was put through my paces with plenty of long hours. He gave me the time I needed to get my master’s though. When he promoted me last year, however, he made it clear he had different expectations for me than the other senior architects.
Dad wanted me to work like he did, with no regard for anything else. Since he had no work-life balance, I shouldn’t either. When I wanted time with Leo, to play hockey or have a home life, Dad wanted me to work.
I didn’t mind work. I actually loved the job. But I didn’t like sacrificing simply because Dad lived that way.
Seeing it from the inside, I couldn’t understand how Dad’s work habits didn’t take a toll on Mom. It left me stressed out and it didn’t make things easy on Leo either.
I pulled into the driveway of the small house we rented. I smiled, seeing his car in the driveway. It meant he was home. I was in such a rush to catch the flight I didn’t check to see what he might be up to tonight.
I parked behind his car, killed the engine, and sat there trying to let the residual frustration drain out. If I had only one night with Leo before heading south again, I didn’t want to bring my mood into the house.
As I got out of the car, the front door opened and Leo stepped out. His face lit up with a smile as he jogged out to meet me.
“It’s so good to see you,” he said, wrapping me in a hug.
Whatever I’d been feeling about Dad evaporated as Leo enveloped me. I hugged him back as we kissed in our driveway.
“This is a surprise,” he said. “Did I know you were coming home?”
“No. I got called back for a meeting tomorrow morning, so here I am.”
I leaned in and grabbed my messenger bag from the back seat. Leo slapped my ass before popping the trunk to get my luggage.
“I’ll take it. I’ve missed you.”
“Don’t get too used to it. I’ve got to go back tomorrow night.” I locked the car and turned to see Leo looking back at me, the happiness draining from his face.
“That sucks.”
He took my hand as we walked to the house.
“Yeah. Dad wants me to go back after the meeting tomorrow.” I lowered my voice. “I’m sorry.”
Once we were inside, he took my bag on to the laundry room and tossed my clothes into the washing machine. I followed, not wanting him out of my sight since it felt like forever since I’d seen him in person. Skype and FaceTime weren’t enough.
I pressed up against him as he got the washer started.
“Maybe we need to reinstate video date,” he said.
Video date night was something that got us through college. Leo hatched the idea during his first semester at Maine. It worked great since I was going to school in Pittsburgh. We’d have dinner together and then watch a game or movie. It kept us bonded when school kept us apart.
I sighed what seemed like my millionth sigh of the day. I didn’t want to go back to that.
We both traveled. At least for Leo, it was very scheduled. There weren’t surprises. For me, it was the opposite. I could end up on a plane with mere hours’ notice.
I was turning into my dad and I wasn’t even thirty yet.
“So what do you want to do with these few hours?” I asked, ignoring the video date talk for now.
Leo turned and put his hands on my hips. Since he usually wore his emotions on his sleeve, I knew he wasn’t pissed. At least something was going right.
“Whip up some dinner, catch up, maybe a long shower followed by some serious making out.”
“Yes!” We headed for the kitchen and I opened the fridge. “We could whip up some mac and cheese or a huge salad.”
“Let’s go for the mac. I’ll get the bacon started, you take pasta duty.”
“Yes, sir,” I said, offering a quick salute, followed by a quick kiss on the lips.
I’d be taking full advantage of those kisses later.
We set about our tasks with tightly choreographed kitchen moves. We loved to cook and we loved to eat. I stripped off my jacket, dress shirt, and tie, laying them over one of the stools at our kitchen island.
“Naked cooking?” Leo asked, with a glint in his eye as he looked at me standing there in a white T-shirt and dress slacks.
I chuckled. “No, but I don’t want cheese on my good clothes either.” Sliding up behind him as he search
ed the fridge, I ran my hands under his T-shirt. “Unless you want to.”
I trailed off as I let my hands wander across his back, massaging as I went.
“Oh, that’s nice,” he said, craning his neck forward. He made a sound that was neither speech nor moan, but something in between. “I worked out too hard this afternoon and I’m more sore than expected.”
“The therapist isn’t supposed to get hurt, you know.” I dug into his lower back, using the techniques he’d taught me.
“I didn’t mean to, but Larson was pushing his PT and I fell in with him. It did him some real good, but I pushed harder than I should’ve without a warm-up.”
I planted a kiss on his neck and rubbed a bit more before he finally stood up with bacon in his hand.
“I’ll work on this some more later,” I said, giving him a final rub across his back.
“Yes, please.” He kissed me again before he went to get the cutting board and set up his station.
I reached into the still open fridge, grabbed a few eggs, and then retrieved flour and salt from the cupboard. It would’ve been faster to throw some pre-made macaroni into a pot, but the few minutes it would take to make fresh pasta was worth it. Plus I enjoyed making it.
“Do you think you’ll be home for our game this weekend?”
“Yes,” I said emphatically. “No way I’m staying down there for another weekend. Maybe we should take Ben and Sam to brunch so I can make up for last weekend.”
“That’d be cool.”
I darted around the kitchen and got a pot of water on to boil. With a quick wipe down of the counter completed, I could get to work on the dough.
“I love that you’re making some fresh,” Leo said as he sliced the bacon into bite-size pieces. “It never turns out right for me and I’ve been craving it lately.”
“Pregnant?”
“God, I hope not,” he said, laughing. “I’m all for kids, but not coming out of me.” The terror in his voice sounded like he was imagining it.
“You’d make a great dad though,” I said. “We’d have really sporty kids.”