“Getting settled in my new place, which you still haven’t seen.” Devon maneuvered his foot around my computer and tapped my thigh. “Writing some new songs. Thinking.”
No more avoiding it. “About what?”
“Everything.” He leaned back and sighed. “The band. Me.” I thought that might have been it, but then he leaned forward, pushing the screen of my laptop down to make sure he had my complete attention. “You.”
In a panic, I flipped the laptop back open. “I was working.”
“Abby.” Devon rolled his eyes. “Come on. I’m trying to talk to you.”
“Then just say what you mean.” I could only meet his eyes for a second. “I don’t feel like playing games.”
“How are things with Eli?”
“You’ll have to ask Eli.” I punctuated that statement by turning my attention back to the computer screen. That didn’t last long, because Devon pushed it down slowly over my fingertips. I kept typing as long as I could keep a straight face.
Devon raised an eyebrow. “You haven’t seen him?”
“Do I look like I’m expecting company?”
“No.” He held in a chuckle. “But you’ve talked to him, right?”
“Why are you so concerned?” I crossed my arms in front of my chest.
“Why are you so defensive?”
“Because we broke up, okay?” I hadn’t told anyone, and saying it out loud lifted a weight I hadn’t realized was holding me down. The sting was still there. Breaking up probably wasn’t even the right word; we simply stopped talking after Eli decided I didn’t want to have sex with him. “Are you happy now?”
“Yeah.” Devon nodded slightly as he let the information sink in. “I won’t lie. I am.”
“Of course you are.”
“I am. I’m not going to pretend I’m not.” Devon stood up, thankfully, because the futon was getting too small. “It’s the best news I could have hoped to hear today.”
“I’m glad my failures bring you joy,” I mumbled, then opened the laptop back up. Mo and Caleb had already answered about the meeting. “Did you see my email?”
“You’re seriously asking me about email?” Devon shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about the band right now.”
“I do. Because I need to make sure I keep my job. You haven’t even asked me how I’m doing since you got here.”
“I don’t need to. You haven’t been at practice since Rocklahoma and you’re ignoring my texts. When was the last time you got out of your pajamas?” Devon stopped and shook his head when I rolled my eyes. “When you go into hiding, you’re upset. The only reason why I’m here is because I wanted to know how you’re doing.”
He was one hundred percent right. “Well, now you know.”
Devon sat back down on the futon, but first, he moved my computer out of the way so he could sit next to me. I didn’t want to touch him; his skin scrambled all the reason in my brain, but his leg brushed my knees, and I was just going to have to hold on for the ride. “How can I make you feel better?”
I twisted my fingers in my lap. “That’s a loaded question.”
Devon chuckled before lacing his fingers through mine. I sucked in a breath as his thumb moved back and forth on the back of my hand. “Maybe it’s time we stop dancing around the answer.”
His words zapped my heart, like it had never really beat before he said that. I looked up at him, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able tear my eyes away again. My mouth fell open, words were just jumbled things floating around in my brain, and I couldn’t grab on to any of them. Devon moved his teeth against his lip ring, and I gasped, realizing how much I wanted to taste his lips.
“What are you saying?” It was more of a breath than anything else.
“That I’m in love with you, Abby.” He took my hand and squeezed it. “And I have been for a very long time.”
My heart was going to explode. All over Devon, all over the apartment. Hell, all over the city. A smile spread over my face as my whole body tingled. Suddenly, I felt shy. “I love you, too.”
Devon pushed a piece of hair that had escaped from my bun when I dipped my head. “Every time I try to do something about it, you shoot me down.”
I gasped, the moment ruined….or was it? When I looked back up at Devon, he wasn’t mad at all. In fact, he was smiling. This time, he knew it was going to be different.
I didn’t know it was possible to fall even deeper.
“So you asked me a couple weeks ago if I wanted to kiss you,” he continued, still smiling, picking up my fingers one at a time and playing with each one. “But you never let me answer your question.”
He’d tried to kiss me. I had thought it was pretty definitive. “Okay.”
“The answer is that I wanted to kiss you from the moment I turned around and saw who bumped in to me with their lunch tray. Which I know you totally did on purpose.” He nudged my knee with his leg. “And every day since then.”
“But you didn’t.” I wasn’t trying to ruin this, really, I wasn’t, but this was finally my opportunity to understand what the hell each of us had been thinking. It was validation for all the people who told me I was crazy, wasting my time when Devon didn’t want me. They’d all been wrong. “Anyway, I had to make sure you were actually real.” I nudged him back.
“And I told you I considered you off limits, because once I got to talk to you, I didn’t want to screw things up. I knew I’d never, ever meet another girl like you. It worked, for a while, until it started to work against me.”
“So when you say I shot you down, was it more than that one time, with the kiss?” I just had to know.
Devon reddened and looked down. “There were a couple times.”
I had no idea. How clueless was I? “I’m not good at this stuff.”
“I know. I figured maybe you didn’t want to go further with the relationship, and I was cool with that.” His eyes softened. “It only upset me when you’d said yes to someone else. I thought I was going to lose my mind.”
“I noticed.” I smiled sadly.
“Yeah, I acted like an asshole. Almost lost everything because of it. I couldn’t figure out what the hell he had that I didn’t.”
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
Now Devon took both my hands in his. I wondered if he could tell how hard I was trembling. I still wasn’t good at this stuff.
“If I couldn’t be your first, Abby, I’m going to make damn sure I’m your last.”
I’d pictured this moment a thousand times, so some of it seemed very familiar to me: the chunk of hair that fell in his eyes as he lowered his face to mine, the way his bottom lip moved against his teeth when he felt unsure of himself.
This time, I didn’t turn away.
I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I needed to let Devon breathe for me.
Only his hands touched me, he cradled my face. I opened my eyes to see Devon so close, studying me. He moved closer, his nose brushing mine, back and forth, hypnotizing me with the soft rhythm. I melted from top to bottom. Devon pressed his lips against mine, and I sighed, giving him a chance to catch my bottom lip. He pulled it slightly, the lip ring tickling my skin. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me so I could capture that ring, taste it, roll it around on my tongue like I’d watched him do so many times. Devon moaned, his tongue playing with mine, pushing it away but not really meaning it, then pulling back, letting me back in.
Every single thing about this felt right. I wasn’t even sure how I’d thought I knew everything about Devon before now. Now there was so much more I needed to know. I don’t know how long we kissed, or how I’d wound up in his lap, but for the first time in a long time, I was happy.
We didn’t separate completely when we stopped, instead resting our foreheads against each other. Devon brought his fingers to my lips, tracing their outline. The movement was fuzzy up close before I grabbed his hand and kissed it.
Devon laughed, then fell back on
the futon, the momentum bringing me with him. “Why did we never do this before?”
“Because I’m stupid.” I giggled, then mimicked his movement, tracing his lips, and moving the lip ring back and forth. He caught my finger and sucked on it, and we both softened. “Are we ever going to be able to stop now?”
“I hope not.” Devon wrapped his fingers around the hand he’d just kissed. “Eventually, we’ll have to go to Chicago.”
“Yeah, about that.” Reality rushed back into the room. “I don’t think I’m going.”
Devon propped himself up on his elbows. “Are you crazy? We need you.”
“The last show went perfectly fine without me.” I shrugged. And nothing good ever happened to me in Chicago.
“It went perfectly fine without me too, but you better believe I’m going to be on that stage. Unless you don’t go. Then I’ll refuse to play.” Wouldn’t Eli love that. “I’m never going to play a show if I can’t see you while I’m on stage.”
My heart swelled and I rested my head against his chest. “I just don’t want any repeats of last time.”
“That’s not even possible.” Devon picked up a piece of my hair and played with it. It’d fallen out of the bun long ago, sometime when his lips first touched mine. He might lull me right to sleep. “Do you know if your parents’ house is near the festival? You could stay with them, if you think it would make it better.”
They would love that, and it would be nice to see them. But the questions. “I’m not sure. It would be a pain in the ass, I’d need to get there, and I don’t know.”
“You’re going. I need you.”
As long as I didn’t get fired when Andrew showed up. I sighed, sorry I brought this up because I didn’t want to talk about the band right now. For once, everything was perfect. “I’m going.”
Devon sat back up, his hand on my back and I moved back on his lap. “So does this mean we’re like a thing?”
“Are you actually asking me out?” I stifled a giggle.
“Well, yeah.” Devon looked as surprised as I probably did. “I’ve tried this before. You aren’t a sure bet, Abby.”
If only he knew. My heart threatened to burst. “Yeah. We’re a thing.”
“Thank God.” Devon leaned in to kiss me again, and I had to agree with him. I pushed him back down on the futon.
We both jumped from the second surprise intrusion of the night. “Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me,” Mallory groaned. Some guy I’d never seen before was behind her, the look of disgust on her face exactly what I’d expect in this situation. I smiled at her, giving her a chance to roll her eyes and stomp off to her room in a huff, dude in tow, before I went back to kissing Devon.
You’d think she’d be happy for me. At least now she didn’t have to worry anymore if I knew what I’d been missing.
Spending time with Devon had always been dangerous; now it was downright volatile. Being able to reach out and touch him, taste him anytime I want, the temptation was becoming an obsession. I had to remember that other things were still important. We hadn’t gone further than kissing, but it had only been a couple of days. We’d waited eight years, and neither of us were going anywhere.
“I’m nervous.” Tonight was the night of the meeting, and history felt like it was repeating itself. There was no need for fancy outfits this time. Still, as we approached The Jezebel, swinging our hands between us, I was numb all over. If Devon hadn’t come with me, I don’t know if I would have come on my own.
“You have no reason to be nervous. Andy isn’t going to fire you,” Devon insisted. We’d stopped out front, and I took comfort in the similarities this night had to the first meeting. This time, a few people stopped Devon on the way in to congratulate him on the band’s success. Nothing fussy, just some high fives and handshakes. They squeezed my hand too, one of the guys kissed me on the cheek. They were regulars at the shows. “You’re a part of this band, Abby.”
“He’s not going to see it that way.” I took a deep breath. “He’s just going to think of me as band bitch like everyone else does.”
“Let him get someone else to do your job.” Devon held his hand up when my eyes widened. “Let me finish. He has no idea what you do for Sinister Riot. If he thinks he can replace you, he’ll see really fast that he’s shit out of luck.”
I shrugged. “That would be great. If principles paid the rent.”
Devon took both my hands in his. “It’s not,” he paused to kiss me, “going to,” again, “happen.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t go in as a couple.” I pulled away from him, and opened the door while I had the actual balls to do it. “I don’t think it looks professional.”
“You had no problem letting everyone know you were with Eli.” Devon’s eyes were dark even in the low light of the barroom. I hadn’t it meant it as a punch to the ego, but I still wasn’t very good at this.
“That was different.”
“Was it?”
“Yeah. I wasn’t fighting for my job.” I spun on my heel and headed to the back room. Devon followed after me, insisting I wasn’t fighting for anything, or something like that. All I knew was that I didn’t want to fight with him.
“No one else is here yet?” Frankie, Mo, and Caleb sat at the table. No sign of Eli or Andrew. I didn’t like that the two of them were missing in action together. Of course, it could be a coincidence, but it didn’t feel like it. Eli had let too many details slip about his involvement with management and contracts.
Devon poured me a beer, and this time, I was thankful for it. He didn’t pour himself one.
“I didn’t know if I’d see you here tonight, stranger.” Mo winked at me. “I think I saw you on the side of a milk carton.”
“You don’t drink milk.” I rolled my eyes. “And of course I’m going to be here.” Crap. My absence had become so routine that Mo expected me to miss a meeting with Andrew? I was in trouble. If it wasn’t with the label, it was with the rest of the band.
Beer had never tasted so good.
Andrew came in, and I put down the glass in a hurry. It was okay for the guys to drink, but I probably shouldn’t on the job. He seemed like he was in a good mood, shook hands with everyone, including me, before sitting down and opening his laptop. I mirrored his movements, and took out my tablet, ready to take notes. I really wanted to relax, but I wasn’t going to let my guard down.
Everyone continued to make small talk until Eli arrived. This was the first time I’d seen him since the Rocklahoma trip. Maybe it was this room, maybe it was the raw emotion bubbling under my skin, but I wanted to smack the smug look off of his face. He greeted everyone but me and Devon, and took the chair across from me. This meeting was starting so similarly to the last time we’d all come together in this room, a strange omen.
“Thanks for meeting with me tonight, guys, Abby.” Andy nodded in acknowledgement to everyone. “I know that you all have a lot going on, and not a lot of time to do it in. So I’ll be brief.”
“Everything okay, Andy?” Frankie looked almost as concerned as I was, making me slightly less paranoid.
“Everything is good. The single is selling better than we expected, with a boost from the Rocklahoma show and the coverage the band got.” Andrew paused, and looked around the table. “Which has led to some talk at the label. Reaction to the press at Rocklahoma was very positive, and they’re wondering if Eli would make a better face for the band.”
I squinted in confusion. “Do you mean like spokesperson?” Or manager?
“A better frontman.” Andrew smiled weakly at the desk.
What?
I glared at Eli. He sat in the middle of the tornado, unaffected.
“Are you shitting me?” Devon jumped up from his chair. “This is my band.”
“A lot of money is on the line, Devon,” Andrew countered. “It’s not easy to break a band out in the current climate. Eli already has the face and name recognition from being on TV.”
“Devon’s
right.” My head was pounding. I never in a million years expected to be fighting for his job. “He put together this band, wrote the songs, and put on the show that got your attention in the first place. Devon is Sinister Riot. There has to be another band that can serve as a vehicle for Eli’s…” I looked back at him in frustration. “Ego.”
“I think it’s best that we keep personal opinions out of this, Abby.” Andrew frowned.
“Bullshit.” So much for being professional. “The album has been recorded already with Devon’s vocals. How are you going to explain that? It’s going to cause more problems than it solves. That was just one show. Once everyone hears those songs, they’ll know it’s not Eli singing.”
“They don’t have any connection to Devon yet.” I couldn’t believe Eli had the nerve to say anything.
“The fans who’ve been behind this band for the last two years have a connection to me.” Devon paced the room like an animal that didn’t belong in a cage. “They don’t give a shit about you.”
If Devon had seen the crowd reaction to Eli at that last show here, and realized how many more people had come out, he wouldn’t have made that statement. I thought I was going to get sick.
“That’s for the label to figure out.” Andrew sighed. “Right now, they see Devon as a liability.”
“You are the label!” I slammed my hand down on the desk. “Don’t try to make it sound like you’re just the messenger.”
“It’s rock n’ roll.” Devon stopped, shaking his head. “I didn’t know the label was looking for a bunch of boy scouts.”
I wanted to laugh, he had no idea how pointed his jab was.
“We can’t go on without Dev,” Mo added.
“The rest of the band is still contractually obligated to Sinister Riot.” Andrew’s voice stayed calm. “New contracts are being drawn up.”
“We won’t sign them.” Frankie crossed his arms in front of his chest.
“If you don’t sign the new contract, the four of you are on the hook for the money spent on the album, and all other expenses.” Andrew scanned the shocked faces in the room. “Including Abby’s salary.”
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