by Hugh Macnab
Shylock. ‘Now that you mention it, it would indeed be much more pleasant if you were to sing the message.’
The note’s wrinkles disappeared as the warm-up scales were commenced, interspersed with a few coughs to clear the paper-ways. Finally ready, the note sang.
‘All this work with hardly any play
Has made me so tired, till now I must say
It’s time for a break. I have to go
Even if it means spending some dough
Where to choose,
I needed to decide soon
So I tossed a coin and have headed for
the other side of the moon’
‘The other side of the moon?’ Shylock repeated. ‘Why did he go there?’
‘Oh, I suspect he wanted a little piece and quiet,’ replied the note. ‘And there’s nowhere better.’
‘Why’s that?’ asked Shylock.
‘It’s so hard to get to, of course,’ the note explained, frowning at Shylock’s apparent stupidity, then deciding he’d better explain. ‘You see, when you get to the moon, you have to go to the other side, but when you get there it’s at the other side.’
An odd premonition crept over Shylock - perhaps getting his coin back wasn’t going to be as simple as he had hoped. However, delving for new depths of determination, he plunged on. ‘So, does the other side of the moon really exist?’ he asked.
‘Oh my, that’s far too deep for me,’ replied the note. ‘You’d need to ask Dilemma about that one.’
‘Dilemma?’ asked Shylock. ‘And where would I find him?’
‘Easy,’ replied the note. ‘Just think of a multi-coloured cube. That’s his home. He doesn’t get out much these days.’
Thanking the note for his help, and for the beautifully sung message, Shylock thought-tuned to a multi-coloured cube and set off once more - beginning to feel like he was participating in a never-ending story of unbelievable proportions.
Dilemma
Shylock thought-travel-stopped when he stood on - or rather hovered over – a vast rainbow coloured hilly landscape. Each individual undulation was a different colour or hue – every colour in the visible spectrum (and a few more besides) displayed brightly before them. Directly below he could see a small box resembling a sugar-cube in all aspects apart from colour. It changed continuously as if confused by the cacophony of colours on display around it - or else simply undecided as to its own identity. Around the small box-like structure ran a circular channel, filled with snapping teeth. Not crocodiles or Piranha – just snapping teeth. Inside this channel ran a second, filled with clear liquid bubbling and boiling, spouting into the air all around, and outside of this stood an indistinct yet familiar figure.
Shylock swooped down with some considerable grace, becoming more accustomed to thought-travel as his experience grew, and was delighted when he recognised the figure as Permission. Stopping immediately in front of her, he smiled. ‘I thought you had left me for good?’ he said.
‘As much as you would have deserved,’ said Permission returning his smile. ‘There again, I shouldn’t prejudge your intentions. I have decided to help you return to your world, then to see whether you abandon us or not.’
‘How could I ever abandon you,’ replied Shylock, taking her hand and realising as the words escaped from his mouth that not only was he was committing himself to solving Earth’s back-tax problem but also to restoring Wilderment to a fully operational state. ‘I’m glad you’re back, and I’m sorry if I confused you…it’s just that I’m really just an ordinary everyday guy (who, a lifetime ago, had simply popped out to buy a carton of milk), and I’ve really no idea how to solve the Creator’s problem…it’s all just…too hard,’ he explained.
‘Don’t worry,’ Permission replied. ‘Together, we’ll manage somehow. Now, I believe you need to talk with Dilemma?’
‘Yes, but how did you know?’ Shylock asked.
‘Bb told me,’ she explained.
‘Bb told you!’ Shylock demanded. ‘But, he’s the one I’m looking for.’
‘Yes,’ smiled Permission. ‘But he’s really well hidden this time.’
Shylock was confused, but suspected that he wasn’t going to get any more explanation, so instead, turned towards Dilemma’s multi-coloured cubic residence. ‘So, how do we get past these?’ he asked, indicating the snapping-teeth and the spouting hot liquid.
‘Oh, we don’t need to worry about these channels,’ Permission said, moving directly towards the sugar-cube construction. ‘They’re only to provide some protection from this-dimensional beings.’
‘What are they?’ asked Shylock, particularly amused by the snapping teeth.
‘Oh, they’re a couple of Dilemma’s companions. The outer channel is Vicious-Circle and the inner is Hot-Water. The three of them are never far apart. ‘Tight-Spot is usually around somewhere too, but I don’t see her at the moment.’
Without further explanation, Permission leant forward and tapped lightly on the rubic-cube like structure. In response the multiple faces of the cube opened up, like the wings of an oregamo dragon, and swallowed them whole.
Inside was dark and Shylock could see very little, but Permission gently nudged him forward a few paces until a new voice permeated the air around him. He stopped, bumping Permission as he did.
‘Who’s there?’ boomed the new voice, whom Shylock presumed was Dilemma.
‘It’s only me,’ replied Permission.
‘Ah, Permission. What a pleasant surprise. We do not hear nearly enough of you in Wilderment,’ the voice responded, much more gently. ‘To what do we owe the privilege?’
‘We, or more specifically my companion here has need of your services,’ Permission explained.
‘Hmm, he does, does he,’ replied the surrounding voice. ‘Well, perhaps you should introduce us?’
‘Yes of course. How remiss of me,’ apologised Permission. ‘This is Shylock Winston the third,’ she said, giving him his full name.
‘Ah! Shylock-Winnie,’ said the voice. ‘Good to meet you - Bb said you’d be by. I am Dilemma.’
‘Bb!’ Shylock croaked.
‘Yes. Good lad that,’ said Dilemma. ‘Good eye for profit.’
Almost choking, Shylock spluttered reluctant agreement and acknowledged his host. ‘Pleased to make your acquaintance,’ he managed, choking for a second time with Dilemma’s next question.
‘And just exactly where are Eeyore and that ridikorus Tigger?’
Patiently, Shylock explained that he’d left Eeyore and Tigger at home on this trip, and that he was looking for Bb in order to get back a small silver coin from the sandworm, that would allow him to return to his home planet (where he reassured Dilemma, Eeyore and Tigger were waiting for him) and find a way to repay Earth’s back-taxes.
‘And where exactly do I come in?’ asked the body-less voice of Dilemma.
‘Well, there’s a couple of things you could perhaps help me with,’ Shylock explained. ‘I’m really looking for Bb, but he’s gone to the other side of the moon.’
‘Ah, yes. His favourite hiding place,’ said Dilemma. ‘And you don’t know how to get to the other side, because it’s always the other side, right?
‘Well, yes. And the note that Bb had left on his mailbox suggested I talk with you,’ said Shylock.
‘Yes, well, you certainly do have a Dilemma,’ the voice replied. ‘But if Bb doesn’t want to see you, than I don’t think it’s fair if I tell you the answer. However,’ he added hurriedly, sensing Shylock’s impending interruption. ‘I suppose I could give you a hint of a clue; a pointer you might say.’
‘That would be most helpful,’ Permission replied, before Shylock could speak. ‘That way, we still have to work it out. Yes, that seems fair.’
‘Hmm, let me see,’ murmured the voice of Dilemma. ‘Yes! Of course! The clue must be time, or the multiple possibilities in the absence of it.’
‘Time,’ repeated Shylock. ‘That was the other thing I meant to ask you about.’
> ‘You mean, how could we just allow Time to retire?’
‘Yes,’ said Shylock. ‘How did you know…’
‘Oh, simple really. I’ve been asked that more often than anything else, so I guessed with the highest probability, that’s all,’ explained Dilemma, before continuing. ‘Well, with time, it was easier - to convince ourselves that it was the right thing to do - than you may suppose. You see, when we reached infinity, we simply stopped counting time. There was nothing beyond that, and we couldn’t decide what to do. Some wanted to start again at zero, others suggested counting backwards but we just couldn’t agree.’
‘So you just stopped?’ asked Shylock, shocked.
‘I guess so. Never really thought that much about it actually. We just lost interest – the debate went on interminably. Personally, I thought that Bb had the best idea; he wanted to use Jonah to generate a random-date everyday. It could have doubled as a truly multi-dimensional lottery draw, with inter-galactic personalities lined up regularly to announce the date, and the franchise for the multi-dimensional ticket booths would have been highly profitable. No one listened - shame really.’
Just as Shylock was preparing to thank Dilemma, and escape before becoming even more confused, Permission whispered a further suggestion in his ear – another dilemma. ‘Perhaps one more thing?’ asked Shylock, hesitantly. ‘If you wouldn’t mind.’
‘Hmmmm,’ muttered Dilemma, reservedly.
‘Can you explain to me how one can come through a doorway, yet not be able to return?
‘Ah, now that’s a bit trickier,’ continued the disembodied voice. ‘You