by Hugh Macnab
replied, upset at how her comment had been interpreted. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. Do you think we might start again?’
The loin-clothed woman stared at her, considering her response. ‘You’re very beautiful,’ she said, in reply.
‘Thank you,’ replied Permission. ‘You’re very…beautiful too.’
‘Yes, well, I do the best I can with the cards I’ve been dealt – not a full house like you’ve been given…but not bad for a two thousand and twenty three times divorcee.’
‘A what?’ interjected Shylock. ‘You’ve had two thousand and twenty three husbands?’
‘Want to make it two thousand and twenty four?’ the temptress offered, winking.
‘He’s spoken for,’ answered Permission, before Shylock could say anything.
‘Pity. He’s cute,’ the temptress said, tickling Shylock under his chin. ‘So if he’s not interested…’ she said smiling at Permission.
‘Neither of us are interested,’ Shylock said, forcing her attention back on himself. ‘We’re simply looking for someone.’
‘Isn’t everybody?’ the temptress replied. ‘Why do you think I’ve been married so many times?’
‘Yes, well, we’re looking for someone called Bb,’ said Shylock.
‘Beeebeee,’ purred the temptress. ‘Now there’s a real man!’
Shylock’s astonishment shut him up, and it was Permission who eventually continued the questioning. ‘So you know him them?’
‘Oh yeeeesss,’ she replied, obviously recalling previous fond encounters with Bb. ‘I know him very well. I’m always the first to care for him when he arrives.’
‘Is he here now?’ Permission asked.
‘Uh huh. He’s upstairs with Catriona, Casandra, Cathie, Cxspyx, Calypso, Candy, Charlotte, Camelia, Caspia…’
‘Yes, yes,’ interrupted Shylock. ‘We’ve got the idea. Just tell us where we can find him.’
‘Room 69, on the infinity'th floor, but you can’t go up there.’
‘Why not?’ asked Shylock.
‘You haven’t married me yet!’ replied the temptress, repeating her earlier come-hither smile.
‘Marry you!’ exclaimed Shylock and Permission in unison.
‘It’s the entrance fee, and no-one gets in without paying. Mind you, Bb’s the only one who ever comes here…’
‘The only one? You mean Bb’s in here on his own?’ asked Shylock.
‘…and you’ve married him two thousand and twenty three times?’ asked Permission.
‘Uh huh. And hopefully a good many more to come,’ the temptress smiled.
‘But if he's your only visitor, why does the house have so many rooms?’ asked Shylock.
‘Well, the girls have to sleep somewhere, and sweet little Bb insisted that we all have an apartment to ourselves. He really is so considerate with us.’
‘How many rooms did you say…’ muttered Shylock, translating rooms into girls and struggling to grasp yet another of Bb’s idiosyncratic achievements.
‘This marriage, to be allowed to enter,’ asked Permission. ‘What if my companion here were already married?’
‘Hmm, geee, I don’t know. I guess that would have to do. I’ve only ever had Bb to marry…and he’s not married to anyone else,’ loincloth replied.
Permission turned to face Shylock and smiled. ‘Not a particularly romantic way to propose, but what do you think my love. Would you care to marry me?’
‘Me…marry…you! Eh…sure, I mean…’ stammered Shylock, taken unawares.
‘Fine!’ replied Permission in a sudden angry tone, mistaking his stammering. ‘I can see how excited you are about the prospect!’
‘No! No!, you don’t understand,’ Shylock tried to explain.
‘No! That’s where you’re quite wrong. I understand perfectly. I was out of order. Why don’t you just marry this….this….bimbo here, and get it over with!’
‘Bimbo!’ loincloth objected.
‘She didn’t mean it,’ Shylock tried to explain.
‘Yes, I did,’ shouted Permission, angrily.
‘You bitch,’ loincloth shouted back, grabbing Permission by the hair and pulling her down to the ground.
Shylock shouted at them to stop and snatched hold of loincloth around the waist trying to pull her away from Permission, who was now on her knees screaming…when without any warning, they were all instantly drenched by a sudden downpour.
Shylock stood up and looked down at his soaking clothes, then at the others who were doing likewise when the familiar voice drifted down to them from up above. ‘Can’t a guy have some rest, respite, recreation and relaxation around here in peace?’
‘Bb?’ asked Shylock looking up into the distance.
‘Oh no!’ came the reply.
‘Bb, is that you?’ Shylock shouted upwards.
Silence.
‘Bb? It is you, isn’t it?’ Shylock repeated.
‘Maybe,’ came the reply, drifting down on the breeze. ‘What if it is?’
‘I need to see you?’ said Shylock.
‘Do you need to see me, or simply ask me something?’ Bb shouted back.
‘I need to know if I can have my silver coin back?’ Shylock asked. ‘From the Sandworm.’
‘What’s it worth?’ asked Bb.
‘Bb, is that really you?’ shouted Permission, also craning her neck to see up to the twenty-infinity-th floor.
‘Maybe,’ Bb replied, not sure who was asking this time.
‘It surely can’t be Bb – my co-worker and fellow associate in the department of Null-Order, can it be?’ asked Permission.
‘Null-Order….co-worker,’ mumbled the voice from above.
‘Tell me,’ shouted Permission. ‘Just a miscellaneous question I know, but do you have planning permission for this building?’
‘Permission! Is that you?’ shouted Bb, in sudden recognition.
‘Maybe!’ Permission replied, smothering a laugh under her breath.
Seconds later Bb literally threw the steel door open and burst onto the walkway. ‘Why, Winnie! My dear friend and profit-source. How nice to see you and you’re beautiful companion,’ he said, hugging Shylock. ‘And…Permission….is…?’ he asked, looking all around.
‘You’re already looking at me I believe,’ said Permission. ‘Don’t you recognise your own colleague?’
‘Permission?’ Bb said, un-surely. ‘But, you’re…. beautiful!’
‘And I wasn’t before?’ Permission frowned.
‘No…no...I mean, yes of course you were. But…’ Bb, stuttered.
‘But she’s so much more beautiful now,’ said loincloth. ‘Certainly more beautiful than me!’
‘No, no Cassiopeia Not more beautiful than you. You know you are my most favourite person, and the most beautiful of all time,’ said Bb.
‘Bb?’ asked Shylock, who up until this moment had been unable to avoid staring at his recently acquired friend. ‘You’re eye?’
‘Ah! You noticed,’ he smiled, flashing his perfect denture arrangement.
‘You have two!’
‘Correct. One more than one, an additional one, extra one, just like the other one! Two!’ grinned Bb. ‘What do you think?’
‘Why, it’s….fine,’ said Shylock, shocked at the difference and even more so that he had obviously become quite used to his mono-eyed companion.
‘FINE!’ Bb shouted, angrily. ‘After all the trouble and pain I’ve been through, not to mention the cost, all you can say is FINE!’
‘No, I mean it’s really…great. That’s it. Great! A perfect match. Great improvement. Looks fantastic, that’s what I meant' Shylock said, with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.
Bb scowled at him, suspiciously. ‘I'm supposed to get all that from FINE?’
Shylock just grinned, stupidly.
‘Hmm,’ murmured Bb. ‘I must remember that word.’
‘So,’ said Permission. ‘We were going to discuss planning permission, weren’t we?’
‘Have I introduced you to my wife,’ said Bb, suddenly switching conversation.
‘Beeebeee!’ said Permission, not letting him off.
‘Hmmph! Al-right, what did you say you wanted?’ Bb asked Shylock, grumpily. ‘Your silver coin?’
‘That’s right,’ agreed Shylock. ‘And I need a replacement steering wheel too.’
‘Anything else! Please go on…don’t stop,’ Bb, exclaimed.
‘How about your services?’ suggested Permission.
‘Services?’ asked Bb, puzzled.
‘Well, it strikes me that we could do with a little help where we’re going?’ Permission explained. ‘And you might be just the person to provide it.’
‘Excellent idea,’ agreed Shylock, beginning to recognise how resourceful Bb really was. ‘We’re going to resolve Wilderment’s budget deficit!’
‘What?’ shouted Bb. ‘But…’
‘Planning permission,’ reminded Permission.
'Constance,' added Shylock for further emphasis.
‘Oh, no! This is unfair, below-the-belt, uncalled-for’ Bb pleaded. ‘And I thought you’d never find me. It’s…unsporting, that’s what it is. Unsporting!’
Get Lucky
Bb was still complaining when the three of them arrived at Get Lucky. They’d already collected the silver coin from the Sandworm - leaving a replacement steering wheel as requested. Informed Mass - who was the only one at Infinite Resources Inc. when they turned up – that they were ready for the door to be built, and were now seated in three deck-chairs on the beach, waiting for the construction crew to arrive.
Bb and Permission were sipping Pina Colada’s from tall frosted glasses, while Shylock chugged a pullulate-light from a can. ‘So, how long do you suppose it’ll take them to build it?’ He asked Bb, referring to the door.
‘How long?’ Bb said. ‘Forgetting something, aren’t we?’
Shylock’s uncomprehending stare told him he