Get Lucky

by Hugh Macnab

would need to explain a little more. ‘Time? Do I need to say even more?’

  ‘Oh,’ replied Shylock. ‘No time at all, right? I’m afraid I still haven’t got the hang of this yet.’

  ‘So the door is already there if we think it is, or isn’t it?’ asked Permission, beginning to wish she’d signed up for the University classes.

  ‘What do you want it to be?’ replied Bb.

  ‘You mean, it can be there if we want it to be?’ asked Shylock. ‘Why didn’t you say so?’

  ‘And spoil this tranquil break. This wonderful breather, relaxing interlude or quiet repose before what can only be described as an impossible mission, doomed to failure, wherein we all make complete fools of ourselves,’ said Bb.

  ‘Why fools of ourselves?’ asked Shylock.

  ‘Have you examined your travelling companions recently? I mean, Permission will undoubtedly astound your fellow Earth-people with her beauty, but what will they say about her third eye?’

  ‘Third eye?’ Shylock asked, looking towards Permission.

  ‘Yes,’ said Bb. ‘The third eye….at the back of her head.’

  Shylock tried to swallow but found his throat dry. He could see tears welling up in Permission’s eyes - at least two of them - and was confused.

  Seeing that she had to let him know the truth, Permission turned around and looked at him from the eye in the back of her head – in the centre of a bald area where no hair grew. It was complete with eyebrow and eyelashes, and actually quite attractive, as eyes go. In sympathy, tear-drops had also formed in the corners.

  ‘Ah, yes. I err, see what you mean,’ replied Shylock, trying to sound as if it made no difference to how he felt about Permission, but making each sound felt like coughing up drawing pins.

  ‘Then, there’s me!’ said Bb, seeing how upset both of his companions had become and for once regretting putting his big belly where it shouldn’t have gone. ‘Not exactly humanesque now, am I?’

  Shylock wiped a tear from his own eye and turned to regard Bb. On the good news side, he now had two eyes and a perfect set of teeth – significant improvements in terms of masquerading as a human. However, his egg-shaped chest, combined with the lack of legs -which wouldn't be too uncommon on it's own, but when combined with the fact that he hovered three feet off the ground, would make things difficult. Shylock found himself in agreement with Bb.

  ‘I could allow my hair to hang down over my third eye,’ suggested Permission, timidly. ‘I don’t really need it unless I want to see where I’ve been.’

  ‘And I suppose we could construct some kind of high wheel-chair for me?’ put forward Bb.

  Leaning back in his deck-chair, Shylock swallowed another mouthful of pullulate-light, and was considering the suggestions when they were interrupted by new arrivals. The Elements, Mass, Infinity and Absolute-Zero.

  ‘Good day fine customer,’ the dragon greeted Shylock. ‘And, Bb we already know, but who is this lovely lady who sits at your side?’ he asked, sweeping his tail behind him and bowing from the waist in Permission’s direction.

  Shylock introduced Permission, only to find - as had been the case with everyone else - that the new comers already knew her, but hadn’t recognised her new persona. The Elements admitted that her cornflower blue dress was definitely more becoming than the green scales he had known her to wear before, whereas Mass muttered that he had preferred her billowing silver tinted cloudy appearance. One and Absolute-Zero kept their opinion’s to themselves (assuming Absolute-Zero was there of course).

  ‘So, where do you want it then?’ asked the little green dragon. ‘The door, that is.’

  ‘Well…’ Shylock said.

  ‘Hang on a cotton-picking, root-tooting minute!’ interrupted Bb. ‘Whose shop is this in the first place? Mine – right?’

  ‘Yes, of course it is,’ replied Shylock. ‘And you will of course…know exactly where best to build the inter-dimensional other-worldly door? Will you not?’

  ‘Errr, well…’ muttered Bb, suddenly not so determined to exert his rights.

  ‘Perhaps if I can be of some assistance?’ offered Shylock.

  ‘Why, of course. What a truly splendiferous offer. first-rate, tip-top, absolutely ace!’ Bb replied, enthusiastically. ‘Indeed, feel free…ooops, I do so hate that particular turn of phrase.’

  ‘So,’ Infinity asked Shylock, speaking for the time. ‘Where would you like it? We’ve got a card game to get back to, you know.’

  ‘One! You shouldn’t speak to a customer like that,’ scolded the Elements, sharply.

  ‘Especially a potentially profitable one!’ added Bb, helpfully. ‘Although, personally I’m beginning to have some doubts on that particular account.

  ‘Gentlemen,’ said Permission. ‘Let’s get on with this. Shylock, do you know where you want the door to be built?’

  ‘Err, well…’

  ‘Well, that’s a fine thing!’ Bb exclaimed, indignantly. ‘You have no idea, do you? And I thought that you would know exactly where best to build the inter-dimensional other-wordly door,’ he mocked.

  ‘Now, now Bb. This is no time for bickering,’ Permission reprimanded.

  ‘Fine for you to say,’ Bb replied, not yet willing to concede. ‘I get rebuked, hauled-over-the-coals, rapped on the knuckles…but what about Winnie? Not a word. He gets off scot-free! Well, it’s not fair,’ he finished, sulkily.

  ‘Fair is neither here nor there,’ Permission answered.

  ‘Hurmmph!’ Bb snorted, turning his back on the assembled group.

  ‘Right then,’ said the Elements, taking control. ‘Let’s try again. You came through a door when you entered Wilderment. Let’s start with that. Where was it?’

  ‘Somewhere behind us,’ offered Shylock. ‘But I don’t know where.’

  ‘But there is nothing behind us?’ replied the Elements, confused.

  ‘Well there was!’ Shylock stated. ‘A doorway.’

  ‘You don’t understand,’ said Permission. ‘What the Elements is saying is that this is an omni-directional beach, and there really is completely nothing behind it.’

  ‘Absolutely nothing?’ asked Shylock, the glimmer of an idea forming in the back of his mind.

  ‘Absolutely nothing,’ the Elements confirmed.

  So, nothing can go back there?’ asked Shylock.

  ‘Nothing,’ agreed the Elements.

  ‘So, why don’t we ask Absolute-Zero to go back there and build a door?’ suggested Shylock, sharing his idea.

  Everyone was momentarily stunned, each looking at the other to see if there were anyway to object to the idea before accepting it. ‘Brilliant!’ said the Elements. ‘Amazing,’ said Mass. ‘Wonderful,’ said Permission, glowing with pride. ‘Hurrmmph!’ added Bb.

  ‘That’s it then,’ said the Elements. ‘Right, Abzy will do the construction. All we have to do now is decide which design to use.’

  ‘Design?’ said Shylock.

  ‘Yes. You’re paying. It seems only fair that you should pick,’ the Elements said, rolling open a large coloured poster depicting sixteen pictures of front doorways arranged in four columns of four. Along the top in bold green print it stated Pubs of many places.

  Shylock studied the choices and could see no particular advantage of one over any other, and noticing that Bb had gradually turned around so he could see the poster, decided on a diplomatic approach. ‘What do you think Bb?’

  ‘Well,’ Bb said, without hesitation. ‘I never liked the Spanish designs so the Zaguan is out. Then, I don’t think you would find climbing through the Moon-gate particularly easy – especially you, Permission, if you’re to continue wearing that frock. Far too tight! Hmm…let’s see, not the French doors, and I really can’t stand archways, so where does that leave us?’

  ‘Just the Japanese Torii gateway, a revolving glass monstrosity, and a garden gate,’ said the elements.

  ‘Why don’t we pick the easiest to build?’ suggested Permission.

  ‘And therefore
the most profitable?’ added Bb.

  ‘How about the garden gate?’ suggested Shylock. ‘Couldn’t get much easier than that.’

  ‘Fine,’ said the Elements, immediately sending Mass to collect it. ‘Now, how shall we make it work?’

  ‘What do you mean, how shall we make it work?’ asked Shylock, a hint of concern gnawing deep inside.

  ‘Well, all we’ve done is pick the location and pick the design. We haven’t decided how it should work have we?’ said the Elements, not appreciating Shylock’s concern.

  ‘You.. don’t.. know.. how.. to.. make.. it ..work?’ Shylock asked, carefully controlling his rising temper. ‘I thought we hired you to build an inter-dimensional other-worldy doorway?’

  ‘You did. And I will, once you tell me how,’ replied the Elements, explaining. ‘I’m responsible for the construction, not the design.’

  Shylock groaned as his temple begin to throb. He realised he’d been feeling so close to home. Yet now….

  Seeing how upset he was, Permission put her arms around him and held him. ‘There, there,’ she soothed him. ‘We’ll figure this out. It must be possible.’

  ‘Of course it’s possible!’ said Bb. ‘Winnie came through one in the first place. So we must be able to build another. Mustn’t we?’ he added, not quite so confidently.

  ‘Wait a minute,’ Shylock said suddenly. ‘What happened to all this – everything is in our minds stuff? Surely all we have to do is create the doorway in our minds? Like we were saying earlier.’

  ‘I’m afraid this isn’t so easy,’ explained the Elements. ‘Within Widerment we can do just as you say, but this is an