I squirmed and struggled, trying to push myself over the edge, trying to get free, but I couldn't move.
"Mine," she whispered into my ear. "Mine, Moira."
"No," I panted. "No."
"No?" she asked. I felt her magic withdraw, her fingers withdraw.
My eyes snapped open. "Arianna?"
"Perhaps you'll change your mind tomorrow," she said.
"No! Don't stop!"
"No?" she asked. "Don't stop?" She smiled. "I can freeze your passion like this, Moira."
"No!"
"Yes," she said. "I can." And then she withdrew the rest of the way, leaning away from me.
And I remained right on the edge of the orgasm, not retreating, not falling over.
Her hands moved to the strap holding my head immobilized. She loosened it, then removed it completely. I turned my head to face her.
She was so beautiful. I could see her magic, and she was bubbling over. The magic flowed from her and spread over me.
She picked up her kimono from the floor and slipped it over her shoulders, tying the belt about her waist.
"Don't leave me like this!" I yelled at her back. "Don't go!"
She looked over her shoulder at me and smiled. "There is one word you can say that will bring me back, no matter how quietly you say it."
"What word? Arianna, what word?" she had reached the stairs.
"Yours, Moira," she said. "When you're ready, just say 'yours', and I will return."
She flicked the light switch off, and I was left in the dark, the only illumination her magic, pulsing over my body, a thick, thick rope following up the stairs after her. I heard the door at the top of the stairs open and close, and then I was alone.
"Arianna!" I yelled.
I struggled with my bonds. I cursed her. I begged her to finish what she had started. I begged her to stop what she had started.
But her magic wrapped around me, holding me on the edge, always right at the edge.
I tried squirming, tried to give myself the rhythmic pressure that would finish me, but all the clenching I attempted accomplished nothing.
I lay back, soaked in my own cold sweat.
I think I slept for a while. I had dreams, dreams of her eyes. Dreams of her hands. I woke, still aroused. I felt her magic brushing over me, teasing my nipples and still, I was right on the edge of an orgasm.
I slept again, waking when I heard steps on the staircase.
"Arianna!" I screamed.
But it wasn't Arianna, it was Neal. He turned on the light, but appeared to ignore me. He covered me with the sheet and blanket, tucking them both in around me. He gave me water, and then he left, turning the light back out.
And still my body betrayed me, Arianna's magic continued to freeze my orgasm right on the cusp.
I struggled. I slept. And when I woke, I whispered. I whispered three words. "You win. Yours."
Moments later I heard the door at the top of the stairs open. There were footsteps, and then the light came on. Arianna studied me.
"Please, Arianna," I begged.
She stepped closer.
"Say it again," she ordered.
"Yours," I said.
And her magic pulsed deep inside me, and I slipped closer to the orgasm I'd been waiting for.
"Again," she said.
"Yours." And then it was a litany. "Yours, yours, yours!"
She smiled, and then the orgasm entered me, a wave of orgasms. I screamed with joy and sorrow. And I could feel her magic moving deeper inside me, settling into places it hadn't visited before.
I shuddered with the waves, but finally I grew still. Arianna stroked my face gently. When I finally opened my eyes, she was smiling at me.
She was so beautiful, and she had been so gentle.
And so amazingly good.
I looked at her, confused at what I was feeling. I'd just surrendered for an orgasm, but I didn't care. I didn't care how it had happened.
I loved her.
Love
"Am-" my voice cracked. "Am I your familiar now?"
"No," she said. "That was only a love spell."
"It's not real," I said.
"Oh, it is," she said. "Speaking from personal experience, I can assure you: It is very real."
"Are you going to untie me now?" I asked.
"No," she said. "Not yet. We've only just started. Sleep now." And she passed her hand over my eyes, and I felt her magic invade my mind. I slept.
* * * *
When I woke next, Arianna was humming softly to me, and I saw her magic weaving about me. I was still bound to the table.
Her magic was beautiful.
I looked around until I could see her.
She was beautiful, too.
My breath caught in my throat, looking at her. I smiled. She caught my gaze and returned the smile.
"Hi," I said shyly. I didn't know how to behave. I remember being so frightened and angry, and I understood why I had been. But none of that mattered anymore.
I was in love.
It hurt to realize the feelings weren't returned. My smile faltered and I looked away from her.
"What you did to me was wrong," I told her.
She stepped closer to my side then reached out and turned my chin to face her. I jerked my head away, looking towards the wall. The entire reality of my situation, as best I could understand, flooded me.
I had given in to her. For an orgasm. Okay, it had been a great orgasm, but it was just an orgasm.
I hated myself.
"I may have begged for it, but it was still rape," I said. "Doing all this to me was evil. You are evil. You are a selfish, horrible excuse of a person. You know it. I know it. Making Neal help you was selfish and evil. That crap you fed me about death witches -- that's not an excuse for your own evil. I don't know what else you are going to do to me, but understand that whatever else you do, deep down, you and I both know what you are."
I didn't threaten her. Why warn her? I wanted to scream at her. I wanted her to know I'd kill her as soon as I got the chance. But if I warned her, I may never get the chance. So I said nothing further.
Her humming faltered, and from the corner of my eye, I saw her magic had faltered as well.
"You'll live forever," she said. "I am doing you a favor."
"You can take your favor and shove it," I told her. "I don't want immortality if it means spending it with a selfish bitch like you."
"But-" she said. "But- You love me."
I turned to face her. "It's not real love, and anyway, unrequited love turns sour very quickly. Whether I love you or not, what you did was still evil. You are evil. Go ahead. Finish what you started so you can untie me. I have to go to the bathroom. Or kill me. Whatever."
I turned away again.
"You are a familiar," she said with steel in her voice. "It is your place in the world to be bound to a witch."
"I'm sure that makes you feel better to believe," I said. "If it were my place, you wouldn't have to force me."
"I didn't force you to ask me to touch you," she said. "You begged for it."
"Yes, yes, your magic is powerful, and I was weak. Trust me, I hate myself for it. My self-loathing right now is second only to what you should be feeling for your role in this."
"But you liked it!" she said. "You begged for it."
"What you did is no better than if you had drugged me. In fact, you did drug me. What you did was evil. That you don't stop what you're doing means you are evil. That you are arguing so ineffectively with me only goes on to prove even you know I am right. Just get it over with, or I'm going to piddle right here. Or do you intend to keep me bound to this table forever? If so, I'm going to need a bedpan pretty soon."
She didn't say anything right away. Then she said quietly, "Please look at me."
I thought about swearing at her, but instead I turned my head to face her.
She opened her mouth to say something, and then closed it. It hurt to look at her, so
I turned away. "Just do whatever you're going to do," I said. "I'm not going anywhere."
She caressed my face softly, but I pulled away from her as much as I could, which wasn't much. She sighed, and then she began to hum again. Her magic began to dance around me. I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to watch.
I felt her magic work its way into me, layer after layer of magic spreading through my body. I tried pushing it away, but I didn't know how and didn't feel like I could. I felt the magic, but nothing I did seem to affect it.
I didn't know what the magic was doing to me. I don't know how long it took, either, but finally the humming stopped.
"Moira," she said. "Open your eyes and look at me."
I immediately obeyed, turning to face her. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, and I was suddenly terribly afraid I would disappoint her.
Well, I decided I knew what some of the spells had done.
"Tell me I am beautiful," she said.
"You are beautiful," I said immediately.
"Tell me you love me,' she ordered.
"I love you."
"Tell me you can't wait to become my familiar."
"I can't wait to become your familiar." I licked my lips. "I'm not your familiar?"
"Not yet," she said. "There is a ritual. It requires your active participation. Now, do not say anything. I am going to tell you the rules."
I closed my mouth immediately.
She had paper, and she began reading. "You will act as my loving, cheerful, pleasant girlfriend. You will never attempt to hurt me in any way. If I am attacked, you will help me. You will make no attempt to escape or run away. Unless following another of my orders, if we are separated, you will make every effort to reconnect with me. You will never lie to me, including lies of omission. You will never divulge my secrets, that I am a witch, that you are my familiar, or that I kidnapped you." She had more rules, and she read them off, one by one.
When she was finished, she said, "You may now speak. Do you understand these rules?"
I smiled. She hadn't ordered me to answer her questions.
She frowned. "When I ask you a question, you will answer, and you will answer honestly. Do you understand all the rules?"
"Yes," I said immediately. I didn't want to answer her, but I didn't seem to have a choice.
"As you have probably guessed, one of the spells is an obedience spell." She frowned. "If you ever use the semantics of an order to act in a fashion contrary to what you know I intended, I will punish you."
I felt the tears begin to descend down my cheeks. She had me, she truly had me, and I didn't think there was any hope.
"Unless I reverse them, the spells are permanent," she said. "If you don't do anything to intentionally anger me, I will treat you very well. You have already had a taste of what that can mean. Do you have any questions?"
"If you are done, may I please use the bathroom?"
"Yes," she said. "I'm sorry. Of course."
It took some time, but she released me from the table. I tried to sit up, but I was immediately dizzy. The world spun, and I almost fell off the table. She steadied me while I got my bearings.
"Are you all right?"
"Dizzy," I said. Then I swung my legs off the table and tried to stand, but I almost collapsed. I clasped the table, and Arianna helped to support me. "And stiff," I added.
"Walk it off," she said. I clung to her as we walked back and forth beside the table for a moment.
"Better?" she asked.
"Yes."
"This isn't an order, Moira," she said. "But I enjoy hearing you use my name."
"All right, Arianna," I said. "Please, may I use the bathroom?"
"Yes, of course. Follow me. You may use the blanket for your modesty." She gestured at the foot of the table. I gathered the blanket around me and then followed her up the stairs.
The top of the stairs was the kitchen. I glanced out the kitchen window, trying to judge what time it was. It was daylight, but I couldn't tell what day it was or how long I had been downstairs. As this was my first bathroom trip, it couldn't have been more than a day, and probably far less than that.
Arianna led the way from the kitchen into the living room. Neal was sitting there, staring straight ahead blankly.
"Is he all right?" I asked.
"Yes," she said. "He's fine."
"Did you destroy his mind?"
"No," she replied. "I just put it to sleep for a while." We passed through the living room into a hallway leading to bedrooms and a bathroom. We walked all the way into the bedroom at the end. "This is the master bedroom. It will be our bedroom while we are living here. There is a bathroom there." She pointed. "You may take a shower, if you like." She pointed to another door. "That is the closet. Your clothes are either hanging up in there or in this dresser. Get dressed and come out to the living room when you're done."
I stepped past her and into the bathroom, dropping the blanket. To my great relief, I used the toilet and washed up. I prowled around the bathroom, discovering it was outfitted with everything from my apartment bathroom. I wondered whether Arianna had sent Neal to pack my entire apartment. I checked the shower and found my own shampoo, conditioner, shaving cream, and razor. I stared at the razor.
Arianna had told me I couldn't hurt her. She never said anything about hurting myself. I looked at the tub; it was a large tub with whirlpool jets, the type that can be very indulgent. Arianna hadn't ordered me to take a shower; she told me I could take one. But if she heard the tub instead, she might become upset.
I wrapped the blanket tightly around me and went out to the living room. "Arianna?" I said.
"Yes?" she said, looking up at me from the sofa.
"I don't know how I am to behave," I said. "Am I allowed to ask questions?"
"Yes, of course," she said immediately.
"Am I allowed to make requests?"
She studied me for a moment. "Yes. I may not grant them."
"May I take a bath rather than a shower? It might make me feel better."
"All right," she said. "Yes. Just don't take too long."
"Thank you, Arianna," I told her. I disappeared into the bedroom, dropped the towel on the floor, then entered the bathroom and locked the door. I immediately started filling the tub. I added bubble bath. I may as well enjoy my last bath.
While I waited for it to fill, I retrieved the razor from the shower. It was tricky, but I was able to break the plastic, exposing the blades. I stared at them for a moment, then finished separating one and set it on the tub. I tossed the rest on the floor. If she stepped on it, it wouldn't be my fault.
Periodically, I checked the water temperature. Before the tub was full, I climbed in, soaking as the water continued to rise. Once it was nearly to the brim, I used my feet to turn the spigot off.
I said a short prayer. I didn't necessarily believe in God, but I didn't not believe, either. "I know suicide is a sin," I said. "But doing evil for her would be a bigger sin. If there is really a loving god out there, you will forgive me. And if you aren't a loving god, fuck you for putting me into this position."
Then before I could chicken out, I picked up the blade. I held it carefully in my left hand then made long slices in my right wrist, searching for the veins while trying to avoid the tendons.
It hurt. It hurt a lot. I gasped out before clamping my lips together. My wrist began flowing freely. Even better, I'd managed to avoid cutting the tendons. I took the blade with my right hand and offered the same treatment to my left wrist. When I was done, I set the blade back on the edge of the tub, leaned back in the water, and lowered my wrists.
The water would keep the blood from clotting.
It stung for a while, but I closed my eyes and smiled.
I wouldn't say I had won, but I thought perhaps I could say Arianna lost.
I felt badly for Neal. I didn't know what she would do to him now. But I decided I didn't care. I didn't know how much of this was his fault. I didn't
know how much of it was mine, either. But there wasn't anything I could do about that.
My thoughts drifted. I felt calm. The water was relaxing. All I had to do was stay here in the water, slowly dying.
Then Arianna was at the door. "Moira, I told you not to take too long!"
What was too long? I was dying as fast as I could.
"Hurry up!" she said.
I didn't respond.
"Moira! Answer me! What are you doing in there?"
I giggled. She had never ordered me to answer loudly enough she could hear. "Dying," I said in a calm, quiet voice.
She pounded on the door. "Moira!" she yelled. "Get out of the tub and open this door!"
That was a direct order, and I couldn't avoid it. I tried to climb out of the tub, but I was weak and fell back in the water, causing a splash. I tried twice more, but my body wasn't really working.
"Neal!" she yelled. "Neal! Wake up! Come open this door!"
I continued to try to climb out of the tub, but then my mind drifted again. Nothing really registered until Arianna was kneeling next to the tub, screaming at me. "What did you do? Moira! Answer me! What did you do?"
I tried to talk. I tried to answer. I waved one wrist at her weakly. She grabbed my arm and looked at my wrist. Then she grabbed the other.
"Damn it! Moira!" She clasped her hands over my wrists, trying to stem the flow. "Why? Moira? Why?"
My head lolled to look at her. "Give me liberty, or give me death."
"No!" she screamed. "Moira! No! Don't you know how valuable you are?"
"Don't care," I managed to say. I giggled. "You can't even call 9-1-1. What would you tell them?"
I tried to pull my wrists from her grasp to put them back under the water. I could see blood oozing past her hands. I wanted it to start flowing again, to finish what I had started.
I drifted away again. I didn't hear what happened, but then Neal was pulling me out of the tub. My body was red and sticky from the bloody water. Then there were paramedics. They did paramedic things to me, then strapped me to a gurney and wheeled me out to the ambulance. I drifted off again, but woke up when we arrived at the hospital in Ashland. Arianna was right by my side.
Familiar Page 5