I failed the walk-a-straight-line test. I failed the touch my nose test. And I failed the Breathalyzer test. I was handcuffed, arrested, and had my rights read to me. We were on the way back to the police station when I felt Arianna in my head.
"When will you be home?"
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know? Have you left the office?"
"Yes."
"So you're with Corbin?"
"No."
"Are you on the way?"
"Not exactly."
"Moira, where are you?"
"Pulling into a police station."
"What? Why?"
"I got arrested."
She ordered me to remain silent with the police. She pulled the information from me. I made her work for it. Then she asked, "Was this intentional?"
"I drove past the police station several times until they noticed me."
She didn't say anything further. I was pulled from the squad car and hauled into the police station.
Arianna must have broken every traffic law known to man to arrive as quickly as she did. I felt as she began using magic to work her way past the layers of bureaucracy to get to me. I hadn't even been processed before she was talking to the arresting officer.
She got me out of there with my driving record intact. Instead of being arrested for drunk driving, the official report was that I'd been horribly sick. She convinced the officer I had a high fever and was delirious, and that she would get me the medical attention I required.
I realized even before she hauled me from the police station, I had gone too far. But I didn't admit that to Arianna.
She was livid, but she didn't say a word. She drove me home and then made me follow her into the basement. She forced me to remove all my clothes and sleep on the cold concrete floor until morning. I shivered and was miserable.
In the morning, she descended into the basement. She hadn't released me from lying on the cold concrete. She was still livid with me. I took small comfort from that.
"Kneel," she ordered. "Head to the floor at my feet. Do not say a word." While I kneeled on the cold concrete, she told me everything that was stupid about what I had done.
I had to agree she was right.
It wasn't until she pointed out I had been driving drunk through residential neighborhoods that I started to cry. "You could have run over some little girl. Some boy playing ball could have chased his ball into the street, and you wouldn't have stopped in time. Maybe you could have run over a mother pushing a stroller."
She finished the lecture, then she began my real punishment. It went on for a week. She never touched me herself, but she made me hurt myself, and she made me humiliate myself, both in front of her and in front of the other people she had acquired.
I had gone five years of pushing her to punish me as often as I could, and I had remained strong and brave throughout all of it.
But she finally broke my spirit after two days, and after a week, I didn't have any spirit left at all.
Exactly to the minute seven days after she began lecturing me, she told me my punishment was over. She gave me permission to go upstairs and shower. She told me I had no duties that day, but that I was to not leave the house and was not to cause any mischief. Then she turned around and left me, still lying in a ball on the cold concrete.
I remained curled around myself, not moving. I felt dead inside.
At noon, I felt her in my head. "Moira, how are you doing?"
"I don't know," I replied.
"Did the shower feel good?"
"I didn't take one."
There was a pause. "What are you doing, Moira?"
"Nothing."
"What were you doing five minutes ago?" She had learned I had gotten good not at lying to her, but at concealing the truth. I could easily have been doing something I shouldn't have and stopped when she contacted me.
"Nothing."
"What have you done since I left this morning?"
"Nothing."
"I am coming home!"
Twenty minutes later, I felt her enter the house. She searched the house for me. Finally she asked, "Where are you?"
"Downstairs."
She found me where she had left me.
"I told you that you could go shower!" she yelled.
It wasn't a question. I didn't respond.
She knelt beside me. "Shit! You're freezing. Get up. Get up!"
She had to help me climb to my feet. She half dragged me upstairs and to her bedroom and ordered me into a hot shower. The water hurt, and I cried from the pain, but slowly I warmed up.
I stayed in the shower long past the time I was warmed up, standing under the water and not moving, staring dully straight ahead. Arianna finally ordered me out, so I stepped out of the shower and stood there, dripping.
She had to reach past me to shut the water off. She ordered me to dry myself. When I was done, I stood there dully.
She had to order me to do every little step. Put these clothes on. Lie down in bed. She pulled me to her, and I lay there limply, not caring.
"Talk to me," she ordered.
So over and over, I told her I'd never do it again, and begged her not to punish me anymore. Over and over I apologized, and over and over I begged her not to punish me anymore. I promised I would be good. I didn't stop until she told me to stop.
That night, as I lay limply in Arianna's arms, she cried.
* * * *
I was a zombie for three days. I did exactly what she ordered; nothing more, nothing less. I locked myself away where I couldn't make her hurt me anymore.
I spent the entire time looking in my head for an escape. I couldn't break her magic, and I couldn't obey any orders unless I found a loophole. I had gotten good at finding loopholes.
I was long past ready to die.
And then I found the loophole that had escaped me for fifteen years.
Loophole
I roused myself from my stupor. Arianna was watching me carefully, and when she wasn't watching me herself, she assigned someone else to it. Sienna, one of the volunteer real estate agents, had always liked me, so I spent a fair amount of time in her company. Arianna didn't give her any authority over me, but if I even looked like I was going to be a problem, Sienna could call Arianna, and Arianna could stop me.
I began seeing to my own needs.
I told Arianna I wouldn't defy her anymore. I thought she would be happy to hear that, but I think I only made her more nervous.
After a few weeks, I achieved a new state of normal. My fire was out, fully extinguished, but I attended to my duties calmly and properly. Arianna stopped watching me so closely, and Sienna returned to her normal duties.
The last Wednesday of March, fifteen years after Arianna had claimed me, I told her, "I am tired. May I go home and rest?"
"Yes," she said immediately. "I'll see you later."
"If you call me downstairs when you get home, I will make dinner. Maybe you would like to watch a movie afterwards."
"I would like that. I'll see you then."
I drove home, but I stopped by the hardware store on the way. I bought everything I would need. Arriving home, I took my purchases to my bedroom upstairs.
I'd been helping with the home remodels enough that I knew quite a bit more than I had ten years previously. At the store I had purchased a steel hook and some medium and heavy rope. Standing on a chair, I installed the hook firmly in the ceiling of my bedroom. I tied the heavy rope to it with a noose at the end. I slipped the noose around my neck and tightened it.
It took a while, but I was able to use the smaller rope to tie my hands behind my back. If I worked at it, I could free them again, but they were tied enough it would take me a while to free myself.
Then I tried to step off the chair.
I couldn't.
As ready as I was to die, I couldn't, and it wasn't Arianna's rules that prevented me. There was a part of me that still wanted to live. And that pa
rt kept me from stepping off the chair.
I stood there. I stood there for a long time.
Arianna came home.
"Are you awake?"
"Yes."
"Come downstairs. I brought you something."
That was a direct order. I took one step right off the chair.
In the movies, when a hangman hangs someone, they fall several feet before being brought up short by the rope. The noose is tied and arranged carefully so as to snap the person's neck. I hadn't fallen far enough for that, and the noose wasn't the proper type to snap my neck.
It was, however, sufficiently proper so as to tighten around my neck and begin to squeeze out my air. And with my hands tied, I couldn't readily free myself.
It hurt. It hurt a lot.
I swung slowly, kicking.
"Moira, what are you doing?" Arianna asked.
I didn't know how to answer her.
"Moira?"
"Arianna," I thought. "Goodbye."
"What?"
Then I heard her scream. "Moira!"
My vision was fading when she stepped into the room.
I felt her arms clasp around me, trying to lift me, and then the world went dark.
* * * *
I came to. I came to with a groan. My neck hurt, and I had a pounding headache.
Worse, I had failed a second time.
I was lying in bed, Arianna's bed. I opened my eyes, and Arianna was sitting in a chair, watching me.
"Why won't you let me die?" I asked her.
"I ordered you not to commit suicide," she said. "How did you manage to get around that?"
"You didn't order me not to commit suicide," I said. "Your words were: do not ever do anything like that again. The last time, I slit my wrists in the bathtub."
"Oh hell," she said. "Listen to me, Moira, and listen carefully. Do not attempt to kill yourself again." She spent the next five minutes outlining all the ways I wasn't to try to hurt myself. Some of them were very specific, and some were stated more generally. By the time she was done, I knew I'd never get another chance.
"Please let me go, Arianna. Or please let me die."
"No to both."
"Please, Arianna. Please."
"No."
I looked down, having nothing further to say to her.
"I won't hunt for anyone else. I won't set anyone else up. If they come to me, I will take them, but I won't go looking."
I looked up at her. "Promise?"
"Promise. But we're hiring a few more agents."
"Under the same terms as the last ones?"
"Yes. They all accepted my offer willingly."
"You tricked them!"
"No, I did not. I told them the exact terms, and all three of them agreed. We'll host an open house in September. You have time to try to convince me not to do it."
She offered a tentative smile. I didn't smile back.
"How does your neck feel?"
"It hurts," I said. I touched it and winced. "When will you punish me?"
She didn't answer me. "You will sleep here tonight. After tonight, you may choose this room or the one you've been using. You will remain inside until your neck is healed. You will not allow Lydia or anyone else to see. Are you hungry?"
"No." I was too sick to my stomach to eat. I had failed again.
"I will make you some soup. You will eat it."
"Yes, Arianna."
"I will bring it here, or if you would rather, you may come out to the other room."
I slowly struggled out of the bed, then sat on the edge, holding my head.
"Do you need help?" she asked. It was said kindly. I held out a hand, and she gently pulled me to my feet. She was very solicitous helping me to the kitchen. She helped me up onto a stool, and I sat at the counter while she prepared soup and a sandwich for each of us.
When she set everything in front of me, I looked at it. "I can't eat all this."
"Have some soup and some of the sandwich and see how you feel," she ordered.
I ate slowly, consuming about half of what she had made before I couldn't eat more. I pushed it away and laid my head onto the cool countertop. A moment later she said, "here", and when I looked up, she handed me ibuprofen and a glass of water.
I took them, then I said, "I hope you're happy."
"I am not. Why would I be happy?"
"It took you five years, but you finally destroyed my spirit. Why did it take so long?"
"I never wanted to hurt you, Moira. Not once."
I got up slowly and disposed of the remnants of dinner. She told me I could leave everything for Lydia, but I stood at the sink and slowly washed the dishes, leaning against the counter the entire time. When I was done, I sagged against the counter, resting most of my weight on it.
Arianna stepped up beside me and wrapped an arm around my waist. "Come on, Moira. Bed or a movie?"
"I don't care," I told her.
"Movie then," she said. She turned me around and helped me to the sofa. Once I was settled, she asked me, "What would you like to watch?"
"I don't care."
She knelt down in front of me, studying my face. "I know you hurt right now," she said. "But I do not believe your fire has gone out. You are far sturdier than that. The Moira I love is still inside there." She pressed a finger to my forehead, then against my chest. "And in here. And she will be back."
"That Moira is dead, and if I find a way around your orders, the body will die, too."
"Well, you aren't going to," she said. "What would you like to watch?"
"I don't care."
"How about a Katherine Hepburn movie?" she suggested. "We haven't watched any of them for a while."
"All right," I said.
She set up the movie then sat down on the sofa. "Do you want to cuddle?"
"I don't care."
"Moira, look at me."
I turned to face her.
"If you do not say 'no', then we are cuddling."
"I don't care."
"Then come here," she said. She stretched out her legs, and I lay against her, my head resting on her chest. She wrapped her hands around me, and we watched the movie.
I fell asleep.
When I woke, we were still on the sofa. The television was dark, but all the lights were on. Arianna had her arms wrapped around me gently.
I stirred.
"Hey," she said.
"Why won't you let me go, Arianna?"
"Because, Moira, you are the only thing keeping me from being the evil bitch you think I am."
* * * *
It took the better part of the week for the ligature marks around my neck to heal. I had given up fighting with Arianna and did whatever she asked, but not to the point I moved back to her bed. She ordered me there that night, but I was back in my own bed after that.
I moved dully through my duties, first working from home, then returning to work. I did everything Arianna asked or ordered, honestly working to the best of my ability, but with no spirit, verve, or emotion of any sort. I was dead and dull, inside and out.
The only request I denied was to move back into the bedroom with her. She didn't order it, she only asked, and I told her "no".
Arianna tried to get me to show some emotion, but I remained dull and dead.
As April approached, she told me, "Spring has arrived early. I would like you to plan a picnic for the end of April."
"All right," I said. "Who am I inviting?"
"Just the household."
"You are giving me a one month warning to plan a picnic for you and me?"
"No." She sighed, then she listed the names of everyone she had acquired: Corbin, Lydia, and the rest, including all the real estate agents. "Set it up for a Saturday. Everyone is to attend. Plan games and prizes."
"What sort of prizes?"
"Anything you decide. Nice prizes, things people will really want. This is a party for all of you."
"Do I have a budget?"
"Use
your judgment. And you may ask the guys to help you out if you like. No alcohol." I was the only one in her retinue she allowed to drink.
So I spent a week making plans. I designed games and arranged for a large pavilion, in case the weather turned bad. I arranged for an outdoor rotisserie and a lamb; we also would have burgers, brats, and a bunch of other things over the grill.
The guys made the games I asked for. And I picked prizes.
A week and a half before the picnic, shortly before bed, I approached Arianna. "I need you to approve the prizes I picked."
"Whatever you have decided will be fine."
"There's a Lamborghini in the list."
She looked at me sharply then realized I was smiling. She smiled in response and accepted the list. She looked through it then looked up at me. "You can't win the grand prize. You need to make sure that goes to someone else."
"You'll approve it?"
"Yes. This is an excellent list, Moira."
I acquired all the prizes and completed the preparations. And then the day of the picnic arrived. It was a cool morning, but bright and cheerful. I woke early and was out of the house, setting everything up. Arianna joined me an hour later.
"How may I help?" she asked.
"I've got it," I told her.
"This picnic is for all of you, but I would like to be here when it's time to give out the prizes. For now, I am yours to command."
I turned to face her.
"Seriously. Tell me what you want me to do."
"All right," I said, and I assigned her to set up the games. She didn't know any of them, but I had written out directions for each of them, and she set them each up. Then she helped arrange the picnic tables and did everything else I asked.
Dean, the gardener, arrived at nine and leant a hand. Lydia showed up a while later. She was about to head back to the bunkhouse, but Arianna talked to her, and she asked me how she could help.
"Did Arianna order you to help?"
"No, Moira."
"The big help I need is with the food, and I don't want to put it all out yet. But could you get everything ready? There is a list on the island in the kitchen."
"I'm going to have to clean everything later, aren't I?"
"We'll do it together. Will that be all right with you?"
She paused before answering. "Yes. Thank you."
Arianna was true to her word. She did anything I asked. And when it was time to bring the food out, just as everyone else began to arrive, I asked her to help Lydia. I overheard Lydia giving directions to Arianna, and she did everything Lydia told her to do. Then she disappeared back into the house.
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