by L. Ann Marie
Sniper
Princes of Prophecy
Book 6
By
L. Ann Marie
Taylor Blackhawk has been home for two years. For two years he’s fought the demons that followed him. Until now he could do it alone. Something set a trigger that has his nights of hell running wild and disrupting his already turbulent sleep. PTSD is getting the best of Taylor but not for long because in Brotherhood you are never alone. His Brothers stand up and fight with him and for him. Badass doesn’t just run deep in the Princes, it holds on too.
There is no old lady war in Taylor’s book. The war here is Taylor’s fight to keep hold onto reality, Beth and his Brothers. Through a bumpy ride Taylor finds his happy—in himself, with Beth and in Brotherhood with the Princes.
*Content Warning: includes language and sex. Intended for mature audiences 18+
**PTSD episodes in detail and rape triggers
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved.
Princes of Prophecy: Sniper Book 6
Copyright 2016 © L. Ann Marie
Published by: L. Ann Marie
Editor Steph Nordstrom
Cover by Lori Birkett
Bigstock®
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from L. Ann Marie, the author / publisher.
Foreword
PTSD is not an easy subject to read or write about. It isn’t going away for the majority of people that carry it around. I have personal experience with caring for someone with PTSD. I took those experiences and rolled them into Taylor. The feel, the emotions, the need to hide it, is as real as it gets from where I stand. Taylor is a character; he has other characters that help him. In real life, real people don’t have all the support he was given. I’m not trying to sugar coat or make PTSD seem like it’s easy to ‘overcome’. I am trying to inform readers about the emotions and disconnect that a person with PTSD feels. This is a lifetime of never knowing where and when you’ll get hit. Never knowing how bad your reaction will be. Never knowing if you’ll make it through to have another day with your family and friends. There is no ‘overcome’ with PTSD, only a hope that the next episode is easier and further away than the last.
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Epilogue
About the Author
Other Books by L. Ann
Prologue
I hit the floor with a yell, spinning around so my back is to the wall. My body is shaking, my breath is shallow, the gun is in my hand. I don’t even know when I grabbed it. Fuck! Scanning the room, I see no one is here, but I hear them. I always fuckin’ hear them. I close my eyes and breathe. I know they aren’t here. “I know you aren’t real. I know you aren’t here.” I keep repeating it—remembering the black room, the screams, the helplessness—crawling around on the floor until I found the gun. Using the barrel of my gun, I rub my head with my hand shaking. “I know you’re not real. I know you aren’t here. Breathe Taylor. You killed them. They aren’t here. Breathe.”
I crawl to the bed and pull myself up. “Breathe Brother.” My shaky arms get me back on the bed. “They aren’t here. They’re all dead.” I flip the light on. I should keep it on. I think the same fuckin’ thing every time. “They’re dead.”
I sit for-fuckin’-ever waiting for my body to get it while absently rubbing the barrel of my gun on my head. They aren’t here, they’re dead. Why is that so fuckin’ hard? I drop the gun on the bed disgusted with myself for even having it. The only one I’d be able to hit is me. There are times that are worse than this and I want to do just that. Mucimi pops in my head and I groan. Not tonight little man. I got this tonight.
When I think I can hold it, I grab the bottle of Jack and swallow a mouthful.
When the fuck does it end?
Chapter One
Two weeks...
“Before you leave, the nurse that knows Jeremy and Prez said she’s at the hospital until eight today and tomorrow,” Brantley says.
“Beth?”
He nods smiling. Fuckin’ nice. Maybe I’ll go to the hospital tomorrow. Tonight, I need relief. A woman fell into his lap and Jeremy says she’s the one. What are the fuckin’ chances? He’s got some work with her, but he’s a lucky bastard. The girl, a kid, and head of IT for Princes. I smile. Mucimi is awesome. He keeps me smiling even on the shit days. I love him to death. Holly is sweet and Brantley already likes her. He eats lunch with her all the time. Lucky bastard. I want what Brantley will have.
Sheila too. She’s better and happier than I’ve ever seen her. I don’t get why therapy worked for her but not me. That’s not entirely true. It’s better, but I still get hit at least twice a month with the fuckin’ flashbacks. At least now I can pull myself out, but it sucks. I’ve never had a woman wake up with me in the morning and I want it. I want a life with a woman that’s ‘all in’ like my Brothers have.
On the ride, I think about the nurse. She’s not a hump and dump, she screams picket fence and kids. I need to get a fuckin’ handle on the nights of hell that play in my head. Better isn’t fuckin’ good enough. I hid my gun and was crawling for it last night. I need to get lights in the room, maybe sensor LED lights. Anything to stop me from shooting at the voices or my-fuckin’-self. Every fuckin’ time I wonder if it’s going to be my last. It’s not always this bad, but my head is fucked and thoughts of ending this hell have crossed my mind. My family plays through my head at those times. Mucimi’s smile always pushes those thoughts away.
At the Club, I down two shots and take a beer. “You okay Sniper?”
I roll my eyes at the Prospect. “Yeah Brother.” Walking toward the kitchen, I see some whores in the parlor but keep moving—they’re all busy.
I need hard and exhaustive relief.
I need to know I’m still hanging on, even if it is by a thread—I’m here.
I need to get rid of all the fuckin’ voices and grab my string with two hands becau
se I’ll never fuckin’ make it if I have another hellish night.
At the whores’ rooms, I knock and walk in. Perfect, two sitting on the couch smile at me. They know why I’m here and one pats the couch in between them while the other fills shot glasses.
“I didn’t come to play nice.” I take the shot and keep walking to the bedroom. I don’t know whose it is, but it’s open and they follow without complaint.
They’ve been here for a couple of months and I’m surprised when one kneels with her ass in the air at the edge of the bed. I should know their names, since they know what I like, but I don’t. The short woman sits in front of her and my dick comes to life. Fuckin’ sweet. I cover and slam in losing myself to the moment. Every time we switch places, I get a shot. The tall blond keeps us moving and drinking until I’m spent and drunk enough to keep my mind from returning to my night of hell.
Hearing people talking has me up and moving. Fuck, I almost fell asleep. Dragging my ass out to the common room I take the stairs to the Officers’ hall and ping pong my way to my door. Fuck that may have been two shots too many.
I fall on my bed and never move.
Chapter Two
One week
Pulling into the hospital I wonder what the fuck I’m doing. I shake my head, not willing to look at how this will end and keep moving forward. Since Brantley told me about her, I can’t get her out of my head. Deciding I deserve that woman waking up with me, I don’t stop until I’m at the nurses’ station on the second floor.
“Is Beth around?” I ask the nurse sitting in front of a computer.
She looks up then smiles. “She’s busy, but I can help you.” I get a smile letting me know how she wants to help.
I shake my head with a smile. Fuckin’ women. “I’m guessing you aren’t one of her friends.”
Her face falls. Beth comes out of a room and smiles at me. “Hey Blackhawk older brother. I wondered if you’d ever show.”
I laugh. “Taylor, and I did. Tell me you’re off and we can go eat.”
Her whole face lights up. “Five minutes and it’s a date if we aren’t talking drive thru.”
“I wasn’t and I think I can make the five without passing out from starvation.”
She laughs. “I’m a nurse, I can revive you...hmmm. That sounds interesting. Maybe I’ll make it ten and see what happens.”
I laugh and I watch her move to the computer smiling. She’s always smiling. Even seeing Holly’s face all cut up, she never lost the smile. I like that. She’s friendly and happy with her life. The other nurse isn’t saying shit to her. Beth tells her about patients and logs off the computer without looking back up at me. I wait, liking the way her hair is braided away from her face. She’s confident, open, and a pretty little thing. I’ve never thought about longer than one night until recently and Beth with her ready smile, dark hair and blue eyes screams long term. I start to turn; this was a mistake. I need to get out of here.
“Ready Taylor Blackhawk. Just so you know that’s a cool name.” Her smile and words stop me and I’m smiling back.
I am so fucked. “Glad you like it.” She takes my hand and starts walking. Wherever she leads me is fine with me. I follow like a ten-year-old.
“Tell me you’re driving.”
I shake my head to clear it. “You’re okay just getting on a bike with someone you don’t know?”
She laughs and I stare at her in the middle of the doorway then remember to move my feet. “You’re a Blackhawk, Officer in the Princes and brother to the miracle boy Jeremy and sweet as pie Brantley. I think some others are your brothers, but don’t know anyone but Ben Knight and Jeremy’s twin.”
“I have my bike. I have a shit ton of family, then my Brothers in the Club. We’re all related somehow, close, distant, marriage or adoptions with the Officers and in Brotherhood with the members.”
She stops and looks at me. “That’s a lot of information in a few words. Since I’m starving too, why don’t you show me where you’re parked so I can pick it apart while feeding my growling stomach.”
I pull her closer and bend to kiss that smile. When I lift my head up she’s staring at me. Fuck, it was just a kiss to her lips. “It’s like the sun shines with your smile. I wanted to feel it.” My voice comes out gruff. She nods, but doesn’t say a word or even show me the smile again. “I’m over here.” We go back toward the door and I put my helmet on her and get on my bike. “Move when I do, hold the fuck on and you need to be against me. Watch the pipes getting off and squeeze me if you need me to stop.” I put my hand out and she smiles. Finally. It’s like the lights shut off without that smile on her lips.
“Got it.” She puts her hand in mine and climbs on. She’s close, but not enough for me. I put my hands around her legs and pull her so her whole body is against mine. She laughs making me smile. “I’d say I’m plastered against you.”
I laugh and start it up. She holds on and moves right along with me. I don’t normally like women on my bike, but she follows my movements and doesn’t say a word. I like that. I stop at Security and pick up my spare helmet. I haven’t had Italian lately, so I take her to the place by PD Security. Prez and Lily are just leaving with Dakota and Jess as I pull up. They throw respect and head for the highway. Maybe Beth will like night riding. It’s something to do after we eat. I’m pretty sure she isn’t into sex on the first date, so I plan on a ride.
When I shut the bike off I put my hand out so she can get off. “Watch the pipes.”
“Was that Ben and Lily? With the other miracle guy?”
I laugh. “Dakota and Jess yeah.”
I see that smile. “Lily really is doing well. That’s great. I’m happy for them. No one but Ben thought she’d pull through. I’m glad he didn’t listen to the doctors.”
I nod. “We all are. He’s always been the same for as long as I’ve known him. He makes his own decisions and deals when it’s time to deal. It’s funny to hear you call him Ben. He’s always been Little Ben or Prez.” She takes my hand again and starts walking. “We can leave the helmets here.”
“Oh. I forgot about it.” She turns and I unclip it. “I’ve only known him in the hospital. He doesn’t talk much, but watches everything.”
I drop the helmets on the seat and turn toward the door. She takes my hand again. I like it, but it seems odd for her to keep touching me. “He doesn’t normally talk much and he sees everything.” I’m not about to explain that one so I let it go. “I hope you like Italian. I should have asked, but didn’t decide until we were at Security.”
She laughs. “You didn’t plan what we’d do?”
I hold two fingers up to the hostess. “No. Unless I’m at work I don’t plan anything. I just do what feels right at the moment.” We follow to our seat and I wait for her to order a glass of wine. I look at the waitress, “Beer.” Since they know me, the waitress nods and walks away.
“She didn’t ask you what kind.” She picks up the menu and puts it right back down. She must have seen what she wants right away. I’m glad I don’t have to wait forever for her to decide.
I smile. “Dakota owns the brewery and they stock his. They’ll bring his. I like to think it’s because they know me, but it could be the cut.”
She laughs and I’m hit with the smile lighting up her face again. “How often do you eat here?”
“I usually get takeout a couple of times a month, but come in at least once a month. PD Security is around the corner.”
She nods and moves for the waitress to put her wine down. We order and I’m glad she’s getting a real meal. “What do you do at the PD? I thought you worked for Princes.”
“I do. I train at Princes and do HS, High Security, jobs. PD is actually PD Security, they run the town’s Security like police but better. I train for them too.”
“Wow. You’re one of the guys that keep the drugs out. That’s Princes not the PD, right?”
Shit. This isn’t what I want to talk about, but if she’s going to know
me I need to tell her shit. “Yeah. The PD is run by Princes, but they keep to inner towns. Princes runs outer towns and oversees the PD. Driscoll is a Brother from the Mass Chapter where we come from. He was our Family Security in Mass then came here. He’s been with us since we were kids too.”
She’s smiling again and I feel good about answering. “He must be older. How does that work for Ben?”
I laugh. “Prez has been a leader forever. Everyone acknowledged it before he hit eighteen. It’s just always been.”
“I can see that.” She looks around and I see our food coming.
“Besides being a nurse what do you do?” I smile saying the word. “Before you answer I have to tell you something.” I move so my plate can be put down. When the waitress leaves, she looks at me waiting. “My mom runs group homes. She had one that a Brother still in Mass lived in. The ‘rents were fuckin’ mean and wouldn’t allow the kids to do anything. The word sucks was banned from the house so Ricky came up with nurses. The little guys used it instead of sucks. The ‘rents couldn’t do anything about it because it was less offensive, but it makes us smile just saying nurse or nurses.”
She’s cracking up and not afraid to laugh loud. I love it. “I can’t wait to tell my boss. That’s perfect. I may even use it.”
I laugh, then take a bite of my linguini in clam sauce. They have the best food. “So what do you do besides help people get better?”
She looks at me swallowing her bite. “Whatever feels right at the moment too. Sometimes hiking, fishing, watching a movie or shopping at midnight. I’m a spontaneous activity kind of girl. That’s why I thought it was funny that you didn’t plan tonight out.”
“You fish?” She lives like I do. How the hell does she know all the right things to say? She’s nodding with that smile on her face. “Do you watch sports?”
Her hands go up. “Can you believe the stupid shit with the damn ball? Even if they took every point with that ball away we still win. What is up with people? Now a suspension because he wouldn’t give up his phone? That’s ludicrous for a game we still would have won!”