"I love you."
Daisy froze. The words should have set her on fire, but they turned her mind and body to stone. She was unable to move, to answer, to think. She felt like she had waited all her life to hear Tyler say those words, and now she was paralyzed, stupidly helpless and mute.
"Knowing what you think of me, I doubt you wanted to hear that."
He didn't know anything about it at all. But then he never had. She marveled that a man with his sensitivity could know so little about women. Even if she didn't love him, even if she never wanted to see him again, these would have been welcome words.
"I didn't want to admit it."
That didn't surprise her. He had spent his entire life convincing himself he felt nothing. It wasn't surprising it took him a long time to recognize love when it finally showed up.
"Zac knew it a long time ago. Laurel did, too. I suppose I didn't because I spent too many years refusing to feel."
"Why?"
There was a pause. Daisy thought he had lapsed into one of his long silences. She was surprised when he started to talk in a flat, measured voice.
"My father was a cruel man. Some would even say vicious. He used to make us compete against each other for his praise. You've only seen Hen, but my four older brothers are just like him. I could never be as good. They were always taller and better looking and smarter, able to ride faster and jump higher.
"When I was seven, Pa brought home a beautiful blood bay colt with black points. He said I could have him if I could prove I was good enough. He knew my brothers would let me win so I could have the horse, so he made me race against a boy I hated, Leonard Craven.
"For a week George and Madison took me over every foot of the course, advised me how to take each jump, which hills to take slowly to conserve energy, which turns were too tight to take at a full gallop. I loved that horse. I named him Cyclone because he was the fastest horse in the barn. I knew I was going to win the race.
"But Leonard was three years older. It was a matter of pride with him not lose to me. He went out fast and blocked me when I tried to pass. He crowded me at the jumps and nearly caused me to go down. I would have won anyway, but as I started to pass him in the straight, he struck Cyclone across the head with his crop causing him to veer off course.
"I lost by a half length.
"Pa was so mad at me for losing he gave Cyclone to Leonard. At that moment, I hated him, but I knew I couldn't show any feeling. That would only make Pa madder. So I hid in the barn. I didn't mean to cry, but when I thought of Leonard riding Cyclone I couldn't help it.
"Pa caught me. He said men didn't cry, especially not Randolph men. He said even though I wasn't a very good Randolph, he was going to make sure I never cried again. He was going to beat me until I could take every lick without a tear. And he did."
Daisy was horrified. She couldn't believe any man could do anything so vicious, so cruel. "How did you not cry?"
"I did at first. The riding crop hurt. He'd hit me, shouted at me to stop crying, then hit me again."
"I don't know why you didn't cry all the harder."
"Because I hated him too much. I was going to show him he couldn't touch me, not inside where it counted. I stopped crying and stared him in the face until he quit. I only spoke to him once after that."
"What did your mother do?"
"Stand around wringing her hands and begging me not to anger my father while one of the women in the kitchen put salve on my welts. Ma always believed Pa would be loving and kind if his sons just wouldn't make him angry."
"What was the one time you spoke to him?"
"I ran away. George brought me back, but I made up my mind to get back at Pa. I jammed a rock between the hoof and frog of his favorite hunter's left fore. When it came time for the big fall hunt, the horse came up lame, and Pa lost a big bet. I told him I did it. He nearly killed me, but I just looked at him. I told him if he ever touched me again, I'd kill him when I grew up. Soon after that we moved to Texas. Pa joined the Confederate army, and I never saw him again."
Daisy didn't know when or how it happened, but she found herself out of her own bedroll and next to Tyler, her arms around him. It reminded her of the night he held her when she cried about her father, only Tyler wasn't crying. He couldn't.
"I decided if I didn't feel anything, nothing could hurt me. I didn't feel anything when we left Virginia, when Pa and the boys left for the War, when Ma died. But now, when I want to feel something, I can't."
Daisy wondered if he had really tried. It probably scared him too much, made him feel he was losing control. She had never had control. Falling in love had actually liberated her. He had done that for her and didn't even know it.
"I didn't say this to convince you I'm any different than you think. I'm not sure why I told you. I just thought you might like to know."
Daisy took Tyler's arm and put it around her. Her own feelings were just as tumultuous, but she was even more certain she loved him. If she could have done something for him, she would have. But by now, she'd tried everything she could think of. She could only continue to love him.
"I'm cold," she said. She hadn't meant to utter the words, but she'd been thinking them. She'd been thinking something else, too.
"I can't sleep next to you all night, then leave before dawn like I did in the cabin."
"I know."
"But you don't want to marry a dreamer, a man with gold fever, a man who tries to boss you around."
"I love a man like you."
"I don't understand."
"Neither do I."
Tyler reached over and brushed her cheek. "I do love you. I'm not just saying that. I wouldn't want you to be sorry in the morning."
"I'll only be sorry if you don't."
"I've wanted to make love to you almost from the first moment I saw you."
It was a charming thing for him to say, but just because he said it didn't mean she had to be brainless enough to believe it. "You couldn't have, not with blood on my face and my head wrapped in bandages."
"Prospectors don't see many women. You looked good to me, even if you weren't looking your best just then."
A mixed compliment at best, but she guessed she'd take it until something better came along. He leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips.
"I'm glad you're not petite and frail."
"And I'm glad you're not impeccably dressed with perfect manners."
"I'd still want to make love to you, even if all I had was a bed of pine needles."
Pine needles were okay as long as she shared them with Tyler. Somehow it seemed appropriate. She'd spent her whole life feeling like an outcast, first from the society that produced her parents, then from the society she would have entered as Guy's wife. She felt comfortable sleeping on pine needles next to a cowhand dressed in cotton, linen, and buckskin.
It felt as good to be in Tyler's arms as she remembered. It brought with it a level of excitement that had Daisy feeling too warm to remain under so many blankets. She didn't object when Tyler pulled her out of the bedroll. She didn't notice the cold. There was no guilt this time, no need to stop. She found it hard to believe just being held could give her so much pleasure. She liked the warmth of his nearness. She liked the comfort of his strength, the solid support of his firm, muscled body against her own.
Being in his arms just felt right.
She was aware her feet were still in the space between their two beds. She pulled them inside and shoved them deep into Tyler's bed.
"You're cold," he whispered.
"Only my feet."
He pulled her closer. He seemed to envelope her with his warmth. She wondered what could be so comforting about being in a man's arms, even a man as big as Tyler. It didn't change anything in the past. The rest of the world was exactly the same. She even doubted it would have any real effect on the future. Despite all this, everything seemed new, different, like she was seeing and feeling everything for the first time.
&
nbsp; Tyler kissed her gently, merely brushing her lips with his. It was an unexpected change from the hard, hungry kisses she had come to expect. Confounding her even more, he traced her lips with the tip of his tongue. It made shivers race back and forth over her body. He seemed to be tasting her. Her mouth opened and her tongue sought his, but it fled to be lost in a series of kisses which became more and more urgent.
She could hear Tyler's breathing become a little faster. His kisses grew less gentle, more insistent. Nor did they seem aimless. They were hot and kindled an equal heat in her.
That feeling in her belly was back. It was a strange excitement, delicious and discomfiting at the same time. It seemed to affect her muscles, making them difficult to control. It caused heat to flow throughout her body in a steady stream.
The feel of Tyler's hands on her body increased the heat and trembling until it was difficult for Daisy to focus her thoughts. The myriad of feelings and sensations were new, and each clamored for primacy. It wasn't long before she was overwhelmed. When Tyler slipped his hand inside her shirt and cupped her breast in his calloused hand, her brain gave up trying to distinguish, differentiate or analyze. It even stopped trying to record.
It simply experienced.
Shivers of excitement ricocheted along her ribs like shotgun pellets in a cave. The pressure of his fingertip on her nipple was like a small explosion. The friction as he gently rubbed the puckered skin drew heat from inside her. She was unable to remain still. Her body arched against his hand, bringing her abdomen into contact with a hardened length low on Tyler's abdomen.
Their lips locked in a fierce kiss which mirrored their need for each other. Heat blazed through Daisy like a wind-driven forest fire through dry brush. Her own breath caught in her throat, then escaped with an explosion that caused her body go limp. But only for a moment. The feel of Tyler's fingers as they moved down her body unbuttoning her shirt caused her muscles to bunch, her breathing to become erratic, her skin to quiver under his touch.
Tyler's tongue snaked into her mouth. Her tongue darted out to meet his. They engaged in a sinuous frolic with the grace of two dancers. They entwined in a prelude to the joining of their bodies. The feeling of urgency grew until their breaths became noisy, uneven gasps.
The feeling was even more intense when he began to unbutton her chemise. The feel of the night air on her hot, bare skin caused a shiver to race through her. Moments later Tyler's open hand covered her skin, blocking out all awareness of the crisp night air. His hand moved over her breast, cupped it, then moved down her side and to her stomach. The roughness of his hand chaffed her soft skin, making the feeling still more intense.
But nothing compared to the shocks that rocked her body when Tyler leaned forward and took her breast in his mouth. Daisy thought her body would explode.
The hot moisture of his tongue scalded her skin. Her breast became so sensitive, the nipple so firm it was a mixture of agony and pleasure. At times she couldn't decide which was stronger. It was only increased by Tyler hand caressing her other breast, creating with fingertips and open palm a pleasure nearly as intense as that from his mouth.
Daisy cried out when he took her nipple between his teeth. She tried to hold it in, but the shuddering moan would not be contained. Through the blazing swirl of passion that was slowly engulfing her, she reached out with shaky fingers to unbutton Tyler's shirt. The feel of his muscles quivering under her touch was like an aphrodisiac. She could feel the power of his muscled chest, feel the strength of his broad shoulders. His body was a work of art, the work-hardened muscles of a man who had built his body into a fine-tuned masterpiece. She buried her fingers in the soft mat of brown hair that clustered in the center of his chest and tapered to a narrowing band as it sank toward his middle.
She intended to remove Tyler's shirt, to study every inch of him until he was no longer a mystery, but she found her strength and willpower fading. Tyler had removed her shirt, slipped the chemise over her shoulders, and was in the process of slipping chemise and skirt from her body. The prospect of lying naked in his embrace made her forget everything else.
Tyler shrugged out of his own clothes. Long before she had become accustomed to her own state of undress, Tyler's naked body joined hers.
The fact they were naked next to each other stunned her. The fact his hands wandered over her body, touching, caressing, exploring was more than she could comprehend. Daisy felt completely at Tyler's mercy. The more intimately he touched her, the more helpless she became. Each increment of familiarity seemed more shattering than the last. She felt swept away on a tide of swirling sensations that carried her willy-nilly through one stunning experience after another.
Tyler slipped his leg between hers, and her body clamped down tight.
"Relax," he whispered. "I won't hurt you."
She hadn't thought he would, but she no longer controlled her body. She no longer controlled anything about herself. Her body reacted to him with a will of its own.
"You must relax and open for me," Tyler said.
She tried, but her body wouldn't respond to her will. With gentle pressure, Tyler moved his leg farther between hers until she felt the muscles give way.
"I promise no to hurt you any more than necessary."
It wasn't hurt she feared or felt, only surprise and unfamiliarity, anticipation of something more. Tyler put his arms around her and pulled her to him. She stiffened at the unmistakable sign of his own arousal, but he merely held her close. He talked softly, kissed her gently, caressed her hair. Held her.
The warmth from Tyler's body suffused her own and she was gradually able to relax. Even when his hand moved down her back, dipped at the small of her back, and cupped her buttocks, she was able to contain her surprise, absorb the shock waves of sensation without becoming rigid. All that changed when he slipped his hand between her legs. She gasped for breath, and her body became taut.
Daisy didn't know how she was going to feel pleasure when panic threatened to drown every other emotion. She was certain of it when Tyler invaded her body. Every part of her being screamed in warning, seemed ready to rise up and fight off the intrusion.
But somewhere deep down behind the fear and the tension and the uncertainty, Daisy felt the feeling in her belly begin to grow and spread like water pooling after a summer rain. Even as her mind struggled to come to terms with what was happening to her, her body accepted it eagerly. She felt herself begin to relax, to move against Tyler, to want more instead of less. The feeling of warmth continued to grow and she felt her whole body begin to respond to his touch. Gradually her whole awareness narrowed until she thought of nothing else but the magic Tyler wrought.
She didn't know when Tyler moved over her. She only became aware when he withdrew his hand. "This may feel a little uncomfortable at first," he said.
She felt the pressure of him as he slowly entered her. But he was so gentle that in moments she was pressing against him, wanting him to reach the need buried deep inside her.
"This may hurt," he warned, "but it will only last a moment."
Tyler sank all the way into her. A sharp pain caused her to cry out, but he covered her mouth with a kiss. As he began to move within her, she felt the pain recede, the aching need grow and intensify until she felt nothing else. It seemed to gather her body and reduce it to a single white-hot kernel of such aching, longing she was conscious of nothing else.
She clung to Tyler, tried to envelope him, tried to absorb him so he could reach that spot deep within and satisfy the need that seemed to grow stronger with each second. Her need became urgent then nearly frantic. Tyler didn't seem to be doing enough to end this agony which was sweet and bitter all at the same time.
Daisy's need grew until she was conscious of nothing else, cared for nothing else. Bands inside her seemed to grow tighter and tighter until she felt she would be compressed into nothingness. Only her need seemed to grow without limitation.
Then she felt the beginning of a wave that lif
ted her, then another, then a continuing series until she felt tossed helplessly by them. She clung to Tyler, her fingers sunk deep in his flesh, her body fighting to force him to find the soul of her need.
Waves of sensual pleasure pulsed through her, throbbed until she was certain she wouldn't be able to breathe. One last pulsating wave welled up from deep inside and just as she thought she would die, the dam broke, and release flooded through her in waves of sobbing relief.
Only after some of the tension had ebbed from her body did she realize Tyler was now in the throws of the same need which had so recently teased and tortured her. His body was rigid, his breath came in noisy gasps, and his movement less smooth. Moving more deeply and rapidly, he pitched himself forward until his body locked and he emptied himself into her in a series of powerful thrusts.
Finally, his energy spent, Tyler collapsed next to her.
Daisy lay still for what seemed like hours, trying to absorb the full enormity of what had just happened to her. She didn't want to talk or move. She just wanted to feel. Tyler lay with his arms around her, her body nestled protectively against his body. It seemed impossible they could ever be separated after this. A bond had been forged between them that seemed more powerful than the differences between them. Everything had changed.
Yet nothing had changed.
It would take her a while to understand it all. In the meantime, she was content to remain where she was.
Tyler had never wanted to linger after being with a woman. Now he didn't want to leave. Daisy lay in the curve of his body, her warmth mingled with his. It was such an odd feeling sharing a bed. Only it wasn't the sharing of the bed that was the reason for the feeling. It was the sharing of a small part of himself. Putting his arms around her, holding her to him, wanting to be near her, required he make a small break in the ring of defenses he'd built around himself. The break made him uneasy, but it didn't make him feel bad.
It's what the break implied that scared him senseless.
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