by Shaw, O. C
I turn to look at Annie. “Thank you so much. You and Emma. I don’t know what I would have done without you. I feel like you have helped me find myself again, as if I’ve been asleep for ages and I’ve finally woken up.”
“I told you, Lil, you’re like a butterfly. Promise me you won’t let yourself go back to sleep again; this is your moment, darling. Life is so very short, so you have to grab it with both hands.” We spend a few fun minutes taking various photos of me, while I pretend to be a model, and then she emails them to Emma. The response is almost instantaneous:
Lil, your outer beauty has finally been allowed to shine and reflects your beautiful personality. You look so very wonderful, and I am very jealous not to be sharing it with you. Make sure you enjoy every moment, and then I want a repeat performance that I get to share when you get home, please. Love you, babe. Have an amazing evening. E x
While I read the email Annie slips into her silver sparkly sheath dress. It’s short, and her legs look amazing. She has put her hair up so that ringlets cascade around her face. She looks dazzling, and together we make quite a sight. I suddenly feel nervous.
“Ready?” Annie asks, sensing my sudden reluctance to leave the room. “Come on, babe, you can’t get all dressed up like that and then stay in your room all night. Shoulders back, head high, let’s go and show them what we’re made of. Oh, and try not to trip over anything,” she sniggers.
With that she grabs my hand and pulls me from the room. Arm in arm we descend the stairs and walk into the room where drinks are being served. Most people are already standing in small groups, chatting and drinking, but the conversation stops as we enter. Stuart and James are standing and talking, dressed in their black tie, but pause when they see us. Stuart moves swiftly to Annie’s side, puts his arm around her, kisses her cheek and whispers something in her ear that makes her laugh. I envy her the easiness of her singledom. I want someone to embrace me that way, and yet there’s no way I could ever imagine Greg in this situation, moving to my side to tell me I looked lovely. I couldn’t remember the last time we had even gone out anywhere together. When I look over to where James had been standing he’s gone, no longer standing at the fireplace. I feel a moment of disappointment. I don’t know what reaction I had expected, but I had at least expected something.
“You look fabulous, Lily,” Stuart leans over to include me in their conversation, and I’m pathetically grateful to him for noticing me standing there awkwardly on my own. “I am totally getting a photo of you looking like that to use in our advertising at the gym. Have you got a photo of yourself before I brought about such amazing changes to your body, so I can do a before and after?”
I laugh and tell him he has completely fulfilled all the preconceived ideas I’d had about him when I first met him when I joined the gym. Pete comes over with Pat to join us and hands me a glass of champagne. I smile at him gratefully, glad he has carried on being a good friend despite our earlier awkward moments.
“Lily, you look amazing,” he said, as Pat agrees. “I’m not sure I can ever get over the fact you’re already married,” he adds with a sad little puppy dog smile. He looks so sweet and sincere when he says it that I lean over and kiss him on the cheek by way of a thank you. As I pull away from him I feel James’ presence behind me even before he says anything, as if a magnetic force were pulling me towards him.
“You take my breath away, Lily Lambert,” he whispers in my ear while the others are chatting about the walk tomorrow. I turn to face him, drowning in the blueness of his eyes for a moment. “And it would seem you have the same effect on most of the other poor men here too,” he says, casting a stare in Pete’s direction, “judging by the looks you’re getting. It’s killing me, Lily, to have you here so close and not be able to touch you as I want to,” he breathes. Pete turns to me at that point as if to ask me something, touching my arm as he does so, but steps back a pace under the weight of James’ glare, uncertain what he might have done.
“Dinner is served,” a lady in serving attire announces to the room, breaking the tension between the two men and giving me a chance to calm my breathing a little. I couldn’t feel less like eating if I tried.
“Come,” James announces, offering me his arm to escort me into the dining room. It would be churlish to say no, so I hook my arm around his and lightly place my fingers onto his arm. He looks at them and smiles – so it wasn’t just me who felt the connection every time we touched.
The dining room is laid out formally; it appears we are having several courses, despite the fact my appetite has run for the hills due to the nervous fluttering that had filled my belly. James sits at the head of the table and places me to his right. Pete fills the place to my right, with Pat beside him. The only dark spot is when Sarah sits to the left of James, opposite me. She gives me a complete once-over, her eyes taking in my appearance before commenting, “It’s nice to see you make a bit of effort for once, Lily.”
“Thank you, Sarah, and you look lovely as ever,” I say, completely ignoring her snide tone and the childish comment. She actually does, and I’m in far too good a mood to let her spoil it. The conversation moves on, flowing from the exploits of the walks to holiday plans for the summer. I sit there quietly listening to the ebb and flow of people’s voices, enjoying the camaraderie that had built amongst the group over such a short time. I can’t actually believe that tomorrow evening I will be back at home with Greg and Ethan. Home feels a million miles away, and it’s going to be hard to go back.
Several times during the meal I feel James’ thigh brush mine and I find myself waiting after each occasion for the next time it would happen – hoping it would, and that it would be soon. Even such a brief contact would send an electric thrill through my skin which seemed to be hardwired straight to my groin, leaving me in a state of acute arousal which did little for my appetite for food. The meal slowly weaves its way through three excellently prepared and served courses that I could only really pick at. When the last course is finally cleared I’m relieved.
Stuart takes the opportunity before people start to drift off to say a few words to the group, standing and tapping his glass with a spoon to get people’s attention; “I just want to thank you for making the effort to come all this way in order to raise some money for little Emily. I know her mum and dad, who many of you know from the gym, are hugely touched at what you’ve done. I’m delighted and proud to say that the collective sponsorship efforts of the group have raised nearly £4000.” The group cheers and applauds while Stuart continues, “But even better than that, in addition to the amount we raised, our benevolent host James has agreed, as he told me just a little earlier this evening, to match our total himself! So Emily and her family will have £8000 to help with treatment or support for the family.”
There are huge cheers this time, including from me. James holds his hands up, and the group instantly quietens.
“Someone I know once told me it’s what you do with your money that makes you happy, not the money itself, so apparently I’m getting more pleasure from this than anyone.” Everyone laughs. He looks around at all the people in the room, lingering on me before continuing, “As Stuart said, you’ve done an amazing job with what you’ve raised, seriously, and I just wanted to do my bit too. So, enough of the talk, I hope you enjoy the rest of the evening and make the most of the house. We’ve laid some coffee out in the other room if you want to go through, with a little bit of dancing if you wish, or there’s a games room down the hall that you’re of course welcome to make use of. Enjoy; Mrs Edge will show you where everything is.” The group gradually gets to their feet and starts moving towards the room Mrs Edge is indicating, where I can hear some music is now playing. I sit gazing at James; it just seems too good to be true that so many qualities could reside within one person.
“That was a wonderful thing you did, James,” I say softly. He smiles. “Almost Buddhist,” I continue. “I think they believe, among other things, the path to happiness is to
do things for others. I would say you just helped yourself to a little bit of happiness right there.”
“You gave me the idea,” he says, gently placing his hand in the small of my back as we get to our feet. It’s a small gesture, but my body reacts instantly to his touch. I gasp and look at him, my mouth opening slightly, eyes widening – I have a feeling we’re both remembering that kiss. He stares back at me, feeling the same magnetic pull to just keep touching each other somehow.
“Dance with me,” he insists, taking my hand and leading me to a room with an area where the floor has been cleared and music is playing from an iPod through speakers. A few other couples, including Annie and Stuart, are already there. I know it isn’t a good idea, but I can’t resist as he finally puts his arms around me, finding myself leaning in against his body as we sway together in time to the unknown piece of music. He rests his cheek on the top of my head and I feel cocooned within his protective arms. We don’t speak at all until the track finishes all too soon, when he looks intensely into my eyes and whispers, “This is too public, and I’m not saying that on my behalf but to protect you.” He casts a meaningful look around the room at several people who are surreptitiously watching us with interest from the corners. “I need to be alone with you, Lily, and I think, or at least I hope, you feel the same way.” He doesn’t wait for me to answer. “Come to my room later, please,” he breathes, before moving apart from me and walking away to get a drink and talk to some of the others. I stand there for a moment, feeling bereft at the absence of his touch, before collecting my wits enough to walk into the other room and find myself a drink. My head is in pieces. The ball is firmly in my court now, and I’m in complete turmoil. This is indeed the crossroads Annie had warned me about, and I’m clueless what I’m going to do. Aware it would look strange if I just stood there in the middle of the room on my own, I join the edge of a group who are talking happily and animatedly about something, making sure I smile at all the same times as they seem to. All the while, however, my thoughts are flitting between reasons to go and reasons not to. Could I ever live with myself again if I go? Could I ever live with the regret if I didn’t? What could the consequences be of going? What about Greg, what about my marriage vows? I’m afraid my face might look like Edvard Munch’s “The Scream” painting if I saw myself in a mirror. I don’t see James for the rest of the evening.
After midnight I find myself drifting out of the room and up the stairs. I’m not conscious of the decision I’ve made until I pass my room and softly knock on his door. When it opens almost instantly, I step inside without hesitation, and he closes it softly behind me.
“I wasn’t sure you’d come,” he says honestly.
“I wasn’t either,” I reply, walking towards him. As we stand there looking at each other, less than an inch apart, I can feel every fibre of my body reaching out to his, yearning for him. He reaches out and pulls me to him, pressing his lips to mine, softly at first and then with increasing fervour, and my body explodes with joy as I kiss him back this time. I can’t get close enough to him now, pressing my body hard against the firmness of his own until he groans. His tongue pushes past my lips, probing gently into my mouth, dancing with my own erotically, while his hands run all over my body; first my waist, then my thighs and finally my breasts. I can feel his erection already pressing into my belly, and my body responds in kind, a creamy wetness forming in my panties. All I know is I need to feel him, the touch of his skin close to mine, as even his clothes are too much distance for me now. With fumbling fingers I start to undo the buttons on his shirt, while he reaches behind for my zip. I pause my efforts to let him peel my dress down my body, standing there while his gaze rakes over me, from heels to suspenders and bra, my breath coming in small pants now as I see the naked lust in his eyes and know it mirrors my own. He quickly removes his shirt, and my hungry gaze roams all over his chest and abdomen. He is as toned and sleekly muscled as I had imagined him to be, no evidence of any middle-aged spread in sight, and unable to stop myself, I tentatively reach out to touch him. As I do he closes his eyes and leans his head back, his mouth opening slightly. I touch one of his nipples with a fingernail, seeing the corresponding twitch in his groin and enjoying the feeling of power it gives me. I step closer and place my lips over his nipple, first sucking, then flicking it with my tongue before gently using my teeth to tease it until he groans again. In one swift move he sweeps my legs out from under me and carries me over to the bed, where he lays me down gently. We lie there for a moment before he unhooks my bra with deft fingers and tears my panties from me in one swift move, leaving me there in just my suspenders and heels.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” he says as his eyes take in every part of my nakedness. He touches me then; first my breasts, taking each by turn, playing with the nipple with his fingers until they’re so sensitive each touch makes me moan, then lowering his mouth and sucking and teasing them until my body arches off the bed to help him take more. When his hand reaches down between my thighs and he feels how wet I am for him, he can only moan his appreciation before positioning himself further down the bed, spreading my thighs wide and lowering his head to taste me. I have never received oral sex before, only given it. The touch of his tongue playing on and around my clit, teasing, before it finally thrusts up inside me is more than my already sensitive body can handle, and I cry out all too soon as wave after wave of beautiful orgasm crash through me. As my senses finally return, I realise James has removed the rest of his clothes and is now kneeling between my parted thighs, his red, engorged cock glistening with anticipation as he positions himself at my opening. He looks straight into my eyes with an intensity of emotion as he slowly presses himself into me, pausing after the first inch, the delicious sensation teasing and thrilling me until I can’t take it anymore and need to feel all of him.
“Please, James,” I beg him, watching the look of the male predator take over, seeing him enjoying the control he has over my pleasure, dominating me, as he slides himself the rest of the way inside. He fills me completely, and for a moment I can only marvel at my sense of fulfilment at having him there, as close to me as it’s possible to be. Then he begins to move again, slowly at first, withdrawing completely and then thrusting back to the hilt, building faster and faster until my mind is lost once more in the cacophony of sensations coursing through my body as I tip finally over into a second orgasm, only to feel his own body tense and then relax moments after as he calls my name and spills himself within me.
Chapter 15
I slowly come back to my senses enough to become aware of a bright pair of blue eyes gazing down at me. He’s still lying on top of me, still inside me, propping his chest up with his elbows.
“Hello,” he says, and he smiles the sweetest smile I think I have ever seen.
“Hello,” I say, smiling back but suddenly feeling shy. I feel tears begin to well in my eyes.
“Hey,” he says, looking instantly anxious, “please don’t regret it.”
“I don’t, I’m not. I’m just a bit overwhelmed. It’s never been like that for me,” I try to explain. He looks instantly relieved, and just a little bit pleased with himself. “Best ever, eh?” I smile and nod but feel the need to take him down a peg or two.
“Of course I only had a sample of one before tonight, and it could just have been a one-off...”
“You cheeky miss,” he says, grinding his groin into mine. I can feel him hardening again inside me. “Now look what you’ve gone and done,” he murmurs, lowering his face to kiss me again. He is gentle and sensual this time, the connection deeper than I have ever felt before, as he fills me completely again. He pulls me up so that I’m sitting on his lap with him on his knees, and we rock there together, unwilling to pull apart even for a moment. The sensation builds as we move until James whispers: “Now, baby,” and my body obeys, fracturing into little pieces of sensation with a gravitational pull centred around him as he rocks into me twice more and comes with a groan, burying h
is face into my neck as I hold him tight until our breathing and heart rates both return to normal.
Eventually, sometime later James remembers he has a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket he had brought up for us to share in the hope I would come to his room.
“Was I that much of a foregone conclusion?” I worry out loud.
“No, never – I hoped, that’s all,” he says, removing the cork and pouring us both a glass as I pull his spare bathrobe around me.
“Why?” I can’t help asking.
“What do you mean ‘why’?” he asks, sounding genuinely bemused.
“Okay,” I said, taking a gulp of champagne to give me confidence, “I’m going to just say it like it is. What I mean is I am a married, 37-year-old mother of twins, with the body to match, while you are a gorgeous, single, wealthy Rob Lowe look-alike who, just so you know, in my opinion is probably one of the sexiest men alive. You could have virtually any woman you wanted, including several in this house right now, and yet here you are with me, and frankly I have no idea why.”
“Wow,” he says, blinking at me, “wow, where do I start? Firstly, Rob Lowe, should I be jealous? Don’t answer that,” he adds quickly, pretending to look worried, and I laugh. “Secondly, your body is beautiful. I don’t think you see yourself properly when you look in a mirror, and for the record, you have the best pair of natural breasts I have seen on any woman ever, and I have to admit I’ve seen a few.” I feel a flush of pleasure followed by a little spike of jealousy at the thought of all his other women as he continues. “You do things to me, baby, just by looking at me. I haven’t seen another woman since I clapped eyes on you at the gym, but it’s more than that. They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and yours is the most beautiful soul I’ve ever seen. What you’ve done for your family, how generous you are with people – I’ve seen it even in the time you’ve been here. You’re the whole package, Lily, and any man would fight to have you.” A little sob escapes my lips as I move into his arms and he holds me there, stroking my hair and pressing little kisses to the side of my face.