by Harte, Jenna
She remembered Wilson telling her about a near-miss when hunting and wondered if Wilson had set that up or if it really was a negligent hunter. Or maybe someone else. Ultimately, she couldn't see the “smoking gun” in her notes. She wasn't sure she'd see it even if there were neon-colored arrows pointing to it. She was exhausted and her medication was wearing off, if the dull pain on her head and shoulder were any indication.
She set her notes aside, changed into her sweat pants, took more medication, and lay down on the bed, hoping for a dreamless, peaceful sleep.
Chapter Twelve
Jack focused on the road ahead and tried to figure out what he was going to say to Tess. He knew it was wrong for him to leave town without telling her. He knew that she was aware that he'd left town, thanks to Brad. And he could hear the stress in her voice in her last message. He should have called her sooner, but Cora hid his phone, wanting nothing to disrupt their day together. Not that he couldn't have gotten it back. He was twice as tall, a hundred pounds heavier, and nearly fifty years younger than her. He was sure he could have wrangled it from her. But she deserved his attention, so he turned off all thoughts of the drama in Jefferson Tavern and enjoyed the day.
But now as he neared the exit that would take him to Tess' hotel, he knew he'd been wrong not to call and wondered just how much damage he'd done. It was hard to tell with Tess sometimes. Her move to the hotel had been an unexpected and huge blow. He'd been sure she'd gotten over her insecurities about love and relationships. He'd been wrong. His silence over the last day certainly hadn't helped.
Parking the car in the hotel's garage, he made his way up to her room, his mind in a whirl. He knew how to apologize, but he didn't know how to tell her all the other things going on in his head that he was sure she wouldn't like.
In hindsight, he should have stayed away from Liv. But how could he when she'd been such a support to him when his mother died? Tess couldn't know how difficult the loss had been. It was like the foundation had been ripped out from under him. He probably should have gone to counseling, but the bottle and woman were easier. Finding Liv had been just as wrong as all the drinking, worse actually, since she was married. But she'd somehow grounded him. And he could see that his needing her had given her something she needed as well. He hadn't loved her, but at the time he needed and cared for her. It was more than she'd gotten from her husband.
But even in a loveless marriage, Liv wouldn't have killed her husband. She'd have her affairs, yes. But cheating was a long way from murder. If she'd wanted out or needed help, she could have come to him just as she did after her husband's death.
Jack took a deep breath, and knocked on Tess' door. When she opened the door and smiled, tentative as it was, Jack's brained emptied of everything except wanting to touch her. He started to reach for her, until he noticed the bandage on her temple.
“What happened?” he asked.
“I was about to ask you the same thing.” Her voice was wary, which scared him. He wanted her to be mad because it would indicate she was still invested in their relationship.
“Tess.” He reached out, brushing his fingers over the bandage.
She sighed and moved to let him in. “I had an accident.”
“How? Where?”
“In Bucks County.”
Jack's concern morphed into annoyance. “Bucks County? You took what I told you about the Senator's interest in Liv's property and used it against her?”
Her eyes hardened. “Do you know how insulting that is? It's bad enough that you dismiss all my concerns about Liv, but now you think I'm incapable of learning about Charles Danforth's—not Liv's—property on my own. Or that I'd use you?” She turned away from him, and went to sit on the edge of her bed. She looked exhausted, mentally and physically.
All of a sudden, he felt like a bigger jerk than he already was. “No. Of course you're capable. I'm sorry. And I don't dismiss your concerns. Just because I don't agree doesn't mean I don't think your ideas have value. And while I'm apologizing, I'm sorry for not letting you know I went out of town. Or calling you back today.”
“Cora took your phone?”
He nodded. “But that's not an excuse. The truth was I needed some time away to think things through.”
“What things?”
Jack moved a chair so he could sit near her and take her hands in his. “Did you know that when I saw you again in February, I'd been planning to sell my house?”
“I think I remember you saying something about that.”
“But then I found you again, and convinced you to be with me,” he said with a weak smile. Hers was just as weak back. “The point is the only reason I'm still in Jefferson Tavern is you.”
“Is it so bad here?”
“Right now? Yes. The Worthingtons are sucking the life out of me and the town thinks I'm a cheater.” He purposefully didn't mention the fact that she'd moved out on him.
“And what about me?”
“I love you.”
“But you think I believe like the town does?”
“No. I think you know I haven't cheated on you. But I think you worry about it. And in the beginning I suppose you had that right, considering your experiences in the past. But now Tess, after all this time, you have to know how I feel about you.”
“I do. And I'm not worried that you'll cheat with Liv. Or anyone.” Jack shook his head. Then why was she here, in a hotel? It made no sense to him. “I just don't think we're ready for that much commitment,” she explained.
It was like a punch to the gut. He was 110 percent committed, but she wasn't.
“We are still learning about each other, how to be around each other.”
“That's bull!”
She jerked back, and in doing so her hands slipped from his.
“The only thing different in this new version of our relationship is that you're not at my house. We still see each other. Hell, we still have sex. The only thing we don't do is sleep in the same bed and wake up in the same house. How is spending every night together somehow too committed compared to everything else we do?”
He could see in her eyes that she was unsure of her own thinking.
“Take this thing with Liv,” Tess said.
“What about it? I thought you said you believed me.”
“I do. But ever since it started, we haven't been able to communicate. We just end up arguing over the same things. It's never resolved.”
“We can agree to disagree.”
She took a deep breath and something about the look in her eyes told him she had a few unpleasant things to say to him.
“I know that you're faithful. What bothers me is how easily you dismiss my feelings that she's bad news for you. You believe her over me.”
“I'm not choosing to believe one over the other.”
“Aren't you?”
The tension snapped and anger took over. He stood and began to pace the room. “So you want me to take your side just because we happen to be in love? I'm not a doormat, Tess.”
“No. I want you to at least consider—”
“Being in love doesn't mean we can't have differing beliefs or see things differently.”
“I know.”
“No, I don't think you do. I haven't once asked you to stop working with Daniel even though you know I don't like him. And I haven't asked you take my side on this issue.”
Tess bit her lip and he thought he'd made his point. “I don't want you to do something against your conscience. I just don't understand why what she says has more merit than what I say.”
“It doesn't,” he shot back. Why did she always have to question his love, his loyalty towards her? “Tess, you have yet to present me with any evidence that makes me think she's involved.”
“My instinct doesn't count?”
“You of all people, you know that what you think doesn't mean anything if there is no proof. The so-called evidence you and Daniel have is even more circumstantial than what the police had wh
en they accused me of killing Asa. And I didn't do it. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt because she'd a friend and I believe her.”
“We aren't in court, Jack. I shouldn't need proof with you.”
The truth of her words sent a wave of guilt through him. But it wasn't enough to make him acquiesce. He'd done too much of that already with her and he didn't like how it made him feel.
“You don't trust me,” she said.
“Trust? You don't trust me either. You think I'm so gooey-eyed over her that she'll lead me to who knows what. I'm not an idiot, Tess. I know Liv's shortcomings. I'm a big boy who knows the difference between right and wrong.”
“You don't trust that maybe there is something to my instincts about her.”
“I believe you see discrepancies in her story and think there is something to it. But that doesn't mean Liv's guilty. I'm sure your instincts have been wrong before.”
Her eyes went dark as they looked into his. “Yes, they have.”
He knew she wasn't referring to Liv and it felt like a stab in the heart. “Have some compassion, Tess. She just lost a baby and now her husband. She may seem shallow, but she is a human being.”
Tess stood, turned her back to him as she went to the restroom. He wondered if she was going to lock herself in. For some reason, it pissed him off even more. He followed and found her splashing water on her face. Last night they'd made love over that sink. It felt like a lifetime ago.
“I don't want to talk about it anymore.”
“Why? Because I won't drop to my knees and beg you to forgive me for believing Liv's story? Or is it because she's a woman I used to sleep with? Is that the problem, Tess? Every time her name comes up are you imagining me in bed with her?”
He saw surrender in her eyes, and knew he should stop. But he forged on. “You want something from me, Tess, that you aren't willing to give yourself. At every chance you question my feelings for you. I'm willing to do just about anything to prove my love for you, but I'll be damned if I'm going to give up my own beliefs and sacrifice a friend just to appease your insecurity.”
He had gone over the line. But he was tired of being a schmuck. He'd gone this far, he decided, he might as well go for broke.
He stepped towards her, invading her space. To her credit she didn't shrink away. “Here's the deal, Tess. Either you love and trust me and know that I love and trust you, and you'll pack up your things and return home with me now, or you don't.”
She didn't say anything, but she didn't have to, it was in her eyes. He shook his head, waited a beat just in case. But she only stared at him.
“Fine. I'm done.”
A part of him thought, hoped, that she'd come after him as he headed out the door. He even let the first elevator pass, giving her a chance to come to her senses, and grab hold of what they had, could have together. But she didn't come. She didn't even open the door to see if he'd really left. When the next car arrived, he stepped in. As the elevator dropped to the lower floors, so did his heart.
He got in his car, but couldn't go home to an empty house, so he drove. When he couldn't stand the solitude any longer, he went to the hotel. He took the elevator up and knocked on the door.
“Jack?” Liv said.
~~~~
Tess' first instinct was to follow him and beg him to take her back. Her second instinct was to follow him and tell him to go to hell. But she didn't do either. At first, she was too stunned to move. Then numbness paralyzed her. Was it over? Had he left for good? Or was this just another spat and he'd be back?
It was another indication that there were issues between them. And an ultimatum wasn't the solution. Still, she knew that she was part of the problem as well. Telling him she didn't want to talk about it contradicted her goals. She also understood that it probably did feel to him like she was stepping away from the relationship.
But why had he reacted so strongly? Jack was an emotional man, but this seemed over the top for him. They frequently butted heads and lately, every time they did, it caused cracks in their relationship. And it was always about Liv. Tess wondered if maybe he was right and she was insecure. Or did he still have feeling for Liv that he didn't admit to?
Either way, the result was the same. He'd left and Tess felt the emptiness of her life overwhelm her. How could love so completely devastate a person? It angered her that it could. She was a strong, independent woman alone in a hotel room with her heart shattered in a million pieces.
This love thing was more hassle than it was worth. Sure, the good times were good. Okay, spectacular. But the lows were too painful to bear. Why she'd ever let him talk her into believing in love again was beyond her. Now might be a good time to leave and start over, again. Let Liv get away with murder or worse, get Jack implicated.
She could take her nest egg or even access her trust and go…somewhere else. She was intelligent and resourceful. She could start over in a new town. She'd done it before, more than once. She could do it again, as soon as she had the energy to pick up her heavy heart off the floor. If she didn't die of heartache, she'd rebuild her life.
Except she didn't want to rebuild her life. She wanted Jack. It's what she'd always wanted. Hadn't she second-guessed her decision to move out since the moment she showed up at the hotel? He'd been right that virtually nothing had changed in their relationship since she had moved out, including finding a way to bridge the gap that was between them. Maybe he was right. Maybe the only way to work through it was to jump in and swim.
Tess pulled her suitcase from the closet and began to pack. And she hoped that she'd be welcomed at Jack's place with open arms.
~~~~
“Come in,” Liv invited, standing aside so Jack could enter her hotel suite. “You don't look good. I think the mini-bar is stocked. Want a drink?”
“Yeah sure,” he said entering her room and wondering why he was there.
“Let's see,” she said pulling a handful of little bottles out of the box-sized fridge. “Jack Daniels, Seagram’s 7—”
“Whatever is easy.” He took the bottle she offered, ripped off the top and drank, letting the cool burn glide down.
“Here's another one.”
He took the second bottle and downed its contents, cursing it and himself for not being able to manage the pain in his chest. He sank onto the plush couch.
“Only a woman can make a man look like you do. Did you fight with Tess?”
“Yes.”
“I was just going to order some room service. Why don't I order enough for two and you can tell me about it.”
Without knowing why or even caring, he nodded.
“Good.” She smiled, holding his gaze for a moment then picked up the phone to order food.
“I'm going to get some water.” Jack headed to her bathroom, splashing water on his face. He looked into the mirror and didn't like what he saw. How could a woman bring a man to his knees so easily?
“I hope you like salmon,” Liv said when he returned to the room.
“Salmon is fine.”
“While we wait, why don't you tell me what happened.”
“I shouldn't dump this on you. You're having a tougher time than I am. What can I do for you?” He placed his hand on her shoulder.
She brought her hand to cover his. “My circumstances are different. Charles and I didn't have what you and Tess have.” She cocked her head. “The fight was about me, wasn't it?”
He turned away from her, going to the window that looked over the historic Jefferson Tavern downtown area. “Yes.” He turned back to her. “But you don't want to hear it. The funeral is tomorrow. Is there anything I can do?”
“No. Everything is set. Even Charles' son and daughter-in-law are here. So why don't you tell me about you and Tess.”
“Liv—”
“Really. I'd like the distraction. This whole thing with Charles is overwhelming. I'd like an excuse to forget about it for just a little while.”
He studied her for a moment
, trying to see what Tess saw. “It's complicated. It's not even really about you.”
“It may seem difficult but all things worthwhile take work. Was she upset about the kiss?”
“No. She told me she felt discounted when I defended you.”
“Is she right? Are you dismissing her?”
Jack wished Tess was there so she could see how Liv was in many ways sticking up for her. “No. I believe she sees things about this case that are questionable, but that doesn’t mean you had anything to do with it. As a lawyer, she should know that.”
“But she's not a lawyer, not in this case. She's a woman who loves you and is having to deal with her man defending a former lover to her. I wouldn't like that very much.”
The knock on the door signaled dinner's arrival. Once the server was gone Liv said, “What I don't get is how Tess can't see how much you love her. It's not very often a woman has a man as gaga over her as you are for Tess.”
“I'm not gaga.”
“Jack.” She gave him an amused smile. “You are so gaga. But it looks good on you.”
“It doesn't feel so good right now.” Jack looked down at the food, but didn't eat it.
“She shouldn't feel threatened by me. Even if I wanted to seduce you, which I do, I can see it would never happen. Even now when you are angry and hurt, you're hopelessly in love with her.”
“You don't want to seduce me.”
“Sure I do. I know, I know.” She waved a hand to stave off his protest. “My husband just died, but he didn't love me. And you and I were pretty good together once. Enough to make each other feel okay for a little time.”
It was true, but it wouldn't work now. They may have been okay, but not great. Not like he and Tess were great. And no one, including a beautiful woman like Liv, would be able to make him feel okay, except for Tess.
“You don't love me either,” he said.
“But I do care about you and that is more than I can say for Charles.”