by Brag!: The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing It
Situation: I’m on a jet bound from San Francisco to New York, and the sixty-something stranger seated next to me is reading Jim Collins’s new book, Built to Last. Having just read and enjoyed it immensely, I lean over and engage him in a little chitchat, saying, “You are so lucky to be reading that book. I just finished it and I could read it again, it’s so good.”
Stranger: Oh, you must be either an executive or a consultant.
Me: Well, both, actually. I’m the executive of my own communication consulting firm. I guess that makes me a corporate mutt.
Stranger (laughing): “You ought to copyright that term. What does it mean to be a communication consultant?
Me: Well, I have nothing to do with satellites or space stations. My clients are on the ground, mostly in Fortune 500 companies around the country. They’re CEOs, CFOs, COOs, and all the other Os, throughout the company, who ask me to come in and coach them on everything from what I call podium skills—giving presentations to audiences of all sizes, including clients, shareholders, board members, industry and press conferences, even testifying in front of Congress—to interpersonal communication skills in areas like conflict management and leadership development. The groups I work with are as large as several hundred to a handful of people, and often just one on one. I also offer special programs about women and leadership, and teach at Wharton and at UC Berkeley’s Haas MBA programs.
Stranger: Sounds interesting. How did you get into all of that?
Me: I took a wrong turn out of Hollywood and ended up on Wall Street! It all started when I was still coaching actors for television and film, broadcast anchors and reporters. I began getting panicked calls from friends on Wall Street asking for help with their client and sales presentations. They, of course, were climbing the corporate ladder and socking it away in their 401 Ks. At the time I didn’t think I was doing anything of great artistic importance, so I figured why not see if the coaching I was doing with all these performers would translate to the world of Brooks Brothers suits. My years in the entertainment industry included time as an actor, classical singer, director, theater and music critic, producer, and arts administrator. So I really knew the art of performing. And fortunately my hunch was right—the same skills that make performances dynamic in Hollywood can be applied with equal success to business presentation and communication. My friends and their bosses were pleased with my work, and so I started getting calls from their friends and colleagues who had noticed dramatic improvements in them. I discovered that I really liked this new way of using my skills and experience, was good at it, and could actually make money. (What a concept!) And that’s how it all began.
Situation: My first meeting with a television producer who has read the Wall Street Journal story about my bragging workshops. She asks me to tell her a bit more about my background. Knowing that she is extremely short on time, I jump in with this:
Actually, a friend of mine says I’ve reinvented myself more times than anyone she knows. And I’m never quite sure if it’s because I have the attention span of a gnat, or because I am really interested in so many things. I started off my career as an actor and classical singer and then became a director and producer. It may be hard to believe with my Philadelphia accent, but I actually have a licentiate in speech and drama from the Royal Academy of Music in London, signed by the Queen Mum. That all seems like a very long time ago, because for the last eight or so years I have taken all those skills I used in that performance arena and translated them into the business world, where I have been working with corporate professionals, from CEOs and CFOs and all those other Os, all the way down through the organization, in a wide cross section of industries from Wall Street to Silicon Valley, and points in between. I’ve coached my clients in everything from presentation skills—which most people consider getting up behind a lectern, although it’s really about getting them out in front of one—to interpersonal development and leadership skills.
Situation: A lunchtime speech to a group of lawyers. I open with the following:
My father was a successful Philadelphia attorney and I was sure that I was going to follow suit—and would have, except that one summer after my freshman year in college, I was working in my dad’s law firm, and the managing partner caught me doing an impression of him in the supply room. It was a really good one, too, but he didn’t appreciate the nuances I brought to the performance. In fact, he rather bluntly suggested that I take my talents to the stage rather than the courtroom. So it was good-bye law school and hello to drama school in London. It’s funny, today I work with a lot of attorneys and half of them tell me they wanted to be actors, except they didn’t want to be the “starving actors”—definitely a smart choice! Anyway, most days my life in the entertainment business seems far away from my current incarnation as a communication consultant. And yet it was my graduate training and experience as a director and producer that give me the expertise to work with business leaders on developing executive presence, because the same skills that make performances dynamic in Hollywood can be applied with equal success to trial work and client relations.
Situation: A coaching session with my client. She asks, “How’s the business?” and I reply:
You know that phrase, “Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it”? Well, I think that has happened for me. Work is fabulous. Your boss was complaining to me this morning that I don’t have enough time for him anymore. In fact, he told me that I was like the mold on his shower curtain: I keep spreading through his organization. And I told him it was his own fault, because he had done such a great job turning around his communication style. Now everyone wants to follow suit. I’ve been very lucky and blessed. I get to do everything I love to do and make a living. I perform, direct, teach, write, produce, and critique really smart people, who want to improve and with whom I share a genuine connection. What could be better than that? Someone should smack me if I ever complain!
Situation: I’m courting a new client. The man I’m speaking with by phone, the CFO of a large health care organization, was referred by a friend of his, the president of a hospital in San Francisco. The first question he asks me is whether I’m a doctor. My response:
No, but I almost played one on TV! Actually, my background is in the arts, not the sciences. But because my expertise is communication, I’ve lectured on doctor-patient communication and personal diagnosis at the UC Berkeley School of Public Health, UC Davis, and UCSF. I have also worked with physicians to prepare them as expert witnesses for trial, press interviews, and, as I did with your friend, coached them on communication skills. For the last eight or so years, I’ve taken all the skills I formerly used in the performance arena and translated them into the business world, where I have been working with corporate professionals, from CEOs and CFOs and all those other Os, all the way down through the organization, in a wide cross section of industries from Wall Street to Silicon Valley, and all points in between. I’ve coached my clients in everything from presentation skills—which most people consider getting up behind a lectern, although it’s really about getting them out in front of one—to interpersonal development and leadership skills.
Situation: My class reunion. An old friend, whom I hadn’t seen since the last reunion ten years before, asks me, “Are you still working with actors and comics?” I reply, “My goodness, we haven’t gotten together since I started my own firm in communication and executive coaching? I wasn’t a corporate mutt just yet? Oh dear, it really has been a while. How much time do you have? This could be an all-nighter.”
We chitchat some more, and then (because we really do have all night!) I proceed with:
So when we met last I was working in Hollywood. I began getting panicked calls from friends on Wall Street who were climbing the corporate ladder and actually making money. They were asking for help with their client and sales presentations. At the time I didn’t think I was doing anything of great artistic importance, so I figured why not see if the performance co
aching I was doing would translate to the world of Brooks Brothers suits. My hunch was right: The same skills actors use to make their performances dynamic are exactly what business people need in their communication. My friends were happy. Their bosses were happy. And I was happy because I really liked it, was good at it, and I could actually make money doing it. (What a concept!) I began getting calls from their friends and colleagues who had seen the improvements in them. And when a dear friend of my husband’s was starting a management-consulting firm, I was asked to train her consultants in stand-up skills and marketing. I did a great job, so they referred me to their big corporate clients. I was hired to coach executives who had the Gerald Ford syndrome: They couldn’t walk and talk at the same time. At the beginning this was a natural fit because of my background, but it has eventually evolved from just helping professionals give presentations to also working with them on interpersonal communication skills in areas like conflict management and leadership development. I train groups as large as several hundred to just a few people, and often one on one. I also have special programs in women and leadership, and recently have been invited to academia to torture those poor souls at Wharton and UC Berkeley’s Haas MBA programs.>
As you have read through my week of bragologues and brag bites, I’m sure you noticed that many key pieces in my brag bag were recycled. The situations dictated which colors and flavors I pulled out of the bag and also determined how long I took to weave “The Peggy Klaus Story.” The more options you have in your brag bag, the easier it is to talk about yourself wherever you go and to make a lasting impression on whoever you encounter.
So Who Do You Want to Impress?
At a bragging workshop a woman raised her hand and said, “I’ve only been on the job six months, so there is no one that I really need to brag to other than my boss.” I asked, “But aren’t there some other people you would like to impress?” She was silent. “Look at it this way,” I said. “Think about your career goals for the next six months, the next year, and the next three years.” She responded that her goals included a promotion in the next nine months and eventually running the division. “So whose radar do you need to be on to ensure success?” I asked. She suddenly rattled off ten names of people within the firm and outside the firm, everyone from the CEO to professionals she had met in trade groups.
Great self-promoters are prepared to brag with anyone, anywhere, anytime. But it’s also important to focus on a few key contacts, people who can make a difference in your career, and then make it a point to get in front of them. Ask yourself: Who can help me meet my goals? Of course, if you’re working, you will naturally include your boss. But go beyond just him or her. Is there a colleague who has contacts? Is there an association with key members who might be important to your future? Is there a prospective customer who could become a real feather in your cap? Is there someone in your neighborhood who is highly influential in your field and worth getting to know better? Is there someone in human resources or a head-hunter who could be helpful?
Don’t overwhelm yourself with too many people at once. Choose five to begin with and make it your business to get to know them. First learn everything you can about their backgrounds—maybe a speech they made, where they live, whether they have kids, causes, or hobbies they are particularly passionate about. Details like these will provide a greater number of entry points for approaching them, striking up a conversation, and building a personal relationship. Approach this project with the attitude of making new friends, recognizing that the results will build over time. Remember the saying “It’s not what you know, but who you know” … and with bragging, it’s who knows you!
CHAPTER 3
The Business of Bragging In and Out of the Office
• “I got on the elevator with the chairman and didn’t know what to say. It was my big chance and I blew it!”
• “I was in a meeting and the head of another division asked me my name. I’ve been here for nearly five years, and this guy had no clue who I was. It was embarrassing!”
• “I told them about my promotion, and there was dead silence. I’m now afraid to say another word about myself!”
• “I just worked night and day and my co-worker is stealing the spotlight!”
• “I always take lunch at my desk. Who has time for idle chat?”
• “All I need is to deliver the numbers. They speak for themselves!”
• “Put me in front of five thousand people, but please don’t make me go to one of those corporate cocktail events!”
• “I’ve sat in on way too many business pitches where the presenters are focused entirely on themselves and their accomplishments.”
• “I thought that my co-workers would think I was kissing up! So I never approached the director at the dinner.
Getting the credit and recognition you want takes work. And I am not talking about slaving away at your desk night after night, assuming that the rest of the world will put two and two together. Or about waiting for the teacher to stamp a gold star on your book report so that you can advance to the head of the class. I mean taking it solely upon yourself to show the world on a daily basis— in a gracious and genuine manner—who you are and what you have done, so you gain the recognition and credit that you deserve and that you need to succeed. Whether it’s office talk, elevator talk, meeting talk, lunch talk, dinner talk, watercooler talk, hallway talk, event talk, networking talk, or even rest room talk, your self-promotion campaign starts and is sustained by you. Bragging is all about getting your name out front and center, and your accomplishments circulated, recirculated, freshened and refreshened, time and time again—all in a way that doesn’t come across as disingenuous or too “Me! Me! Me!”
ALWAYS BE ARMED AND READY
“I got on the elevator with the chairman and didn’t know what to say. It was my big chance and I blew it!”
It’s the first month on the job for Alex, the assistant to the chief information officer. He’s at a trade show to check out the competition. It’s his last day at the event and he has loads of juicy insights to share with his new boss that are sure to impress him. In between sessions, Alex gets on the elevator with a stranger and it stops just before reaching the conference floor. The chairman of his company gets on. Whoa! Alex didn’t expect him to be there. No one had told him. (Alex had thought he “was fly-fishing in Alaska.) This is his moment—but he freezes. Completely blindsided, he’s not sure what to say. So he doesn’t say anything. Then the absolute worst thing happens. Mr. Chairman turns to him and says, “I see from your badge we work for the same company. I’m Bob Mayers.” Alex replies, “Yes, I know who you are. I was too embarrassed to say hello.” (Did those words really come out of his mouth? Yes, and after they did, he beat himself up for two days straight.)
What he could have said, warmheartedly, with a sincere smile and a handshake, was, “Hi, Mr. Mayers. I’m Alex Scott. I just joined the company a month ago. I’m the CIO’s new assistant and very excited to be here.” Stepping off the elevator with Mr. Chairman as he entered the lobby, he could have whispered, “It’s been great being here. I’ve spent the last three days sizing up our competition from every angle. I’d love to make an appointment with you sometime next week to tell you what I’ve learned.”
Now, what was so hard about that?
Step one of your bragging campaign is quite simple. Every day remind yourself of four things: your name, your title, your responsibilities, and the positive things you are accomplishing right now for your organization. Have them on the tip of your tongue, raring to go. Leave things to chance and you’ll find yourself rambling, stumbling, and missing out when opportunities come calling on the fly. Whether it’s on the elevator, at the watercooler, around the coffeepot, on an airplane, or waiting for a taxi, you need to have your brag bag with you at all times. “Shoulda, woulda, coulda” isn’t going to get you to where you want to go. Be ready to seize the chance to self-promote at a moment’s notice.
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nbsp; DON’T ASSUME ANYTHING
“I was in a meeting and the head of another division asked me my name. I’ve been here for nearly five years, and this guy had no clue who I was. It was embarrassing!”
We all need to become like Mr. Chairman in the elevator, who so graciously extended himself, Yet many people shy away from introducing themselves, especially to higher-ups. And when they do work up the courage, they mumble their names at an inaudible level, as if they are embarrassed to get any attention. At larger organizations in particular, people often skip this basic courtesy entirely. They assume that everyone will magically know who they are and what they do, or that those who need to know them will beat a path to their door. Skillful self-promoters know better.
Marilyn, a senior broker in the retail division of a major financial institution, learned the hard way. She has been with the company for more than five years, and is considered a star player in her division. For the past year she has been eyeing possible openings in private banking, and doing her best to help out brokers in that division when they call asking for favors in a crunch. At a meeting she attended recently, where several managers from each of the company’s core divisions met, her boss casually mentioned, “Marilyn will take care of those numbers.” The private-banking head asked, “Who’s Marilyn?”
“I was shocked,” said Marilyn. “My face actually flushed. I became beet red. There was no way I could hide my embarrassment.” She added, “Here I had been going out of my way for brokers in that division for twelve months, but somehow my name hadn’t trickled up to their senior management.” After that, Marilyn kicked her self-promotion campaign into high gear. She not only completed the requested report in record time, but also took the opportunity to personally deliver it to Mr. Private-Banking Head. When he thanked her for the quick turnaround, she took the opportunity to tell him how interested she was in shifting to his division. He invited her back for a talk and was surprised to find out how much she already knew about the division, having participated, however indirectly, in some of the bigger projects. Within six months she was offered the transfer she had hoped for, reporting directly to Mr. Private-Banking Head.