Meg smiled too, and, looking at her, Jack saw that the young girl with her hair tied up with string was gone. In her place was a lovely young woman, her curly hair framing a face so enchanting that for a moment he was seized with regret at what he had lost.
He leaned across and tilted her chin with sensitive fingers. ‘Can you forgive me? You know what I thought about as the Germans dragged me over those Italian mountains? You. You and these mountains here. You wouldn’t believe how I longed for them, the wind in my face, the sound of the rushing beck. All I want now, Meg, is a quiet life. I’ve lost my taste for adventuring, and for other women. I want a fresh start. How about it? Is it too late, do you think?’
There was an eagerness, a desperate pleading in his voice. As if she were his last hope, his only hope for the future. Meg swallowed. ‘It’s not that easy. I’ve changed too, Jack. Everything has changed.’
He stared at her. ‘It’s that Irishman, isn’t it?’
She closed her eyes for a moment then plunged into her explanation. ‘Tam has asked me to marry him, and I’ve said yes.’ There, she had told him. She opened her eyes and smiled sadly at Jack. ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t marry you now. There’s nothing left between us. I love Tam.’
Jack’s face clenched with tight anger. The thought of some Yank moving in on his girl while he was sweating in a miserable POW camp was enough to wipe all the guilt from his own mind. ‘Didn’t take him long, did it? He’s been living here nearly six years, Sally Ann told me.’
‘There were circumstances which made it necessary. I was on my own after your father - after Lanky died. I couldn’t manage a big farm like Broombank without help.’
‘Very cosy.’
‘Don’t, Jack. There was a war on. Now it’s over. It’s too late for recriminations.’ All Meg’s courage to deal with the other, more delicate matter of Lissa and how she came to be here, seemed to have deserted her.
‘So what am I supposed to do now?’ Jack coldly asked. ‘You have my house, my land. Another man is sleeping with my girl. What do I get? A few crumbs from your table? A crust to see me on my way?’
‘Oh, Jack, that isn’t fair. You have no reason to be so bitter. I could have written to you long since and confessed about Tam but...’
‘Why didn’t you?’
‘It didn’t seem right, not while you were away fighting. I kept hoping you’d come home on leave. But you never did. That wasn’t my fault. I tried to be fair. Which is more than you were with me.’ She had to say it. She had to get it out, now or never. ‘I know about you and Kath.’
There was a long, awful silence, then Jack scrambled to his feet, a snarl of disgust on his face. ‘I see. You’re going to fling that at me too, are you? I know what you’re at. You’re wanting to switch all the blame on to me.’ He prodded his own chest. ‘I’m the one who went away to fight the bloody war. I’m the one left with nothing. No home, no job, one demob suit and a few quid in my pocket.
‘All right, so Kath and me had a bit of a fling. What of it? We were young, and you were far too serious too soon, and too damned naïve. So I sought a bit of comfort. Is that a crime? While you, Miss Goody-Two Shoes, live the life of Riley with a man you’re not even married to. I remember when you were begging for me to marry you. So don’t try to put the blame on me.’
Meg got to her feet to face him properly. ‘I don’t blame either of us. I loved you once, Jack, you know I did. But things have changed, that’s all I’m saying.’
He pushed his face close to hers and flecks of his spittle hit her face. ‘They’ve changed all right. You’ve got exactly what you’ve been angling for all along. Every damn thing that I own. You’re just like your father. You’re Joe Turner all over again.’
Meg was trembling with dismay and anguish. This wasn’t how she’d meant the conversation to go. ‘That’s not true, not fair. I didn’t set out to steal Broombank from you. It was Lanky’s idea, not mine. You’re only talking like this because you’re angry and upset.’
‘I’ve good cause to be.’
She drew in a deep, shaking breath, determined to finish the task, now she had started. ‘I’ve paid a fair price for Broombank. A local bank gave me a mortgage and your share has been put into an account in your name. You’re all right financially.’
‘A few hundred quid?’
‘It’ll set you up in business somewhere. Buy you a house, whatever you want. I can see that I’ve hurt you and I’m sorry for that. You’re welcome to stay, just as long as it takes for you to feel well again. But that’s all. I have my own life to lead now, Jack.’
‘And it doesn’t include me.’
‘No. I’m afraid it doesn’t.’
He hadn’t taken his eyes from her face through all of this long explanation. ‘Damned if I don’t still want you! You’re a fine woman, Meg Turner. I’d forgotten just how lovely you are when your dander is up.’ One hand snaked around her back and he pulled her to him, holding her fast in his arms when she tried to resist. His kiss was brutal. Unforgiving, possessive and cruelly demanding. When it was done he grinned at her. ‘I wouldn’t mind trying to light your spark again.’
Meg pushed him away and started to run back down to the house to find Tam standing just below them on the path. He had obviously seen everything.
She ran down to him and grasped his arms to look up into his face. ‘It’s all right. I’ve told him.’
Tam didn’t speak for a long moment, nor look at her. His eyes were fixed on Jack. ‘Good,’ he said. ‘Let’s hope he was listening.’
Chapter Sixteen
As winter approached and the weather turned cold the tensions in Ashlea mounted. Jack made no further effort to look for employment, though he continued to waste his demob money on drink.
‘Be careful or you’ll have nothing left,’ Meg warned.
‘There’s plenty in the bank, or so you tell me.’
‘But that’s for your future. It’s time you found a job, Jack, and a place of your own.
‘What sort of a future can I hope for now? I feel too ill to work. I need a drink to help me sleep.’ Outside, a bitter, north-east wind howled, the windows rattling and whining behind the shutters. How could she throw him out?
Tam kept on asking about their wedding. ‘Are you going to fix a date?’
‘Soon,’ she would say. ‘Soon.’
‘What is that supposed to mean?’
‘What I say,’ said Meg in exasperation. There was nothing she would have liked better than to buy a pretty frock and marry Tam. But she daren’t relax yet, not for a minute. She felt close to breaking point. Her loyalties to the two men, who avoided each other like the plague, were stretched beyond endurance.
‘Maybe it’ll be me that leaves,’ growled Tam, and slammed out of the house, as he so often did these days.
Still she kept the worry about Lissa to herself, not wanting to discuss it with anyone, even Tam. As if by not talking about it she could pretend that the problem did not exist, ever her failing. Yet every day she dreaded the postman bringing a letter from Kath. It would come soon, Meg knew it. Then she must make a choice. Either she must let Lissa go with her mother, or she would fight to keep her with everything she had.
One day Meg escaped down into Kendal to see the bank manager and check on her finances. She’d go mad if she didn’t think of something else besides Jack’s problems. Whatever happened over Lissa, it was important that she make every effort to restore their home.
She checked that Jack’s money was safely waiting for him, then she paid visits to the War Committee, the Town Council, and her accountant. She even treated herself to tea and scones in a little shop in the Shambles. When she arrived back home later that afternoon she was tired from her exertions but elated.
‘The Government have agreed to put back my roof and repair the kitchen and dairy,’ she announced, and Sally Ann cheered while Tam lifted her off her feet and swung her round in a hug of delight. ‘Well done.’
‘No
listen, there’s more.’ Meg was bubbling over with excitement. ‘I saw my accountant and he was very impressed with us. We’ve actually gone into profit this year. Father is paid off. So we are free of debt. What do you think of that?’
Now even the three children caught her excitement and started to dance about and yell, though they couldn’t have said quite why. Rust bounded lopsidedly with them, barking delightedly, while the three adults looked on, laughing.
‘Would you believe it? Joe has arranged for all decisions about Ashlea to be made by me until such time as he returns from Grange-Over-Sands, or Sally Ann marries again and the boys get a new father.’
Sally Ann flushed dark red. ‘Who said anything about marriage? I couldn’t. I haven’t even given it a thought.’
‘One day you will. As Father says, you’re too young to live life all on your own, Sal.’ Meg kissed her plump cheek. ‘And too pretty. But until Broombank is restored, and it won’t be a quick job, perhaps we can carry on as we are? It’s a bit of a squash, but would you mind?’
‘Would I mind? I’d mind if you walked out and left me. How could I run this farm on me own? Anyway, I need your company, Meg. It’d be wicked lonely without you. I’ll do the cooking and look after the children, and gladly take on the Saturday market which I know you’re not too keen on.’
‘That’s settled then. Tam and me can look after the animals and the land.’
‘A perfect partnership.’
‘We’ll still need more labour,’ Tam said. ‘The POWs will be going home soon. Next March, I heard.’
‘Broombank will be nowhere near finished by then. We’ll worry about that later. Oh, and the bank manager is very happy to make us a loan, if we need it, to do any interior repairs when the building work is done.’
Tam folded his arms and regarded her with open admiration. ‘There’s no stopping you once you get going, is there?’
Jack, listening to all of this from the comer, smiled sourly. ‘Broombank is everything. Sell her soul for it, she would.’
‘It would be wiser, I’m thinking, for you to hold your tongue,’ Tam said quietly.
‘Didn’t she tell you that she gave her virginity for that farm?’ Jack smirked. ‘To me.’
Meg gasped, all colour running from her face. ‘How can you say such a thing?’
‘You need that filthy tongue of yours clipped out, and I might just be the man to do it.’ Tam leapt forward and Meg had to wrench at his arm, to stop him from planting a fist right in Jack’s face.
‘Leave it, Tam. It really doesn’t matter.’
But Tam grasped hold of Jack’s collar and hauled him to his feet. ‘Apologise for that remark. Don’t think you can throw your weight about here. Meg has had to learn to fight for a lot of things these last five or six years. She’s not the pushover she might once have been and she can certainly handle worms like you these days. So can I.’
‘You have some use then?’
‘And what is that supposed to mean?’
Tam was turning white, then red, with anger. Meg felt his whole body tense as again she held fast to his arm, trying to urge him into calm. ‘Don’t, Tam, don’t let him get to you.’
Jack’s laugh was deeply unpleasant. ‘Seems to me you’ve got a cushy number here. You can sleep with Meg, live in her house and enjoy her success with no effort on your part whatsoever. Isn’t that always the way of it for you Irish? There’s a name for men like you, if I could only think what it is. Just as there’s a name for women like her.’
‘Damn you, Lawson. You can say what you like about me, but I’ll not have you besmirch Meg’s name. If it weren’t for the children having to watch, I’d tear you limb from limb and throw you out of the window to the dogs.’
Jack gave a sardonic laugh. ‘You and whose army?’
‘No, Tam,’ Meg screamed, when he jerked forward, fists clenched.
‘Tell him to shut his mouth then or I’ll do it for him.’ Snatching himself free from her, he strode out of the house. The door rocked on its hinges behind him.
Two days later Tam came in and announced that he’d been offered a job.
‘To them that hath,’ muttered Jack, and Tam glared at him. Meg paled visibly. ‘What are you talking about? You’ve got a job already. Here with me.’
‘I’m thinking mebbe it’s time I did something on me own.’
‘Where? What is this job?’ She was trying to work out how it was her life was suddenly falling apart, just when she’d thought everything was going smoothly at last.
‘Lord Carnsworth is looking for someone to see to his horses. He has a team he uses in the trotting races. It’d suit me down to the ground, don’t you think?’
It would. There was no doubt that Tam was good with horses. Oh, but how could he desert her like this? Just when she was about to rebuild Broombank. And they could start to rebuild their own life, just as soon as they’d sorted Jack out. ‘You’re not going to do it though, are you? How would I manage without you?’
Tam gave her an odd look, most unlike himself. ‘You managed when I was in the army.’
‘That was different. I had no choice.’
‘I wouldn’t leave you in a mess. I’d give you what time I could until you found a replacement.’
Meg glanced at the interested faces all about her. ‘Do you think we could discuss this somewhere else?’
She put on her coat and walked outside. Tam followed.
In the dimness of the dusty barn he faced her, and Meg shivered at the remoteness of his expression.
‘Why are you not pleased for me?’ he asked.
‘How can I be? I can’t grasp why you’re doing this.’
‘Maybe because I want to.’
‘It’s because of what Jack said, isn’t it? You hate it because he accused you of living on me, of being a parasite.’
‘I don’t recall him using that word exactly, but yes, that was what he meant, I dare say. Mebbe he had a point. Broombank is yours. The sheep are yours. I help, but as I’ve said before, I’m only the hired man.’
‘You are my future husband.’
‘The emphasis being on the word future, it seems,’ he said softly.
Meg had the grace to blush. Then she moved to him and put her arms about him. ‘Perhaps I was wrong about waiting for Jack to find a job. We could get married next week if you like. Isn’t it possible to get a special licence?’
Tam’s eyebrows rose. ‘So what’s brought this on?’
‘I love you.’ She leaned against him, put her arms about his neck. ‘I have always loved you, and I don’t want to lose you. It’s just that things have been so confused, so difficult.’
‘When are you going to send him away?’
‘I beg your pardon?’
‘You heard me.’
Meg swallowed. ‘He’s hurting. Jack feels he has fought a war for six years and come back to nothing. He needs time. Surely you can understand how he feels?’
‘That’s important, is it? How Jack feels? Jack’s sensitive nature. Jack’s needs. Why do they always seem to come first? What about my needs? What about us?’
Meg had never seen him so cold, so angry. She put her hands to his face, smoothing his cheeks, his lips, his throat, but he twitched away from her.
‘Will I tell you something, Meg Turner? You’re a difficult woman to pin down. What time you don’t spend on your sheep and planning the rebuilding of your farm, you spend worrying over Jack, all mixed up with your own guilt. Though why you should feel guilty is beyond me. Lanky left the farm to you, fair and square. Isn’t it time you stopped crucifying yourself for that? What do you owe Jack? Nothing, I’m thinking, after the way he treated you.’
‘I can’t turn him out to walk the streets, can I?’
‘He has a sister.’
‘He won’t go to her. Particularly now she’s married to Joe. He never could cope with my father. I wondered if perhaps I could give him a bit of land. I could spare thirty or forty acres to give hi
m a start. And he could get permission to build a house on it, in time.’
Tam had become very still. ‘And where would he live in the meantime?’
‘He could rent a cottage somewhere near by.’
‘So he’d live on our doorstep? For ever?’ Tam turned away from her in disgust and it cut straight to the heart of her that he seemed so against everything she suggested. ‘Sure and it goes without saying, Meg Turner, that I don’t want that little toad living anywhere near us.’
A surge of anger went through her at Tam’s reaction. ‘You are so obstinate. Just as selfish as he is. Why will you not see anyone else’s point of view?’ She tossed back her curls with a defiant sweep of the hand. Why wouldn’t he understand how she needed to do this? For Lanky. And for Lissa. She said as much now.
‘Have you told him yet, about Lissa?’
‘No. I keep thinking that it’s Kath’s responsibility, not mine. I have to consider Lissa too.’
‘Good,’ said Tam crisply. ‘At least you’re thinking sensibly about that.’ His expression softened slightly. ‘What about Kath. When is she coming? Has she written again?’
Meg swallowed. ‘No firm date yet.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me? Why did I have to hear about her letter from Sally Ann?’
‘Sally Ann knows nothing about Lissa.’
‘I’m aware of that. She just told me how surprised you were to get a letter from Kath and how you went to her parents and they didn’t want to know. Are secrets such a good idea, Meg? Isn’t it time you stopped saving everyone’s feelings and brought it all out into the open? Doesn’t Lissa deserve that much?’
‘I don’t want to think about it. I keep hoping Kath won’t come.’ She lifted her chin a notch. ‘But if she does, I mean to put my case for keeping Lissa. She is six years old and should have some say in her life.’
‘Good for you.’
‘And I will tell Lissa, I promise.’
‘When?’
Meg glanced about her, as if cornered. ‘Soon.’
Tam reached for her then, a smile in his eyes. ‘See that you do.’ But if he had been having second thoughts about taking this new job, Meg’s next words soon stopped them.
Storm Clouds Over Broombank Page 23