by Lily Harlem
“Fourteen. We were friends for a couple of years. Whenever I was in the area I’d visit him. Send him stuff when I was on the road, you know, try and give him little things to brighten his day. The chemo was hell for him, not much anyone could do, but they had to give it a try.”
I felt my eyes sting and blinked to hold back a tear.
Dustin didn’t seem to notice. He was rubbing his fingers over the threads. “He gave me these, when he knew the end was near. Asked me to wear them in his memory.”
“How long ago was that?”
“He lost his fight two years ago last month. Fucking shit hand of cards he’d been dealt.”
I leaned over and rested my hand on top of his.
He frowned, looked right at me.
“Makes money problems seem insignificant, doesn’t it?” I asked with a sad smile.
“Just a bit.” He put his other hand on top of mine. “So that’s why I wear them, and I will until they wear out and drop off. Not that I really need any physical things to remember Joel.” He tapped the side of his head. “I have lots of memories, mainly of him smiling.” He paused. “I just wish I could have done more.”
“It sounds like you did a lot.”
“I’m just a guy who plays hockey. Not a doctor or…God.” He rolled his eyes heavenward. “So I did what I could in the hope it made the tiniest difference.”
He let go of my hand and reached for his drink again.
“You really like kids, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I guess.” He took a gulp then set his water aside.
“Yet you don’t have any?”
“Whoa, what is this, twenty-fucking-questions?” He scowled.
“No, just wondering.”
A long sigh left his chest. “Ah, what the hell. It’s no big secret.”
“What isn’t?”
“Why Christy and I split.”
“Christy being your ex-wife?”
“Yeah, that’ll be the one.” He scooped the last of his rice into his mouth and set his knife and folk parallel.
“So what happened? You said earlier that you had great sex together.”
“Nothing happened, basically.” He folded his arms, pressing his biceps outward with his knuckles in the way I’d come to be fascinated by.
“What does that mean?”
He sighed. “Nothing happened. We married, in love and that was it.”
I wasn’t quite following. My expression must have told him this.
“When we met she told me she didn’t want children, that she didn’t think she had a maternal bone in her body.”
“So why did you marry her if you did want kids?”
“Because I foolishly, like some lovesick idiot, thought I could change her. I was sure as she got older and she saw that I could provide for her, for always, and for a whole brood of our children she’d change her mind. But she just wasn’t up for it. Kids really weren’t on her agenda.”
I tried to imagine being Dustin’s wife, living in a big house full of his children. It didn’t seem like the worst deal in the world. Not that I was about to say that to him, because I wasn’t his wife and I wasn’t about to bear him a ”brood”. But still, there were a lot worse fates.
“So when did you realize that children weren’t going to happen?” I asked.
“That’s the really galling thing.” His jaw tightened. “And is a secret.”
“I think we’re having a warts-and-all secret-sharing trip. Why omit this one?”
He huffed. “Yeah, you’re right, what’s one more? Okay, but it stays between us. The rest of the world thinks we split because we’d just fallen out of love.”
“Of course it will stay between us.” Now I was really curious.
“I found her birth control pills.”
“What?”
“In a small side compartment in her purse. It was a shock because we’d been supposedly trying for over a year. Each month I’d hope that she’d greet me at the doorstep with news and a little blue line on one of those pee sticks. Each month I was disappointed when it didn’t happen. No little Reed on the way.”
I was shocked. “She was on the Pill, secretly?”
“Yep, had been all along. Just doing the whole we’re trying thing to keep me happy and off her back about it. Well…” He leaned forward. “All I can say is finding that packet of Pills made me very unhappy and very much on her back. I filed for divorce the next week and haven’t seen her since.”
“Shit, that’s bad.”
He shrugged.
“How did she take it?” I asked.
“With relief, so she told me in a letter. That she wasn’t getting pressured to put her body through something she didn’t want to do, and that she didn’t have to give up the next twenty years of her life raising a dumb jock’s kids.”
“Charming.”
“Yep, that’ll be her.” He sighed and his eyes dulled.
“But you must have loved her once.”
“Yes, with all my heart. I truly believed she was the one when we walked down that aisle. We’d met through a friend of a friend and hit it off straightaway.” He kind of smiled and then looked exasperated with himself. “Parties were wild when she was there, the sex afterward was wilder. She was a goer, always looking for fun, the next high, the next adventure, pushing limits. I guess looking back she wasn’t mother material, but that didn’t stop me hoping.”
“I want kids.” I laughed, out of embarrassment for my sudden statement. “I’m not saying that because I want to marry you and have yours, far from it. But I’ve always had that in my grand plan for the future. Babies, children, a big family getting together at the dinner table, a garden full of fun and laughter and swings and slides.” I shrugged. “I’m an only child, and I missed out. I want my kids to have lots of siblings, ready-made friends.”
“Yeah, that’s the way to do it. I had brothers and it was cool. We fought together and played together. Never lonely. Always a tree to climb or a den to build with one of your best mates.”
“Sounds fun.”
“It was.”
“You see them much? Your family?”
“When I can. Canada is a long way from Orlando. Though if I have to…”
“What?”
“Nothing.” He stood. “Come on, let’s walk this lunch off.”
He stacked the plates and took them into the villa.
What had he been going to say? If he had to switch teams would he go and play in Canada? If so, that would be a long way from me.
Shit. Where had that thought come from? It had just blustered into my mind full of self-importance and blown itself up.
What did it matter to me where Dustin went to play? He was too expensive, end of story. It wasn’t as if he wouldn’t be able to command a handsome salary somewhere else. He would. He’d be fine. It was the Vipers I had to worry about.
Whatever my emotions were telling me I was feeling for him, they would have to be ignored, at least once we got back to the mainland that was. Then my head would have to take charge again and all this nonsense would be left on the island.
*
Ten minutes later we were wandering along the shoreline in the opposite direction of the village. I knew it didn’t lead anywhere, the sheer cliffs at the foot of the small mountain saw to that. But it was a pleasant stroll and if it got too hot there was the shade of the palm trees to shelter the way home.
Dustin had been telling me about his parents’ law firm and how both of his brothers were working there now, when suddenly he’d reached for my hand and threaded my fingers with his. He’d barely paused in what he was saying, just pressed our palms together and carried on walking, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
I didn’t say anything, just continued to listen even as a ton of thoughts tumbled through me. But the predominant one was how much I liked his touch, his hold, him being at my side.
When did this infuriating, gutter-mouthed goaltender become so appealing to me? Wh
en had he cleverly wormed his way under my skin?
I couldn’t answer that. Perhaps it had been when he’d thrown me over his shoulder, or maybe when he’d saved me from the mugger, or perhaps when he’d shown me his deepest, darkest desires. Or it could have even been when he’d kissed me back in New York, pushed me up against the wall and just shown me, in the most basic of ways, that he wanted me.
A small shiver went up my spine. Just thinking about him kissing me could get me going?
“You okay?” he asked. “Are you cold?”
“Hardly, it’s hot enough to fry eggs on the sand today.”
“What is it then?”
I shrugged. I couldn’t exactly tell him that my feelings for him were growing. Where the hell would that leave us? I had to make important decisions for the team and I couldn’t let my lust-addled heart rule the roost. I had to think with my head.
“Is it me?” he asked, stopping and facing me.
I paused and stared at his bare chest and the small curls of dark hair on his sternum. “No, it’s me.”
He tipped my chin with the crook of his index finger. “Explain.”
“We can’t…” I started.
“We can’t what?”
“This is just here, isn’t it? Us?”
“That’s what we agreed,” he said quietly. “Just here. Too damn complicated otherwise.”
“Complicated…yes.”
“Us, this.” He held up our joined hands. “Stays on the island.”
“When we get back we pretend it never happened.”
“I can’t exactly be seen to be getting bedroom action with the boss, can I?”
“No, that wouldn’t be right.”
“Definitely not right.” He pressed his lips together and frowned.
Nausea welled within me. The chicken and rice I’d just eaten seemed to swirl upward. I swallowed and stared at a colorful bird in the trees behind Dustin.
He was quiet too, looking over my shoulder and out to sea.
“Perhaps this is far enough.” I gestured back toward the villa. “Maybe we should go home.”
We’d hardly walked far, but Dustin agreed and we made our way along the sand again.
“I’ll cut it in half, you know,” he said suddenly.
“What?”
“My salary. I’ll cut it in half if that will help the team out.”
I stopped and stared up at him. “You’d do that?”
“Hell, yeah.” He nodded. “I told you, I love the Vipers. It was my childhood dream to play for them, and shit, it’s not as if I’m short on cash. I’ve got more than enough.”
“Dustin, I-I don’t know if I can let you do that.”
“Why not?” He looked bewildered.
“Because it’s not fair. Not when the other players don’t have to alter theirs.”
“But they’d never know. I wouldn’t tell them and I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t.”
“But…”
“Think about it, okay?” He ran his hand over my ear and tangled his fingers in my hair. “I think you’ll find I’m more willing to negotiate than you first gave me credit for.”
“But—”
“Mess around with the figures on paper, that’s all I ask.” He hovered his lips over mine. “Because I wanna stay, in Orlando, playing for the Vipers and stopping pucks getting into our damn net.”
He kissed me. It was a warm, sweet kiss that seemed to hold hope and sadness. I melted into him, wrapping my arms around his wide waist and letting his body support mine. His kisses did this transporting thing to me. Made me feel like we were alone in the world and that my problems existed in a different dimension.
I knew he carried sorrow. Sorrow for his little friend who’d died and for his marriage that had gone so wrong. He also had dreams for the future, dreams of being a father, dreams of playing for his number-one team for many years to come.
Dustin “Speed” Reed was a man who had a bounty of layers. At first I’d thought he was rude and infuriating to the core, then his sexy kisses and devastating smile had got him into my panties, but now, now his humanness was burrowing him into my heart.
I’d have to be careful, or my heart might just get cross-checked into the boards of heartbreak, because Dustin thought us being together was just “too damn complicated” and when we got back it would be over between us.
And he was right, wasn’t he?
Yes.
He ended the kiss and we carried on walking. The villa came into view and we angled our way across the sand toward it.
“Why did your parents split?” he asked.
“Can’t you tell?”
“Er, no.”
“Giselle.”
“Really?”
“I’ve been told it wasn’t her presence by both my parents, but I’m not dumb. Giselle and Dad, I suspect they had a thing going on for years. Mom found out and that was it, divorce.”
“She’s—”
“Younger than him, yes, seems that’s what hooked him.” I shrugged. I’d fought my demons over that one. My parents were entitled to do their own thing without their adult daughter judging them. They want to keep it a secret that one of them played around, fair enough.
“I wasn’t going to say younger, though she is, I was going to say very glamorous.”
“High-maintenance, you mean.” I laughed. I could only imagine how much she spent on self-grooming, all at Dad’s expense now of course. But again it didn’t worry me. She made him happy, he liked having her on his arm, and who was I to say he shouldn’t have what he wanted? He was a great looking guy, a silver fox.
“Yes, high-maintenance.”
“Was Christy glamorous?’
“My ex? Er, yeah, I suppose. She liked to look her best at all times, never without makeup or her hair just so. She liked these long, fake red nails too, overlong, a bit like talons.”
I laughed. “Not like me then.” I thought of my makeup-free face, my hair that could probably do with a brush now the sea breeze and Dustin’s fingers had messed it up, and my rather uncomplicated outfit of just a bikini.
“I happen to think your style is just right,” he said, stepping up onto the deck. “You’re beautiful in a natural way. When you smile it lights your face more than any amount of makeup could, and your sexy little body…” He stopped and pulled me close. “Well, personally I think it’s a sin for you to wear any clothes at all.”
Chapter Fifteen
Dustin’s eyes flashed. I was becoming used to that look now. It was heavy with sinful promises and bright with the need to get naked and sweaty. It was a look I couldn’t resist.
He pressed a kiss to my forehead, lingered for a moment as though breathing me in then looked down at me with an intensity that took my breath away.
“We’ve fucked each other’s brains out,” he said, “but now, if this is all we have, here, I want to also experience making love to you.”
I thought I was going to come undone. The way he said make love in his gravelly deep voice went straight to my pussy. How could I object?
“Yes,” I managed. “But just once.”
He frowned. “Why?”
I shut my eyes and willed myself to stay in control. How could I tell him that if he made love to me more than once that would be it, I’d be gone. I could pretend once was just for the experience. More than that, well, I might start to think there really was some love between us.
And there wasn’t.
“Just…because,” I managed, “but please, now.” I moved toward the sun-dappled outdoor bed and he followed.
But this time, instead of tossing me onto it from a great height, he slowly lowered me down as he kissed me, his tongue searching for mine.
I let my body become heavy in his arms then soft on the mattress and loved the way he stretched out over me, making me feel small and protected.
“You make me want to rush,” he murmured, tugging off my bikini top. “But that’s not what I want to do.” He k
issed down my neck to my left breast and swirled his tongue around my nipple.
I stroked his hair, arched my back and watched his pink, moist tongue tease my nipple fully erect.
“I swear,” he said, switching to my other breast, “you test my stamina more than any fucking game. Each minute trying to resist burying myself in you is harder than an hour facing down Todd Carty or Sid Gatsby.”
“You’ll have to start practicing,” I said, stroking over a set of three small freckles on his right shoulder. “For when we get back. Can’t have you randomly burying yourself in me.”
His lifted up, stared into my eyes. “Don’t talk about going back to reality, not now, not here, not when I’m just about to do this.”
“Oh…” I gasped as he tugged at my bikini bottoms, then I helped them on their way by pushing at them with my feet.
He shucked off his shorts and settled between my spread legs. “Are you wet for me?” he asked, slipping his fingers over my belly and through my pubic hair.
“Yes, I want you to…”
He maneuvered what felt like two thick fingers into my pussy. “You want me to what?” he asked, concentrating on my expression.
“I want you to feel how wet you make me.”
“Ah, I’m feeling it, sweet cheeks.” He hooked his fingers forward and rubbed my greedy internal place. “And you’re really creaming for my cock, aren’t you?”
Damn, he was so full of himself, but I couldn’t argue. I was desperate for his cock.
I reached for his face and cupped his cheeks. “Make love to me,” I said, “the way you said you would.”
He pulled his fingers out and fisted his erection. We both watched as he fed the head toward my pussy and then in the first inch.
“Ah yeah, so fucking hot to see that,” he said, his voice tight. “Is that what you thought, earlier, when you fucked me?”
“Yes, that was hot, so hot, so…erotic.”
He grinned. “You were pretty damn good at it. I’m surprised I’m up for hitting any more home runs today.” He released his cock and pushed in some more.
We both groaned and then he pressed his belly down on mine and hovered his mouth by my cheek.
“But I’m not sure I’ll ever get enough,” he said.
He pushed to full depth, a slow, exquisite stretching of my pussy that had me holding my breath and winding my legs around his hips.