If she hadn’t loved Dominic so passionately, she might have been tempted when they were married. She knew people thought she’d been cruel, heartless even, for dating Jesse. He’d been Dominic’s best friend. She knew her own friends had seen it as a slap in his face; her flaunting her new man. She knew the truth. Dominic had been her everything. He had been the sun, the moon, and the stars. The very air she breathed. She’d loved him with every inch of her being. It was only after their marriage broke up that she had turned to Jesse seeking comfort, some solace. It had felt right. It had felt natural.
Even now, thinking about last night, she was getting more than a little turned on. Shaking her head, she couldn’t help but grin. Jesse Carlisle could turn on the very devil if he tried hard enough.
Her smile faded. Unfortunately she couldn’t give him the emotional commitment he wanted. He loved her. To him, last night wasn’t just about sex, but more about an emotional connection. Last night he had wanted to show her how much he loved her. She wished she could have done the same. For her, last night was about forgetting her past, and forgetting her losses. She’d wanted to lose herself. She’d needed to lose herself in someone familiar.
It saddened her she wasn’t able to provide him all he wanted. He was a good man, one who deserved better than her. One, she would never be able to commit herself to.
She didn’t love him. She never had. She liked him. But love? It was never an option for her. Dominic was the only man she’d ever loved and, deep down, she knew she would never love another man again. Her heart was closed off to anymore pain and she was determined to keep it closed off.
Her thoughts turned to her husband, Leigh. He was another problem she needed to deal with. She wondered what she was going to do with him. They hadn’t even been married a month and she’d already cheated on him. He deserved better than that.
First thing tomorrow morning, she planned on telling him their marriage was over. She’d married him for all the wrong reasons. She’d been lonely and he’d been there. She couldn’t pretend otherwise. She’d been able to lie to herself until she’d come back to L.A. In coming back, a floodgate of memories and feelings had been unlocked from inside her. Memories of everything she’d felt with Dominic, memories of how complete she’d felt with him. None of the feelings she felt when she was Leigh. Leigh made her feel something, but anything had been better than the hollowness she’d felt inside when she forced herself into self-exile. She couldn’t pretend it was anything more than that. The sooner she organized an annulment, the better it would be for both of them.
Her thoughts drifted back to Carolyn’s attack and she cringed in memory. She hadn’t told Gena everything about the attack. She’d kept details from her, details Gena might find crucial to her case. It was all still a haze to her, but there was one thing she was completely sure of. She’d seen Carolyn’s attacker and, not only had he seen her, he had known her.
Squeezing her eyes shut again, she tried hard to focus on what she’d seen that night. She’d had dinner with Carolyn at Casey’s, both of their minds on work. Carolyn had left at least ten minutes before her, while she’d lingered to finish her coffee. Lost in her own thoughts of Dominic and their impending baby, she hadn’t noticed Carolyn’s cell phone still on the table until one of the bar staff had handed it to her just as she was leaving.
Determined to catch up with Carolyn, at first she hadn’t seen her. Then when she had, her heart had jumped straight into her throat. At first glance she’d thought Carolyn was only unconscious, the victim of a car-jacking or mugging. It wasn’t until she realized Carolyn was only meters away from her red sports car and her handbag was lying beside her that she knew this was something different altogether.
Noticing the growing puddle surrounding Carolyn, it had only taken seconds to register it was blood. Dark red blood matted her hair. A flash of silver was the only indication she wasn’t alone. A man, wearing dark clothes and a hood hovered near Carolyn, a knife in his hand.
She hadn’t seen his face completely; most of it shadowed by the hood but she knew he’d seen her and had been watching her from the moment she entered the car park. She’d been frozen in her spot, unable to move, unable to speak. At first she’d been unsure whether he was Carolyn’s attacker or her savior. That was, until he rose from where he knelt, standing to stare at her. The knife had still been gripped firmly in his hand.
She’d leaned forward, trying to see his face. The underground car-park had been poorly lit but even while squinting, she’d had the sinking feeling she knew who he was.
No matter how hard she’d tried, she couldn’t see him properly and the hood he’d worn had shadowed the rest of his features. All she could see was a flash of bleached white teeth from when he smiled coldly at her. He’d given her a mock salute, speaking her name softly. It was then she knew he was no hero, but Carolyn’s attacker.
A shiver had slid down her spine and she’d waited for him to approach her; waited for him to attack her. He hadn’t. Instead he’d merely turned and slowly walked away, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. She’d willed herself to remain calm. Keeping her eyes on his disappearing figure, she used her trembling fingers to dial 911.
He’d known her. He’d spoken her name. Again and again, this thought kept galloping through her mind. Shivering, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. The possibility she knew Carolyn and Angel’s killer left her frozen inside.
He had spoken her name. She mentally corrected herself. No, he hadn’t used her name, he’d called her by her nickname. Her university nickname - one only known to her closest friends. A nickname she’d ditched after she’d graduated.
A chill slid down her spine, the eerie familiarity creeping inside. This was not happening again, she told herself fiercely. Counting slowly to ten, she concentrated on that night. Her instincts told her he’d been aware of the familiarity of the nickname and had purposely used it. He’d been sending her a very chilling message. He’d been telling her he knew her. He knew her very well.
She wondered why he’d left her unharmed that night. The car park had been isolated, and she’d been there for the taking. She’d been frozen in terror, yet he’d made no move to attack her. He’d given her no indication he wanted to. Again, she couldn’t help but wonder if that, itself, was the message.
A stab of pain shot through her hand. Looking down, she realized she’d crushed the sterling silver rose within her fist. Opening her hand she winced, studying the red welts and tiny pricks of blood. Smoothing back the petals, she lifted the rose to her nose again, inhaling the perfume aroma.
He wasn’t finished. She knew this. Just as, like Gena, she knew she was merely another pawn in his twisted little game. This time she would be ready when he revealed his hand. Not only would she be prepared, she planned on sending him on a one way ticket back to the hell he came from.
Chapter Fourteen
Ana sat on the edge of the bed, watching Ben pack. She twisted the tissue she clutched in her hand, trying to think of anything she could say or do to make him stay. She’d tried so hard to make him love her. Deep down she knew a part of him did, but it was no longer enough. It was not enough to make him believe she could be trusted, not enough to make him believe she hadn’t betrayed him and certainly not enough to make him stay.
Shaking her head, she rationalized that this was just his way of dealing with the grief of losing Angel. She was an easier target for his anger because she was the closest to him. She was his girlfriend, his lover, and his confidante.
You’re kidding yourself, Ana. The simple fact is he doesn’t love you. Not the way he loves her. The tiny voice in her head taunted her. You were never his confidante. You were just a distraction for him, one to prevent him from facing his true feelings for her.
“Shut up,” she whispered fiercely to herself, trying to block out the little seeds of doubt creeping into her mind. Who was she kidding? She’d always known Ben was more emotionally involved in his relationship with
Stephanie than he would admit to anyone, let alone to himself. Perhaps she had been the only one to notice this because she’d looked closer than most because she’d had so much more to lose. She’d fallen in love with Ben the instant they’d met seven years ago. He’d looked at her with those piercing blue eyes, eyes she swore saw right into her soul, and she’d been completely lost.
She’d tried to hide her feelings, but it hadn’t been easy. Working side by side next to him, day in and day out, through their first grueling tour, she’d become one of the boys. She’d just been one of his friends, the one he could confide in about the women he slept with, and about the woman he loved.
Not that he ever admitted he loved her, but it was so obvious that he hadn’t needed to. From the start she’d heard, ‘Stephanie likes me in this color, she says it brings out the blue in my eyes’ or ‘Stephanie this’ and ‘Stephanie that’.
Curiosity had overwhelmed her and she’d been intrigued by the woman who, according to Ben, could do anything if she put her mind to it. She still remembered feeling nervous, almost intimidated, when Ben told her Stephanie wanted to meet her. She’d considered Stephanie a rival and had been sure she would hate her. She closed her eyes, thinking back to their very first meeting.
***
Ben guided her through the crowded mass, the thumping beats of Guns n Roses ‘Welcome to the Jungle’ blaring throughout the newly renovated loft. Leading her into the patio, he casually knocked shoulders with the one of the hottest guys she’d ever laid eyes on.
“Jess, I’d like you to meet my drummer, Ana. Ana meet one of the ugliest sons of a bitch I have ever met. He’s also one of the craziest,” Ben said, casually draping his arm around her shoulder.
She looked from Ben to Jesse with a slack-mouthed gaze, not sure what to make of the exchange between the two of them.
Jesse openly admired her with dark eyes, letting his gaze slide over her with a wolfish grin. “Ignore this pretty boy. He’s just jealous because I’m more of a man than he’ll ever be,” Jesse replied, taking her hand and turning it over to kiss her palm.
Watching Ben excuse himself and quickly disappear into the crowd, Jesse smiled at her with sympathy in his eyes. “So how long have you been in love with Ben?” He asked smoothly, stunning her with his blunt question.
She’d been so sure her feelings were well-hidden, had been so careful not to show any other sign of her true feelings for Ben. Yet, within minutes of meeting Jesse Carlisle, he had managed to size up and assess her innermost feelings without so much as blinking. It left her feeling raw and exposed.
She opened her mouth to answer, closing it when Ben reappeared, dragging a vibrant, laughing redhead. She knew instantly this was Stephanie and stiffened, prepared herself for the worst. It didn’t come. Instead she was warmly embraced by Stephanie.
“Ana! Finally we meet. I’ve heard so much about you from Ben. It almost feels like I already know you. You know, strong women like us, are a rarity. We need to stick together,” Stephanie told her, smiling brilliantly.
Ana was unable to stop herself from smiling back, instantly warming to the very woman she wanted to hate. She warmed to her even more when a dark-haired man grabbed Stephanie by the waist, lifting her into a bear hug and kissing her passionately.
She watched them embrace, laughing when both Ben and Jesse made gagging noises.
“Somebody get these newlyweds a room,” Jesse joked.
Breaking the man’s embrace, Stephanie twisted around and leaned against his chest.
“You pathetic jokers are just jealous because she married me and not you losers,” the man responded. His smile and tone lightened the impact of his words.
“Yeah, well remind me again how you convinced her to marry you, Dominic?” Ben teased the man, shaking his blonde head in amusement.
Jesse broke into the conversation. “You know, Ben, I think it might have included too many glasses of cheap Tequila and a trip to Vegas.”
Dominic chuckled. “You two are just jealous that you didn’t think of it first.”
Stephanie noticed Ana’s bewildered expression and laughed. Smiling apologetically at her, she said, “Please ignore my boys. As you can see they obviously don’t know how to behave themselves in public.”
Smiling radiantly, she looked at the man Ben had called Dominic, and touched his arm tenderly. “Honey, this is Ben’s Ana.”
Dominic smiled indulgently at Stephanie, before pinning Ana to the spot with his stunning emerald-green eyes.
“Ben’s Ana, I like that,” he said in a softly accented Texan drawl, kissing the side of Stephanie’s neck. “My wife’s been trying to marry Ben off for years, Ana. You do realize you’re about to become her pet project,” he told her with a teasing smile in both Ben and Stephanie’s direction.
It took only seconds for Ana to realize Dominic knew how Ben felt about Stephanie. Watching Stephanie reach up and stroke Dominic’s square jaw, the love shining in her eyes when she reached up to kiss him, Ana knew she had nothing to worry about where Stephanie was concerned. Two things were obvious to her. One, Stephanie was oblivious to the way Ben really felt about her and two, she was completely, head over heels in love with her husband.
***
Lifting her face from her hands, Ana sighed raggedly. She’d give up every breath she took for just one look, one smile, or even just one sign Ben loved her. That he loved her the way Dominic had loved Stephanie, the way he loved Stephanie.
She watched him with eyes red-rimmed from her tears as he stuffed clothes into a bag. In a wavering voice, she asked, “Where will you stay?”
Ben stopped packing to look at Ana, hardening his heart against the sight of her tearstained face. “I don’t know yet. Maybe I’ll stay at a hotel, but most likely I’ll stay with Jesse,” he said icily, zipping up his bag.
With her, Ana thought sadly. Unable to hide the bitterness in her voice, she said angrily, “You mean with her. Why am I not surprised?”
Ben ignored her barb, refusing to look at her. “I’ll be back for the rest later.”
“You’ll call me?” she asked, trying hard to hold back her tears. She gave him another watery smile.
He nodded, hitching the bag over his shoulder. Walking to the bedroom door, he paused, turning to look at her. She stared back, her heart pounding rapidly with hope.
“I’ll call you to arrange a time to pick up the rest of my gear,” he paused again before he spoke, his voice gritty. “I’d prefer it if you weren’t here when I came over.”
Turning on his heel, he left a desolate Ana staring at his departing back. Hearing the front door slam, she crawled into the bed they’d shared, and clutched his pillow to her chest. Stuffing her fist into her mouth, she bit back a sob, curling into a ball. Her tears fell freely for the love she’d lost, and the dismal future she now saw in front of her.
***
The man watched from where he stood, across the street, underneath the dimly lit streetlight. He watched her lover leave the apartment, without even a backward glance. Waiting patiently he gulped his coffee, savoring the taste of its rich, strong texture.
He didn’t have to wait long. She appeared at the window, pausing to glance into the street. The lights from her bedroom illuminated her pale face, taunting him, almost begging him to put her out his misery. She pulled her curtains shut, and he smiled in anticipation. Soon she would be his.
Seconds later, she turned off the lights and he drained the remainder of his coffee. Carefully, he slid the coffee cup into a plastic bag, sealing it and pocketing it. He had learned from his past mistakes. Never leave anything behind, and never leave anything to link you back to the crime. He’d learned this the hard way.
Crossing the street, he softly whistled a jaunty tune. Adrenaline flooded through his veins, as he planned his next move.
Chapter Fifteen
Gena waited patiently outside the plush offices of David Collins, Callendor Studios President. The studio had been stonewalling her
and her partner for days. Sick and tired of dealing with some smug executive, who refused to return her phone calls, she’d taken Stephanie’s advice and called Blaze Davies. Blaze, a friend and occasional lover, was one of the hottest new Directors in Hollywood. Within minutes, not only had she managed to get the name of the current President of Callendor, but she also had his personal home phone number.
David Collins hadn’t been pleased when she called him at home. His displeasure has turned to annoyance when he discovered she was calling about Carolyn Mathers. He’d explained to her that he’d been angry when Carolyn failed to show up at L.A.X, but not overly concerned. He’d just assumed she’d decided she wasn’t quite ready to make her comeback. His anger and annoyance had quickly turned to one of horror when she explained the reason for her call, and readily agreed to meet with her.
“Holy Shit, Gena, I think that’s Colin Masters,” Sandra whispered. Gena rolled her eyes at her partner’s starry-eyed expression.
She swept her eyes over the man who had once been Angel’s lover. She admitted to herself that with his brooding good looks, slightly unkempt appearance and strong British accent, it wasn’t hard to see why Angel had slept with him.
Nodding her head in acknowledgement, she wasn’t surprised when he walked straight past her without any sign of recognition. It didn’t matter that she’d met him at dinner with Angel on more than one occasion. As far as he was concerned, she didn’t factor into his list of important people.
With a smirk, she recalled her first, second and third impression of him; he was an asshole. Not much had changed. He hadn’t even bothered to attend Angel’s funeral.
Nowhere to Run (Stephanie Carovella) Page 11