Ann'wn came forward, bowing her head, “No, my Queen. It is not as you think. Please, Highness. Grant Mil'der'in her request. You will see. If you have never trusted us prior, trust us upon this moment, my Queen. I beg of you."
Sle'nel’ had begun to understand the reason for their request, but was uncertain if it were yet the proper moment, so remained away from the choice. She would accept her lover's final decision, whatever it was.
San'lr'in’ stood alone, trying to breathe away her anger, trying to decide on the best course of action. She felt paralyzed and trapped. She studied her warriors, her leaders, her closest of companions. She then lowered her head and closed her eyes, hoping that the moment would disappear. She hadn't the inner strength to be this close to The Realm as yet.
After a long moment, she gave in, “Where would you have Me, High Counselor?"
Mil'der'in's body had become so tense with fear that she could barely move. She drew in a deep breath, relieved that the tense moment had passed. She could hardly believe that she had convinced her Queen.
"Please sit at the table, High Queen. In the middle of the other long side."
San'lr'in’ complied, then watched as Caitha and The Healer sat on the opposite side from her, facing her, along with Meera, Ann'wn, Sam, Fon'elnn', An'ther'on, Uthrn, and a few others.
Mil'der'in turned to Sle'nel', “Please accept our invitation to sit at the Counselor's Audience Table, Most Respected High Sorcerer."
She shook her head, then rose to leave.
Meera went to her, “Please, Sle'nel'. Trust us. Sit with us."
"I am The High Queen's lover, Meera. It be not my place. It is enough that I have not stood against you at this moment. That alone told The High Queen enough."
Meera knew that what Sle'nel’ had said was truth, and let her leave to observe the proceedings from the forest's edge. The High Counselor's Audience that Mil'der'in had requested was a trial of sorts, and it was with this knowledge that San'lr'in’ had at first declined it.
"Should I remind all those present of the rules of the High Counselor's Audience, Highness?"
San'lr'in’ was displeased, so could care less what they now did. She waved her hand as if in dismissal, “It is your show, Mil'der'in. I wish you well in it."
Mil'der'in hadn't missed the fact that her Queen had called her by her name while in front of all, as a show of disrespect, instead of her title, as was the expected in these situations. She ignored it, knowing she also would have been angered by such a request after such an event with the Dark Sorcerer. She turned to all those who now stood in back of the table, on the same side as The Healer and Caitha. No one stood in back of The High Queen, as it wasn't allowed, except for the ever-present guards.
"Questions will be asked of The High Queen, and given her acceptance of this High Counselor's Audience, she will answer them fully and truthfully, as knowable."
She turned to San'lr'in'thel'ineln', facing her directly, “Are you ready, my Queen?"
She nodded only.
Mil'der'in breathed in deeply, readying herself for the moment, “When you were voted in as Queen of the Valley, who voted?"
"San'lr'in’ wondered where this line of questioning was leading, but knew she needed to answer the question, “The Council."
"Was it unanimous?"
"I was informed as such. I wasn't there to witness the vote."
"When you were voted in as High Queen of The Realm, who voted?"
"The Deep Mystic Council."
"Was it unanimous."
"Yes."
"When you battled against the Mungardies who killed your lover, how many were there?"
"Many. I know not the exact number."
"Give us an idea. Over twenty?"
"Yes."
"Over thirty?"
She hesitated, “Yes."
"Over forty?"
She sighed, “Yes. Allow it to stand there."
"Have you followed your vows, to the best of your ability?"
"I believe I have. It is not for Me to say."
"Have you knowingly or willingly ever killed an innocent."
There was a moment of hesitation, then a sigh, “Yes."
"Why?"
"To halt the Mungardies from killing more innocents. As a last solution to prevent further battle or violence. This has occurred upon five moments during My Reign."
"Would you do as such again?"
"If there were no other solution at hand, without question."
"Did you allow Sle'nel’ to become High Sorcerer even though you had wished it to be otherwise?"
"This is My affair only, High Counselor. This is between the Elf and Me."
"Please answer the question, High Queen. You have agreed to the rules of the High Counselor's Audience."
"Yes."
The questioning went on for many moments as Mil'der'in made San'lr'in’ display her past decisions along with The Realm's past decisions of her. San'lr'in’ sat back in her chair, distancing herself, yet wondering where Mil'der'in was leading. The rules of a High Counselor's Audience forbade that she intercede into another's mind while being questioned. But it didn't halt her from glaring at her High Counselor.
"Have you ever wished you could later change the decision you were forced to make at a given moment?"
"Of course this is so. I would be lying if I said I did not. Whenever an injury occurs or a life is taken, I regret having to make My decision no matter the incident; no matter the success."
"What are your vows?"
"Many of My vows are sacred to The Realm only. I have vowed My silence of them. Only the Deep Mystics know of these."
This was a surprise to everyone, including Mil'der'in.
"What if I asked you to share these vows, in this setting of the High Counselor's Audience?"
"I wouldn't break My vows for such a reason. That is also a vow."
"What vows can you share?"
"To bring peace to The Realm. To return the Elves to The Realm. To protect the innocents. To be a fair and just leader. To place The Realm's needs above all others."
"Have you ever broken any of your vows?"
She sighed, “Yes."
"Why?"
"To keep injustice and betrayal from occurring. So that I could keep My other more sacred vows. To prevent further violence and deceit."
"Do you want this position and power?"
"This question cannot be answered simply. Since I took and agreed to My vows, then it would seem that I did wish the position and power. The power is needed to uphold the position, and the position is needed to uphold the power. My desires are not to be considered, as your question would have them be. My desires were placed aside the moment I became High Queen, as was expected."
"Do you want this position and power?"
She took a moment to think on the question, “In truth, I know not, but it is My vow."
"Did you ever make a decision that cost the life of one of your closest leaders?"
"Yes. Ann'wn's predecessor was sent into a losing battle. I have lost many of My Private and Black guards in this fashion, as well as countless scouts."
"Is it assumed that they were aware of and willing to take such risks?"
"It doesn't make the decision more correct for such, or the more easy, for this knowledge."
"Please answer the question."
She frowned, “Yes. It is common knowledge."
"Could we also assume that those under you, yet closely connected to you, such as The Healer, also know the risks of this connection?"
San'lr'in’ now understood where the questioning was leading, and objected, “But this is not the same. This is—"
"Answer the question, High Queen."
By her vows, when a High Counselor's Audience such as this was requested and given, The High Queen must give the truth as she knew it, without question. She sighed, hating the moment, “I would hope not."
"Is this truth, my Queen? Please answer the question with
a yes or no."
"Yes. It is as they are told when coming into the service of The High Queen. You could ask this of them yourself."
Mil'der'in was coming close to the end of her High Counselor's Audience, having moved her Queen where she needed her to be, “Tell us, High Queen, what was it your teachers desired most of you?"
"To be strong and unyielding. To remain distant from all."
"Have you done as such?"
She laughed with bitterness, “No. I have failed these teachings."
"Are you a Master?"
"You know this to be so."
"Please answer, my Queen."
"Yes."
"Are you a High Master?"
"I am Second Master in The Realm.” She didn't look pleased in having to say it.
"Have you taken powers into yourself at great cost and pain to you?"
"Yes."
"As a point of discussion, my Queen, is it realistic to ask that a High Queen be harsh and strong at all the moments?"
She thought about this question, as this was one of the questions most in her mind, “My teachers pounded this point into Me upon every moment of every turn, upon every turn of every moon, upon every moon of every cycle."
"Please answer the question directly, Highness."
"I know not. How can such be known? But I do know that had I remained as such, Caitha, My Healer, and Sle'nel’ would be as yet unharmed."
"Do we know this as most certain, my Queen?"
"The Dark Sorcerer selected them for this reason. Had I remained distant, no one would have been close enough for him to have made a selection such as this."
"No? He could not have selected your Force Leader, for example?"
She shrugged, “I suppose he could have done as such."
"Or perhaps me?"
"Yes. Most certain."
"Perhaps the leaders of your Private and Black Guard units?"
"Yes."
"Or your hand-selected attendants?"
"Yes."
"And do you suppose he would have tortured them, as well?"
"Perhaps. But he was part R'kin'dles and vowed to prevent the Elves’ return."
"Would he have tortured his captives, my Queen? Was this in his nature?"
"Yes. He would have tortured and used anyone. He enjoyed torturing."
"Could you have known he would take Sle'nel', Caitha, and The Healer?"
"I should have known this."
"Could you have known this, specifically, my Queen?"
"I placed a sleeping spell on Sle'nel’ that eve in hopes of preventing such."
"So you attempted to prevent the kidnapping."
"Yes, but I couldn't guess who he would take, except for Sle'nel'. She was the most obvious choice. I didn't think he would take any other, and I never thought he would be able to kidnap Sle'nel', given the sleeping spell."
"Yet, you hold yourself to the blame for their tortures."
"Yes. I am High Queen. The blame falls to Me."
"Could you have prevented this?"
She looked frustrated, “If I were smarter. If I were stronger. If I had remained more alert."
"Can you be this aware at all the moments, turn after turn?"
"I must!"
"Is it possible?"
"No.” She hung her head, knowing she spoke the truth. “It is not possible."
"Was he going to kill them?"
She spoke softly, now having to display the truth. She couldn't have prevented the kidnapping, “Yes, without question."
"Did you prevent this?"
"They are alive."
"Did you prevent him from killing them?"
"With help from My Forces. They tracked him and dispatched his guards."
"Could you have prevented their tortures?"
"If we had been able to arrive sooner. If I had—"
"Answer the question, San'lr'in'thel'ineln'. Could you have prevented him from torturing them?"
She hung her head and closed her eyes. For many turns, she firmly wanted to believe that the tortures had been her fault, but the truth lay now in front of her.
"I could not have prevented as such."
"Tell us why you have thought otherwise these past few turns, Highness."
She sighed, giving in to The Realm and all its harshness, “Because I was taught that I must be able to do as such, but I cannot. It is My greatest weakness. I cannot prevent the moments that are yet to come, unless luck is with Me."
"Can anyone?"
"No. It is the nature of The Realm."
"And yet you prevented him from killing them, although this was his plan, was it not?"
"Yes. He would have killed them given more moments. We arrived overly soon for his plan."
"My Queen, I am going to ask one of the questions again. Should a High Queen be hard and distant at all the moments?"
"Ann'wn would be dead if this were so. I would have beheaded her. The same is truth in regard to Uthrn. A harsh and strong Queen has no tolerance of any sort."
Mil'der'in replied softly, “Should a High Queen be hard at all the moments?"
She answered truthfully, “I know not."
Mil'der'in hesitated a moment, thinking on her next question, then asked, “When it becomes Sele'm'tinel'ti'non'n's moment to be Supreme Sovereign, would you have her be hard at all the moments, my Queen?"
She gave in to her internal struggles, finally facing the truth, “No, I would not."
"What would you tell her in this regard?"
San'lr'in’ looked over to Sle'nel', feeling peace in doing so. Without question, she knew she loved her, and knew that she wanted to love her, regardless of the inherent dangers. She spoke the truth, the truth that had remained so long hidden from her, “I would tell her that to be a great queen, she must have as much compassion as she does strength and knowledge. Without this, her decisions will be harsh and narrow ones only, with little or no regard to the purpose of life itself. I would tell her to ask herself one question, ‘What can you hold onto as a leader during the moments of change, harshness and question, that helps keep you and your realm stable?’”
"What can you hold onto, Highness, as a leader during these moments?"
She continued to look at Sle'nel’ while answering, thinking only of her love for her Elf, “The ones that are not hard that help to keep Me balanced. I can hold onto loyalty, companionship, and My Great Love."
"You mentioned that to remain hard is to have no regard for the purpose of life. What is the purpose of life, my Queen?"
Looking back at her, San'lr'in’ smiled for a moment at Mil'der'in, giving in to her, “You think Me this wise, Mil'der'in? I am no scholar, but will tell you My version. The purpose of life is life itself. To live it, and to live it as fully as possible. To remain without love and compassion just because one is High Queen is to deny life; any life; all life. And to deny life is to ignore the continual struggle for life. That is what We struggle so hard for, is it not? For a quality of life? To make strong connections to others so that life is made all the more improved and easier?"
She rose, then held out her arms to Sle'nel'. Sle'nel’ came over and placed her hands into her Queen's. Looking straight into Sle'nel's eyes, San'lr'in’ finally responded to Mil'der'in's question, “To answer your question, Mil'der'in. No. A Queen shouldn't always strive to be harsh and strong. It keeps them well-distanced from those she serves. A Queen needs to know what love is so that she can also understand the softness in The Realm, the softness that should be in The Realm, as well as its harsh complexities so that she better understands what must be done, for what reason. It is a most difficult enterprise though, as love is a risk."
"Would you tell Sele'm'tinel'ti'non'n to take this risk, my Queen?"
Yet looking into Sle'nel's eyes, now smiling at her most lovingly, she replied, “Without question."
"Does taking the risk make The High Queen stronger, my Queen?"
She nodded, thinking only of Sle'nel', “It
makes her whole."
Mil'der'in had accomplished what she had wanted—to make her Queen face the realities of being Queen. That it wasn't an easy task and that she wouldn't be able to prevent all things. She had made The High Queen move back into The Realm, through her love of Sle'nel'. Through The High Queen's own kindness and gentleness. She had made her face her own truths and own them. She had brought her Queen home to them.
She sounded relieved as she said, “I declare the High Counselor's Audience concluded, unless there be any other questions to be placed to The High Queen of The Realm."
Sam stepped forward, “I have one, High Counselor."
San'lr'in’ and Mil'der'in looked at Sam with some concern in their expression, “Speak your question, Highest of Woden."
"High Queen. May the musicians now begin our eve's dancing music?"
San'lr'in’ laughed lightly, waiving her hand in agreement, thinking that her sister had a good sense of the sensitive moments and when to be well rid of them. The music began with a dance for The High Queen and her partner of choice, as was the usual practice in the Valley.
She smiled softly upon her Elf, “I know that you are yet unable to dance, due to your as yet unhealed wounds. Please forgive Me in My duty, My Desire. I will ask another."
Sle'nel’ kissed her Queen on the cheek, “I know you will use the moment wisely, my Love."
Since Sle'nel’ couldn't yet dance, The High Queen went to her next choice and bowed slightly, offering her hand to Mil'der'in, “Would you honor Me with the first dance, High Counselor?"
Mil'der'in was fully surprised, “Me, my Queen? I would have thought you would rather have me given to the Dark Sorcerer."
The High Queen raised her eyebrow, but smiled, “I have already been rejected once on this dance, High Counselor. Would you have it that The High Queen is rejected twice in the same eve?"
Mil'der'in returned the smile, bowed slightly, then took her Queen's hand, “I am honored, my Queen."
As they danced around the smoothed dancing floor of meadow flowers, The High Queen looked upon her High Counselor, suddenly respecting her even more than she had prior, “That was most brave of you, High Counselor."
The High Queen's Vow [The Mystic Women of The Realm Series Book IV] Page 25