“The explosion appears to be intentional, from what they’re seeing so far,” he confided as she approached.
She had expected nothing less. Gut instinct had told her that and had also told her that the men who had done this were the ones who were after her. How had Mary gotten involved?
Firefighters swarmed into the building, coming out one by one, empty-handed, shaking their heads.
If Mary had been inside, and Shiloh knew from the presence of Mary’s car that she must have been, they couldn’t find her.
Shiloh turned from the chief and ran several feet away to lose her latte in the bushes by an old oak tree.
“This is getting out of hand,” she heard the chief mutter to himself as she returned. She agreed wholeheartedly, though it was a gross understatement.
They stood in silence together, just watching. It seemed as though half the town had gathered already, held back to a safe distance by a few of the officers and rolls of police tape, to see what was happening. Shiloh could hear some of them crying and others making comments in voices that betrayed their unease that something like this could happen in their town.
“We’ll need to get a statement from you, since you saw it,” the chief stated in a matter-of-fact way.
Shiloh nodded; she’d been expecting this.
“And, Shiloh?”
She looked up at him.
“I’m extending your leave indefinitely. You have until Tuesday to come clean with what you know about this case. Do it then or you’re benched for the foreseeable future.”
She felt the blow straight to her core. Five days, if she counted today. That was how long she had to solve a case that had been plaguing her for five years. Or she had to admit defeat. Start life over somewhere else.
And keep running from a past that wouldn’t stay there.
* * *
Adam closed his sermon on Sunday with the knowledge that fewer than half of his congregation had heard a word he’d said. Most likely even less of them had been impacted.
The explosion at Mary Hamilton’s house had rocked the town to the core, and his congregation had been no exception. He’d deviated from the sermon he’d already prepared and instead had preached something that might comfort and encourage them, with Scriptures about how the body of Christ should react in such circumstances.
And it had fallen on deaf ears.
He kept a smile pasted to his face as he shook hands and retreated to his office as soon as he could. Had Shiloh been there? He hadn’t noticed, but he’d been less focused today than he could ever remember being.
In short, today’s was the worst sermon he had ever preached.
He shut his office door a little too hard and sank into his desk chair. Wasn’t he trying his best, doing everything he could to minister to these people? He’d even pulled back from his relationship with Shiloh to reevaluate it and make sure the board wasn’t right. So why now, when his congregation so badly needed his guidance, had he been unable to find words to reach them? Was his own turmoil standing between him and the people he most wanted to help?
The uneasiness in his stomach every time he thought of Shiloh made him wonder if he’d made the right choice in that area.
The worst part of it—if there was a part worse than missing Shiloh’s company every second of the day—was that he hadn’t explained why he’d backed off. When he pictured the look on her face as he disappeared out of her life this time—not the other way around—it made him want to shake himself for treating her that way.
Adam closed his eyes and tried to pray, but just like after the deacons had met with him on Thursday, he couldn’t get farther than the ceiling.
“God, what am I doing wrong?”
Everything within him hated the thought of failing this church. And not just because it was a ministry. Maybe a little pride was involved, as well. Still, he’d tried to give 100 percent of himself to this job. A hollow feeling inside Adam told him that, for the past several days, it wasn’t working.
Maybe you’re not enough.
The words jolted him. That was what God wanted him to know? That despite his best efforts, he was a failure after all?
A Scripture he’d learned early on in seminary found its way to the forefront of his mind. I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without Me. It was John 15:5, and Adam could remember distinctly the day during his Bible reading that this truth had jumped out at him. He’d written it on an index card to memorize.
So this was about him trying to please God in Adam’s own strength? Closer inspection of what he’d done told him that was true. He had felt nothing but peace from God when he’d decided to pursue Shiloh again and had felt confirmation that doing so was right. But when the board had implied that was the wrong decision, had Adam even asked God?
Or had he just decided it was what he needed to do in his own strength so he could reach these people?
His circumstances were suddenly clearer to him than they’d been in days. He was going about this the wrong way. He should be mindful of his congregation’s needs—and become all things to all people, as Paul had said in the book of First Corinthians.
But he also needed to listen to God’s leading and depend on God’s strength and not things he could do himself.
Adam fought the urge to bang his head against his desk. Why was he so dumb sometimes?
He grabbed his car keys and reached for the office door, turning out the light as he went. He’d left Shiloh without a partner for too long already, and he wasn’t going to leave her abandoned any longer.
FIFTEEN
By the time Shiloh’s phone showed Adam’s number on the caller-ID screen, she wasn’t sure she wanted to talk to him anyway. She’d gone home, alone, from the widow’s house that Friday, had eaten cereal for dinner and had cried herself to sleep, unable to banish the mental video of the explosion from her mind.
She answered anyway.
“I’m sorry, Shiloh.”
She’d say this much for him: he’d chosen a good opening line. “Sorry?”
He sighed. “You know what for. I’m sorry for ditching you for dinner the other night. Sorry for not giving you an explanation, not being there when you heard about the widow.”
“I didn’t hear about her, Adam. I was there. Watched every second as her house exploded and burned to the ground.”
Her tone tasted bitter as the words left her mouth. Like she’d done over and over for the past two days, she tried to blink the pictures from her mind.
If only it would work.
“I’m sorry.” His voice broke, carrying a depth of emotion that gave the words even more impact. Shiloh relaxed her tensed shoulders, wanting more than anything to fix what was wrong between them and feel him wrap her in one of those everything-will-be-okay hugs again.
“Okay.” She let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.
“Let me make things up to you. I’ve got that Chinese takeout I promised you in the seat beside me—I drove up to Savannah right after church to get it. Come over to my house, and we’ll have a late lunch or an early dinner, whichever you want to call it, and I can tell you again how sorry I am.”
Chinese food? She liked how he did apologies. Although she wasn’t sure she was ready to forgive and forget quite yet. But she could at least hear him out. She checked her watch. “Won’t you have to be back at church soon?”
“No, we’ve been having some plumbing issues and one of the lines burst during Sunday school. The plumber can’t come until tomorrow and strongly advised canceling tonight.”
“I’ll see you soon, then.” She paused, feeling uncertain all of a sudden. “When should I come?”
“I’ll be there in about ten minute
s. Come as soon as you can. I can’t wait to see you.”
Shiloh hung up the phone and looked at herself in the mirror. She had gone to church this morning, so her hair and makeup were okay, but she had already changed out of her Sunday dress. Her present outfit was the classic feel-sorry-for-herself variety—oversize sweats and a T-shirt.
She changed into one of her nicer pairs of jeans and a dark blue short-sleeved shirt that she’d been told brought out her eyes.
Not that she was trying to make Adam notice her eyes or anything.
Shiloh slipped on a pair of black flats, dropped her Glock into her purse and headed out the door. She didn’t normally carry her gun when she wasn’t on duty, but with everything that had happened in the past few weeks, it would be smart to be prepared.
When she pulled up to Adam’s house, his car was already in the driveway. She took a deep breath and walked to the front door. Before she could ring the bell, he opened the door and swept her into his arms for a hug.
“I’ve missed you so much,” his deep voice said softly in her ear.
She pulled away, not willing to let her guard down completely after how much the past few days had hurt. “You could have seen me if you’d wanted to.”
“I know, Shiloh. You have to believe when I say I’m sorry. Really sorry. I was wrong. Come in, please, and let me tell you how stupid I was.”
She stepped inside and inhaled the tangy smell of Chinese takeout. “That smells amazing.”
“I hope it tastes good, too. I wasn’t sure where the best place was to get it, and you said there wasn’t any in Treasure Point itself, so I just went to that place in Savannah we used to go to.”
Shiloh grinned. “No wonder it smells so incredible.”
“Please—” he motioned to where the boxes were lined up on the kitchen counter “—help yourself.”
They both filled their plates, then sat down at the table. Once Adam had prayed and they’d started eating, Shiloh found herself growing nervous. As strange as he’d been acting the past couple of days, she didn’t know what to expect.
Doubts and questions crowded into her mind until it distracted her from the Chinese food—which was clearly unacceptable.
“Adam, what’s up?” she asked as she set her fork down. “You said that you were sorry for...acting weird the last couple of days. And it’s okay. But what’s going on now?”
He exhaled and nodded, as if he’d seen her questions coming. “You have to promise not to say anything until I’m done explaining.”
She raised her eyebrows. Not her favorite condition, but she could live with it. “Okay.”
“It was stupid, Shiloh, really stupid. But some people managed to convince me that my dating you was going to hurt my ministry at the church. I didn’t want that, so I pulled back.”
He shrugged, as if this should all be easy to understand.
Meanwhile, she blinked back surprise. Hurt his ministry...? Sure, her church-attendance record had been nonexistent in Treasure Point, but that didn’t make her less of a Christian. And she was mending that relationship with God now. “I don’t think I understand what you mean.”
Adam shook his head. “I told you, it’s stupid. And now I see I should have known better. Basically, they were concerned about how late I’ve been at your house several times...”
Okay, there had been extenuating circumstances, but he was a pastor, and she could see how that might make some uncomfortable. But that was solved easily enough by a simple explanation and wouldn’t have required any major changes to their relationship. “And...?”
He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Aha. There had been more.
“You’re not... They pointed out that you’re not...the type of woman people expect a pastor to date.”
“Because I work?” She raised her eyebrows. She’d known parts of this town were stuck in an old-fashioned mind-set, but with the economy the way it was, she’d have thought they’d be less resistant to something like that.
But Adam was shaking his head. “Not exactly. It’s mostly your lack of church attendance. I admit I had some second thoughts because of your job.”
The deacons having a problem with her infrequent visits to church she understood. But Adam being bothered by her being a cop? How many times were they going to break up or almost break up because of that issue?
She pushed her chair back from the table. “I should go.”
He reached for her hand to stop her. “No, don’t. I realized they’re wrong. I know how important your faith is to you, even if you haven’t been to church much lately. And I was wrong about your job.”
This she had to hear. She edged her chair back toward the table.
“A pastor’s wife carrying a gun and fighting crime is not exactly typical. But, Shiloh, if we ever decide to pursue our relationship to the point of marriage, it will be because I love you for who you are. And just like you being a history professor was a big part of you when I met you, being a cop is part of you now. My reason for struggling with it has nothing to do with not believing in you. It’s just...” He shook his head. “See, the thing is, Shiloh, before my dad and I moved to Savannah, we lived in Florida.”
She stilled. Adam had never wanted to talk about his childhood. Besides the fact that his mom hadn’t been around for some of it, Shiloh knew nothing.
“My mom was in the Coast Guard. They were running drug interdictions, and she boarded a ship to perform a search and didn’t make it off.”
“Oh, Adam.” She laid a hand on his arm, grief threatening to overwhelm her on his behalf.
“It’s okay now. I mean, it still hurts. But I’m okay. She died doing something she loved, something she felt called to do. But it was dangerous work. And my dad had always resented it, did even more after she was killed. It’s why...” He hesitated. “It’s why I’ve been so against your job. But I was wrong to let my fears take over. Even when you were a history professor, you had spunk, Shiloh, like my mom. I think that’s part of the reason I was attracted to you. The job you have now fits who you are.”
He cleared his throat. “I don’t want you to change, Shiloh. Besides, you’re good at what you do. Our country needs more law-enforcement officers with talent like yours. And, yes, I wish you could step back and let someone else do it. And, yes, it scares me to think of marrying you and having children and worrying that one day their mom might come home hurt or not at all. But if I believe God is guiding this relationship—which I do—I need to let you be who you are and trust Him to work out the details and keep you safe.”
A slow smile spread across Shiloh’s face. “You mean all that?”
“With all my heart.” He squeezed her hand and lightly rubbed his thumb over her fingers. “I don’t know why it took me so long to realize that.”
She laughed. “You only almost changed your mind three days ago.”
“But I’m serious about you, Shiloh. The fact that it took me three days is crazy enough.”
They shared a smile, and then Shiloh picked up her fork and went back to her Chinese food.
Repeated I’m sorrys, delicious food and the most romantic words she’d ever heard in her life.
Yes, indeed, the man really knew how to apologize.
* * *
Once they’d finished dinner, Adam had thought they could do something relaxing, maybe watch a movie.
He should have figured Shiloh would have eyes only for the case. She’d pulled out a legal pad and sat down on his sofa with a pen, ready to brainstorm what their next step should be.
“You haven’t even seen my library yet. Didn’t you say the other day you’d wanted to?” He wanted the case solved, too...but anything to distract her for just a few more minutes and keep her smiling would work for him.
The trick got her attention, as he’d known i
t would.
“That’s right,” she said, eyes gleaming as she nearly jumped from the sofa. “Books first. Then the case.”
She turned to wag a finger at him as she walked down the hall—guessing correctly which way the library was. “Don’t think I don’t know you’re just trying to distract me. I’ll let you this time, but after this, it’s back to work.”
“It’s that room on the left.” The room was probably meant to be a spare bedroom, but, instead, he’d filled it with bookshelves.
She stepped inside, turned on the light and let out a low whistle.
“It’s not much compared to the library...” His voice trailed off. Maybe mentioning Widow Hamilton and her unique house wasn’t his best move this soon after everything that had happened.
“At the Hamilton place.” Shiloh drew a breath. “I know what you were going to say. You don’t have to tiptoe around me. I’ll be fine.”
He knew she would be. She hurt right now, but she’d learned five years ago how to cover up the pain and move on to do what needed to be done. He’d give anything to take away the load of her responsibilities, her need for justice, for just a minute and let her cry out the emotions she was keeping carefully bottled. But then she wouldn’t be Shiloh.
“Besides,” she continued as she stopped in front of the first bookshelf, “what you don’t have in fancy shelving and centuries-old architecture, you make up for in books. I knew you loved to read and even collected some. But I didn’t know you had this many.” She ran her hands along the spines of a leather-bound commentary set he’d bought recently.
“I’d just started collecting books when we began dating. Remember?”
She nodded. “That’s right. So you wouldn’t have had this many then.”
“It was actually talking with you and Annie all those times we’d hang out together that made me start taking my collection more seriously.”
Shiloh nodded. “I remember. I love books because of the history behind them. Annie loved them for the insight they have into people.” A smile cracked her face. “She was such a people watcher.”
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