Transcending Regrets (No Regrets book 3)

by Noalane, Aimee

  “Sounds like a plan.” I beamed.

  He helped me up and started getting dressed.

  “So Millie?” I asked, still curious about why he brought her up.

  “Oh, yeah. Do you know what her last name is?”

  “I’m not sure. Davis, maybe. Why?”

  “I saw her with Damian last Friday. They looked like they were in a pretty heated argument.”

  I froze at the sound of Damian’s name.

  “Abs?” Oliver called, and I looked at him. “Did you hear what they were talking about?”

  “Well no, not at first because I was too far away to hear their conversation, but after the bell went off, I managed to convince her to go back inside the school. After she did, Damian and I had a talk.”

  “What about?” I asked skeptically.

  He looked up at the ceiling avoiding my gaze. “About the fact that he was on public school grounds during school hours, and that he had no business being there.”

  I pursed my lips and pinched my eyebrows together. “Why do I have a feeling that you’re lying to me?”

  “I’m not lying,” he replied.

  With the way he was fidgeting, I could tell that he was trying very hard to resist the urge of scratching his jaw. I put my hands on my hips and scrutinized him until he gave in, and ran his hand over his stubble.

  Busted!

  “What did you say to him?”

  “Nothing. I just told him he had to leave.”

  “Don’t try to pull your bullshit on me, Oliver. You and I both know that conversation wasn’t about school, it was about me. So spill.”

  “Fine.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I told him to stay away from you.”

  “You’re such an ass.” I sneered. “Next time you feel like getting all territorial and shit, keep me out of it. Damian is part of my past just like Tyler was or is––God, I’m so pissed off at––”

  “Tyler isn’t a bad influence.”

  “I’m not a kid, Oliver. Whatever control you think you have over me; you don’t. This is my life and if you want to be a part of it, you’re going to accept that I have a past. You can’t go choosing which part of me you want and which parts you don’t.”

  “This isn’t about acceptance, Abby. This is about having a hard time adjusting to what happened when I left.”

  “The world didn’t stop spinning while you were gone, Oliver,” I snapped. “It’s my past. I can’t make it go away, but I worked hard to get where I am today. So you either take what I have to offer and accept it, or you don’t and let me live my life.”

  “Is it really too much for me to ask for you not to have Damian in your life?”

  He waited for my answer, but he wasn’t going to get one; at least not the one he wanted to hear. The last thing I wanted was to get into an argument with Oliver. Things were going so well, but controlling me and my surroundings was completely out of the question.

  “Is it really too much to ask for you to trust me?” I countered.

  His right hand ran through his hair and then he looked at me. “I’m sorry.”

  “Thank you. Now, do you still want to tell me what happened with Millie?”

  “Damian says they’re related.”

  “Related? How?”

  “I don’t know, he didn’t want to say. It’s why I’m asking. I figured that since you two have a history––”

  “I never met his family members, Ol. We weren’t––” I frowned for a minute. The vision of a cute little blonde haired girl staring at me one morning after way too much alcohol and weed popped into my head. My eyes grew wide. “Fuck!”

  “Abs?”

  I grabbed my keys and dashed out of Oliver’s room.

  How? How could I have not seen this? Why didn’t I remember her?

  “Abbygail,” Oliver shouted as I slipped on my shoes. “What are you doing?”

  “She’s his sister.”

  “So?”

  “I have to go.”

  “Go?” he repeated. “Go where?”

  I ran out of his apartment without looking back.

  ***

  I pounded at their door. I still couldn’t believe that I hadn’t noticed the resemblance between the two. They had the same blue eyes. The only difference was the color of their hair, and I knew hers was black because she dyed it.

  “Harrison, open up the fucking door,” I yelled. “Now”

  The realization of my stupidity hit me as soon as Damian’s father opened the door. From inside his apartment, the man that haunted my dreams starred back at me with a creepy smile. He reeked of cigarette smoke, sweat and alcohol.

  “Did you come over so I could finish what I started months ago, dear girl?”

  “Where is she?” I asked, ignoring his attempts to intimidate me.

  “It took a while for you to put two and two together,” he mocked. “You aren’t that smart for a social worker, are you? A little heads up if you ever see her again; she’s pretty pissed that you didn’t recognize her.”

  I pushed past him.

  “Millie?” I yelled, but got no answer. “Millie.”

  “Damian,” Harrison shouted over me. “Your little skank is inside my house. Do you think we can call the police for a breaking and entering?”

  His mocking me only made me angrier. I strolled deeper inside their home. I knew it was a stupid idea. I knew it was dangerous, yet there I was walking in like I owned the place. I made it to the front of Damian’s old bedroom and hesitated for a second. I turned around and saw her looking at me, but when I blinked the faint memory of a young Millie disappeared and a strong hand was resting on my shoulder.

  “Abby?” Damian grabbed me and pushed me against the wall inside his bedroom. He searched my eyes for some kind of indication of why I was inside his apartment. My heart beat so fast, it felt like it was about to stammer out of my chest. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

  “Son, I want that stupid girl out of my home, and I’m not going to ask you twice,” Harrison threatened. “She’s already ruined what I made of you, I’m going to make sure she won’t be getting anywhere near my daughter.”

  “I didn’t ruin your son, you disgusting piece of trash. I showed him that he was worth more than your abusive ways. He has a life now and trust me; it’s no thanks to you.”

  The apartment really wasn’t all that big, and as I heard Damian’s father sarcastic laugh getting closer to us; I knew I was in trouble.

  “Hear that son? You have a life now. Although, the little midget has a point, your new life did help me out of my little predicament. And luckily for you she actually believes your worth something now.”

  “Trust me, Dad, I don’t want her. In fact, I didn’t want her back then either. Leaving her years ago was a relief, but it’s good to know I’m worth something now.” My brows furrowed together. If he was trying to hurt me, he was doing a damn good job. But as I looked up, I noticed Damian’s eyes pleading with me to shut up.

  Harrison watched us with curiosity and then eyed his son. “Is she the reason you’re back?”

  “Fuck no.”

  “Then get her out of here before I take the matters in my own hands. I can guarantee that whether you’re lying to me or not, you wouldn’t like what I’d do to her.”

  Damian loosened his restraint on me and I managed to push him away.

  “Fuck you,” I sneered. “Fuck you for doing this to me. Fuck you for doing this to your children. I’ll have your ass arrested you ass––”

  Damian grabbed my arm before his father could and dragged me out. “What the hell are you doing here?” he bellowed once we were out of earshot. “Do you have a death wish or something?”

  “I wanted to see Millie.”

  He rubbed his face. “Millie isn’t here, Abs. She’s been under the care of a foster family for almost a year. You can’t just show up here. What if I wasn’t there? Do you know how fucking crazy my father is?”

  “She’s why y
ou’re back isn’t she? How much trouble is she in, Damian?”

  “I’ve got it under control.”

  “Damian,” I growled.

  “I don’t know, Abs. I don’t know how deep she is. She’s not supposed to be in contact with him, but shit…I don’t know. Abby please, for once in your life you need to think about yourself and if that isn’t enough of a motivation, then think about your baby. Please just drop this. My father…he’s bad. I just need some time, and having you show up here isn’t helping me.”

  He stopped talking and we both looked up to the living room window where Damian’s father was glaring at us with a look of death in his eyes.

  “He’s going to hurt you, Abby. I’m begging you to let me handle this.”

  “I want to help. I can––’

  “Please just go, and stay away,” he replied almost dragging me to my car. He looked so desperate and broken, and I felt so guilty for not knowing.

  “Abby?”

  I turned to look at him before climbing inside my car.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Chapter 33

  Oliver

  I freaked out when she left. I called pretty much everyone I knew who could possibly know where she would have disappeared to, but got nothing. Tyler and Stephan told me they hadn’t seen her since we left the pub, and Aunt Jenna confirmed that Abby wasn’t across the street either. While I was imagining the worse, Jenna told me to relax and come home for dinner. She insisted that sooner or later Abby would be showing up at her house and that when she did we could confront each other. She was right. About a half an hour after hanging up, I was driving back to Carrington and Aunt Jen called to let me know that she spotted Abby sitting under the willow tree.

  “Where the hell have you been?” I growled as soon as I made it to the backyard. I hadn’t meant to sound so harsh, but I was so pissed off at her. “I tried calling you, but you left your goddamn phone on my kitchen counter.”

  She walked over to me and snatched her cell out of my hand. “I was out.”

  “Yeah, I kind of figured that when you walked out in the middle of our conversation. Where did you go, Abbygail?”

  She was about to answer when I cut her off.

  “Please tell me that you did not just come back from Damian’s house.”

  She just looked at me with her blank blue eyes. While my eyebrows furrowed together, clearly furious with her, she looked like she was having a blast.

  “Abby.”

  “What?”

  “I just asked you a goddamn question. This isn’t funny.”

  “Actually it is. What is it you want me to answer, Oliver? Do you want the truth, or a fabrication of my imagination? Because if you ask me, it doesn’t seem like you’re quite able to figure it out.”

  I looked at her stunned. She was definitely enjoying my displeasure, fortunately for her by that point I wasn’t sure if I should be happy that she had made it back safely, or chew her head off.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I shouted.

  Yep…this is such a better idea.

  “I forbid you to go there again. And this time will be the last time you will ever see Damian Bushman’s again, do you hear me?”

  Her mouth was agape as I yelled at her.

  “I don’t think I heard your answer.”

  “Listen to me you jackass. We talked about this already. You do not own me. You do not control me. And you sure as hell will not start forbidding me from doing anything.” Her furious eyes met mine and she pushed me, making me take a step back. “THIS is my life, Oliver. Got it?”

  “You’re carrying my baby.”

  “Our baby. And that doesn’t give you the right to tell me what to do.”

  “If it means that you are not going to be careful and make stupid decisions that will endanger her life, I sure as hell will.” I fired back. “I’ve lost enough as it is.”

  Her eyes grew wide. “Fuck you.”

  Abbygail

  Just realizing the implications of his words, he stretched his hand out and tried to reach for mine.

  I pulled away.

  He was right and I deserved every single word, but hearing him spit them out hurt so much more than he could ever imagine. I felt guilty for losing Riley. I knew everything that happened was because I was careless that night, but to have him throwing it all out in my face like that…

  “Abs?”

  I lowered my gaze and stared at the ground. I couldn’t bear looking at him anymore. The simple sound of his voice made me want to slit my heart out.

  “Beautiful, look at me. Please?”

  I retreated from where we were standing until the back of my knees hit the bench under the willow tree. When I looked up to him, I saw the reflection of my pain in his eyes and it shattered me. For all the days we’d spent together, he’d hidden his pain, but now that everything was finally out, I realized that it was all an act. Tears started to roll down my cheeks and I couldn’t stop them anymore. Everything hurt, so much. I’d spent months trying to forget, and for the first time since it happened, I lost complete control.

  “I’m sorry.” I cried unable to look up into his eyes. “I’m sorry I wasn’t careful. You’re right, I’m careless. Everything I did––I––Riley died, Oliver. Riley died because of me.”

  I fell to my knees and he was right there beside me, cradling me. He hugged me tightly and tried to hold me together as my entire soul felt like it was being ripped to shreds. I couldn’t handle the ache anymore. I cried for the day I found out I was pregnant. I mourned the day I found out I had lost a child. I sobbed for the day I decided to bury her memory all alone, and for all the days I never went to see her.

  I hated myself.

  “Abby.” Oliver said. Every tear that rolled down my cheeks he wiped off or kissed away. He pulled my face up so that I could look at him, but my eyes wouldn’t meet his. “Riley didn’t die because of you.”

  “You don’t believe that.”

  He took my face in his hands and made me look into his grieving dark eyes. “I do, and you need to stop blaming yourself. There is nothing you could have done to prevent this.”

  “I could have minded my own business and not helped Cole.”

  He shook his head. “But that’s not who you are, Abs, and that’s the amazing thing about you. You’re selfless and will do absolutely anything to help someone in need, regardless of the consequences.”

  “Oliver––”

  “Things just happen, Abby.”

  I got irritated with his acceptance. I wanted him to be angry with me. Not this. “Why are you so understanding? Why can’t you be so angry at me, and hate me forever?”

  “Why do you want me to hate you?” he asked frowning

  “Because it would make things so much damn easier.”

  He reached out for his wallet, in the back pocket of his jeans, and took out a neatly folded piece of paper. As he handed it to me I noticed the worn edges, it looked like it had been folded and unfolded pretty often.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “They are my words to Riley. I’ve been carrying this for a while, but can’t find the courage to go back to the cemetery to put it with yours.”

  “Why are you giving it to me?”

  “Because I want you to read it. Maybe it’ll help you understand. Abby, earlier––the words came out wrong––I need you to believe that I am not blaming you for what happened to Riley.”

  I wanted to…but there was just so much heartache, and I felt so responsible for not being careful.

  “Freckle Face,” he said standing up. When I looked at him I knew that Oliver wasn’t addressing me as our children’s father anymore. He wasn’t addressing the girl that he was once in love with, he was talking to the person he could spend hours just debating with him for fun. He was talking to the girl he knew he could say anything to regardless of the consequences of his words. He was talking to his best friend. “Life wasn’t made to be a straight road. I
realized this the moment my father died, and was reminded of it when my mother got sick. Life is made of curves and bumps that go up and down. It’s made of challenges and cracks that put everything we believe in to the test. But you and me Freckle Face, we’ll fight it. If it confronts us, we face it. If it defies us, we conquer it. Nothing will ever break us, Abbygail. I don’t care what happens, we are forever.”

  He left the willow tree. It was like he knew I needed some time to gather my own thoughts. I watched him walk away and when I couldn’t see him anymore, I opened the letter. Even in his first words I knew I was in for another heartbreak.

  Dear Riley,

  I’m writing to you today because I feel like I owe you an apology. I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you sooner. An entire week of knowing you’re here, yet I couldn’t even make the effort…but you have no idea how weird it feels to know that from one second to another I’m suddenly responsible for another human being and a little angel watching over us.

  The thing is Riley, I don’t know how I’m feeling right now. I’m confused, I’m angry, I’m happy, I’m sad, and it all just hurts, so damn much.

  You know how people say that everything happens for a reason? Right now, I really want to believe it’s true… all this, it’s hurting me a lot more than I can handle.

  I’m going to pretend it’s okay though, because it’s what I need to do for her. I know she wants me to hate her. She won’t want me to forgive her and she’ll want me to disappear on her like I have in the past, but that’s not going to happen. I mean…I’m not going to lie, kid, I’m mad at her for keeping the both of you a secret from me. But on the other hand, I get it. I broke her heart so many times…

  You know, sometimes when we were young, your mother and I would spend hours picturing our lives, and talking about our future. My dreams, they always had her in it. Even before I was in love with her, I knew we’d always be together because life just didn’t feel right when she wasn’t around. If something were to happen to me, she’d drop everything she was doing, for us to be together. And she knew that all she had to do was look at me, and I’d be right there by her side.