His eyes widened. ‘I was pissed, I know that much. But I don’t know if it’s just that. I’ve never felt like that on booze before. It’s like I was drugged; like Rohypnol or something?’
Jasmine stared at him.
‘That sounds mental, I know,’ Dylan said, scratching his head vigorously. ‘But then a lot of stuff has sounded mental since Millie arrived.’
‘Don’t mention her,’ Jasmine pouted.
‘But it was Rowena’s fault, not hers. I can’t even remember… God, Jas, it’s bloody awful. I can’t even remember what made me do it.’
‘Did you sleep with her?’ Jasmine asked in a quiet voice. It was a question she didn’t want the answer to but she felt compelled to ask. Though she often teased him and chastised him about his love life, when it came down to it, she didn’t want the sordid details of what her baby brother got up to in his bedroom, especially with a woman like Rowena.
He nodded slowly. ‘I think so. I didn’t want to, though. Do you believe that?’
‘I do.’
‘It was like… I knew what I was doing was bad but I couldn’t stop doing it. I didn’t want to sleep with her but something drove me to it. I couldn’t stop thinking about Millie’s face if she could see us but Rowena kept telling me to love her and it was like I had to obey. But at the same time, I can’t actually recall any details. I want to think that means I didn’t sleep with her. Maybe I only think I did?’ he said hopefully.
‘God knows,’ Jasmine replied. ‘I certainly don’t want to. Whether you did or didn’t, the damage is done now.’
He let out a huge sigh. ‘I feel like a total shit and I don’t think it makes a difference whether I slept with her or not. What matters is that Millie thinks I did.’ He smiled ruefully. ‘There was a time when I’d have found the idea of mad, drugged-up sex quite exciting.’
‘Perhaps you’re getting old,’ Jasmine smiled.
‘Millie saw us this morning, didn’t she? And I guess it looked pretty damning.’
‘She was out on the street when you came running out in your boxer shorts. She and Rowena had a massive bust up. Did you know about Millie’s ex? Or the reasons she came to Honeybourne in the first place?’
‘No. Should I?’
‘He killed himself. Rowena said that it was because of something Millie did, that she made him do it.’
‘That doesn’t sound right. She wouldn’t be capable of something like that, not deliberately.’
‘We’ve seen otherwise the last couple of days. Look at what happened to you last night.’
‘That wasn’t her fault.’
‘As good as.’
He held her in a thoughtful gaze. ‘What do you really think?’ he asked after a silent moment. ‘Deep down, do you believe Millie is a bad person?’
‘I don’t want to believe that she is. But I don’t want her being around those I love. I don’t think she’s a bad person but I think she brings bad things with her. She’s got a past that’s not ready to let go of her yet. If you’re around her you risk getting caught up in it.’
Dylan let himself fall back on the pillows and lay staring at the ceiling. ‘Maybe you’re right.’
‘Why on earth did you let Rowena in? It’s not as if you like her.’
‘She wanted to talk to me about Millie. I suppose I should have told her to get lost but I couldn’t help myself; I wanted to know what it was.’
‘And what did she tell you?’
He scrunched his nose. ‘I’m not entirely sure. She said we should open the wine before we got onto it… and you know I don’t need telling twice where booze is concerned… and then it’s all a bit random after that.’
‘I’m sorry.’
He flipped onto his side. ‘What for?’
‘You really liked Millie.’
‘Yeah. That’ll teach me to think about fidelity.’
‘You said… In the street this morning, you told her you loved her. Did you mean that?’
‘Bloody hell, did I?’
Jasmine nodded, a smile playing about her lips. ‘You didn’t mean it?’
‘Now I know I must have been stoned, but… I don’t know. Maybe I did.’
There was a faint tap at the front door. Millie had lost count of the times she had hidden from Ruth as the old lady peered in through the front window. She couldn’t face anyone today, least of all Ruth Evans. The events of the morning had been humiliating, mortifying, shaming, hurtful… and just about any other adjective you could use to describe your heart being torn from your chest. She had spent the morning still dressed, but huddled beneath the bedclothes despite the damp heat blowing through the upper floors of the bakery. Anything to shut the world out. From there she had heard people call through the letterbox: Ruth, Colleen, Peggy… How fast did news travel in this place? But no Jasmine and no Dylan. No Rowena for that matter, and she didn’t know whether that fact was cause for relief or concern.
She doubted there was any reason for Rowena to stick around now that she had achieved what she had come to do. But as the day drew on, she realised that a decision would have to be made. It was time to cut her losses and pack. Nobody in Honeybourne would want her around now and she didn’t blame them. Financially, it would pretty much ruin her. Emotionally, it was the only decision that would save her now. She had to leave Honeybourne and find somewhere new to settle. It seemed extreme, but if she changed her name maybe Rowena wouldn’t track her down again. She would keep to herself, build a quiet life somewhere small, some tucked away backwater hardly on the map at all. Most importantly, no more men, not ever. She couldn’t be trusted not to hurt them, especially the ones she really cared about.
She was just dumping a pile of books into a box when there was another tap at the door. As she had with all the others, she swiftly took herself into the back room and waited for them to go. There was a second knock, and then a third. A pause. And then, when Millie thought they had finally gone, a voice through the letterbox.
‘I know you’re in there, Millie… I just want to see if you’re ok and I’m not going anywhere so you’ll have to open the door eventually.’
There was a part of her that desperately wanted some comfort, someone to talk to, to explain her side of the story. But she had convinced herself that she didn’t deserve it, and that the rest of the village believed she didn’t deserve it either, and so she hesitated.
‘Come on… please.’ He lowered his voice. ‘Ruth is stalking the streets and if you don’t let me in soon she’ll see me and then you won’t be able to escape her gossip radar.’
Millie couldn’t help a small smile as she walked to the front door. She opened it to find Spencer staring anxiously back at her.
‘I heard what happened this morning… Well, the version that has probably undergone the Chinese-whisper treatment around the village. It sounded nasty.’ He stepped in and Millie quickly closed the door again. ‘You want to tell me what actually happened?’
‘Come into the back room,’ Millie said. ‘Do you have time for a drink?’
‘I’ve got marking, but as long as I head back at around eight-ish I should get that done ok.’
‘Who told you?’ Millie asked as she led him away from the front door.
‘Terri…’
Millie turned to him and raised her eyebrows in a question.
‘The newsagent,’ he clarified.
‘I’ve never even met him…’
‘Her,’ Spencer smiled. ‘I don’t know where she had it from. I just called in after work to pay the newspaper bill. You’re a murderer who should be run out of town, apparently.’
‘I’ll be sure not to pop in any time soon then; she might have a pitchfork behind the counter. What else did she say?’
‘A lot of stuff I knew wasn’t true. That’s why I came round to see you. I know what people can be like around here. There are a lot of good souls and for the most part they’re welcoming, but news travels fast and people close ranks against outsiders prett
y quickly if they think they’re bringing trouble to the village.’
‘I guessed as much. That’s why I’m packing.’
Spencer shoved his hands deep in his pockets and scanned the room. Boxes lay open alongside hastily collected piles of belongings ready to fill them. ‘That seems a bit extreme. Surely when people hear what really happened it’ll all blow over?’
‘That’s just it. What really happened is pretty much as bad as people believe.’
‘I don’t think for a minute—’
Millie raised a hand to silence him. ‘You don’t think that I could kill someone? I didn’t raise a gun to his head or cut his throat – but it was my fault.’
Spencer stared at her.
‘You can leave now if you want to. I wouldn’t blame you.’
There was a heartbeat’s pause before he answered her. ‘I think I’m a good judge of character. I don’t think there’s any reason for me to leave and if you want to talk, I’m good at listening too. Maybe I can make my own mind up about whether you’re really a cold-blooded killer or not.’
Millie shifted a box from a bench seat and gestured for him to sit, settling herself alongside him. ‘You’re sure you want to hear this?’
‘Of course.’
Millie took a deep breath. ‘Michael was my soulmate. We shared no interests, had almost completely opposing views on the world, even hated each other’s music and films… but there was something that connected us. I can’t describe it, but it was like I couldn’t breathe unless he was breathing with me…’
Spencer nodded again. But this time there was sadness in his expression. ‘I know that feeling,’ he said quietly. When he said no more, Millie continued.
‘But one day everything changed. I don’t know why or how, but I felt different. It happens, I suppose the differences between us became too much and I realised I’d fallen out of love with him. We limped on for a few months, and all the while I lived this lie, letting him think that I still saw a future for us because I was too afraid to cause the pain I knew would come from telling him the truth. I still loved him dearly as a friend, and I desperately wanted to spare his feelings. It was awful, every day smiling and telling him that everything was good, and I was terrified of what it would do to him if I told him the truth. I suppose part of me wanted to fall back in love, to get back what we once had. It felt like my fault, like there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t love this amazing, kind, gentle man who any woman would be lucky to have and who I didn’t deserve, and I kept convincing myself that if I just gave it time things would be right again. Deep down I knew it wouldn’t happen, but anything was better than breaking his heart.’ Her eyes filled with tears and she sniffed them back.
Spencer shifted his weight slightly, moving imperceptibly towards her, as if uncertain whether to offer some physical comfort. Millie mirrored the move to distance herself, certain that she didn’t deserve his sympathy and the relief that a hug would bring.
‘It was ok for a while,’ Millie continued. ‘I knew it was wrong, but I never thought any actual harm could come from the pretence – well, apart from the emotional harm. I needed to find the right moment to break it to him with the least pain. But then he went and asked me to marry him…’ She looked up with a pained expression, trying to gauge his reaction. ‘You still want to hear this?’
He nodded.
‘There was no way I could pretend anymore, and I certainly couldn’t marry a man I didn’t love, no matter how much I wanted to spare his feelings. I had to refuse him, and when he demanded an explanation, all my good intentions meant nothing. I had to tell him the truth. I think it was the straw that broke the camel’s back and I felt like the world’s most evil woman. Maybe I was. Not only had I shattered his dreams of an idyllic future as a married man, but he learned that the previous few months had all been a hollow sham. He never said a word about where he was going, but he walked out of the house we’d shared as a couple, went to the woods and hanged himself.’
Spencer’s mouth dropped open. Instinctively, he drew back from her. She tried not to flinch as it registered.
‘I knew you’d think badly of me once you’d heard,’ she said. ‘I tried so hard to do the right thing that I got it all very, very wrong. But I don’t suppose it matters now as you’ll probably never see me again.’
‘No! I mean… you wouldn’t do anything stupid, would you?’
‘Like hang myself?’ She gave him a rueful half-smile. ‘I’m too cowardly for that.’
Spencer seemed satisfied with her response and relaxed. He was thoughtful for a moment. ‘I don’t understand what made him do that. Was he prone to depression?’
‘I made him do that.’
‘I don’t buy it.’ Spencer sat back and held her in a steady gaze. ‘Have you ever considered that Michael might have had some instability in his own personality that drove him to do what he did?’
‘If he did, I certainly made it worse.’
‘What if all you did was highlight a latent flaw, some suicidal tendency that would have shown itself eventually anyway, no matter what you did or what happened in your relationship? Maybe ten years down the line some random life event would have sent him off into the woods in the same way. An action of that magnitude, Millie… He took his own life; that’s huge. It had to have come from inside him in the first place. I don’t believe for a second that you could have made that happen.’
Millie shrugged. ‘I know what you’re trying to do and it’s very sweet but not necessary. I have suffered for what happened and it’s what I deserve.’
‘Where does this woman fit in?’
‘Rowena is Michael’s sister. At the funeral, I was distraught. People were asking me what happened and I didn’t know what to say. The police had his note, of course, so the official version was the one they pieced together from that. But people in our circle, they knew there was more to it than that. One of my friends asked me and it all came out. Next thing I knew, she had told Rowena everything. My life in Millrise was hell after that. I stuck it out for a few months, but then it all got too much. I saw the bakery here for sale, and I kidded myself that I came to start a business but really I packed up and ran away.’
‘So now she’s found you she wants to pick up where she left off?’
‘Something like that. When she went to see Dylan… Well, it was her way of taking something away from me in the way she felt I’d done to her. It was her way of ensuring that I never have love from a man again.’
‘So that bit is true?’ Spencer gave a low whistle. ‘He’s always kept his brains in his dick but I didn’t think he would stoop that low.’
Millie shrugged. ‘I don’t suppose I blame him, she’s persuasive and she’s gorgeous. I’m just glad he didn’t come to any harm.’
‘You care about Dylan?’
Millie looked up from the fingernails she had been picking and saw an expression she couldn’t read on Spencer’s face.
‘I don’t know… There was something, yes.’
‘You should be careful.’
‘That’s what everyone’s been telling me. I don’t suppose it matters now.’ She forced a smile.
‘So you’re really leaving?’
‘I don’t have a choice.’
‘You always have a choice. If you run won’t she just keep on running after you?’
‘Maybe. I’ll just have to stay one step ahead.’
Spencer blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. ‘This is crazy. Stay and talk to people here. Explain it how you did to me and they’ll support you. She’ll get short shrift for what amounts to victimisation. Can you get the police involved?’
‘What do I tell them? That I made someone kill himself and now his sister is out for revenge. I’m not sure that’s a great idea.’
‘Nobody should have to live as you are now.’
‘I’m still living, though. That’s all Rowena is concerned with.’
‘Then why hasn’t she tr
ied to murder you and have done with it?’
‘Because that would be too easy and too kind. I have to leave.’
‘It’s not the answer.’
‘Spencer… you’re sweet and generous, and I appreciate your sympathetic ear, but you wouldn’t know. How could you? Home is Honeybourne, you fit in; everyone knows and loves you…’
‘It hasn’t always been like that. I left once.’
‘To go to university.’
‘That wasn’t the only reason.’
‘What happened?’
‘Love being as unpredictable and unruly for me as it was for you… that’s what happened.’
‘I don’t—’
‘I was in love with someone, had been for years. She was never interested in me as more than a nerdy friend. But I got close to the family and I was fond of them all. I liked to believe that they were all fond of me too. One day I decided that I couldn’t stand it anymore. She had started to see someone and they seemed to be getting serious. I could love her from afar while I thought that some time in the future there might be a chance that she would develop those feelings for me too, but this new man threatened to take her away from me for good.’
‘What did you do?’
‘I confided in my best friend. I told him that I had always loved this girl and that I was going to tell her how I felt before it was too late. He was all for it, said that life was too short and that I should go for it. So I did.’
‘What happened?’
‘It earned me a beating from my best friend after she turned me down. Perhaps I should have told him who the girl was before I went off declaring my love.’
‘Was it his girlfriend?’
Spencer shook his head. ‘His sister.’
Millie frowned. ‘So you had to leave?’
‘I thought it was best. But while I was away I came to terms with everything that had happened, and I missed the village. I heard she had got married and was deliriously happy. She’s been cool about the whole thing really, and we’re sort of friends again.’
‘Does her husband know?’
The Little Village Bakery: A feel good romantic comedy with plenty of cake (Honeybourne Book 1) Page 18