“Did you enjoy that?” Lily asks before her laughter trickles across the phone. “Because I did.”
“I can tell,” I respond with as even of a voice as I can muster after what just transpired during our call. “I think we both need to shower now.”
“Yes, a shower,” Lily agrees. “Will you be thinking about me during your shower?”
“I’m always thinking about you, Lily.”
She sighs deeply. “You’re too sweet to me.”
“You deserve it. Every bit of it.”
A long moment of silence fills the line, and for a moment I wonder if she fell asleep or if the call dropped until Lily whispers, “I hope you’re right.”
The call ends with a definitive click, and I’m left completely confused over what just happened. In the moments I stand here to calm myself down and put the pieces of my car back together, I come to realize both amazing and concerning things about Lily’s current state of mind. I hate that someone or something caused her to get drunk like this, but I love that she thought to call me when it happened. It worries me that she doesn’t think she deserves the treatment I give her, but to hear her blatantly admit her physical attraction toward me makes me only want to give her more.
My thoughts remain fixed on Lily the entire time I’m finishing up with my car and taking the coldest possible shower. As I’m making the drive to her house, I wonder what state of mind she’ll be in when I get there. It’s impossible not to be nervous about the thought of her realizing she made a mistake in calling me. I’d hate for our friendship to become awkward after she shared such an intimate personal experience with me over the phone.
I take a few deep, calming breaths as I pull into her driveway and continue that effort as I walk up to her door. My palms are sweaty with anticipation as I knock a few times. When there’s no sign of movement or sound from inside the house, I try the doorbell instead. I give it one more try, and with the continued lack of response, I start to get worried. Adrenaline shoots through me as I grasp the doorknob, fear racing through me at the thought that the door is locked and Lily’s trapped inside unconscious or injured, but the metal knob surprisingly moves when I turn it. The door is unlocked, and I quickly make my way inside.
“Lily!” I call out to the seemingly empty house. My voice echoes down the dining room into the living room only to be greeted by silence and stillness. I move further in and am about to bolt up the stairs when I hear the slightest sound of breathing nearby.
I peek over the couch to find Lily fast asleep, her brown hair a tangled mess all around her peaceful face. The loose-fitting T-shirt she’s wearing is riding up her stomach on one side to the point that the bottom of her breast peeks out from underneath it. Her jean shorts are unzipped, revealing the top of the pink striped panties she’s wearing. One of her hands rests innocently on her bare belly.
I know exactly where that hand has been.
I find myself in the now familiar situation of needing to calm my body down as I do what I can to cover up Lily while she sleeps. I tug her shirt down over her belly and pull a nearby blanket over the rest of her. She doesn’t move an inch the entire time, her body probably too busy trying to sleep off the alcohol she drank to even notice she had a visitor at the door who is watching over her now.
My experience with drunk people being essentially non-existent, I opt to take a seat in the chair across from the couch and let Lily sleep. It’s fascinating that even in her unconscious state she manages to keep the slightest hint of a smile on her face. Though she appears a mess with her hair all over the place, it does nothing to detract from her beauty underneath.
After a while I let my eyes close as I try to relax and sleep. It feels like only minutes have passed when I open my eyes at the sound of a sudden gasp in front of me.
“Oh my God,” Lily exclaims. She looks terrified as she looks at me then takes in her sprawled out state on the couch. “What are you doing here?”
This is what I feared. She may not remember anything about our phone call, and I’m not sure how she’ll react when I tell her everything that happened. “You called me.”
Lily stares at me in confusion. “I called you…” She thinks long and hard for a moment before recognition lights up her face. “I did call you. I told you to come here?”
I nod. “You said we were hitting bucket list item number two and going out tonight.”
“Well, that was ambitious of me,” Lily replies in disbelief. “Given how I feel right now, I don’t think we’ll be marking that one of the list tonight.”
Lily’s hand moves to her stomach just as her face twists in an uneasy grimace. I know what’s coming, and I bolt up from the chair to do what I can to help her. “Let me get you to the bathroom.”
She nods her head and holds a hand to her mouth as I scoop her up in my arms and carry her the short distance to the first floor bathroom. I set her down gently but just in time for her to fling the toilet seat up and start heaving the contents of her stomach into the porcelain bowl. I sit against the wall behind her and keep a hand firmly on her back for support as she holds her hair back and expunges the alcohol from her system.
The heaving eventually stops, and Lily remains still except for the rapid rise and fall of her chest. I rub her back softly but don’t dare say a word as she recovers.
“This is why I usually serve the drinks instead of ingesting them,” she finally says after a few minutes. She reaches up to flush the toilet and starts to push herself up from the floor, but I’m there to help bring her to her feet in front of the sink before she can get very far.
What I didn’t plan for was the subsequent falling of her shorts to her ankles when she finally found vertical.
We both remain completely still for a moment as I stand behind Lily, observing both our shocked expressions in the mirror above the vanity.
“What just happened?” she asks in a bit of panic.
Internally I’m struggling between bursting into laughter and pleading for her understanding of why her shorts are around her ankles for no apparent reason. “Do you remember what else happened during our phone call?”
Lily stares at me blankly through our reflection in the mirror. Please, dear God, let her remember so I don’t have to explain this to her.
I’m about to open my mouth to speak when I see the look of horror emerge on her face that lets me know no explanation will be necessary.
“Shit.” Lily closes her eyes and braces herself with both hands against the vanity. “Oh my God. This is embarrassing.”
I’m not sure how to react. The easiest thing would be to make light of the situation and play it off to make her feel better, but I don’t want to come off as insensitive to how she must be feeling at this moment. I opt to play it safe and be as helpful and comforting as possible.
With Lily holding herself against the vanity, I take the opportunity to release my grasp of her to help pull her shorts back up. When she realizes what I’m doing, she opens her eyes and takes over in time to secure the zipper and button.
“I can’t even imagine what you think of me now,” Lily says with disappointment before diverting her gaze from the mirror. “First I jump you in your car after barely learning your name. Now I’m having drunken one-sided phone sex with you.” She turns the sink on and washes her hands roughly with soap, as if to scrub away more than just what’s on the surface of her skin. “I swear I’m not some sex-crazed animal.”
She promptly leans down to splash water on her face and rinse out her mouth. She does this repeatedly until she cups her hands together one last time and presses the water against her skin, but her hands never leave her face. I don’t realize there’s something wrong until I see her chest heaving with heavy silent sobs as she continues to hold her head in her hands over the sink.
“Hey.” I turn off the water and quickly wrap my arms around the front of Lily’s shoulders, forcing her away from the sink. Her reflection greets me in the mirror, and I can see her face dr
ipping with what I’m sure is a mix of water and tears. I turn her around and envelop her completely, pulling her to my chest and wrapping my arms around her.
We remain connected like this until I feel Lily’s sobs begin to ease. With each deep, deliberate breath she takes, I feel the heat of her exhaling through my dampened shirt. She eventually pulls back from me but can’t even look me in the eyes.
I can’t stand to see the blank expression on her face for a moment longer. I need to do more for her. I need to bring back that signature smile.
“I enjoyed it,” I whisper softly in her ear. “Every second of it. You were beautiful, and I couldn’t even see you.”
“I bet it was torture for you,” she replies with the tiniest hint of a grin.
I nod in agreement. “Painful torture. You can’t imagine how cold of a shower I took after that phone call.”
Lily’s grin blossoms into a steady bout of laughter. “So maybe it wasn’t all that bad, then.”
“Not at all. I’m glad you called.”
We’re standing in front of each other in this strange but perfect moment. Lily looks infinitely better than earlier. After everything that happened today, she’s not running away from me or kicking me out. She looks content despite the ordeal she just put herself through.
I still don’t know what caused her to turn to booze, though. I’m desperate to ask her about it, but the last thing I want to do is upset her again.
The doorbell sounds from the dining room, instantly drawing our attention.
“Are you expecting someone?”
Lily shakes her head, clearly just as confused as I am.
“Why don’t you go lie down,” I offer. “I’ll tell your visitor you’re not feeling well.”
“No, it’s okay.” The doorbell rings again as Lily quickly runs her fingers through her messy hair. “I’m feeling better. I’ll take care of it.”
My first instinct is to push back and make her to get some rest, but by the way she’s forcing her way out of the bathroom toward the front door, I know it’s a battle I won’t win. I watch from the living room as Lily opens the door to her visitor.
It’s a good thing I didn’t open the door. I might have bashed this visitor’s face in.
The guy with the brown hair and smug expression and touchy grasp from the tavern the other day is standing in the porch light at Lily’s doorstep.
“Derek? What the hell are you doing here?” She holds out her finger to him, motioning for him to hold his response as she looks back at me. “Do you mind if I speak with Derek outside a moment?”
That’s all the time it takes for Derek’s gaze to meet my own. I’m sure he’s already familiar with the scowl I’m giving him.
“Hey, I know you,” he says, nodding over at me. “You’re that guy from the bar.”
“I could say the same about you,” I counter, taking definitive steps toward Lily.
“Derek, come on. Outside,” Lily insists, but Derek is having nothing of it. He takes his own warning steps toward me, and I wonder how close we are to this situation escalating even further.
Derek looks over at Lily and only now seems to realize she’s recently been upset. “Have you been crying? What did this asshole do to you?”
I’m about at my breaking point. If this guy doesn’t shut his mouth, I’ll gladly introduce my fists to his face to do it for him.
Lily physically moves herself in between me and Derek. “I had a rough day and Dante came over the help me out. I’m fine, Derek.”
Derek looks just as angry but even more confused after Lily’s explanation. “What? Are you two dating? Or is this guy your latest target or something?”
“Derek!” Lily yells before she pushes him by the shoulders toward the front door. “Let’s talk outside. Now.” Lily continues to nudge Derek out the door, giving me the slightest apologetic glance as she pulls the door closed behind her.
I’m left alone in the silence of the house, fuming at Derek’s sudden appearance at Lily’s door and threatening gestures toward me. I hate that Lily apparently knows this guy a lot better than she knows me. I think about what he said and how she reacted, and I can’t deny the worry that bubbles up within me that maybe Lily’s intentions toward me aren’t as pure and innocent as I made them out to be. Why would he call me her latest target?
I take a seat on the couch in the living room and wait anxiously for Lily to come back in the house. It takes all the willpower I have not to get up and peek out the window by the door to see them talking. Images of Derek holding Lily or kissing her or touching her inevitably fill my mind for the eternity of the time it takes for their conversation to end even though not more than ten minutes have passed.
The moment I hear the doorknob turn, I stand up and make my way into the dining room to meet Lily. She looks a little paler than she did before stepping outside. “Are you feeling okay?”
She nods. “I’m fine. Let’s go sit down.” I follow Lily into the living room where she takes a seat on the couch and pats the cushion next to her. “I’m sorry about Derek. He can be like a big brother sometimes.”
Big brother. I’d much rather think of him like that than as an ex-boyfriend, which I what I fear he could be. It’s worrisome enough that I have to ask the question. “Did you two used to date?”
“No. We’ve only ever been friends. We tried kissing once and it was completely awkward. In some ways I wonder if that ruined the friendship we had.”
My racing pulse begins to quiet just a little at the relief of knowing she never dated the guy. “What did he want, then?”
Lily shifts uncomfortably in her seat. “He needed to talk to me about something. You don’t need to worry about it.”
I hate to ask the question, but I need to get it out there. I want to dispel this growing doubt in my mind before it overwhelms me. “What did he mean, though? About me being your latest target?”
“He’s just jealous,” Lily replies, her answer almost too automatic. “He’s always wanted more than just friendship between us, and I’ve never been ready to give it to him. We even tried it briefly and it didn’t work. I’ve dated a few guys since then, and each time he reacted the same way.”
“Then why does he keep showing up around you? Why stay friends with him?”
Lily sighs, and I immediately know I’ve asked too many questions at this point. “That’s something I don’t really want to talk about today, or ever really. Can we just call it a night for now? I’d really like to get some rest.”
I hate the thought of leaving her like this, but I can understand why she needs some space. She seems to have had a traumatic day. “You’re right. You should rest.” I wrap my arm around her shoulder give her a squeeze. It’s difficult to keep my contact with her to just that as I’d love nothing more than to kiss her goodnight, but I know that’s not in the cards right now.
When I pull away from Lily and stand up to leave, she stands up right behind me and grabs my hand before I can make it a single step. “I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” she asks, her eyes pleading with me. “I’d still like to spend my day off with you. We have more to mark off your bucket list.”
That damn list is about the last thing on my mind at this moment, but there’s no way I’m missing out on a day with Lily. An idea sparks to life inside my brain, something I’ve wanted to do for years but never had someone to do it with. It’s something from my own secret bucket list. “I’m all yours tomorrow but under one condition: we get to do what I want to do. Let me call the shots this time.”
Lily seems skeptical at first but she ultimately shakes my hand, solidifying our agreement. “Deal. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”
“Until tomorrow.” I nod to her with a smile before we both make our way to the front door.
With every ounce of willpower I have left, I manage to leave without kissing Lily goodbye. She watches me from the glowing light of the open doorway as I walk in the darkness toward my car.
“Hey, don�
��t forget to lock your door this time,” I call out to her as I reach the driver’s side.
Lily rolls her eyes at me with a sarcastic grin before stepping back inside the house and closing the door behind her.
18
It’s my day with Lily. We’re in my car together with the windows down and the radio blasting classic rock.
There is absolutely nowhere else in the world I’d rather be.
I keep looking over at Lily next to me, a little stuck in disbelief at her turnaround since yesterday. Her smile and energy are back in full force. It’s like the stress of the last few days and the events of yesterday never even happened, and honestly I’m content to keep it that way. I don’t want either of us to dwell on those thoughts today. This is my day for Lily–a thank you, in a way, for the simple things she’s done to make me feel like my beating heart has a purpose in this life. I don’t have much to offer her, but I can give her a piece of my serenity, a place where the rest of the world fades away. I want her to experience that with me.
It’s dangerous to bring Lily to my favorite place in the woods, but I want her to experience it with me. It’s far enough from my house that I’m comfortable taking her there, though if my parents knew what I was doing, they’d be absolutely furious. At least we’re approaching it from the opposite side, far away from my family’s place of hiding in the world.
We’ve been off the main road for a while now, and the more turns I take down these dirt roads, the more confused Lily’s expression becomes next to me.
“It’s a good thing I brought that knife with me,” Lily pipes up next to me, practically yelling over the loud radio.
I turn the music down and give her a confused glance. “What do you mean?”
“I’ll need it to survive out here in the woods or defend myself if you’re planning to kill me and bury me here.” She grins, and I’m immediately relieved to see she’s only kidding. “I know pretty much anywhere in Maine is the middle of nowhere, but this place really brings out the nowhere part.”
Beyond Resistance (The Ransom Series) Page 12