‘It wasn’t like that,’ I said. I had her full attention. I can’t remember the last time she hung on my every word like this, but here it was.
‘What are you talking about?’ she was genuinely confused.
I said, ‘Hayden said that you and I had an easy way out of our boredom, right? That we could just go away and fuck all week.’
‘Yeah, he did.’
‘And even if they could hear us, you decided we should go off and do exactly that.’
‘I was bored,’ she insisted.
I smiled. ‘I think you kind of liked the idea that they would hear us. Maybe it even turned you on.’ She blushed, so deep I could see it even in the low light levels of Nelson’s. ‘Only... I don’t know... when I start to feel any kind of pressure, I can’t really... perform. So you got all offended...’
‘I don’t get why it happens,’ she said. ‘It’s like when we were trying to get pregnant...’
‘When you’re a guy... half of it, maybe more than that, is mental,’ I tried to explain. ‘If you’re not thinking the right things when it’s happening... then it’s not happening...’
‘I thought you just see a naked girl and you get hard. Simple as that, isn’t it?’
I shook my head. ‘Seeing a naked girl helps... but when a guy is having sex, any nagging concerns... they can threaten everything. All it takes is to think... maybe I’m not going to be able to do this... and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you’re not completely in the mood for sex, or if there’s pressure, like you start thinking my wife will get offended because I can’t get her pregnant right now... or the guys will laugh because I’m not able to have sex with her while they can hear...’
‘I never thought it was so complicated for guys,’ Hanna said.
I shrugged. ‘When you’re younger... you know, you don’t think negative thoughts while you’re having sex. It’s all new, and you’re so amazed it’s happening, there’s no stopping you. When you’re older, and you’ve been married a while...’
‘You’ve seen it all before,’ Hanna said flatly.
‘It still turns you on... it’s still amazing... but it’s harder work keeping those negative thoughts out.’
She nodded. I had to remind myself what I’d been trying to tell her.
‘Anyway,’ I said. ‘So then you did get offended, of course...’
‘I wasn’t offended,’ she tried to deny it, I guess to be kind.
‘...And you suggested maybe you needed Jake or Hayden to come finish you off,’ I reminded her.
‘And God, you were suddenly so hard,’ she laughed, so loudly that a few people around us turned their heads to check nothing weird was going on. Then, ‘You were turned on by the thought of me being with the other guys,’ she said, as though she really had forgotten. ‘Then... when I was with Jake after the poker game... you did like it...’
‘I did.’
‘But then suddenly you were all annoyed at me...’
‘I didn’t want you to fall in love with him.’
‘So there you go: we stopped.’
‘But when I saw you talking with him at night, you made it look as though you hadn’t stopped,’ I said, feeling like a winner in this argument for the first time.
‘I was trying to make you jealous,’ she said, laughing, but serious.
‘Every night? You must have figured out after a while that I wasn’t going to get jealous...’
She blushed again. ‘I kind of... liked it.’
‘You liked it?’
‘I liked it when you were watching me,’ she admitted. ‘And you were... well... clearly turned on...’
‘I was.’
‘I just didn’t know how to... you know... get you to come fuck me... but at least I enjoyed it when you were watching me.’
‘You could have told me,’ I said.
‘I didn’t want to scare you away,’ she said, and she had a point.
She was turned on. I could see it in her eyes. Her pupils weren’t enlarged just because it was a little dark in here. The constant blush across her cheeks didn’t come from the alcohol she’d had. And I was sitting here with a hard-on. I guessed we did still have it in us to get each other going, sexually.
After a long pause, in which I thought we might be able to get out of here, and go home to have a little wild, passionate sex and make everything better again, Hanna presented the remaining question she had about things between me, her and Jake.
‘What did you say to Jake after you’d discovered me talking with him at night?’
I breathed deeply a few times. It occurred to me how she might take it, that I had told Jake he could have Hanna as well, if he wanted her. She could easily have taken it to be like trading her to him, selling her to him, making her an object that could be given by one man to another.
‘I said I hadn’t realized he was in Japan until I’d looked at his Facebook page,’ I said, truthfully enough, although not the whole truth.
‘That’s not the kind of thing that would have made him stop chatting with me,’ Hanna said, spotting the glitch in my story immediately.
I sighed, and took a deep breath, and had no other option but to try to say how it had been.
I said, ‘I told him I didn’t mind if he actually did want to start dating you.’
Hanna caught her breath. ‘You said... what?’
‘I told him if he wanted to, he could start seeing you again... I’m guessing that was probably a lot for him to get his head around... so maybe he couldn’t just talk to you as a friend anymore...’
Hanna glowered a little. I guess I had spoiled a nice thing the two of them had going. She said, ‘You told him he could date me... because you get turned on at the thought of me sleeping with other guys?’
‘Because you like him,’ I said. ‘Because you really like him. Because you probably do love him, even if you say otherwise. Even if you tell yourself you don’t.’
‘I...’ she was speechless at that.
I said, ‘You were miserable when we came home from Europe. You’ve been miserable most of the time since. And then when Jake went to Japan, and you started talking to him every night... you’ve been so much happier.’
‘So why would you want him to start dating me if you’re so certain that I’m in love with him?’ Hanna said, jabbing a pointed finger at me as though she suddenly suspected I had some secret plan to emotionally destroy her. ‘I thought back in Europe you made it clear enough that if I was in love with him, it wasn’t a good idea for me to go anywhere near him.’
‘I’ve changed my mind,’ I said, simply.
She gasped.
Part Two: Dealer’s Choice
Chapter Twenty-Four
My wife was shaving her pussy. And she wasn’t doing it for me.
‘I told you, he likes it this way.’
‘You never did it for me.’
‘Would you like me to?’ she offered.
‘Kind of unnecessary now.’
I was teasing her. It was hot enough watching her perch on the side of the bathtub running a new razor over her mound—hotter still for me knowing she was doing it to impress another man. I guess it tweaked that jealous part of me that reacted to the thought of a rival suitor mating with my partner— it made my body prepare itself to reclaim her, to make sure my sperm was inside her and fertilizing her at the end of the day instead of his. And when my body prepared itself to mate with her, my unsophisticated brain mistook that as being simply ultra turned-on by watching her shave her pussy for another guy.
‘So which way do you prefer, if you had a choice?’ she asked while continuing to diligently scrape away at the white foam spread over her private parts.
‘I like it... all ways,’ I said.
‘Well, that’s hardly an answer.’
‘I like it with... and without. If it’s yours.’
She giggled at that. ‘So if I just let it grow everywhere...’
‘Oh no,’ I winced. ‘I like
it tidy, at least. You know... so you can go to the beach in a really tiny swimsuit.’
‘So that means you’re going to take me to the beach soon?’ she grinned.
‘Uh-huh. If Jake’s okay with it.’
She caught her breath again. She just couldn’t quite get used to the idea that I was letting her date another guy. And that the other guy was Jake.
‘He might not... want a say in the matter...’ she said, warily.
Tonight, Hanna was going on a date with Jake. Only, despite what had happened to them before, this was very much a first date. Since I had given my wife the go-ahead, she had gotten in touch with him to find out what he was thinking, considering he had halted their nightly online chats after I’d talked to him and offered him the chance to see her again so long as she could share the details with me.
‘He will,’ I said, with confidence. Feeling that no man could turn down the beautiful brunette sitting before me right now. ‘After tonight... he’s going to want to be with you as much as humanly possible.’
She grinned. ‘He’ll have to share me with you, though, my love.’
The other thing that had happened since our evening in Nelson’s had opened the communication channels between us, was that Hanna and I had been fucking like rabbits every chance we could get. It wasn’t just the fact that she now knew I was okay about her seeing Jake, or even that she could fall in love with him and be clear that it wouldn’t affect our relationship. It was also the revelation that she had enjoyed me watching her touching herself so much, and that she rather liked the idea that by having sex with another man she would be turning me on.
It’s hard to lose track of this particular sexual fantasy sometimes. It’s so complex, there are so many different facets to it. Sometimes you miss some of the reasons why you’re into it, until they then jump out at you.
And Hanna seemed more and more into this fantasy. She was still wary about how Jake might feel about it, and whether there was potential for any of us to be emotionally hurt by whatever might happen—but after a little Internet research of her own, she was ready to accept that at the end of the day, I was just turned on by the concept of her sleeping with other men, and so she might as well just enjoy her side of it.
But we were unsure of how Jake thought about the fantasy, now that he’d had some time to think about it. He had agreed to go out on a date with Hanna, to see how it felt, but no one was fully sure how he would feel, what he would ultimately want. We were almost more nervous about whether he would want to date Hanna any further, than the fact that Hanna would, ideally, be going outside our marriage for sex tonight.
‘If he doesn’t want to date me, what would you want?’ Hanna said now, handing me her razor.
I was unsure what she wanted me to do with the razor, but she parted her legs a little more, and with her eyes managed to silently invite me to help with her shaving. Wow. It was a surprising thrill to shave her pussy ahead of her date.
‘What would I want... from you?’ I asked her.
‘In an ideal world. If you got to choose, without any need to please me.’
I didn’t hesitate long. ‘I guess I’d want you to try dating someone else,’ I said, and laid a finger very gently along the line between her pussy lips.
‘Pervert,’ she joked, and giggled at her own joke.
‘Don’t you think it would be fun?’ I asked her, stretching her sensitive flesh this way and that to get a close shave. ‘It would be like you were single again.’
‘I guess it would,’ she said, smiling as she took the razor from me to wash off the cream under the faucet before handing it back to me. ‘But you know I’m probably forgetting a lot of the annoying parts about dating.’
‘Annoying parts?’
‘You know... the guys that don’t show... the guys that turn out to be a-holes...’
‘True, there are a lot of a-holes out there.’
‘And I’m no longer exactly a college girl... what if single guys don’t want me anymore?’
I laughed at that. ‘You’re kidding, right? Any guy you choose would drop everything to be with someone as gorgeous as you.’
She smiled, and now leaned forward, her eyes signaling her intentions plainly. She kissed me, gently sweetly, and I found myself wondering if she would be doing this with Jake later that evening.
‘I feel bad that you don’t get to see someone else,’ Hanna said, then tempered her point: ‘Well... I mean... I don’t feel bad... I just feel...’
‘Guilty,’ I said, interpreting her expression. Hanna didn’t feel bad about me not seeing another woman, because Hanna didn’t want me seeing another woman. ‘But you don’t need to feel guilty.’
‘It’s kind of... unfair, isn’t it?’
I shook my head. ‘It’s not your sexual fantasy to have your partner sleep with someone else, it’s mine.’
Her hands sank beneath the waistband of my gym shorts and sought out the hardness beneath. ‘Mmm...’ she almost purred as her fingers curled around my stiff shaft. ‘It certainly is yours, isn’t it?’
We kissed again, and she slowly fondled and squeezed my hard cock.
‘What if Jake wants to date me, but doesn’t want me to... you know... open up to you about it all...’
I’d thought about this question, of course. It was one of the options, when you thought about how Jake might feel about sharing Hanna. Online, I’d read all kinds of accounts of guys, like me, who wanted to share their wives. Many of them would flat refuse to do it unless they were right there in the room, watching their wives fucking the other guy in the arrangement. I wasn’t quite like that.
To me, it was sexy as hell just to know that my wife was dating another guy.
‘I’d still want you to date him, if you both wanted to,’ I told her now.
She looked at me now as though she thought me crazy.
‘I’d still know you were dating him, wouldn’t I?’ I tried to explain. ‘I’d still know you were sleeping with him.’
‘Uh-huh,’ she agreed, and now ducked down to slip the end of my cock into her mouth.
‘And... you’d... still be... happier... if you were dating him...’ I added, in between moans as she repeatedly sank down on my shaft, one hand squeezing and pumping it at the base.
I’d thought about the prospect of Hanna respecting Jake’s privacy if she dated him, and even if she kept quiet, to me the hottest point of the whole process was getting her back just after she’d been with him. Reclaiming her. Taking her when I knew she’d just been with another man. I wasn’t in this purely for the voyeuristic value, as I know some men are. I was turned on by the fact that she was cheating, she was breaking the taboo, shattering the norms that society prescribed for marriage.
And the simple fact was that the prospect of being shared made Hanna get in touch with her sexuality in a major way. She’d been horny as hell ever since our little conversation in Nelson’s. I wanted that to continue regardless.
What I didn’t want to continue, for now, was Hanna sucking on my cock. I stopped her, urged her up, and as she looked puzzled at me, I explained: ‘I don’t want to come just before you go out—I wouldn’t enjoy your date as much.’
She sat up and laughed at that. ‘You’re not supposed to enjoy my date, are you? It doesn’t work like that.’
‘I’ll enjoy it,’ I said, ducking down between her thighs so that I could inspect her freshly shaven pussy with my tongue.
‘Oh God....’ she moaned as I appreciated the work of the razor around her pussy lips, and just how wet she was between them.
And I did enjoy her date, even if I was nervous about how well it would go with Jake. I enjoyed showering with her, I enjoyed watching her pick out saucy black lace underwear and a strapless black cocktail dress for her date. I enjoyed watching her brushing her long, dark hair, and apply makeup to her pretty face.
I enjoyed breathing in her scent after she’d applied her new-for-this-date perfume, I enjoyed seeing her nervous
excitement at the prospect of going out on her first date for more than seven years.
And when she was finally gone, I enjoyed the straight sense of quiet stillness in the apartment, and the odd feeling that this was really happening. My wife was out on a date with another man. My wife was in the process of trying to seduce someone else. My wife, unless her date was completely insane, was going to have sex with someone who was not me later that night.
Chapter Twenty-Five
I was nervous. I didn’t think I’d be quite as nervous as that, because Hanna had already slept with Jake before, of course. But I found I was incredibly nervous. I paced our apartment, and there wasn’t much apartment in which to pace—this was Brooklyn we’re talking about, money doesn’t go so far in property there.
I tried watching TV. I tried listening to music. I even surfed the net to see what other guys do while their wives are out dating other people. I tried a couple of their ideas—cleaning the kitchen, getting the laundry done. It was all designed to take my mind off what was happening—and yet at no point could I stop thinking about what Hanna might be doing at that very moment, how their conversation was going, and whether or not Jake might be on board with the idea of sharing her.
I glanced at the clock every other moment, and it just didn’t move on at all. Minutes took hours to pass, I swear. Was Hanna drinking? Was she getting high off the joy of finally being able to be with Jake to the fullest extent, so high that she was forgetting about me, forgetting about who was letting her be with Jake?
Was I being naive to think that after a whirlwind love affair with Jake, she would want to come back to me and our very conventional marriage?
I guess it wasn’t so conventional.
I went out. I found a bar, I bought a very, very stiff drink.
Hayden came out to meet me. I told him everything, pretty much. Once upon a time, it had been just as easy to talk to Jake— but now, I wasn’t certain about anything as far as Jake was concerned. He hadn’t spoken to me since our online chat while he’d been in Japan.
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