by M. Leighton
By the time darkness had fallen, I was as prickly as I could ever remember being and I was suffering from a severe case of cabin fever. Cutting off my light, I yanked up my blinds and threw open the window then pulled a chair up in front of it and made myself comfortable.
I loved the night—the peacefulness of it, the smell of it, the sounds. It was about as close to being alone in the world as I ever felt. Not that I really strived for solitude. It was more that I was always in the company of some person or persons that drained me in some way or another, like they were sucking the life from me. Sometimes I just wanted to be left alone; sometimes, I needed time to heal.
Movement in the side yard caused my heart to leap in my chest. My first alarming thought was that someone was trying to break into the house. I was literally unfolding my legs, preparing to get Dad or get a gun or get something, when a familiar pale face materialized in front of the window.
“You scared me half to death,” I scolded, my fingers still fisted over my runaway heart.
“Sorry,” Bo said casually, coming over to lean up against the side of the house right next to my window.
“What are you doing here?” My tone was much more reasonable once my initial fear had given way to the pleasure of Bo’s presence.
“I’m part of the neighborhood watch and I thought I saw some suspicious activity around your yard,” he claimed.
“Do what?” I moved to stand against the window as well, choosing the side opposite Bo so I could face him. Through the window, I could smell him and I wanted to take a deep breath and hold that scent inside.
Bo’s face was serious for another few seconds before it melted into a heart stopping smile.
“Are you really that gullible?”
I felt a little dazed by that smile and it took me a minute to recover enough to answer.
“Oh. Yeah, pretty much,” I admitted with a self-deprecating smirk.
“That should be fun,” he teased, his smile fading into a lopsided grin.
“Taking advantage of my infirmities and/or weaknesses is strictly off limits,” I warned lightly.
“Really,” he said, leaning in to my side of the window. “What other weaknesses do you have?”
At that moment, I could only think of one and it was less than a half a foot from me, standing on the other side of a brick wall.
“Too many to name,” I finally managed, shrugging offhandedly.
“Mmm,” he said, and then he straightened. “Hey, can I see your phone?”
I’m sure I frowned a little at the odd request, but I agreed, seeing no reason not to let him have it.
I walked back into my room to grab my phone off the dresser. When I turned around, I barely managed to smother a gasp when I ran right into Bo’s chest. I don’t know how he got through the window so quickly or so quietly, but there he was, standing in my room, big as life.
He was looking down at me with those fathomless eyes and I found it suddenly hard to breathe. All the skin that my short shorts and tiny tank top left exposed felt ultra sensitive, like my pores were opening up to him somehow, craving his closeness—flower petals spread wide to receive the wet kisses of the rain.
I swallowed when Bo reached toward me, but he only took the phone from my fingers. He fiddled with it for a few seconds, punching in numbers and making selections.
The bright screen illuminated his face and I was content to watch him. I didn’t care what he did to my phone as long as he didn’t stop biting his lip in concentration. I was sure I’d never seen anything sexier.
When he handed me my phone, I took it, albeit reluctantly. I could still feel the cool imprint of his fingers on the cover.
“Now, you have me on speed dial. Call me any time,” he said, reaching up to push a stray hair from my face where it tangled in my eyelashes. “Day or night,” he finished softly.
I was totally prepared for him to kiss me, wanted it more than anything, wanted him more than anything, but a dark spot on his white t-shirt collar caught my eye.
“You’ve got blood on your shirt,” I blurted.
It was obvious by his expression that my question not only took him off guard, but that it ruined the moment. I could’ve kicked myself for my impulsiveness.
Had I not been so aggravated with myself, the shocked look on his face might’ve been comical. It was gone in a flash, though, quickly replaced by a frown.
“Where?”
“Right there,” I said, indicating the spot with my fingertip.
Bo tugged his shirt down until he could see the spot to which I was referring. His frown eased and he shrugged nonchalantly. “Oh, that. Cut myself shaving. Must’ve been worse than I thought.”
When he turned away from me and walked back to the window, I knew the moment wouldn’t be recovered tonight. I followed him over and stood behind him while he crawled through.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said from outside, just before he turned to leave.
I felt bereft for some reason. I wanted to ask him to wait or to stay or to do anything except leave, but I didn’t. Instead, I stood quietly by and watched him walk away.
He hadn’t taken more than six or seven steps, however, when he quickly turned on his heel and came back to the window.
He leaned his head through the opening and crooked his finger at me. When I leaned down to him, thinking he was going to tell me something, he pulled me in for a quick kiss. He left again after that and I smiled as I watched him go, feeling much more satisfied with his exit.
My smile widened when I heard a faint whistling drift through the window on the gentle night breeze. I felt like whistling, too. Or singing. Or flying.
********
Monday’s post-weekend conversation still revolved around Trinity’s brutal rejection of Savannah Grant at Caster’s party. I thought it was telling that no one seemed to want to rehash Savannah’s brave rebuttal, only Trinity’s vicious attack.
As I looked at the faces of the brainwashed followers that hung on Trinity’s every word, I saw, probably for the first time, the true weight of what I’d done by turning a blind eye to her antics all these years.
There was no one to defend the people that Trinity walked all over, no one to call her out about her cruelty and nastiness. There was no one to stand up to her, no one willing to risk the distasteful consequences.
A bold voice sounded in my head, telling me that I should’ve done something, that someone had to. But then another voice spoke up, this one whiny and selfish, reminding me that few others had their entire future riding on it like I did either. I needed to be a part of the squad. I needed cheerleading. I couldn’t be the one who stood up to her.
Ignoring both voices, I headed for class.
“T, wait up!”
“Ugh,” I murmured under my breath.
Drew. I’d forgotten all about him.
I turned and saw him jogging to catch up to me. When he reached me, I plastered a smile on my face, as natural a smile as I could muster.
“Hey.”
“Where were you all weekend? I tried to call you,” he said, frowning. “Did you get my messages?”
“Sorry, I haven’t even had a chance to check them yet,” I confessed, which was partially true. More to the point, I hadn’t taken the time to check them. I’d wanted to put it off as long as possible. “Dad was home. You know how that goes,” I said, rolling my eyes dramatically.
“Oh, yeah,” Drew said, curling his lip sympathetically. “So, what are you doing tonight after practice?”
Bo’s face flashed through my head. I was hoping to hear from him, but even as the thought ran through my mind, I felt guilty, like I was betraying Drew. Even though I knew in my head and in my heart that it was over, I’d been remiss in not letting Drew in on that little fact. I’d been so consumed with Bo, Drew just hadn’t crossed my mind, and that wasn’t right. He deserved better than that.
I didn’t want to make up an excuse. He might see right through that. But
I also didn’t want to keep going on as if nothing was wrong. Thankfully, the bell rang, saving me from having to make any kind of decision until later.
Drew bent to kiss me and I gave him a quick peck and dashed off, calling over my shoulder, “I gotta go. I’m gonna be late.”
As I settled into my desk in Calculus, I was sort of amazed at how much Bo had affected me in a few short days. He took up a surprising amount of my available brain space and was apparently working his way into my heart space as well, pushing out people I’d thought were firmly entrenched there.
I used to really like Drew and, until Bo’s arrival, I had thought things were going well. I mean, it’s not like I saw us getting married or anything, but I figured we’d probably date for the rest of the year. I had no idea how weak my feelings for him really were until Bo came along. I felt like Bo had taken my life by storm and now nothing was the same. Somewhere deep down, I knew it never would be again.
At lunch, I sat in the same place I’d sat for a little over a year: sandwiched between Drew and Summer, with his friends beside him and mine beside Summer. I’d never felt more out of place.
Listening to them talk about the same things over and over again was getting on my nerves something fierce. It further aggravated my already sour mood, a mood which I knew was in direct correlation to Bo’s curious absence. I hadn’t seen him all day, not even a glimpse in the halls, and now he wasn’t anywhere to be found at lunch either.
I felt like a drug addict in need of a fix, and knowing that he’d upset my life to this point only added to my irritation.
I saw Savannah sitting by herself at a picnic table out on the lawn. She was reading something, munching on a carrot and I took the opportunity to discreetly observe her.
She was striking in her appearance. She had vibrant red hair and I thought probably soft brown eyes, though I’d never really been close enough to see for sure. Like most redheads, her complexion was fair, but where others were plagued with freckles, Savannah’s skin was creamy. She reminded me of a beautiful china doll.
Someone called to her and her head shot up. She waved and laughed and then put her nose back in the book she was reading.
I looked around for the person she’d responded to. It was a guy. Another sophomore I think, one that plays basketball. I searched my mind, but couldn’t readily retrieve his name.
Still looking for Bo, I glanced all around the covered eating area, as well as the grass and picnic tables. In my sweep, I noticed that there were several people eyeing Savannah. It was plain to see that she was getting lots of appreciative looks. I wondered how I’d never noticed that before, but then remembered that my friends were so high maintenance, it was a miracle I ever noticed anything. The world was passing me by and I was quietly letting it.
Reluctantly, I returned my attention to those very same high maintenance friends. I craned my neck to look down the table. My eyes stopped on Devon. Like so many others, he was staring at Savannah, too. There was a longing look on his face, one I recognized because it mirrored the way that I yearned for Bo. It was then that I realized Trinity’s jealousy of Savannah was justified. Devon definitely had feelings for her and they were anything but innocent.
At that moment, I felt a kinship for Devon that I’d never felt before. Like me, he was trapped behind the glass.
The rest of the day was a depressing blur. All day long I watched for Bo and all day long I was disappointed. He never showed up at school.
That night, I took turns between pacing my bedroom floor like a caged animal and lolling lifelessly on the bed. I tried to make my way through French homework, but I kept picking up my phone and scrolling through the numbers until Bo’s number was highlighted. Each time my thumb would hover over the call button, I’d throw the phone down in frustration. I couldn’t call Bo. What would I say?
A little after 1:00, I got tired of waiting—and wanting—and I fell asleep on top of my covers, unable to hold my eyes open any longer.
Later, something woke me. I looked first at the television, but its face was blank. Strangely, I hadn’t even turned it on. I’d left my window raised and the room quiet just in case Bo made an appearance.
I listened, but it wasn’t a sound that had stirred me. It was a smell, a teasing scent that had me sitting up to look around. My befuddled mind was slow to clear, but I would’ve sworn that I smelled Bo’s tangy soap. It swirled in my nose, making my stomach flutter, just the reaction I’d have had if he were standing right next to me.
The clock read 3:30. I glanced at the window. Strangely hopeful, I got up and walked over to it. I looked out into the inky darkness and inhaled deeply. Not surprisingly, there was no one there, but still, I could detect a faint hint of Bo. I listened and heard nothing but the sound of my own heartbeat and the crickets singing in the night.
With a deep sigh, I walked back to my bed, pushed the pillows aside and crawled beneath the covers. After only a few minutes, the silence began to play its usual tricks on me, preying on my mind, so I used the remote control to turn on the television.
The familiar sounds soothed me, but it still took me forever to fall back to sleep and when I did, I didn’t sleep well.
I woke before my alarm went off. As I’d done on so many mornings, I lay in bed and listened to the news.
Another body was found by Southmoore Police last night. The victim was identified as John Robert Gibbs, last year’s primary suspect in the Southmoore Slayings. Discovered in Arlisle Preserve, Gibbs was killed in typical Slayer style, though authorities are awaiting official word from the medical examiner before releasing cause of death.
Last year, Gibbs was arrested for the 2008 murder of Travis Alan Bowman. Bowman, originally thought to be the victim of an animal attack, died of blood loss after his throat was torn out nearly three years ago today. Gibbs was later released on a technicality and his case was never presented to the grand jury…
I grabbed the remote and turned the television off. On a good day, I could only take so much news about what a crap hole the world was becoming. This morning, my threshold was even lower than usual.
At school, Drew was waiting for me at my locker. He asked again if I had any plans for after practice. I think on some level he knew something was wrong and he was trying to overcompensate by paying me lots of attention, even more than usual.
“Actually, I was going to see if you wanted to meet up on the field about seven or so. We’ve got a two-hour camp that we’re holding for the junior high. We’re teaching them some new basket tosses. Want to meet me at the bleachers after?”
“Mmm, bleachers,” he said with a suggestive smile. “You know I do.”
Drew and I had never had sex. We’d come close several times and now I was more grateful than ever that it had never progressed to that point. Drew, on the other hand, was bound and determined to push it until it happened. Typical.
He swooped in for a peck on the lips and I ducked as if looking for something in my bag. When I raised my head, I quickly pressed my lips to his cheek and rushed off again, promising I’d see him at lunch.
I didn’t see Bo again all morning. I wondered what could’ve been keeping him from school again today. He’d seemed fine when I saw him Sunday night, and his continued absence was making me crazy. I was ready to bite somebody’s head off by the time lunch rolled around.
I was chomping angrily on a celery stick when, much to my relief and chagrin, I caught sight of Bo sitting down at a picnic table out on the lawn. He was joining Savannah.
Although he’d all but assured me that they were just friends, I watched them with nothing short of envy. They talked easily and Savannah laughed a lot. I tried to push down the green wave of jealousy that rose inside me, but the more I watched them, the harder it got.