by M Dauphin
Laying there I imagine what life could be like if I really was pregnant. I let my mind wander aimlessly through dreams of babies, diapers, middle of the night feedings. All of the things that parents complain about, I wanted so badly to enjoy. I hadn’t really given thought to getting pregnant again since no doctor ever gave me hope that it would happen, but ever since those two little lines showed up on the test I can’t stop myself. I know it’s probably not the best thing to be doing, but it just happens.
I should tell him. I know I should. I think I’m more scared, though. What if he doesn’t want any more kids? What if having one and losing one was enough for him to not want any more? I don’t think I’d be able to take that type of rejection from him. This man walked into my life a very short while ago and stole my heart. I never thought I’d love again, never thought I’d have the prospect of a family again, but here I am. What if it’s not what he wants?
Honestly, I should be more worried about the fact that Robert Delany is blackmailing me, threatened my unborn child, and is forcing my hand at the decision to go into a wedding as big as it is without my assistant. I should be more worried that I’m wrapped up in drama with the Delany family. I should be, but the thought of Tatum leaving me scares me more. I swore to myself that I wouldn’t turn into this woman, but here I am. Lying in bed, unable to sleep, worrying over a guy I just met. Granted, I don’t feel like I had much of a choice in falling in love, though. It just happened.
There is a soft knock on the door and I realize I’ve been sitting here in the dark crying about things that are out of my control. This isn’t me! I wipe my eyes, thankful that it’s dark and he can’t see the red puffy circles around them, and tell him it’s open.
Tatum walks in, not angry but looking more like an injured puppy. Like someone broke him.
“You still awake?” he said, slowly walking towards the bed.
“Yea. Can’t sleep.” He knows all too well the trouble I have had with sleeping lately. The only way I’m able to fall asleep anymore is in his arms, and he wasn’t here tonight to hold me. It hurts, actually, thinking that one man can cause so much pain in my chest.
He stretched out on the bed next to me, hands under his head, staring at the ceiling. We both knew we needed to talk about this, but neither of us made a move to start the conversation. God I don’t want to hurt him.
“I tried, you know” I started. He didn’t move, but I knew he was awake, taking in everything I was about to say. The only way out of this mess is to tell him the truth. My past was so full of lies, I didn’t want any more lies clouding our relationship.
“He threatened me.” I felt him tense next to me, his breathing hitched while he tried to control his response to my admission.
“I told him I couldn’t do the shoot without you. I told him we would be professional. He wouldn’t listen. He told me he would pull the contract, which would ruin my credibility. ” Okay so not quite the truth, but I was getting there.
“I don’t get it, Molly. Why does this wedding mean so much? Why can’t you just back out?”
I sighed. He didn’t understand my need of being able to take care of myself.
“You don’t know what it feels like to lose everything you had. To lose the love of your life, the one you had depended on since you were 18 years old. When everything happened, I promised myself I would never become dependent on another man. Ever. It’s hard for me, what we are doing.”
By now he has turned on his side, staring at me in the dark. It was well after midnight, but I wasn’t tired anymore. I was ready to put it all out there. Maybe if he knew, then Rob wouldn’t have such a hold on me when it comes to the terms of the wedding and Tatum would be able to join me. That’s all I wanted, really. I wanted Tatum to accept happily the possibility of having a baby and be able to continue on with the photography business with him by my side.
“I feel like you are hiding something more, Molly.” He spoke gently but I could tell he was trying his hardest to stay calm. I got up, walked to my purse and grabbed the test. Knowing how his ex-girlfriend sprung her pregnancy on him I was trying to be as gentle as possible.
My hands were shaking as I walked across the dark room. This could very possibly be the end of us. He could see the results and run.
I sat on the edge of the bed with my back to him. I felt him move to sit behind me. The room was dark so he really couldn’t see what I had, but he knew something was up. His hand rested on my shoulder and that’s all it took. One touch told me everything. No matter what, he was here. He wasn’t going anywhere. That one touch gave me my courage to do what I had to do.
“I took this yesterday, Tatum.” I said, barely a whisper as I handed over the test.
I heard his breath rush out and his hand went from my shoulder to the test I was handing him. It was dark, but he got it. He understood exactly what it meant.
“Are you serious, Molly?” His voice was like gravel. Hard, rough, and void of emotion.
I nodded.
“This isn’t some cruel, sick joke?” It was a silent plea.
I shook my head. “I’m so sorry.”
The words came out before I even know why I said them. Once they were out there was no taking them back. I wasn’t sorry that I was having a baby (possibly). I wasn’t sorry that I was finally going to get what I thought I always wanted. I was sorry, though, that Tatum was going to feel trapped. I never wanted that. I started rambling.
“You don’t have to say anything. I don’t expect anything. I don’t expect any money. No expectations. I don’t want you to feel trapped, that’s not what this is.”
“Stop Molly.” His voice boomed. I felt his hands wrap around me and he hugged me tighter than he ever had before. We sat there, tears formed in my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. He didn’t say anything for a long time, but I wasn’t worried. This wasn’t the reaction that I was bracing myself for. This was way better.
He finally sat up and placed his hands on my face, staring at me. The moonlight and streetlight coming in through the window lit up enough of his face to see the glow in his eyes as he stared at me with an adoration I didn’t think possible.
“Thank you, Molly” he whispered.
“Don’t, Tatum. I don’t want to get your hopes up. I wasn’t going to tell you, but I couldn’t keep it from you any longer.”
“You weren’t going to tell me?” He dropped his hands and looked at me, confusion replacing the adoration from earlier.
“I wanted to meet with a doctor before telling anyone. With the news I got after I was shot, I didn’t think I’d ever get pregnant. I really wanted to get an ultrasound done to confirm everything before I got my hopes up, along with anyone else’s. I wasn’t going to keep it from you permanently...just until I was 100% sure…” I trailed off. He knew what I was going to say. Just until I was 100% sure it wasn’t a false positive. They happen all the time.
“Baby, I don’t even know where to start. Molly, before you I never thought I wanted any of this. The house, sharing everything, caring for someone as deeply as I care for you. I never thought I wanted a family. Now. This. It’s…ahh!” He grabbed my face again and kissed me harder this time. “You are giving me everything I thought I never wanted…and I couldn’t be happier!”
This is why I didn’t want anyone else to know. My body could still fail me. I would be a failure now in his eyes if this pregnancy wasn’t legit. If my hormones were so jacked up it just made the test read positive. Now, more than ever, I was hoping for a miracle.
15- Tatum
I’ve been walking on cloud nine since Molly gave me that test, so pumped I haven’t been able to sleep much all night. I can’t fucking believe it, but it looks like I’m getting a second chance at being a dad. A second chance I will not screw up.
She’s been asleep most of the morning after our late night talk last night, and I’ve been right here next to her, watching her sleep. After our talk she fell asleep in my arms, the only way she has been
able to fall asleep since the incident a few weeks ago. I have my laptop to get some work for my dad done while she sleeps soundly, killing two birds with one stone per say.
Molly doesn’t know the types of jobs I used to do for my dad. She now thinks I’m doing book keeping for him on the side, which isn’t really a lie. This type of book keeping, however, is more like tracking the next set of targets for my father. It’s nothing compared to the lives I fucked up when I lived in Texas, but it definitely helps. My father isn’t a bad man, really. I like to think of him as a vigilante, though the police would beg to differ if they ever truly found out what he did. Yes, as his son I feared him at certain points in my life, especially during my teen rebellious years. His own flesh and blood learned very fast not to cross him. Once I learned the ropes of the family business, though, it was hard not to get involved. The money was a nice touch too, I guess.
My e-mail dinged and up popped a new message from my father. Speak of the devil.
Tatum,
I hope this finds you well. I looked into the matter you asked me about. No one at the hospital remembers what happened with your son’s belongings when he passed, even though we gave specific instructions to discard of everything. I wasn’t getting complete answers from a female source I have in the hospital so I will send in Mat. He will find out the truth behind this. Something seems off, though, so I will keep on it. I am truly sorry about this, I can’t imagine how it felt to open that box.
I know you also asked me to keep a few men on the lookout for movement from Washington, and as of right now there is no news on that front.
I can’t end this message, either, without asking you if you will be in for Easter this week. Your mother may stab me if I don’t ask. She’s a scary woman when she’s mad.
I will inform you with any more advances in your problem, please let me know about Easter.
All the best,
Dad
I shook my head at his scattered email. My father. Never was able to keep personal life out of business life. I guess that was how he eventually ended up with my mom.
I sighed and rubbed my face. I wasn’t tired physically, but mentally I was exhausted. I couldn’t type him back right now. I needed to collect my thoughts and come down from my high I was currently riding. I was going to respect Molly’s wishes on not telling anyone, but it was going to mean that I had to really think before I opened my big mouth.
As far as the blanket went, I had my guesses as to who it could be but I wasn’t closing in on one person quite yet. There were a lot of people out there who would want to see me suffer. Eddie had e-mailed and told me he didn’t find anything unusual with the bank statements from Charlie’s mother before her death so it ruled her out of anything. I asked him to look into her family ties so see if anyone she was related to knew about me. It’s amazing how priority can change, though. I was sick earlier from the thought of having that blanket in the house, the memories, the hurt it resembled. Add to it that someone seemed to be playing yet another awful game of revenge and I was worried sick.
Now that I know about the baby that Molly is carrying, though, my thoughts have shifted and now all I can think about is her. She is giving me everything. The only thing I can give her is safety. It’s at this point in the morning that I decide, no matter how much she fights me on it, I’m not leaving her side for the wedding. The Delany’s can go fuck themselves. I never thought I’d be so protective over a woman, but Molly brings out parts of me I never knew existed. There is no way in hell I am letting her spend three full days out of town for this wedding without me. I have a terrible feeling that the events of the last few days are all connected. How, I’m not sure, but Eddie will find out. He’s good like that.
Molly starts to stir as her phone rings from the kitchen for the seventeenth time today. I should have silenced it but I couldn’t leave her. She’s absolutely stunning laying here next to me, skin glowing and breathing evenly. She rolls over and opens her eyes. They land first on my shirtless body and I swear the look she gave me could have melted ice. Damnit if with one look she could make me ready for her.
“Hey” she says sleepily “I really slept in. Holy crap what time is it?”
Sitting up, more alert than before, she quickly realizes how long I let her sleep.
“I should be upset, but I feel so wonderful right now I think I’ll forgive you.” She smiled at me as she stretched out, her body curving in all the right areas. I don’t know what some guys see in stick thin women. I love curves on the female body, they are so natural. Against my inner wishes, Molly got out of bed and went into the bathroom. I heard her brushing her teeth and gave her a minute to wake up before joining her for a shower.
16- Molly
Last night was the first night in weeks I slept soundly. No nightmares, no tossing and turning, just a full night (well, morning too) of peaceful sleep. I can’t help but think some of it has to do with Tatum’s reaction to the baby news last night. To say I’m thrilled is an understatement. Now all I have to do is make sure my body keeps this baby nice and snug where it should be for the next 9 months. Okay, well first I need to make sure that there is really a baby cooking in there. I don’t even want to imagine the hurt on his face if it turns out I’m not pregnant.
After our shower and breakfast we head out together for the studio. I need to update some of my software today, gather and create some props for the wedding, as well as get Tatum started on building the photo booth backdrop we are going to be using. I guess having a man around can come in handy. We park the car behind the coffee shop to grab some iced coffees (decaf for me!) and walk across the street to the studio. I love this small town feel. Everyone knows everyone else, it’s not the hustle and bustle of the big city like Washington was. Yes, sometimes the people in this town really try and barge into other people’s business, but they are doing it with the best intentions. At least that’s what I tell myself when they meddle in my life.
Things haven’t been too bad since we have been back. Alex and Betty have stopped by the studio a few times just to see how things were going. I’m sure they also wanted to get a good look at the man candy working with me, but everyone here knows how off-limits Tatum is. This morning Betty is standing in front of the shop looking incredibly worried, which says something because her face normally looks surprised. She must be working overtime to make it look so glum.
“What’s going on Betty?” I ask while I’m unlocking the front door.
“Well, I just want to let you know there was someone her last night. I knew you had a meeting with that Delany man so I knew it couldn’t have been you, Molly. I wasn’t sure if Tatum was here, or if someone was snooping around where they didn’t belong. Either way, thought you should know.” She nodded at both of us and hurried back to the coffee shop. Strange. I felt Tatum stiffen a soon as she said it, and the look on his face went from relaxed to incredibly stern instantly. When Betty walked away he put his hand on my arm and tugged me back gently.
“Don’t go inside, Molly. Wait here for me.” Tatum told me. He wanted to check things out first, before I went in and potentially put myself at risk. I’m sure it was nothing, but I’m glad he’s here with me. That makes me stop and really think about this wedding coming up. I should not have to deal with someone who doesn’t know how I work just because of an insecure bride. I think I’ll be having a chat with Mr. Delany today.
Once I got the all clear from Tatum my first thought was to check if everything was still where it should be. I have dealt with break-ins before, and I know what to look for. My cameras are all still lined up on the shelf like they should be, computer is still in the same place I left it. Everything seems to be where it was left last night. I did notice the flowers on the desk were moved, but I could have absent mindedly moved them on my way out. Either way, the smell from them hits me and I run back to the bathroom, just making it to the toilet before I spill my breakfast and most of my iced coffee. Crap.
I hear Tatum behin
d me as I am cleaning up. He watches me, then it’s like something clicks.
“Morning sickness. Shit I should have known. I’m so sorry baby.”
“It’s okay. You know now. And now I can tell you, that as beautiful as those flowers are, every time I smell them they make me have the urge to vomit.”
He moved faster than I’ve ever seen him move to take the flowers outside to the small table in front of the studio. That man. I smile and shake my head because he’s mine and there’s nothing getting in our way.
***
It’s a little after five when I hear the door bells signal that someone just walked in. We have been working frantically all day to make the props and get the setup for the photo backdrop planned before the newborn shoot we have to do tonight. I didn’t even try to get out of this one. I can’t stand pushing off those photos and Tatum agreed. Tatum is in the parking lot in the back starting to rough out the design and I came inside not too long ago to grab a drink and check e-mails. I walk into the front room to see Rob standing there like he owns the place. My God this man was beautiful. I really needed to stop these thoughts from forming in my head. But come on. Over six feet, tattoo’s running up the majority of his left arm, lean but built, and those eyes. They draw you in and make you not want to look away.
“Hello Mr. Delany, how may I help you today?” I’m suddenly angry at everything that has taken place since he came to town. Had he not been here, I wouldn’t have had to get Tatum’s hopes up about a baby, I wouldn’t have had to reschedule shoots, and I wouldn’t have had to work so frantically to get things ready for a wedding that was happening 9 months earlier than planned.
“Molly. I hope you will continue to call me Rob. Have you thought about last night?”
“I have. I will be bringing Tatum with me, as he is my assistant and knows exactly how I shoot. A photographer is nothing without their assistant.”