by JK Ensley
“Who is it you cry for? Vareilious?”
She snorted out a laugh. “By the gods! You are only ever concerned for yourself, for your own damn pride.”
“No, my love. I am only ever concerned for you. Tell me who it is you cry for. I will move heaven and hell to bring them to you.”
She didn’t answer.
“Just tell me who it is, for heaven’s sake. Is it Jezreel? Is it the raven-haired boy?”
“Alastyn.”
“Yes, Alastyn. Is it him? Is it Vareilious? Is it Marlise? Just tell me and I will make it happen.”
She turned to look upon his pleading face, wiping at her tears with the back of her hand.
“You can really bring Marlise here?”
He lowered his head. “No, not really. I got carried away. I was only calling out the names of people I know you love. You have me at my wit’s end, dear one. I want nothing more than your complete and utter happiness. If that means giving you someone else, then so be it. Just please, speak the name.”
“It’s Alzeen.”
“Who?”
“Alzeen—the man I met in the mountains, the one who entered the gates with me. The only kind and gentle soul I’ve met in this hell I now live.” She grabbed his hands, squeezing tightly. “I miss him terribly, Varick. I know he’s in one of those sparkling domes down there in the city. And… I cannot even gaze upon him, cannot utter a single word to him. I very nearly loved him. No, I did love him. I do love him. I only knew him for days, yes. But he means the world to me. For all the beauty and glory this place holds, his is the only light I wish to see.” She chuckled softly. “The only sparkling eyes, the only gleaming smile, the only unkempt hair I long for.”
Just the thought of his innocent charm and child-like wonder brought a smile to her face. She hadn’t truly smiled in so long, it was very nearly painful. Her heart was shattered and only Alzeen could fix it. Only Alzeen could make her happy once more.
“…I am truly sorry,” Varick whispered as he pulled his hands from hers, standing up.
Jenevier lay back down, trembling. She heard the soft click of the door closing. Once again, she cried herself to sleep.
Chapter 49
Varick
(VAH-rick)
Her body ached all over. Jenevier placed her hands over her sunken stomach as it twisted and screamed at her. The sterile white clothing now hung from her as death rags. Gone were the soft curves of her lost youth. Her body was hard, lean, powerful. More like a warrior than a woman. She gazed at her reflection, but could focus only on the black pits beneath her eyes.
“I am hideous,” she moaned, running her fingertips across her tight, gaunt cheeks.
Her legs were as powerful as a vise when clamped about her prey. She ran as silently and swiftly as the wind. She could easily carry twice her weight in her arms and even more upon her lean, chiseled back. Looking at herself now, her lovely round breasts seemed extremely out of place alongside the many lines of her hard abdomen.
“I swear… when I finally get to leave this hell, I will eat sweet cakes and lay in bed for a year.”
Her fourth year of training wasn’t nearly as painful as the prior three. She could even hold her own with Varick in many ways. She was terribly proud of the fact she had gotten to return the favor of a broken nose less than a month ago. Now, she could easily and methodically break his wretched neck.
Yet, I am all but certain he would somehow survive. She smirked at her reflection. “You cannot kill the devil. He is immortal, they say.”
“And when have you met the devil, my love? How do you even know of him?”
The smooth velvety voice startled her. Chills ran down her spine. She twitched involuntarily.
“Oh, I have lived with him for many years now, Darling.” She ran her fingers into her hair, fluffing up her curls. “We have become intimate friends, he and I. Have you never met him? Oh, but you simply must. If you like, I could to introduce you to him… one day.”
She taunted him. Yet he remained unfazed—his graceful form leaning casually within the doorway. She rolled her eyes and returned to scrutinizing her reflection in the large beveled mirror.
“He is truly enchanting—beautiful beyond all heaven, beyond all imagining.” She sighed dreamily. “But be wary, dear one, for it’s all a lie—a ruse to suck you in and gain your trust.” She turned to face him, narrowing her gaze. “He is a deadly poison in a lovely bottle. If you could but look inside him, you would see nothing but rotting, decayed flesh. You best stay clear, my love. The sulfurous stench of the Underworld would most certainly burn your regal nostrils.”
She checked her clothing once more and took another hard look at her constantly blackened eyes. She let out a depressed sigh. Without making eye contact, she walked past Varick and out into the long hallway.
Jenevier was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the sparring ring when he slowly entered.
“You truly hate me, do you not?”
“No, Varick. I don’t hate you. Not anymore. Too long have I wasted precious energy hating you, wishing to kill you with my bare hands. Then, I gave up. You are no longer worthy of my hate. I simply choose not to care.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I don’t care, period. I do not love you. I do not hate you. I feel absolutely nothing for you.”
“Those are the most horrible words I have ever heard uttered together. You must be unimaginably miserable to feel nothing at all. How could I have let this happen?”
“Everything isn’t always about you, Varick. I decided from now on, I would have to protect myself. That’s what this training has been all about, has it not? Taking care of myself? Well, the first place I started was with my heart. It used to be so fragile, so loving and trusting.” She sort of snorted. “Pathetic really. So, I built walls around it. Piece by piece, brick by brick. It took me years, but it is finally complete.”
He heard the venom in her voice, felt the steely cold hate coming from her once joyful eyes.
“Then, I have failed,” he whispered.
“Failed? Nay, Brother. You have turned me into the perfect little warrior—coldblooded, numb, deceptively strong for my size, lethal, wickedly ruthless. I should say your expert training has been an utter success. Think about it, Varick. You have the honor of saying you singlehandedly took a weak, innocent young girl and turned her into a heartless vessel of death. When I leave this hell on land, I will no longer fear the curse. Is that not exactly what your purpose was? No fear? Congratulations, my love, I have none.” She chuckled softly. “I have already decided what I will do. I refuse to wait anxiously for the Prince to come to me. No. I will hunt him down myself. Oh, I dream about his screams and cries for mercy. I want him to beg for his miserable, wretched, worthless life… right before I rip his still beating black heart from his handsome chest—crush it before him.”
She smiled then, winking at her angelic master.
“I have destroyed you…” Varick fell to his knees as a crumbling statue, no longer strong enough to stand upright on its own. “In my fervent quest for your unparalleled success, I have utterly destroyed everything good within you.”
The tears streaming down his beautiful face were as sweet to her eyes as his ethereal flowing hair had once been.
“Save your tears, Varick. I shall enjoy bathing in them once we are finished here.”
Her words were so cold, so brutal. They shook him to his very core. She had become a creature unlike any other. There was no spark of compassion, no ounce of love left. She was viciously lethal and full of vengeance. He could never let her loose upon the unsuspecting world. He would deny her the promised transformation. He had no other choice. Giving such power to one so cruel would be a death sentence for them all.
“When was the final blow struck?” he whispered. “What was the last thing I did to cause your ultimate annihilation?”
“Call it what you will, Varick. I believe your tutelage has been a smashi
ng success.”
“Tell me!”
He lunged for her throat, but she was too quick and too small. For all his massive size and strength, her agility won out. She sprang from her seated position, and before he could recover his momentum, she crawled up his enormous back and locked her powerful thighs around his neck. Sitting atop his shoulders, she had but to merely flinch and the lovely bones would crack within.
“Do not tempt me, Master.” She taunted him further. “You still have much to teach me. It would be such a shame to make it this far, and then not graduate. Wouldn’t you agree?”
Varick regretfully fell back to his knees, his noble heart shattering within his angelic chest.
Jenevier nimbly leapt from his shoulders and stood over him as the acidic rancor of hate pulsed through her veins.
“Get up,” she hissed.
Yet, he did not. He mourned openly, bitterly.
“Varick, you are a legendary warrior of the great Vanir. Showing such weakness is disgusting. No tears! Not here! There will be no self-pity or weakness within these walls!” She snorted out a sardonic laugh. “Who chokes upon hallowed words now, Brother?”
His cries only increased as the pain from the realization of her complete and utter eradication of innocence and love, tore his soul apart.
How could I have done this? he thought. I was created for but one purpose—to protect innocence.
In that moment of painful clarity, Varick realized he had committed the most egregious of all sins. He had snuffed out pure love.
“Pfft. I suppose I will just leave you to your pathetic tears, then. Perhaps you need time to rest, old man.”
She turned, absent emotion, to leave him lying there, intent on going into the city to procure a warrior capable of completing her training.
“Jenevier, wait. Tell me.” He choked the words out between his bitter sobs. “Was it because of your forgotten birthdays?”
She loosed her fury upon him once more. “No, you pathetic wretch! It wasn’t my damn birthdays. Give up, Angel. I won’t give you the satisfaction.”
“Please,” he pleaded.
“No, you worthless old seraph. Never!”
Her voice echoed back to him from the hallway, along with her sarcastic laughter.
“It couldn’t have been Alzeen,” he whispered. “It simply couldn’t have been.”
He heard her approaching scream before he felt the excruciating thud upon his chest. She leapt through the air and landed straddle the broken Guardian’s heart.
“Do not speak his name! Don’t you dare let his precious name cross your vile lips. Do thus once more and I swear I will gut you where you lay. Do you hear me?”
She spoke through gritted teeth, hoping against hope he would give her the excuse she needed to finish him.
Do it, you old devil-dog. Say it. Just once more. Come on.
Jenevier was done, finished. Now, all she wanted was to be done with this madness. Instead, she was shocked to see, and feel, him laughing beneath her.
“What? Have you gone mad?” She released his collar, slamming him back against the floor. “Crazy old giant has finally loosened wits.”
She stood to leave. Varick grabbed her retreating ankle, pulling her to the ground. She fought wildly, but now he was lying completely on top of her and had her arms pinned above her head. She tried to bite him, tried to kick free. When she saw the determined resolution in his eyes, she gave up and let him speak.
“All of this was over him? You cannot be serious. Jenevier, you threw away everything for nobody.”
“Alzeen isn’t a nobody!”
“So, all this rage, all this venomous hate. This is all about him.” Varick shook his head. “What a waste.”
“He is not a waste. I am not a waste.”
She snapped her teeth at his nose. He pulled back.
“He is nobody, Jenevier.”
“No, you speak now only of yourself, Varick. Alzeen is perfect and innocent and beautiful. I love him!”
“Pfft. Ridiculous.”
“You said I had but to speak a name, Varick. You said I had only but to speak his name and you would move heaven and hell. That was a year ago today.”
She could no longer hold back the emotions she had fought so desperately to rid herself of. They burst forth like a breached dam within her heart. She felt her stone fortress collapsing.
“That was a year ago today,” she sobbed.
Varick released her then. She curled up on her side and cried out her very soul.
What have I done? What kind of monster am I? Vareilious was right. I should never have been set as her trainer. I love her too much.
He held her head in his lap, gently stroking her curls as she shattered into pieces before him. He stayed like that until her tears would no longer come.
“Be calm, my love. Now, I will see to your healing.”
“Please… just leave me here. Let me be.”
He picked up her limp body and carried her to the waters she treasured so well. Laying her shattered form upon the cold marble, he gently undressed her and slowly carried her tiny body down into the Healing Pool of Vanahirdem.
*****
Jenevier didn’t open her eyes for what seemed like hours. Only then did Varick realize just how utterly destroyed this enchanting young maiden truly was. This was no mere broken bone, no. He wasn’t even sure the sacred waters would be able to mend a devastated heart and a crushed soul. She had simply given up, and it terrified him to his core.
“You will only be whole again when Alzeen gathers up all the tiny little pieces of your heart and returns to you,” he whispered.
Her eyes fluttered open. “What did you say?”
“I was only remembering,” he said with a distant smile.
“How can you remember that? Those words were not meant for your ears, Guardian. Stop interfering in my life. I hereby release you from burdening task.”
“We were by the tree where we first slept,” he continued, as if he hadn’t heard her. “I asked what you would do if I disappeared.”
“No. You’re wrong. Not all roads lead to Varick. You may have been spying, as usual. But those were Alzeen’s words. My love, my Alzeen,” she whispered. “The other half of my broken soul.”
“You answered me truly. Yet, I did not realize then just how literal your words would become.”
“What are you talking about, Varick? Please, leave me in peace. I am finished fighting with you. And I am too weary to even stand. If you have ever loved me, even an ounce, then please… leave me be.”
She tried to pull away from him but he couldn’t bear to let her go, not again. Both warrior and maiden were lost and irrecoverably damaged… together.
“Alzeen was merely a test, my love,” he whispered.
Utter horror sliced clean through her tormented heart. She began trembling, could barely breathe.
“What say you now? Varick, do not finish my life here in this bath. If you are telling me that Alzeen was but another lie, I vow to you I will release my injured spirit here and now. By all that is holy, Varick, I swear it.”
“Alzeen was not a lie, my love. He was a test. Remember? She truly loved someone she didn’t even know. She trusted blindly and faithfully.”
His oration brought back the memory of Vareen’s words and of Alzeen hushing her questions with one little squeeze of the hand.
A tiny flicker of hope sprang up within her.
“Wait. So what you’re saying is… you know him, then?”
Varick chuckled. “Yes, my sweet love, I know him well.”
“Then, why did you not send for him or bring me word how he fared? You knew how much I needed to see him. I told you thus. Why, Varick? Why would you purposefully hurt me so? Why would you let me cry for over four years? Why, Varick? Why?”
“Because, my love, knowing the truth would have hurt you even more. At least, I thought so at the time.”
Her fear returned. “The truth? So, Alzeen lie
d to me for the test? He never truly loved me?”
Her tears started fresh. Varick tried to kiss them away. She shoved him with all her might.
“No, my love. Alzeen never lied to you. He does love you truly, and only you. He waited his whole life for you to find him. He will always love you.”
“Then why? Why can I not see him?”
“Because, the Alzeen you know does not truly exist.”
“What? Varick cease playing madness within my head and speak the plain truth to me now.”
“I am Alzeen,” he whispered.
“No… You lie…”
“It is true. I was your second test. I came to you in a form that would be comforting to you. Just as Valen appeared to you as a dog, so too did I appear to you as a man, as Alzeen. I could not show myself to you as you see me now. You would never have trusted me.”
“So, it was a lie. My entire life has been one big intricate fabrication you alone have woven for your own sick pleasure. You alone have been commander of the strings. My life has always and ever been your little plaything.”
She pushed him away and frantically tried to determine her best route to escape this wretched place forever. Varick read the trapped look upon her mortified face.
“No!” He grabbed her arm and held her fast. “No, Jenevier. Nothing was a lie. Look with your heart and not your eyes. Everything I said to you, everything Alzeen confided in you, it was all true. Every last word, every last feeling came from my heart.”
Jenevier was in shock as Varick’s glorious hair began to swirl around him. His body shifted and blurred. Before her now, was the only friend she had left in this cold world, her true love, her Alzeen.
She didn’t care how he got there or how he came to be. Her Alzeen was finally standing before her. She forgot all else in the world and heedlessly threw her arms around his beautiful olive neck.
Reality be damned, she thought. If madness rules me, then it is a glorious madness, to be sure.
Jenevier didn’t think about Varick or the Vanir or her curse. She was with the man she loved. No matter how twisted her world had become, she now felt a small measure of peace. All the lonely and torturous years melted away within that single embrace. She had finally found her heart. She was whole once more.