by Trejo, Erin
“We’re dealin’ with the fucks that want Reaper dead. That’s what the fuck we’re dealin’ with. Ramirez fucked him over on the inside. He knew Reaper had no fuckin’ choices in there and now Tom has every goddamn advantage on his side,” Fin roars.
I close my eyes tightly and wish I hadn’t listened in, but I did. Roland doesn’t deserve all this shit just because of me. I don’t deserve his love. I don’t deserve him.
“Where is this fucker Tom anyway?” Viking asks.
“Close. We can’t get an exact location, but we know he isn’t far. We could use her to lure him out,” Ink suggests. My chest clenches.
“Fuck that,” Fin growls. “You know the hell that she lived through. No, we aren’t usin’ her.”
“You got a thing for her Fin? You sure the fuck are actin’ like her old man right now,” Ink snaps. I think about walking in there, but then I hear the punches landing.
“Son of a bitch,” Fin roars.
I peek around the door frame and into the room. Viking’s eyes find mine. A strange look crosses his face. It’s a mixture of both anger and intrigue. I swallow hard before turning on my heel and running back down to Roland’s room.
Once I’m safely inside I let the anger and fear wash over me. I cry like a damn baby. I cry because I’m slowly losing my son. I cry because I’m killing his father in the process. I really thought we could be happy. I thought we were finally going to get our second chance. The only thing I’m doing is tearing him down. I’m in the middle of his life and I shouldn’t be.
Once upon a time next to him was my place, but I made the decision to not tell him about Tom. I made that choice and now all of this is happening because of me. I’m the reason for all of this. I can’t let them ruin him. I can’t let what I did destroy his family, they are his family, I’m the intruder here. I should have never come here.
I should have taken Drake and run, but I knew Roland could give him something I couldn’t. A life without fear. Now that has been taken away from him too. I’ve messed it all up. Swiping the tears off of my cheeks, I take a deep breath. I just need to find out where Tom is and go from there. If it’s me he wants to end all of this for Roland, then I will go willingly. I will endure everything if it means that Roland and Drake are safe.
I shove off the bed and head to the closet. Packing myself a small bag I nestle it in the corner and out of sight. Just like the bag Drake used to always have ready.
When I find out where the fuck Tom is, I’m going. I’ll runaway just like before and make this right.
I let the idea settle in my mind. There is no other choice. I don’t want to be away from Drake at all. Especially when health is deteriorating. I don’t know how long I have left with him, and that’s what hurts me the most.
No, this is the right thing to do. I have to fix this some way. I have to believe that Drake is going to be fine and that Roland can handle taking care of him. A knock on the door stops my train of thought. I walk over and pull it open to find Viking standing there.
“Can we talk for a minute?” he asks.
I nod once and step back to allow him entrance into the room. Walking toward the bed I drop back onto it.
“I know shit’s been hard on you. It’s not just you that we’re worried about though. Reaper is our family. He’s been a huge part of our lives, and to let him go down… it’s just not an option.” His tone is even, but I can see the hint of evil in his eyes. I know he doesn’t like me being around here.
“I get it Viking. As soon as I can, I will leave.”
“No, I don’t think you do get it. I don’t want him hurtin’ over you. I don’t want to watch him become the way he was when he first stepped foot into this clubhouse. He was a goddamn mess before and now he’s dealin’ with the shit that happened in the pen and Drake. I worry about him Molly.” His admission calms me a little. I can’t say that I don’t understand, because I do.
“I worry about him too, which is why I need to get out of here. I can’t let him go down for what I’ve done. I messed up. It was me, not him or Drake. I just need to know that Drake is welcome here,” I tell him as my eyes fill with tears.
“What the hell are you sayin’?”
“I’m saying that I need to go. I need to find Tom and handle this myself. Roland doesn’t deserve my shit on top of what he already has going on.”
“You think he’s just gonna let you walk the fuck out of here? Have you lost your goddamn mind? All he cares about is you and his son. You can’t leave him,” Viking snaps.
“I have no other choice. Don’t you see that? If I stay I’m risking your club. It’s not just Roland and Drake. It’s all of you,” my voice almost hurting my ears. Viking watches me for a few minutes, not saying a word.
“You want help? That what this is? You want me to go behind my brother’s back and help you run?”
The look in his eyes tells me that this is a bad idea. I should have asked Fin. If anyone would help me, it would be him. The fact that Viking is the president is the only reason I’m asking him. He can withhold information, keeping it to himself, he doesn’t have to tell anyone if he doesn’t want to.
“I don’t want to drag anyone else down Viking. I’ve done enough of that for years. Roland lived without me once. He can do it again.”
“And your son? He can’t live without you.”
I close my eyes and blow out a slow breath.
“I don’t want to leave today. I want to spend a little more time with Drake. I need that time with him.”
“I understand that. Fuck Molly, this is gonna kill Reaper. You do know that, right?” Viking drags his hand through his long blonde hair.
“He’s a grown man. He can handle it.”
“And Fin?”
He would ask about Fin.
“Fin’s a good guy. I hope one day he finds what he’s looking for. It isn’t me.”
“Goddamn it,” he thunders and tugs at his hair. He paces the room unsure of what to say and I can’t blame him. I’ve just laid my life out for him, and I’m asking him to help me go against his own family.
“We give it some time. He needs you right now, and so does the kid. Let shit settle for a bit and if you still wanna handle it, I’ll help you.”
I nod my head with a small smile. Viking nods before storming out of the room.
18
Reaper
“Goddamn, I almost want to get pulled over just to see what the fuck they can find,” Mason chuckles in the seat next to me. I just shake my head at the crazy son of a bitch. I’d prefer not to get pulled over if it’s all the same to him.
“Those walls look real, don’t they?” I ask him. Mason pulls the cigarette from his lips and glances over at me.
“Fuckin’ hell yeah, they do. That’s why I want to get pulled over. I want to see the look on those pig’s faces when they can’t find a damn thing,” he laughs before looking back at the road.
One thing I can always count on with these guys is a good laugh. My brothers never fail me.
“So, what do you think about this Brotherhood shit?” I ask as I grab a pack of cigarettes and light one up.
“I honestly don’t know. I’ve never heard anything about it until you brought it to the table. Seems like a lot of bullshit if you ask me though. Who the fuck wants to be under the radar? MCs are always up front you know? That’s the part that pisses me off. We don’t hide who we are or what we do,” he says as he pulls off on the next exit. He keeps driving and follows the directions we were given.
“I suppose you’re right, but that doesn’t say shit for why they killed Ramirez’s guys. They didn’t keep that on the down low if they did that. Think they’re plottin’ somethin’?” Mason considers it a minute before raising his shoulder.
“It’s hard to say. What the fuck could they even want? We aren’t the only ones runnin’ that shit. Every goddamn one percenter around is runnin’ somethin’. It just seems odd to me.”
I lean back in my ch
air and smoke my cigarette while he keeps driving. I let his words roll around in my head. We shouldn’t even be on their radar as far as I’m concerned. Yeah they know I was in with Ramirez when I was locked up, but that’s the extent of it. If Tom is one of them, which doesn’t feel right to me, why the fuck would it matter? Hasn’t he been with them long enough for them to have his back?
“What are you thinkin’?” Mason asks.
“Not much man. I just can’t wrap my head around any of this shit. None of it makes sense. What the hell does Tom have to do with any of it?”
“I hear you. We’ll get it figured out. Let’s just deliver this shit and move on.”
We’ve been driving for hours. Making our way into Georgia I let out a breath of relief and sigh. We haven’t been stopped. I suppose that’s a good thing regardless of what Mason thought.
As we pull off on the exit I see a road block. Spoke to fucking soon I guess.
“Well fuck. I was only jokin’ about wanting to get pulled over and shit,” Mason grumbles which makes me laugh.
I watch the fucking officer like a hawk. I’m holding my breath like a kid going under water and when the fucker waves us through, I nearly pass out. Mason laughs hysterically next to me.
“You should have seen your face. That was fuckin’ epic brother.”
Glad I could amuse his ass. We drive a little further until we finally get to our destination without any further incidents. I hop out of the truck and stretch my aching body as I’m ready to get this over with and head back home. I need to apologize to Molly. I know I hurt her. I know I was fucked up in the head and I fucked up by doing it, but I can’t face the fact that I’m losing my son. It hurts too damn much.
“Termite, my man.”
I look at the man Mason hollers to. Termite? What the fuck kind of name is that?
“Mason, you got my shit?” he asks.
Mason chuckles as he pulls the back door of the truck up. Termite looks inside as his face turns red.
“What the fuck is this shit?” he asks.
“What? You don’t see your shit?” Mason taunts. I laugh.
“Goddamn it Mason! Is this a fuckin’ joke?”
Seeing that he’s getting truly pissed off I jump into the back of the truck and begin to remove the panels. One by one I pull the false panels off and reveal the drugs hidden behind them.
“Well I’ll be goddamned. Who the hell did this?” Termite asks climbing into the back with me. Mason hops in behind him.
“That’s all Reaper,” Mason says nodding at me. Termite’s face lights up.
“No shit? I’m gonna have to hire you up here sometime to do some work for me.”
We begin pulling the drugs out and start tossing them to the floor.
“This is some good shit, Reaper. Really good shit,” Termite tells me. I nod my head and continue.
“Let me get the boys to finish unloadin’ and then we’ll get your parts loaded up,” Termite says as he eyes the false walls a little more.
I like seeing the smile on his face. When all of the drugs are lying on the floor of the truck I jump down and light up a smoke. Pulling my cell free I dial Molly.
“Hello?”
I close my eyes as her voice soothes me. “Hey baby.”
“Hey. Are you okay?” she asks.
“Yeah. We just got here. As soon as we unload we’ll head back. I just wanted to say I’m sorry for the way I’ve been actin’.”
The line is silent for a minute. My heart wants to leap out of my chest. I don’t know if she’s going to forgive me or not.
“I get it Roland. It’s a lot to handle. I get it.”
I sigh in relief when she says that. I can’t have her mad at me. I can’t have her upset. I need her on my side. I love her too much to let this come between us. I’m watching as Termite’s guys unload the truck quickly before filling it with bike parts.
“I’ll be home soon. I just needed to tell you that I’m sorry,” I tell her.
“I love you Roland.”
“I love you too babe.”
I hang up the phone and glance over at Mason.
“Is she okay?”
I nod my head and blow out a breath. I was nervous as fuck that she’d hate me.
“You, Reaper. Come on over here and tell me what it’d cost to get you up here to make a few of these for me?” Termite calls out.
I turn on my heel and walk toward him. I stop in front of him as a few of his guys eye me with suspicion.
“A couple thousand should do it if you supply the materials. It’s all sweat and work after that,” I tell him inhaling the nicotine from my cigarette.
“Sounds good. I can do that. I’ll give you a call and we can get a time set up, yeah?”
Termite extends his hand to me and I take it. I shake his hand on a new job. Maybe when the time comes, I can bring Drake and Molly with me. Let them see the sights in Georgia, if Drake is even still around.
That thought alone send chills up my spine.
19
Molly
I watch Drake and Roland toss the football back and forth to each other in the backyard. It’s the little things like this that I hate that Roland missed. I hate myself for making him miss out on these things. The smile on his face couldn’t get much bigger. He’s so damn proud of his son.
“They are adorable together,” Taz says as she sits down in the chair next to me.
“They are.”
“Thanks for offering to hold the cookout here. I don’t like having it at the clubhouse. Too close to the main road. People end up getting pissy about it,” Taz says looking over at me.
“Roland didn’t mind. I thought it would be nice anyway. Drake and I have been holed up in this house for too long. It’s nice to have people over,” I say back to her. Her smile is huge.
“I’m happy to see him happy. It’s been a long time since he’s smiled like that.”
I love Taz. She may be a little older than me, but she has a heart of gold. She takes care of everyone the way she would her own kids, and these are grown men. It does my heart good to know that Roland will have her once I’m gone.
“You love them all, don’t you?” I ask.
She looks over at me and nods, “Like they’re my own. We’re all one big family. There’s a family here that not everyone has. We’re lucky to have it. I’m just happy to say that you’re a part of it now.” She reaches over and grabs my hand.
My chest tightens. How is she going to feel when I leave? How is Roland going to react? God it hurts so much to even think about it.
“Hey babe, come here,” Roland calls out to me.
I smile as I shove out of the chair and walk toward him. I take in his eyes, his smile. Everything about him is absolute perfection. I love that man more than I ever thought it was possible I could, and soon I’m going to have to rip his heart in half once more. I have to remember that it’s all for the best. I have to believe that I’m doing the right thing, or I might rethink it all.
“Hey you. You two look good out here,” I say fluffing up Drake’s hair.
“Dad said I’m good enough to try out for the team. He thinks I have a good arm,” Drake squeals with happiness.
“Oh yeah? You think you’d like to do that?” I ask.
“Yeah, that would be awesome. I can kick too. Watch!”
Drake turns and runs with the ball in his hands. Roland moves to stand behind me and wraps his arms around my waist holding me tight against him.
“He’s perfect Mols. Just fuckin’ perfect,” he whispers in my ear.
“No, he’s everything.”
As I watch my son play football and laugh my inside start to churn. I can’t imagine my life without him. A sob bubbles up in my throat before it comes out.
“It’s okay darlin’. He’s strong. He’s gonna pull through this. We just have to have faith in that,” Roland says softly.
“I just don’t know what I’m going to do with him. What am I going to
do Roland? What are we going to do?”
“I’m gonna love you Mols. We’re gonna miss him every day together when that time comes, but for right now he’s here. He’s with us and that’s all we can focus on for now. We can’t live in the future.”
God, I know he’s right. It’s just so hard not to think about it.
“Come on mom,” Drake yells with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on his face.
I wipe my eyes and pull out of Roland’s arms to run toward him. He throws me the ball and as soon as I catch it I can hear Roland yell, “Tackle.” Before I can respond or even think about it Roland lifts me by the waist and pulls me to the ground with Drake right behind him.
“Hold her down. Make her laugh Drake. Don’t let her up until she’s laughin’,” Roland says around his own laugh.
Drake tickles my sides as we all roll around on the ground. In this moment it really hits me. We’re laughing and playing like a family. We’re a family. This is the family we should have always been.
“Okay, I give up. You win,” I squeal. Drake laughs and climbs to his feet as Roland lays next to me breathlessly.
“Dad we won! Can we have ice cream after we eat?” he asks excitedly.
“You know it. Go ask Viking if the food is about ready,” Roland tells him.
Drake nods and takes off running through the yard. Roland rolls over onto his side and props himself up on his elbow to look down at me. He reaches over and pulls a piece of grass from my hair.
“Thank you,” he says with sincerity in his eyes.
“For what?”
“Stayin’ after you showed up. For escapin’ from that bastard. For livin’. For bein’ here now.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Just… thank you for my son.”
As tears well up in my eyes he reaches over and pulls me against him. A few tears fall before he pulls back, leans down, and kisses me. His lips are warm and soft. As quickly as the kiss started it’s over, he pulls back and rests his forehead against mine.