by Gina Gordon
“No.” I walked toward his desk. “I want to talk to you about something though.”
He waved me in. “I always have time for you.” He shuffled the papers in front of him and moved them off to the side. “But, hold on…” He held up his finger while scanning the mess on his desk.
My father was almost fully gray. I don’t know why I hadn’t noticed it before. He had kept himself completely natural. Unlike some of the other men in this industry, who insisted on dying their hair as if the passage of time didn’t apply to them. Not my dad. His salt and pepper hair was distinguished and matched perfectly with his fifty-five years.
“Here…” He picked up a folded newspaper and handed it to me. “Looks like you’re going to have to find somewhere else to live.”
I scanned the article. It was about boutique hotels in Toronto and how they were slowly turning over to American hands. The article also disclosed that Bryce was selling the Concord.
I grunted. “Probably explains why he’s been calling me for the last three days.”
“It’s a shame. I hope whoever buys it won’t tear it down.”
So did I, and not just because I’d have to move. The Concord was one of my favorite places in the city. I knew it wasn’t normal to live in a hotel, but I was never home. I never cooked. And Bryce gave me a good monthly rate. Not to mention I brought his bar a huge amount of business.
“You know you can always move back home if you need a few months to find a place. It’s pretty lonely there now that you’re gone.”
I loved my father, but I was old enough that I needed my own space. Needed somewhere to retreat after the workday.
I gave him a half-smile and tucked the newspaper under my arm.
“What did you want to talk about?” he asked.
“I’ve expanded our casting net and I’m screening new talent with…experience.” Although it wasn’t porn experience, sex was sex.
“Wonderful. Luring away from the competition.” He winked and pointed his index finger in my direction. “What company do they currently work for?”
“They’re not in porn, they’re…escorts.” My father’s face was expressionless, which made me want to defend my decision. “High-end, of course. Highly recommended by their madam. I met with two girls a few nights ago and they are interested in testing.”
“Escorts?” For the first time he hesitated, not immediately giving me his go-to response. My stomach tightened. I wanted very much to prove I was worthy of the Levin name, and so far, my entire life had been one big ode to being a Levin. So close to taking over, I couldn’t risk getting it wrong.
“Great. Run with it.” He returned to his computer screen.
I could probably tell him that I wanted to start filming animals having sex and he’d give me the green light. I don’t think I’d ever been criticized growing up. Not once. My name meant “greatness” in Latin, for fuck’s sake. Normally golden boy status was reserved for high school quarterbacks or the eldest son. I was none of those things.
“Don’t forget you’re attending the distributor meetings next week. There is much for you to learn.”
I was born for this. I had been groomed for this. But as I watched my father behind his oversized desk, my body tensed and my chest constricted. I looked up, seeing the pride in his eyes, guilt overwhelming me to the point that I felt like I was drowning. For the first time, I wasn’t sure if becoming my father was what I wanted.
Meeting Everly last night had called into question my existence. I knew who I was, and I made damn sure everyone else knew it, too, but I wasn’t sure if that’s who I wanted to be.
Maybe there was more to life than tits and ass?
When I didn’t respond, my father stopped what he was doing and concentrated on me. “I’m not getting any younger and the sooner you can run the ship without me, the better.”
I wasn’t sure why my father was so eager to get me to take over, and it worried me. Did he know something I didn’t? Was he keeping something from me? When they had found out my mother was sick, they’d kept it from me for six months. She didn’t last much longer after that. I regretted the loss of that time every day.
“I built this company for you, son.” He held out his hands. “This is all for you.”
I shook off my negative thoughts. I was Max Levin. I was taking over White Lace Productions. I would succeed, but it scared the shit out of me. Instead of dwelling on that, I changed the subject.
“Tara came by to thank you for signing her car loan.”
He smiled. “Lovely girl.”
I just didn’t understand it. The driving need to always help others. I wasn’t selfish. I did my fair share of donating money to charity, but I sure as hell wouldn’t help just anyone who asked. Maybe there was more to it, something I just wasn’t getting.
He rummaged through a file folder and pulled out one piece of paper with a smile, like he’d finally found what he was looking for. When he met my gaze, his happiness vanished with a heavy sigh. “Your mother and I didn’t build this company and have such good fortune to hoard it. It’s meant to be shared with others. Help those who need it more than we do.”
We’d had this conversation before. This wasn’t the first time I’d been schooled in selfless acts.
I had lived my life on my parents’ dime, and very soon, I wouldn’t need it because I’d have my own stash to spend. My trust fund came into effect on my twenty-fourth birthday, which was in only a few weeks.
My father came around the desk and rested his hand on my shoulder. “It’s one thing to make money. It’s one thing to sign your name on a check. It’s another entirely to earn it.”
Well, wasn’t that the shit kicker. Because I hadn’t done much to earn any of the fortune I’d been given. And it also didn’t take much to scribble my name on a check once a year. Maybe the real charitable act was giving your time, or putting aside your own needs in order to make someone happy.
With one last squeeze on my shoulder, he walked out, leaving me alone to think over his words. Something he often did when he wanted to teach me a lesson.
—
I glanced at my watch. I had quite a few hours before I picked up Everly for our date. If she even opened the front door. That remained to be seen.
I grabbed my car keys and stopped by my penthouse to get some gear. There was only one thing I liked to do when life got too complicated, too boring, too overwhelming.
I run.
Maybe all I needed to do was clear my head, right my brain, so that everything fell back into place, giving the existential crisis perched on my doorstep the heave-ho.
Chapter 4
Everly
I was staring straight ahead, looking at my professor as he rambled on about contract law.
I heard every word he said, but all I could think about was my date tonight.
I actually had a date.
With Max Levin.
Just the thought of him made my cheeks flush and my thighs tighten. And if just the thought of him was able to do that, what was I going to do if he touched me? Or kissed me.
No. There wasn’t going to be any kissing because this date was a pity date. He might not even show up. But he had to. I needed him, to cross off the first item on the bucket list. Even though I had no plan or clue about crossing off any of the other items, maybe this was exactly the jumpstart that was going to help me finish the list. For Gram.
Fear gripped me. What the hell had I done? I had agreed to go on a date the night before my insurance-law paper was due.
I let my head fall back, resting it against the seat, the monotone voice of my professor the new soundtrack to my fantasies.
Last night, my head finally hit the pillow around three in the morning. My brain automatically thought of Max—of his lips and his sexy swagger. The one he’d probably spent years perfecting.
For the next thirty minutes in class, I continued my fantasy. Although this time I might have let him round a few bases.
I pulled it out and groaned. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to my mother. It took a certain amount of stamina to have a conversation with her, and I wasn’t prepared. And lately, I needed to be prepared. For my entire life, Regina and Clayton Parker had been involved in my academic career. Involved was putting it nicely. They controlled it. I’d let them, because the better I did in school, the more attention they paid me. And when you have two parents who are workaholics, you’ll do whatever you need to in order to spend time with them. Besides, when your bedtime stories are articles for the Canadian Journal of Law, there really isn’t any other occupation in your future. Now that I was in the home stretch, Mother has been particularly interested in my studies.
With a deep, calming breath, I answered her call.
Her voice squawked in my ear. “Everly, dear, your grades this semester will make or break your entry into Sutherland, Sutherland, and Marks.”
The law office where I would be articling in a few short months. I interviewed for the job last year, but I knew my success was based on my parents being good friends with Marks.
“I already got the position, Mother.”
“Even the most ironclad contracts have loopholes, dear.” She sighed.
The ever-tricky loophole. I often wondered if my mother had found the loopholes in her marriage contract and how long it would take her to invoke them. Sometimes the way she looked at my father made my heart hurt, but he didn’t seem to mind. He was equally coldhearted.
“I’m studying as much as I can. I even went to office hours three times last week to make sure I understood the subject matter.”
I wasn’t having trouble, per se, but I found contract law tricky. Of course, it was one of the courses I needed to complete my degree with a specialization in corporate mergers and acquisitions. Which was my mother’s specialty.
She was making sure the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. And sometimes it scared the crap out of me.
“If we need to study this weekend, I will make time. I won’t let you ruin everything we’ve worked so hard to accomplish these past three years.”
We? Wasn’t this my life? Wasn’t I the one responsible for what I did and didn’t do?
Apparently my mother hadn’t gotten that memo. It was probably in the trash with the memos that said wives were caring and supportive and mothers loved unconditionally.
Everything you want in life, you should reach out and take it.
“Look, Mom, I don’t have time to talk right now.”
I had to go home and get ready for a date that terrified me.
“Yes. You should get back to the books. Call us when you have a few moments and we can go over your study strategy.”
I wasn’t going to tell her I had no plans to study for the rest of the day. I was taking a much-deserved break.
“No need. I’ve got everything under control.”
I didn’t feel that way. Not by a long shot. The closer I got to graduation, the more I felt like I was floundering.
Before my mother had the chance to throw a few more daggers, I hung up.
When I walked through the front door of my house, I heard moaning. Then grunting. Then the distinct sound of vibration.
The girls knew they weren’t allowed to bring home their dates; it was actually already one of their rules when they moved in.
I dropped my bag on the chair by the door and bypassed the staircase that led to the second floor. In the living room, I found Grace and Sadie hunched over my laptop, their faces flushed, their smiles wide.
“What the hell are you two doing?”
“We’re watching porn.” Sadie looked up with a huge grin spread across her face.
It seemed as if porn had become a constant in my life ever since Max Levin had made an appearance.
“On my laptop?”
“It was sitting right here.” Sadie waved me off and continued to stare at the screen with equal parts fascination and desire.
“We’re checking out the competition.” Grace motioned for me to approach. “Evs, get your butt over here.”
“Oh, I…can’t…I have to—”
“Sit your ass down here and watch porn.” Grace had a great mother voice. Sometimes when she spoke I got chills because she reminded me of my mother—all stern looks and determination to get her way.
So I did. I walked through the doorway into the living room, which hadn’t been redecorated since my gram had bought the house in the 1980s. The carpet was pale green and it matched walls of the same color. Two armchairs faced a coffee table and a floral couch that had been wrapped in plastic until I convinced Gram to remove it.
“The male actors are hot,” Sadie said. Her red hair was pulled on top of her head with a black hair tie.
This was how I preferred my roommates. When they were themselves. Fun, fearless, confident women who were sweethearts to the core. Well, maybe not Sadie. She had a mean streak and I wouldn’t want to get on her bad side.
“Way hot,” Grace agreed. “Did you know that porn sites are statistically more safe for your computer than other sites.”
I giggled. “And where did you hear that?”
She scrunched up her face, trying to remember. “I think I saw it on W5.”
A female escort who was pursuing a master’s degree in business and watched W5—a Canadian current affairs show—in her spare time. Grace was breaking all the stereotypes.
I wasn’t in any position to judge their chosen career paths. At least they were pursuing something they wanted. It was their life choice. The more I studied and the more I fought for a place in law school, the more unhappy I became. I chalked it up to stress. It would all be worth it in the end.
I focused in on the screen and my eyes grew wide. A very attractive gentleman thrust his regular-sized penis into a woman. They were both young, early twenties, both hot. Their bodies were flushed. Their mouths swollen from kissing, or sucking and licking, whatever had been the appetizer I’d missed.
Was it weird to watch porn with your friends?
Yes.
I took a deep breath, trying to tamp down the arousal that threatened to tip over the edge and rat me out. Grace and Sadie watched as if this was the most normal thing in the world.
I cleared my throat. “Doesn’t this…” I squirmed and squeezed my thighs together. “Doesn’t this turn you on?”
“Sure as hell does,” Grace said. “This dude is hot.”
I nodded. “Hottest porn star I’ve ever seen.”
Which wasn’t saying much since I hadn’t seen very many.
The hottest porn star who ever lived continued to thrust, but as I watched him, I realized…
“His penis isn’t that big.”
Weren’t porn stars supposed to have huge breasts and big penises?
Sadie stopped the video and clicked the browser back a few times. She played a new video and skipped to the middle, getting right into the action.
“Holy shit!” That was not normal. That was an arm, not a penis. I turned my head sideways. How was this girl shoving that thing in her mouth?
“There’s your big penis.” Grace laughed.
“I guess they come in all shapes and sizes.” I shrugged.
“When it comes to White Lace, they do. They have serials for every fetish. Cougars. Co-eds. BSDM. DILFs. Babysitters.” She turned her head back to the screen. “But this…” She pointed. “…is the Gag Whores series. It’s surprisingly hot.”
“It’s rough.” The actor had his fist tight in the girl’s hair, stretching the skin along her hairline. It had to hurt. He thrust his penis so far in her mouth she was making these weird noises. Then she’d gag. He’d pull out and she’d spend the next five seconds gulping breath like she’d been drowning. Then he’d do it all over again.
Not hot.
“Are you kidding? This is what guys like,” Sadie said.
“I’ve
never been with a guy who liked that.”
Is that what Max liked?
Not that I’ve slept with an overwhelming number of men. Just two. Both during my undergrad years. I was ashamed to admit that I had let an attractive, popular guy use me as a tutor and then lure me into his bed. I thought we had developed a friendship. When he never spoke to me again I was devastated. I don’t even know how he did on his political science midterm.
The second guy I knew from high school. It had lasted for a few months. He’d call when the mood struck and I’d play along. I had needs, too; I just didn’t have time for a relationship and everything that went with it—feelings, compromises, and dates.
“You will be tonight.” Sadie wiggled her eyebrows.
Shit. I had forgotten Max had asked her for our address. They already knew about our date.
I walked around the couch and sat down on the coffee table, facing my roommates.
I bit my bottom lip, waiting for their reaction. I braced myself, squinting so that I didn’t have their full images in my brain when they burst into a fit of laughter, because I knew without a doubt that me dating Max Levin was just that…hilarious.
Grace squealed and curled her legs under her body, settling a little more comfortably on the couch. “Spill. Right. Now.”
I sucked in a huge breath. “You’re not laughing?”
I wasn’t going to spill about the why’s—the list. Some things needed to remain private, but I had fully expected them to laugh at me. Me going on a date with Max was preposterous.
“Honey…” Sadie leaned forward and placed her hand on my knee. “It is certainly not funny and it’s about time you got it on with a hot guy.” She turned to Grace.
“Seriously. You live like a nun.” Grace leaned forward and tugged on my hair. “I don’t think you’ve gone on a date since…” She looked up. “Since you started law school.”
She was right. I hadn’t been on a date in over three years. Just another thing law school had taken away from me.
Sadie grinned. “Looks like one of us is going to get to see underneath that suit.”