by Gina Gordon
“I needed to clear my head.” He spoke with perfect ease. As if running around a track eight times was like getting up from the couch and walking to the kitchen.
A piercing pain in my side caused me to double over.
“You haven’t run once over the last two weeks, have you?” His expression was stern, one I had rarely seen on him during the time we’d spent together.
“I…” I gulped in a breath. “I was busy.”
Three or four people buzzed by us on their way to victory. The pain that felt like it was splitting my body in two didn’t feel quite so victorious.
“Take a deep breath.” I followed his lead and mimicked his breathing. “Don’t stop now. You can do this. Just like law school.”
Tears stung my eyes, but I willed them away.
“You must have rocked your exam if you’re here.”
I had just failed law school. If I couldn’t do that, what made me think I could do anything? There was so much he didn’t know. So much I needed to tell him, to explain to him.
“I’ll be right beside you.” He placed his hand on my biceps and squeezed. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I looked up and smiled. He didn’t mean that. Not really. When the race was done we’d go our separate ways.
My entire body burned, and not the really good burn that coursed through me when Max was inside me. More like a painful burn that made me crazy, and I was about to get even crazier.
“Max, I owe you an apology.” I jerked forward with the force of someone running by me.
He caught me with both hands, his fingers digging into my arms. He was wearing the same white hoodie he’d worn the very first time we ran. What I wouldn’t do to go back to that day and start over. Will myself not to fall in love with a man I could never have.
“I’m so sorry for that night in my room. I knew better than to think that you were into…all that stuff, but I let my friends cloud my thinking.”
I had been so insecure about myself that I let other peoples’ opinions get in the way of my gut feeling about Max. And I had been so horribly wrong. Because if he were the man Sadie and Grace thought he was, he wouldn’t have stopped on the track and he wouldn’t be by my side right now.
“I just really didn’t understand why a man like you wanted someone like me.”
I hung my head, embarrassed, ashamed. I still didn’t know what drew him to me in the first place, but I shouldn’t have questioned it.
His finger touched the bottom of my chin and he lifted my head. “You’re not the only one who needs to apologize.” He ran his hand through his hair and looked around.
People continued to run by. We stood in the middle of the track, right in the way, but I didn’t care. Mending things with Max was more important than being cursed at by strangers.
“I shouldn’t have left you that night. I should have known…” He looked at me, his brown eyes softened. “I thought you didn’t get me. That you didn’t see I wasn’t the person everyone thought I was.”
“I did.” I grabbed his hands and squeezed. “I do.”
“But…” He released my grip on his hand and reached out to place it on my cheek. With his thumb caressing my jaw, he continued. “You’re so determined. You’re going to be so successful and I…” He stopped. He wanted to say something. I knew by the look in his eyes he had something on his mind. “I know I have no right to ask but I’m going to…” I knew it was only a matter of time before the elephant in the park was referenced. “Why are you here?”
“I didn’t take my exam. I…” He waited for my response, but I was terrified to say it out loud. He’d be the first one to know about my decision. Even though I knew he’d understand, I was afraid. Afraid he’d be disappointed. Afraid he’d be jealous that I’d had the guts to leave it all behind. I knew just how much he struggled with his predetermined future. I knew he wanted out. Despite my very brief panic attack in the middle of the race, I had never felt so light. So happy. So carefree.
“I quit.”
He stared back at me, dumbfounded. “You’re kidding.”
I shook my head. “I realized that my gram was right. I had the ability to change someone’s life all along. My own.”
I was so engrossed in our conversation I had forgotten where we were, but that all changed when a group of ten people whizzed by us. Their feet stomped on the ground like a herd of cattle and Max pulled me into his arms as they passed.
When I looked up, a wide-toothed grin had spread across his face.
“Why are you smiling?” Although the sight of Max smiling was one of my favorite things to look at…right now he was creeping me out.
“You finished the list.”
I should have known he’d realize without me having to spell it out for him. He’d had it memorized just like I did. And with my apology behind me, it was complete.
“You should get something for finishing the list on time.”
“There was never a prize.” I cocked my head. “But I’m open to suggestions.”
“How about a confession?”
A confession? Despite the disaster of this morning, I feared the day was going to get even worse.
“You didn’t just change your own life, you know. You changed mine, too. You made me believe that I was more than porn. More than the life I’m supposed to be living.”
“You are. So much more.” I reached out and grabbed his hand. Maybe the day was looking up after all. “For the record, I don’t care about the porn.”
His eyes lit up with happiness at that moment. “You have no idea how happy it makes me that you’re okay with the porn.”
I knew he worried about how I felt about the industry. How I felt about being tied to a business that most people turned their nose up at, or spat on, or cursed. There were so many reactions to the business of people having sex for money, but I didn’t care about any of it.
“But you’re not the only one who quit their future today.”
I gasped. “You…you quit White Lace?”
He nodded. This was an epic day for both of us. We had both thrown away our futures and were left with nothing. Well, Max had a big, fat trust fund. I, on the other hand…
“Get out of the damn way.” A runner yelled at us as he ran by.
Max huddled me off to the side, but kept his eyes on me. “I live in a world where everything is fake, but you…were real. I was walking around like a zombie. Then I met you. In a world where I’m surrounded by flesh, passion, and pleasure…you make me feel alive.” His hands gripped my cheeks and he bent his knees to meet me at eye level. “I love you, Everly Parker.”
I froze. “What…” I was the most boring person in the world. How could I…?
His hand pressed against the back of my head and the next thing I knew our mouths were smashed together and his tongue had slipped between my lips. He wasted no time taking it slow. He devoured my mouth, devoured me, right on the track.
I didn’t think the feel of someone’s lips could make my life better, but they did. Max’s lips made everything right. They even had the ability to ease my pain. The only sensations registering right now were aimed directly at my crotch.
Although I had thrown everything I had ever worked for away today, I knew I would have survived it all—failing law school, disappointing my parents, losing Max. I would have had a future, but I knew living that future without him wouldn’t have been living. Because I loved him, too. I had loved him the moment he brought me on that boat and tried to show me his penis.
More curse words were thrown at us. Then someone whooped in the distance.
He pulled away, resting his forehead against mine. I reveled in the caress of his breath against my chin. “I love what you did with the accomplishment room.”
“You saw it?” I had wondered, now that I was out of the picture, if his relationship with his father would right itself so he could see the new additions to the room.
“My dad invited me over. I…I knew just how w
rong I was about you when I saw it.”
Mission accomplished.
“And…things with your dad…?” He couldn’t just leave me hanging. His world had been turned upside down. I wanted desperately to know that he was dealing with it.
“We talked.” He let out a heavy breath. “We still have more to talk about but I’m feeling…better about it. I wish they would have told me, but I get why they didn’t.”
I only hoped my relationship with my parents would mend so easily. I had a feeling that was wishful thinking, but I didn’t need a perfect relationship with my parents. I didn’t need to make them happy in order to be happy. For so long, they had made me feel that my choices were wrong. But they weren’t, and I wasn’t going to question them anymore.
I was going to start living by my gut. Start doing things to experience pleasure. I’d start with making sure the man who brought me the most pleasure stayed in my life.
“I want you, Max. I love the way you look at me. I love the way you know how to calm me down. I love the way I feel when I’m with you. So what I’m saying is…I love you, too.”
He answered my confession with another kiss. Even with only our lips touching, it was a full-body kiss that touched every part of me. I would never get used to this. I would never get tired of feeling this way—loved, appreciated, craved.
He pulled away again and mumbled against my cheek, “You’re really not going to be a lawyer?”
I shook my head. “I have no idea what I’m going to be when I grow up.”
I had tons of time to figure out what I wanted to do, but first, I needed to figure out who I was. The man with his arms wrapped around me was exactly the person to help me figure that out.
“You have no idea how happy I am that I don’t have to go to anymore stuffy lawyer parties.”
I laughed. “You’re welcome for that, but just as long as you know…we will be going to as many wrap parties as we can. Being the son of Hirsh Levin should still come with a few perks.” I wiggled my eyebrows. “Like free membership to White Lace online.”
He laughed. I had missed that laugh. I had missed him so much over the last couple of weeks.
“I’ll do you one even better.” He leaned in and whispered in my ear, “You finish the two kilometers, maybe we can watch more live porn.”
My heart thumped in my chest. The idea of watching others have sex kicked up my desire. My body no longer felt like it was splitting in two. I wanted to take our party over to the bench on the other side of the track and smash my mouth down on his. But was his proposition enough to get me running again? He didn’t give me the chance to think it over.
I yelped when his hand smacked my ass, which only kicked up my libido even more. With a wink, he turned and jogged away.
The farther he got, the more my anxiety took over. I was going to have to get used to not having a plan. I didn’t have a plan. He didn’t have a plan. One of us…
“Wait!” He didn’t stop. He simply faced me and continued to run on the spot. “Are you finally going to tell me what you’re going to do with your life?”
He jogged back, his knees forming a ninety-degree angle with every step. “Today we don’t have any plans.” He leaned in and placed a quick peck on my lips. “Maybe not even tomorrow.”
With renewed strength, I took another first step toward my new life.
A life with Max.
A life without a plan in sight.
Epilogue
Max
“Honey, I’m home.”
With the widest smile I’d ever flashed, I walked through the front door of Everly’s house—our house.
I’d moved in a few weeks ago, after Sadie and Grace had moved out. They’d known it was only a matter of time before we took things to the next level. They’d done me a solid and took the initiative.
When I stepped into the doorway of the living room, I found Everly on the couch. She was in the exact same spot as she was when I’d left last night.
She was hunched over a stack of course catalogs, biting the top of her pen. Her hair was pulled up and she had a pencil sticking out of the round bun and a highlighter behind her ear. When she looked up, red and puffy eyes stared at me. Two empty bottles of Mountain Dew sat on the coffee table beside an empty package of Twizzlers. She’d been up all night…again.
“Did you get any sleep?” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“You know I can’t sleep when you’re not here.” She pouted. “I don’t like being alone.”
It killed me every time she said that. But my absence from our bed wasn’t going to stop anytime in the near future.
“How was work?” She curled up at the end of the couch, pushing away her books, making room for me.
“Good.” I walked over and sat beside her. Immediately she rested her head on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around me, cocooning me in that bubble of happiness that always surrounded us whenever we were together. “We’re filling up through the spring.”
I had followed my outrageous dream. I was the proud owner of the Concord, with my father’s full support. I’d put my trust fund money to good use and after four months of renovations, I was open for business.
“How many of those are free nights?” She craned her neck, her eyebrows lifted at me in annoyance.
She didn’t agree with my marketing strategy. I’d reached out to all of my contacts through White Lace, offering a free night stay the next time they were in town. I figured if even one-third of them liked the hotel, they’d stay again the next time.
We might not agree on everything, but I couldn’t have moved forward with my plan to purchase and renovate the hotel without Everly. She had put her good eye and good taste to work and led the redesign of the hotel, giving each floor its own personality, from Jane Austen-esque valances to sleek and modern minimalist furniture. Not to mention, she’d helped me write my business plan.
Everly’s phone buzzed on the coffee table. She quickly glanced at it and scoffed. “It’s my dad, again. It’s the fifth time he’s called in two days.”
The road to a repaired relationship between Everly and her parents had been rocky over the last few months. Both of them were pissed that she hadn’t finished law school.
“Why aren’t you answering?”
I thought we’d made progress over the weekend when both of us were invited to dinner at their house. It had been tense, but there wasn’t one argument. I could tell they were trying really hard to make things right. I knew because they’d even seemed interested in my business and had managed to keep their opinions to themselves.
“He thinks because we managed to have a civil family dinner everything is fine.” She returned to her spot on my shoulder. “We are far from fine.”
In the six months since she’d quit law school, our lives had changed dramatically. My relationship with my father had never been better. I’d spent hours and hours looking at old pictures and listening to stories about Liz, my birth mother. Everly said I have her eyes. After quitting law school, in between being at odds with her parents and helping me with the hotel, Everly went full speed into renovating the house.
I knew how much this place meant to her, and I would never ask her to leave, which was why I’d moved in. But moving in wasn’t only for her. My favorite thing about this house, it had no ties to porn. It was clean, and a sacred space that I now called home. I was especially excited to come home today, because my surprise was finally finished. The day I’d moved in, I had claimed one of the bedrooms. She hadn’t let me spend a dime on the remodel, so this was my way of giving back.
She pulled the highlighter from behind her ear and reached for one of the books on the table. She was relentless. I only hoped I could pry her away from her course catalogs long enough to show her the surprise.
“Any progress today?”
She shook her head. “I essentially have no specialized education. Which means I’m almost starting from scratch.”
“Speaking of scrat
ching…” I pulled the book from her hand and spread my leg over her lap. “I have an itch you could help me scratch right now.”
She slapped at my leg, seriousness in her voice, but a grin on her face. “Max, this isn’t funny. I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life.”
I pulled her closer, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. “You’re going to spend it with me.” It wasn’t a line. I knew, deep down, that Everly and I would be together forever. She was my opposite in every possible way, and also my perfect match.
She smiled at me. Even after all this time, that smile undid me. “I know that. I mean for a career. I can’t just sit around all day while you work.”
She didn’t have to work. I had enough money for the both of us to live five lifetimes, plus run the hotel. But I knew a woman like her needed to do something with her life, and I was seriously pushing her to pursue a career in home design.
“You know you deserve a break. You’ve earned it.”
She nodded. “I know, but it’s time to start getting serious.”
Keeping herself busy for the last six months meant she didn’t have time to freak out about not having a plan. Now that it was all over, she spent every minute of the day stressing about finding a new career.
“Does this mean you don’t have time to see your surprise?”
She froze. “I totally forgot about my surprise.” Her eyes widened, her voice squeaking. “Is it ready?”
I nodded.
She scrambled off the couch. “Come on!” she yelled from the stairs even before I was on my feet.
When I reached the top of the stairs, she was standing in front of the bedroom door, jiggling the handle.
It never failed to amaze me every time I walked up the stairs. The creaky hardwood had been restained and the walls were now a soft beige that made it look like the sun was shining twenty-four hours a day.
“It’s still locked.” She pulled at the handle with impatience.
I had put a lock on the door the day I’d decided on my surprise. It was the only way I could get her to keep her nose out.
I left her in the hallway and headed into our bedroom, grabbing the key from a pair of socks in the top drawer of the dresser. Holding it up, I returned. “Are you ready?”