by Ines Vieira
“Anything else?” I ask, and the nurse turns to me a bit more apologetic and pats my arm.
“One of the broken ribs punctured your left lung. You were taken into surgery, and the good doctor was able to fix the tear, but it’s going to be uncomfortable for a while just breathing. We took you off the ventilator this morning since your lungs were doing fine on their own, but it’s still going to be an uphill battle for you. You’re young, so you’ll mend in time. Don’t you worry about it too much, child.” The nurse gives me a sincere smile this time and starts to leave.
“I’m going to tell the doctor you’re awake and see if he’ll allow you to have any visitors. You have some very anxious people outside that would like to see you. Do you need anything before I go?”
“Water,” I affirm still shaken a bit from the depth of my injuries.
“I’ll get you some ice chips,” she replies leaving me in the semi-dark room. I look at the window to my side and see it’s already dark with the full moon raised high. I’ve been out for almost four days straight. Mom and Dad must be beside themselves. I can’t even think of what they must have gone through these past couple of days. I’m in for a sermon from dad for sure and a whole bunch of tears and hugs from mom.
I wonder if they told Jess.
I try to shake those thoughts away from my mind. Nothing good can come from them. She told me all she needed to tell me by the way she left me back at the DiStefano. She can’t move past my omission and even if I want to beg her to reconsider, she’s not ready to hear my pleas. I’ll just have to wait it out, I guess. It’s a gamble I know. Leaving Jess out in the world, where she could find someone better than me, is a likely scenario. It wouldn’t be hard for her to catch a more deserving man’s eye. I guess I’ll have to cross that bridge when I come to it. My chest starts to burn again with each intake of breath, and I know I should stop tormenting myself. I brought this whole mess onto my plate, so now I just had to chuck it up, and eat the crap being fed to me.
“Oh, good, you’re awake,” says the man in white that has entered my room along with my nurse. They do a check on my vitals again along with a full body check. It’s only when this is done do I see the dark bruises on my torso left to right. The seatbelt did its job and if the damage to my body is my indicator, probably saved my life, too. After half an hour of the doctor checking everything he needs, he finally gives his consent to let me see my family. Visiting hours have long gone by now, but since they’ve been waiting for the past four days to see me talking, Doc makes an exception.
I’m not surprised when my teary mom is the first one in the room followed by my father who seems to have aged ten years in such a short span of time. Mom is too emotional to say a coherent word with all the tears flowing, but she hugs me gently enough not to hurt my mangled body. Dad stays still looking at me as if I might disappear in an instant.
“Does the car look as bad as I feel?” I ask attempting humor to lighten Dad’s frightened look.
“Let’s just say that fixing it would be more expensive than buying you a new one,” he stutters coming in closer and putting his hand on my forehead. I think it’s his way of making sure I’m really here and not a figment of his imagination.
“I loved that car,” I joke and this gets me a small smile from him.
“Well, son, you’re living in New York now. It's time you get acquainted with a subway token. Trust me, public transportation is safer in this city,” he replies more lightly, his fear slowly retreating with the realization if I can joke about it, then maybe I’m not as bad as I look.
“If you don’t count the muggings,” my mom finally chips in, patting my hand.
“Yes, if you don’t count the muggings,” Dad repeats rolling his eyes at her and fully grinning this time.
“I’m just happy you got out of this in one piece,” mom starts to say, and I see the tears in her eyes trying to break free again.
“Mom, I’m okay. I’m sorry I gave you guys such a scare. It won’t happen again,” I say trying to hold back my tears from seeing their exhausted, frightened faces. Life had given me many harsh lessons, swerve ball after swerve ball, but it had also provided me with the best foundation anyone could hope for. My parents were that for me. My fort, holding me up to face any challenge that came my way. My recent treatment of unanswered calls and unwillingness to talk to them shames me now. They did what they thought was best, and they only had one goal at heart. To keep me safe and loved. Craig and Taylor had given me so much, and I spat in their faces when I realized how they came about it. I’m not worthy of such great parents.
“I’m sorry for walking out that day. I should have stayed with both of you so we could have talked. I was just so angry, and I guess that anger touched you guys, a little. I know you did everything in your power to give me a good life despite it all. It wasn’t your fault, and I don’t blame you for the decisions you made,” I tell them looking at them both with nothing but love in my heart.
“Oh Quaid, enough now. You don’t have to say another word. You felt what you felt. You shouldn’t have to justify it to us. Maybe we should have talked more about it with you, told you what happened between Olivia and us, but at the time, we just wanted to leave the past behind us. We were so happy in Plymouth and summoning up Olivia in any sense, seemed it would tarnish our happiness somehow. We’re at fault there. We shouldn’t have made her out to be more than a mere nuisance, like your grandmother. Debora had the right of it, in the end. We should have put Olivia in her place a long time ago,” mom says squeezing my hand every few seconds.
“So that answers my next question. I was kind of worried Olivia might show up here,” I tell them, but in reality, I knew she wouldn’t. After that fateful evening, Olivia learned she had outgrown her welcome in my family and that I for one, would not be deluded by her games and manipulation. As a child, she might have had some leverage, but not now. I was an adult who could make up his own mind, and I had turned my back on the past long before she had decided to show up again.
“Do you want her to be here, son? If you do, I want you to know we will not stand in your way,” Dad says with determination in his voice. I think I could have asked anything of my father right now. The resolve in his eyes was crystal clear that he wouldn’t deny me a thing. Well, maybe a new car was out of the question, but honestly, I couldn’t drive one in my current state anyway.
“No Dad. I want to leave Olivia where she belongs. In the past and unable to touch our lives again. That chapter is closed for me,” I tell him. He nods his head in understanding, trying not to show his true feelings on the matter, but mom is transparent as always looking relieved and happy at the knowledge that this subject has reached its end.
“You guys look so tired. Can’t help to feel partially guilty about that. I swear I don’t even remember the car accident. One moment I was driving fine and the next I was here. What happened?” I ask them, hoping they could fill in the gaps.
“A taxi ran a red light and slammed right into you. Cops said the driver fell asleep at the wheel from an all-nighter and your car was used as his brake pedal. Driver’s also pretty banged up, but you were the one that suffered the major injuries from the impact.”
“Shit,” I exhale thinking maybe I got luckier than I thought. Mom slants her eyes at my cussing but lets it slide. I guess having your kid being rushed into surgery with a ruptured lung puts small things like that into perspective.
“What matters now is you’re here with us, breathing and by your doctor’s accounts well into your recovery. You might miss out on school for a while, but I’m sure you’ll catch up,” Dad says more matter of fact.
“Craig, please. School is the last thing Quaid should be worried about. My boy needs rest and to be looked after. I want you home as soon as the doctor says it’s okay for you to leave,” Mom says more assertively. I want to argue with her that I don’t want to leave New York.
“Love, I know you want our boy home, but you have to let him ma
ke that decision. And by the way my mom’s been acting, I think she’ll fight you for keeping Quaid here and not back home with us.”
“Like Debora scares me,” mom quips unimpressed.
“What do you mean how grandma’s been acting? Is everything alright?” I ask intrigued.
“Your grandparents have been in a constant vigil since they learned about the accident. Debora has been ordering staff around for days, making sure you get the very best treatment. James comes and goes to the house to get some things for her, but Debora hasn’t left the hospital since I called her. We were notified by the hospital that you were rushed into surgery and I guess I panicked. I needed to make sure someone was here with you while we made the drive to New York. I guess the old crow has a heart after all. She’s been relentless these past four days.”
“Well she wasn’t the only woman making the staff miserable,” Dad says sharing a secret smile with my mom.
“Mom, do you think it will be okay if you called her in? I’d like to talk to her.”
“Sure, sweetie. I think she’d like that,” Mom says placing a kiss on my cheek. Dad gives me a light squeeze on my arm and starts to follow mom out the door, but before he reaches it, he gives me one more thankful smile.
“After you talk with your grandmother, I think you might want to talk to the little tyrant running around. I doubt the nursing staff can keep her away for much longer anyway, but I think she would prefer it if you invite her in, instead of her forcing her way in here.”
My heart starts to soar with hope at my father’s words, and it takes everything in me not to ask that he confirms he’s talking about my Jess. I just nod and let him go about calling grandma first. When my grandparents finally emerge, both look uncomfortable. Either it's due to their surroundings or the fact I’m lying on a hospital bed with a leg cast and some nasty bruises and cuts on my face. Grandpa James stays at the front of the bed, keeping a secure distance, but Grandma is less wary of approaching me. The moment she’s in full view of me, I see that the well-groomed woman I have been accustomed to seeing is anything but. Her hair is out from its standard bun and whatever makeup she had previously to coming to St. Mary’s, has disappeared entirely, leaving only a well-worn woman who’s seen too much in her lifetime.
“I see that you’re well,” she states stoically. Even though her demeanor shows fragility, she maintains her ever-present controlled tone.
“I am. Thank you for coming,” I say just as matter of fact. Even though my grandparents showed genuine concern for my well-being, it’s pointless in approaching them in any other way. If I hint at all how surprised or even touched by their worry, they would just retreat to their apathic selves. It’s almost like when you’re watching Animal Planet. The presenter doesn’t engage too much with the animal but respects the invisible boundaries instead to preserve interaction. My grandparents right now are prime examples of wild birds being placed away from their natural habitat. One wrong word hinting at affection and they’ll spook.
“Of course. There were some commitments we had to shuffle around, but nothing worth mentioning,” my grandfather states looking over at my grandmother with concern in his eyes.
“I apologize for the inconvenience then. I guarantee you I wasn’t expecting this to happen,” I tell him trying hard to hide my sarcasm.
“Accidents happen after all. No one is immune to such ungovernable events,” my grandmother retorts giving my grandfather an unimpressed look. He looks away from her icy stare and grabs a chair from the corner of the room so she can sit next to me.
“I’m pleased you’re feeling better,” she hushes giving me a small tap on my right hand. It’s as close to human affection as she can get and I know by the act alone, my accident scared her, too.
“I’m fine, grandmother,” I whisper. She nods her head in agreement and pats my hand one more time. I see her start to become agitated at to what she should do or say next, so I immediately come up with a topic she’s more comfortable with. Managing people comes as easy to her as breathing, so my request will be surely welcomed.
“Mom wants me to recover back home, but I was hoping you would let me stay with you instead. I don’t want my studies to fall back just because I got myself temporarily incapacitated to attend my classes. I was wondering if you could act as liaison with Columbia at finding alternatives for me to keep up with my school work while I stayed at the penthouse recovering. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I would be grateful if you could help me through this period.” The light in my grandmother’s eye returns, and I don’t know if it’s because I gave her an assignment she could easily tackle or if it’s me coming to her instead of running off to Plymouth as my family would expect.
“Say no more. I will set you up with whatever you need. I’ll also enquire on a full-time nurse and a therapy specialist so that we can have you back on your feet in no time,” she smiles pleased. I don’t even bother telling her that twenty-four-hour care is probably uncalled for. I’ll go along with it as long as I get to stay in the city.
“Well then, since we’ve established your well-being, we’ll be off now. I’ll visit Columbia today for you and come back tomorrow with word from them.”
“Thank you,” I reply. Grandmother stands and gives me one more tired look, but this time she’s more her poised self, than how she entered the room.
“Come along, James. Our grandson needs his rest.”
“Actually, I was wondering if you can let in another visitor,” I ask expectantly.
“Oh, quite right. The girl should come in and see you. I dare say I’ve never seen such a spirited young lady. Aggressive and fearless, when the occasion called for it. I must confess, I was quite impressed with her tenacity,” my grandmother affirms, and if I had any doubt that Jess was outside my door just waiting to come in, I don’t after that remark. My grandmother just described my girl to a T.
“She does know what she wants and sorry is the fool who tries to step in her way,” I choke, clinging to the hope I’m still something she wants in her life.
“Well put. On that much, I can relate with her,” grandmother smirks and the ghost of a smile lingers on her lips.
“I’ll summon her for you. James, come dear, our grandson is in capable hands now.” As they leave, I try to think of all the words I should say to Jess. Should I insist on the conversation we had Saturday morning, or should I just let her set the stage? I’m nervous and anxious and wish I could at least sit up in, so I could welcome her properly. Unfortunately, the next person who enters the room isn’t Jess but the nurse from earlier. She comes to my side inspecting me again with that shrewd look of hers, with another cup of ice chips. It’s the first time I see the name Nurse Rachel, on the tag on her breast pocket.
When I look up, Jess is standing from across the room just staring at me. If I thought my mom and grandma looked tired, then Jess looks like she hasn’t slept a wink the entire time I’ve been here.
“Hi,” she hushes out.
“Hi.”
She continues to stare at me from top to bottom. It’s as if she’s ticking off some mental checklist in her mind.
Two working arms. Check.
Two working legs, minus the cast, of course. Check.
Ten fingers. Check.
One beating heart. Check. Check.
All in working form, even if the outer package doesn’t look as appealing as before. I haven’t had time to ask for a mirror, but by the cut, I feel on my lip, as well as the bruises on my torso, I’m sure I’m not a pretty sight right now. Whatever inventory she did, the results were less than satisfactory by the frown on her face.
“Sorry, to bother you, but is it all possible to have another pillow and blanket for my fiancé? I want to make sure he’s comfortable, or at least as comfortable with his cast, as possible,” Jess says without missing a beat in nurse Rachel’s direction.
“Of course. I’ll bring them to you shortly.”
“Thank you. Can you help me raise the b
ed a little, please?” Jess says as she walks to my side and uses the lever to raise the bed’s headrest. I’m finally sitting up on the bed and have a perfect view of the girl next to me. Although faint, I can still make out a trace of her strawberry perfume, and it’s as if this smell is my personal tranquilizer. I relax immediately with her presence and smell alone, and even though it hurts my aching chest to breathe her in, the contrary would hurt far more. Jess takes a seat on the same spot my grandmother was just a few minutes ago, and it's uncanny how each strong-willed woman adapts to a crisis in their own peculiar way. When Jess feels I’m comfortable enough, she showcases a small smile towards Nurse Rachel, who returns it affectionately.
“You make sure you put a ring on this girl’s finger quick, young man. She’s been vigilant with your care since day one. Doesn’t seem proper to me her having to walk around without an engagement ring on her finger if she’s already playing the part,” Nurse Rachel rants.
“I’ll get right on that,” I tease back at her but not taking my eyes off of Jess for a minute.
“You see that you do. I’ll hold you to it, young man,” Nurse Rachel says before backpedaling her way out of the room.
“So, fiancé, huh?” I joke again, and Jess just shrugs my remark away.
“They wouldn’t let me in. I was about to tear this whole hospital apart when your parents finally showed up. They told the nursing staff I was your fiancé, so I guess they let my freak out pass. That’s how your parents managed to let me have visitation. Otherwise, I would have gone insane in the waiting room. It was hard enough not knowing what was going on, but the doctors refusing to give me any new updates was unnerving at best. I might have called your doctor a few names, so don’t be surprised if your medical bill is a little higher than usual.”
“I’m sure I’ll manage,” I tell her.
“So how do you feel?” she asks holding her hands over one another on her lap.
“How do I look?” I ask raising my brow.