Tales from the Dead Man Inn

by Daniel Schinhofen

  “Thank you… husband,” Kim smiled at him.

  “I love hearing you say that,” Rolland beamed at her before he left her in the tent to finish.

  “Taking a while this morning,” George boomed, his overly loud voice easily filling the morning air.

  “I’m sure that you and Barbara were the first ones up,” Rolland smirked.

  “No, you’re all late starters,” Geoff snorted from near the fire.

  George rolled his eyes. “Geoff, we’ve been adventuring together for how many years now?”

  “Three,” Geoff snickered. “Has the sleep not cleared from your brain yet?”

  “Geoff, knock it off,” Barbara said as she exited the tent she shared with George. “We know you’re just playing, but you need to tone it down.”

  “Breakfast is ready,” Geoff said with his normal lopsided smile.

  “Sorry for the delay,” Kim said, picking up the tent token and putting it away. “I delayed us.” She brushed back her hair, letting the new ring catch the morning sun.

  Barbara’s face split into a broad smile, “Rolland finally grew a set, did he?”

  Rolland shook his head and Kim giggled, “I almost proposed to him first. But he beat me to it in the end.”

  Barbara laughed, “How many times have we told you to get faster, Rolland?”

  “That was about killing the mobs,” Rolland frowned.

  “Not always,” George laughed. “I warned you last year, didn’t I?”

  Rolland sighed, “Fine, so I needed some help to see that she was interested in being more than friends.”

  “The food grows cold,” Geoff said simply as he continued to eat his meal.

  The four others joined him at the fire and swiftly ate their meals. As they were finishing, Barbara said, “We’re assaulting the Keep today. We’ve been told that they don’t follow any normal pattern, and it isn’t a dungeon. If you die, you end up at the nearest graveyard. Luckily, all the Keeps seem to have a small one just outside of the gates. That still puts you behind the rest of us, so don’t die.”

  “Not like we’ve planned on it before,” George coughed.

  “Be that as it may, be extra careful. Everything I’ve heard says that attacking Keeps is the hardest thing they attempted, and many groups fail,” Barbara added firmly.

  “We’ll be fine,” Geoff scoffed. “As long as everyone can actually do their jobs.”

  Rolland frowned. “We get it, Geoff.”

  Geoff’s only reply was a tight smile. The others all finished up their meal before they broke camp. When nothing attacked them, they started toward the Keep, which was only a few miles away.

  ~*~*~

  The walls of the Keep were in various stages of decay. Approaching cautiously, the group made it to the open gate with nothing surprising them. Pausing at the white swirling mist that encompassed the inside the gateway, Barbara turned to look at them, “Well that explains the lack of attacks on the approach. Once we enter the area, we should be prepared for anything. Everyone has their potions ready?”

  Geoff rolled his eyes. “Yes, mom. Can we get on with it already?”

  Barbara let out a long-suffering sigh, “Geoff, if you can stop being an ass for a few minutes…”

  Giving them a shrug with a lopsided smile, Geoff replied, “What can I say?”

  “Kim, you’re in first. Make sure it’s clear of traps,” Barbara said, ignoring Geoff.

  Rolland gave her a quick squeeze before Kim engaged her stealth and stepped into the shimmer, vanishing from view. A stab of worry ate at him while they waited. He always worried whenever Kim had to go on ahead, but today, it was more intense than before.

  George glanced at Rolland with a knowing look, “She’ll be fine.”

  “I know,” Rolland rebutted quickly. “I don’t know why I’m like this right now.”

  “Because you proposed to her today,” George chuckled. “You remember what it was like last week when I did to Barbs? Overhealing her until she chewed me out.”

  “Wasting your damned mana,” Barbara said, but her words didn’t have a bite to them.

  “Being overcautious,” George replied. “I would never consider it a waste with you.”

  “Sappy,” Barbara said. Her full helm was covering her face, but her tone still implied her smile.

  “Syrupy sweet, enough to make me vomit,” Geoff said from nearby.

  “The killjoy strikes again,” Rolland muttered.

  George snickered softly. “Hey Geoff, who was that blonde we saw you with before we left town?”

  Eyes narrowing, Geoff glared at George, “Why?”

  “Just wanted to know if she’s seen this side of you,” George replied with a grin.

  “She knows who I am,” Geoff sneered. “We have a lot in common.”

  “Oh good. That means they’re sure to have great kids,” Rolland murmured.

  Kim reappeared, “The way is clear into the courtyard, but I caught a glimpse of some of the inhabitants... think Orc, but massive in size.”

  “Okay,” Barbara said as she got her shield and sword ready to go. “Follow me and let’s do this.”

  The courtyard of the small Keep was strewn with debris from the walls and a number of weeds. On guard for any attacks, they cautiously moved away from the entrance and toward the main doors.

  They had taken only a few steps when a large green face with massive lower teeth popped out of one of the archways to the ruined guard post. “Tasty snacks,” the Mutated Orc Guard snarled. “Boys, we’ve got fresh meat.”

  Barbara put herself between the Orc and the group, “No. What you have is Justice’s Defender to deal with.”

  Laughing, the large creature came completely out of the doorway. The Orc was clad in chainmail and pulling a heavy two-handed axe behind him. “It’s always fun when the food fights back.”

  Behind him, two more Mutated Orc Guards—both armed and armored similar to the first— came out. “I get the Priest,” one of the other two grinned.

  “You got the Priest last time,” the other grumbled. “I get the Priest this time; you can have the plate instead.”

  “Enough arguing,” the lead Orc snarled as he dug a foot into the ground. “Meat’s back on the menu! Time to dig in.”

  Before they could take a single step, an icy wind blew through the courtyard, freezing their legs to the ground. “We’ll just take the upper hand,” Rolland snickered.

  Kim threw her traps, each one vanishing next to the Orc she had aimed it at. “Watch your step,” Kim laughed. She pulled a short sword and went to hide behind Barbara, who was advancing slowly toward the three Orcs.

  Geoff sneered at the monsters and cast a blood curse on them, weakening them to elemental magic. “There, Rolland,” Geoff called out, “easy mode for you.”

  Shaking his head at Geoff’s normal banter, George was able to cast Holy Shield onto Barbara just as she got into range of the first mob. With a smile on his lips, he watched Barbara slam her shield into the Orc when it tried to swing down on her, her stun stopping the attack.

  They handled the Orcs with ease. Rolland frowned once during the fight, when he noticed that Geoff seemed to be holding back on his normal magical attacks. He figured Geoff was probably just being cautious in case more mobs showed up.

  After looting the dead mobs, Barbara turned to them, “Okay, we can do this. They aren’t too much for us.”

  “That was just the muscle, no casters or anything special,” Geoff pointed out. “Barbarians aren’t exactly the hardest to deal with.”

  “Fair. They haven’t been hard because of Rolland and Kim’s area control abilities,” Barbara said. “Let’s clear the entire courtyard before we head in, so we don’t get attacked from behind.”

  “Around the walls?” George asked, just to make sure he was right.

  “Yes,” Barbara nodded. “Follow me, and we’ll do this one group at a time.”

  They found two more clusters of Orcs as they went arou
nd the walls. One was patrolling the grounds, while the other was in the secondary guard post on the second gate.

  Rolland realized that Geoff still seemed to be holding back, but just focused on his own job. Resting after the last set of mobs, Rolland brought up his observation. “Geoff, why are you holding back?”

  Geoff gave him a sarcastic smile, “I just wanted to be on par with you, Rolland.”

  “Really, Geoff?” Kim asked with a raised brow. “Last I checked, Rolland did more damage in every fight than you. You seem to debuff the mobs, then cast lazy Death Bolts. Even when you’ve gone all out, you can barely keep up with him.”

  “Enough, guys,” George sighed. “We’ve agreed to take a year off after this. Can’t we be a bit nicer until it’s over, at least?”

  Kim and Rolland agreed, but Geoff just smirked and shrugged. Before anyone could say anything else, a massive creature’s loud footsteps brought all eyes to the front doors of the Keep. The heavy wooden doors burst open, bouncing off the stone walls slightly when the monster ducked to leave the Keep.

  “What’s going on out here?” the Giant Mutated Orc snarled, spittle spraying from its maw as it asked the question.

  The creature glared at them, and Barbara jumped to her feet, bringing her shield up. She took in the Orc that was wearing a mix of plate armor and chainmail, and spoke to her party, “Okay, treat it like a boss.”

  “You killed my boys?” The Orc’s eyes began to shimmer. “I’ll show you that Gatkic is to be feared!” With a sudden howl, it leapt into the air, aiming at Barbara. She triggered Unbreakable to reduce the incoming damage as the others all scrambled away from her.

  The force of the massive creature landing knocked the others onto the ground. Barbara staggered back a few steps, her shield having caught the monster’s leading foot and sliding her clear of the small crater the Orc now stood in.

  “Zimoc will treat me well for killing you,” Gatkic grinned as it swung one armored fist down.

  Barbara’s eyes widened when she saw the gauntlet it was wearing was shaped into a hammer and not a glove. Barely getting the shield up in time, she stopped a chunk of the damage from hitting her, but the force of the blow knocked her backward again.

  George was the first on his feet, so he cast a quick heal on Barbara to keep her health from falling too far. “I have you, Barbs.”

  Kim threw out all three of her traps, hoping to buy Barbara some time to get her balance. Rolland brought forth the icy winds again. To his consternation, the Giant Mutated Orc didn’t become frozen and stuck to the ground, confirming that this mob was indeed a boss.

  Geoff backed further away as he threw out a miasma of dark energy at the Orc. “It resisted my debuff,” Geoff said with incredulity, his eyes narrowing. “Nothing resists my power!” With a snarl, Geoff began to cast a bigger spell.

  Barbara, finally catching her balance, set her jaw and Charged at the Orc. Slamming into it, a metallic ringing sounded throughout the courtyard as Barbara bounced off the mob.

  The Orc grinned down at her. “Gatkic doesn’t stop,” the massive Orc roared in a short, ugly laugh as it swung its fist straight down at her.

  A shield of light sprang into being around Barbara as George finished his spell. It wasn’t a moment too soon: the fist hit the bubble hard, jagged lines appearing across it. “He fractured it?” George blinked in shock. He knew just how much damage it would have had to take to manage that. “Don’t get hit! It will kill any of us, and damn near manage to one-hit kill Barbara.”

  The three traps Kim had thrown all went off at once as the Orc took another step. Bright light flashed into existence and gave the mob a debuff to sight. The loud echo from the next trap disorientated it, reducing its ability to focus, and the last one peppered it with small bits of metal. The Shrapnel trap did almost no damage because of the Orc’s armor, and the two debuffs were at half their normal duration. “This thing is resistant to a lot of debuffs,” Kim called out.

  Geoff’s spell finally went off, a black orb appearing in front of him. “Barbara, be careful. This thing likes flesh,” Geoff called out with indifference before he made a shoving gesture and launched it at Gatkic.

  “What in Peace’s name?” Rolland yelled when he felt the dark energy contained in the ball. Turning toward Barbara, Rolland swiftly cast Swiftness to grant her speed, “Run, Barbara!”

  Ignoring the warning from Geoff, Barbara had been braced to attack the mob when she felt Rolland’s Swiftness buff land on her. She knew he rarely used it because of the long cooldown, so that and his words spurred her to run. Trusting in her longtime friend, she feinted left. The Orc swung at her, and she took off in a sprint toward Rolland.

  Kim ducked behind George as the black orb contacted the raging Orc. A pulse of nausea washed over them as the ball seemed to explode and stick to the mob. The already angry creature let out a truly enraged roar, knocking them all to their knees while they clutched their heads.

  “My strength! You take Zimoc power from me!?” Gatkic finally said when the roar stopped. Turning its head, the mob looked right at Geoff, “You die now, little meat sack.”

  Barbara struggled to her feet, “Over here, slow, dumb, and ugly. Dance with a lady, not the boys.” Taunt pulled its attention over to Barbara just like she had hoped.

  With a large toothy grin, Gatkic shook its head and ran at Geoff. “Squish little man first.”

  “Fuck! He warned me it would make the mob untauntable, but it was supposed to die,” Geoff yelled as he ran toward Rolland. “Help!”

  Rolland triggered one of his major cooldowns to save Geoff, encasing the Necromancer in a block of ice just as one of the hammer hands came down. The hammer failed to damage the ice barrier at all, though Gatkic attacked it again.

  “You can’t have him,” Rolland said as he backed toward Barbara.

  Beady eyes narrowing, Gatkic snarled at Rolland, “You take my snack? Fine, you be snack instead.”

  Barbara stepped in front of Rolland, “Me first.”

  “Eat you all,” Gatkic snarled as he leapt.

  George had been afraid another leap was coming, so he had already cast another light shield over Barbara, but it wasn’t as strong as the previous one. Not knowing if the Orc was after her or Rolland, she triggered Intervene, knocking Rolland away and turning to face the descending Orc with her shield in front of her.

  Just like before, she was sent backward and the others were all knocked further away, but they weren’t sent tumbling because they had been ready. Gatkic was incensed that the Human had not been squished under his feet. Before he could hammer down on Barbara, she gashed his wrist and cut his attack speed. Kim ran up behind him, attacking his legs to try and lowering his mobility. Rolland cast an Ice Bolt at the mob, his first real damage on it.

  The fight turned out to be a slug fest, with George in near panic because he was barely able to help Barbara stay up. Geoff finally came out from under the Ice Block, glaring at the fight he had been locked out of for almost two minutes.

  “He’s only got another minute of being debuffed,” Geoff shouted as he started to chain cast his Death Bolts onto it.

  Fortunately, the untauntable part of Geoff’s spell had worn off. Barbara let out a breath of relief that she didn’t have to save him again right away. The Orc slammed its hammer down at her again. She pushed the blow wide and staggered away from the kinetic force.

  “Pile on,” Barbara shouted. The others were already going all out on the mob.

  Having taken it down to under half life before the debuff wore off, the transition phase became easier to manage. Gatkic roared again, but this time, they were all only knocked back a foot and had the melee debuff Shaken added to them. “Zimoc will make you pay even if you kill Gatkic,” Gatkic told them, swinging again at Barbara.

  The debuff wore off after that swing. George bit his lip, knowing that the damage was going to climb again. “Debuff is down. This is going to get bloody,” he informed the others.

/>   Gatkic became a powerhouse again without the debuff, but Kim helped Barbara by applying a movement speed debuff on them both. With that, they were able to kite Gatkic fast enough for George to keep up with the heals on Barbara.

  When Gatkic finally fell dead another minute later, the group all collapsed, catching their breath from the difficulty of the fight and at how close it had come to going wrong multiple times. Breathing deep, Rolland looked at Kim. She had been kicked a few times when they kited the Orc.

  “I’m fine,” Kim told him as they fully healed up.

  “Ran out of mana at the end,” George complained. “I didn’t want to take that potion, but Barbara wouldn’t have survived that last hit otherwise.”