by Darcy Burke
She chuckled before sipping her Diet Coke.
After he swallowed, he took a drink. “Cam asked if we wanted to join him and Brooke tonight for dinner at The Arch and Vine. We all agreed we’d be too exhausted to cook.” Cam and Brooke were, of course, busy pouring wine today and hopefully expanding their club membership as well as selling cases and cases of their latest vintage.
“Sure, sounds good.”
“Kelsey!” Gram waved from the cookie table. “I need more sprinkles.”
“Oops, I better go.” Kelsey turned, but Luke shot his arm around her waist and pulled her against him.
“Can I have a kiss first?” Something about the way he’d physically stopped her from leaving rankled her.
“We’re in the middle of everything.”
“Not really, we’re off to the side.” He let go of her, his eyes clouding. “Sorry. Did I do something wrong?”
No. He’d just reminded her of Noah, who’d been fond of asking her to bestow kisses on him at all sorts of odd times, like in the middle of the grocery store or while they were waiting in line at the movie theater. But she wouldn’t make the same mistake she’d made with the flowers. Luke hadn’t intended anything other than doing what boyfriends did with their girlfriends.
She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. “No. We’re good.”
As she made her way back to the cookie table, she couldn’t shake the feeling that all this happiness she’d been feeling would disappear, that she was doomed to crash and burn. That was the outcome she was familiar with. Happily ever after, it seemed, was for other people.
It had been an exhausting day, but Luke couldn’t think of any place he’d rather be than laughing over dinner with Kelsey, his brother, and his brother’s fiancée. They’d already decided to make today’s event an annual thing, which in Luke’s mind bound him to Kelsey, assuming she was still Ribbon Ridge’s librarian.
Luke reached over and took Kelsey’s hand beneath the table. She clasped her fingers around his but didn’t look at him since she was chatting with Brooke. The book charm from her bracelet fell against his hand. She’d worn it every day since he’d given it to her. He smiled.
Cam finished his beer and picked up the pitcher to fill his glass to the halfway mark. “Another beer?” he asked Luke.
“Sure.” Luke pushed his glass toward his brother across the table. “About the same.”
“You working tomorrow?” Cam asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Dude, you deserve a day off. Hell, you deserve a vacation.”
And he’d take one in January or February like he usually did. The question was whether he’d go alone. He recalled the conversation he’d had with Kelsey weeks ago, when he’d sort of invited her to go away with him. What had once seemed a distant possibility was now something he wanted desperately. She’d never been off the West Coast. He began to think of all the places he could take her and wondered if she even had a passport. Would she be able to take time off from the library? Hell, maybe she could just close it for a week. People could go without borrowing books and movies for a week, couldn’t they?
He looked over at Kelsey. Going without her wasn’t an option. Apparently, the loner didn’t want to be alone anymore. He wanted to be with her. Even tomorrow loomed large and boring since she’d be at the library all afternoon.
What the hell had happened to him? He normally had no problem facing a day by himself. In fact, he relished it.
He shook the thoughts away and dragged himself back to what Cam had said. “You know me, I’m a workaholic.”
“Always have been, even in school. You and Jamie were pulling straight As and my not-too-shabby three-point-seven-five looked like crap.”
Kelsey looked over at Cam as she picked up her pint of cider. “That’s nothing to sneeze at.”
“Said the girl who graduated a year early,” Luke said.
Brooke leaned forward. “Is that true?”
Kelsey swallowed her cider and set the glass back on the table. “Yes.” She sent Luke a teasing smile. “Thanks for outing me.”
He blinked and teased her back. “Is it a secret?”
“Maybe. Now you have to share a secret.”
“Oh, man. I don’t know.” He tried to think of something she wouldn’t know. They’d shared so much over the past couple of weeks.
Cam snorted. “This is easy. One of the many things this overachiever did in high school was work on the newspaper. He wrote a regular sports column, but what people didn’t know was that he was also the advice columnist, Dear Granny.”
Oh hell. Luke hadn’t thought of that in years.
Kelsey let go of his hand and turned toward him in the booth. Her eyes sparkled with mirth. “Seriously? I’m trying to imagine.” She looked over at Cam. “Any chance your folks have a newspaper or two lying around?”
Cam laughed. “I’m sure. Just ask my mom next time you see her. She’d be delighted to share all sorts of things.”
“It’s true,” Brooke said. “She’s shown me every embarrassing picture of Cam, including him running around naked at age four with his underwear on his head.”
Cam dropped his head and shook it before shooting her a wide grin. “You had to mention that.”
Brooke shrugged. “Seems only fair since you spilled your brother’s secret.”
“That means I should spill one for you. Let’s see—”
Brooke put her fingers in front of his mouth. “I have no idea what you were going to say, but shut up.” She turned to Kelsey and Luke. “I had to go to my prom with green hair. Do not color your hair at home for the first time on prom day.”
“Yikes!” Kelsey covered her mouth and giggled.
Brooke grinned. “But really, I want to hear more about Dear Granny. What sort of questions did you get?”
Luke opened his mouth to respond, but someone approached the table—a guy with dark hair and an extremely nervous look in his eye.
“Kelsey?”
She turned her head, but not before Luke caught the spark of fear in her gaze. “Noah. What are you doing here?”
Adrenaline pumped through Luke. It took everything he had not to jump up from the bench and launch himself over the table at her ex. “This is Noah?”
Noah’s gaze flicked toward him, but only briefly before returning to Kelsey. “Can we go somewhere to talk? Just for a few minutes.”
She was quiet for a moment, and Luke was afraid she was considering it. Why would she do that? He wanted to beat the guy into the ground.
“I don’t have anything to say to you,” she finally said, her voice quivering.
Luke’s heart twisted. He clenched his hands into tight fists as anger roiled inside him.
Noah nodded once. “That’s okay. You don’t need to say anything. Just listen.”
Kelsey stood, and Luke’s stomach curled in on itself. Was she going to agree? He wasn’t sure he could let her go off with him alone.
He scooted to the end of the bench, where she’d gotten up, purse in hand. “Kelsey, don’t go with him.”
She spared Luke the smallest glance. “I’m going to the bathroom.” She took a step toward the back.
Noah moved to block her. “Please, Kelsey. Just five minutes. I need to apologize to you. It’s important for my recovery.”
“She doesn’t give a damn about your recovery,” Luke said, fury spiraling through him. “She doesn’t have to.”
Kelsey turned to look at Luke, her eyes like ice. “This isn’t your problem, Luke.” She shot a glare toward Noah. “I don’t actually care about your recovery. You need to go.”
She took another step, and Noah grabbed her forearm. “Please.”
That was all Luke needed to see. He leapt up and planted his fist in Noah’s face, hitting him in the left cheekbone and sending his head snapping back.
Noah let go of Kelsey, and she gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. Her gaze turned to Luke, but he was only seeing her fr
om the corner of his eye. He was focused on Noah, who was massaging his cheek. Luke moved toward him. Noah took a step back.
Luke’s lip curled. “Not too fun being on the receiving end, is it?”
“Luke, stop.” Kelsey’s voice broke through his angry haze.
He didn’t look at her, just kept glaring at Noah. “He deserves that and so much more.”
“Luke!”
Finally, he turned his head and saw the anguish and pain in her gaze. “No one deserves that.” She shook her head, her eyes wide. Sliding her purse strap over her shoulder, she cut around them and walked out.
Noah started after her, but Cam, who must’ve gotten up from the booth, stepped between him and the door. Cam glowered at him. “Let her go.”
“I’m calling 9-1-1,” Brooke said. “He’s violating the restraining order. And his parole.”
Panic flooded Noah’s gaze. He dashed around Cam and fled the pub. Luke lurched forward, intending to follow him, but Cam put his hand on his forearm. “Don’t do something you’ll regret. Let’s call the police, and we’ll sort this out. You shouldn’t have hit him.”
Probably not. He shook his hand out, suddenly feeling the pain in his knuckles. He locked eyes with his older brother. “I don’t regret that.”
Cam nodded slowly. “I get it.”
Luke stared at the door, aware that the entire pub had gone quiet. He reached for his phone in his back pocket but remembered he’d set it on the table when he’d sat down. He snatched it up and texted Kelsey, telling her to be careful because Noah was out there. He also said they were waiting for the police to arrive. Finally, he asked her to call or text him back. Worry and fear arced through him. He wanted to go after her, to make sure she was safe.
Fuck it. He could do that, and the police could talk to Cam and Brooke about what had happened.
Except the police walked in at that moment, and for the next half hour, the only place he went was crazy as he thought of Noah out there—maybe with Kelsey.
Chapter Seventeen
Kelsey rushed from the pub without thinking where to go. She’d just wanted to get out of that situation. Seeing Noah made her feel trapped and helpless. That was why she’d gotten up to escape to the bathroom—somewhere, anywhere away from that.
Then Luke had hit him. The sight and sound of his fist hitting Noah’s flesh didn’t carry the sheen of vengeance she’d thought it would. No, it only reminded her of the abuse Noah had rained upon her when he’d been too angry to control himself.
The cool night breeze blew her hair back from her face and made her think for a moment. Making a decision, she strode to Luke’s house and jumped in her car. She didn’t know where she was going. She just knew she wanted to keep moving. She put the window down. The air kept her from losing it.
Did she think that Luke was like Noah? Rationally, she knew him hitting her ex was an emotional response and that he wouldn’t ever do that to her. But did she really know that? Did he really know that? Noah had told her more than once that he didn’t even recognize himself when he hit her, that it was like a demon had taken over his body.
She did know that it was a lack of control, and control was the one thing she wouldn’t relinquish, not when she’d fought so hard to gain it back.
Her phone had pinged several times, but she ignored it. After fifteen minutes or so, she pulled off the highway outside town into the parking lot of the state park near the river. She pulled her phone from her purse and read the texts from Luke.
Noah left right after you. Be careful.
We called the police.
Please call me back.
She stared at the phone, wanting to call him but also needing time to think, to process seeing Noah again. There’d been a moment when she’d wanted to go with him. She could see that he was tormented, and, as always, she wanted to ease his suffering. How many times had she comforted him after he’d become violent? God, it was a sick cycle.
His mother had said he was in counseling, that he was doing well. Maybe talking to Kelsey would help him.
A text appeared on the screen, but it wasn’t a number in her phone, nor did she recognize it other than it had a Washington area code.
Kelsey, it’s Noah. I really need to talk to you. Five minutes. I want to apologize. You deserve to hear that from me and so much more. Not the kind of apologies I gave you before. I’m an abuser. I need help and I’m getting it. None of it was your fault. Sending me to jail was the best thing you could’ve done for me.
She began to shake as emotion welled inside her. He was saying all the things she’d longed to hear.
Again, she considered it. Headlights flashed in the parking lot, startling her. The car drove up near hers—just two spots away in the corner.
She put her hand on the ignition, intending to leave, but a figure came toward her car and in the light from the lamp in the parking lot, she recognized that it was Noah. Apprehension raced through her as he approached her open window.
“Kelsey? Can we please talk? Did you get my text?”
She clutched the steering wheel as if it could be used as a weapon. “How did you find me?”
“I saw you driving in town, and I followed you.”
She turned the key, and he held up his hands in supplication. “Kelsey, wait! Please. Just listen to me. I’m so sorry. So very sorry.” Tears streaked from his eyes, and his shoulders shook.
She’d seen him do this before. His show of regret wouldn’t bend her.
But then he stopped, sucking in a deep, harsh breath. “No, I won’t do that to you.” He wiped his hands over his eyes and straightened. “You deserve better.”
“I do,” she said softly, surprised that she could talk. “You shouldn’t have come here. If you wanted to apologize—or whatever—you could’ve sent me a letter.”
“I could’ve. My mom called you. She said you were pretty harsh.”
Kelsey turned her head as anger ignited inside her. “I think I have the right to be whatever I damn well please.”
He sucked his lower lip in, a familiar tic that took her back to the years they’d spent together. She’d once found it terribly sexy, alluring. It reminded her of better times.
“I’m sorry. You do. You can be harsh, cruel, whatever you want. You can even hit me if it would make you feel better.”
And there it was. The retaliation she’d dreamt about in her darkest moments. But at the pub, she’d realized she didn’t want revenge. She just wanted closure.
“I don’t want to do that. Say what you want to say so that I can go.”
He stepped closer, and she resisted the urge to back the car up and drive away. She told herself she could at any moment. “Like I said, I’m in counseling and I’m doing better. I’m learning a lot about myself and how to function in a relationship.”
“Do you think you can? Function in a relationship? How will you keep from hitting the next woman?”
He looked away briefly. “I don’t know yet. It’s a process. But I know it’s my problem, and that’s a step in the right direction, isn’t it?”
She supposed so. It was certainly better than him blaming her, which he’d done. She didn’t answer him. Sitting here listening was the most she would give him.
He gave her a familiar puppy dog look, one that used to make her smile. “I wondered if you could ever find a way to forgive me?”
Oh, this she wanted to answer. This was what she’d worked so hard on, but not in the way he probably imagined.
She opened the door sharply, making him step back. Adrenaline pushed her out of the car to face him. She kept one hand on the car, gripping the door. “I have forgiven you, Noah. But not for you. For me. Forgiveness is for the forgiver. I don’t care if you feel better or if you’re healing. I only care that I feel better, that I’m healing. And I am. Forgiving you helped me do that. Letting go of the anger and pain in my heart so that I could maybe find happiness.”
He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “
Have you found that?”
“I’m working on it.”
He moved closer, and she smelled bourbon—his liquor of choice—on his breath. “With the guy at the pub?”
She heard something in his tone. Something that gave her pause. “It’s none of your business.” She climbed back into the car, thinking she never should’ve gotten out in the first place. But she hadn’t been thinking clearly. If she were, she wouldn’t even be here. “I’m going now.”
“Wait, please!”
“I’m done, Noah.”
He reached into the car and grabbed her wrist, his fingers closing around her flesh. She ripped her arm from his grasp and threw the car in reverse, the tires squealing as she hit the gas.
Without looking back, she pulled out of the parking lot and drove toward town. God, she was an idiot! Why had she stayed there to listen to him? She should’ve left the moment she’d seen him walking to the car. Was she ever going to be free of him? Could she find the happiness she wanted, that she deserved?
In that moment, she just didn’t know.
The cold night air should’ve chilled Luke, but he was numb. In mind and body. As soon as the police had let him leave The Arch and Vine, he’d walked all over, trying to find Kelsey. She wasn’t responding to his texts, and he was terrified for her. Her car was gone from his driveway, and it wasn’t in her parking lot. Her apartment was dark.
He was desperate to find her, and now, back at his house, he simply stood on his porch and stared into the darkness, feeling utterly helpless.
His phone, clutched in his grasp as it had been all night, pinged. He lifted it, screen up, and saw the text was from Cam asking if he’d found Kelsey yet. Luke typed in “No” and hit Send. Cam and Brooke had walked with him at first, trying to talk him off the ledge of despair. He’d finally told them he needed to be alone, perhaps not in the kindest way. It had gone something like: “Leave me the hell alone. I’ll call you if I need your ‘help.’”
He winced at the memory but shoved it away, because, by far, it wasn’t the worst thing that had happened tonight. He kept reliving that moment at the pub over and over. Noah touched her; Luke reacted; Kelsey looked at him in fear.