Cash thought hard about this and came to the same conclusion. She was right. He had no place with Jenna Duncan. He would always be the man Jenna would regard as having stolen her innocence and taken away her future. He’d been duped and betrayed by her brother, just as she had, but he couldn’t fight her hatred of gamblers. That much was painfully clear. Her mind was set.
Life with her had been a dream for a man with no past. But Cash recalled his past now, and he knew he wasn’t fit for a woman like Jenna. He knew he could never keep her, never stay here on this farm and make her happy. It wasn’t even an option.
From the time he was ten years old, all Cash had ever known was gambling. It was what he did, who he was. He’d been given a glimpse of a life he might have had, if his own life had been different, but Cash wasn’t fool enough to believe he could change. He knew only one thing, only one way to survive. And he knew what was best for Jenna. “I’ll leave in the morning, Jenna. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, but it did and I’m sorry you were hurt.”
“I want you out of this house,” Jenna demanded. “Now.”
“I’ll sleep in the barn. I’ll be gone at first light.” Hell, he’d leave now, if it meant taking that scowl off Jenna’s face, if it meant removing her pain and the hurt he’d caused. But he had to speak to Ben. He had to make sure Ben and Rosalinda knew the truth. He had to make sure they would take special care of Jenna now. She was going to need them to get through this.
Cash dipped into his long coat once more. There was something else in there, a stash of cash for emergencies. Cash hadn’t existed all these years on his own without a back-up plan. He’d always known how to survive.
He rolled up the money and handed it to Jenna. “Take this, for the farm. It’ll see you through the winter.”
Jenna’s look of disgust nearly destroyed him. Memories of his earlier days, when townsfolk gazed upon with the very same sentiments, flooded in, reminding him of a time when he’d been regarded as dirty and foul, an unwanted youth who had been cast out from decent society.
“I don’t want gambling money.” She shoved it away with all of her slight might. “Just leave, Mr. Callahan. And never come back.”
Jenna hadn’t awoken from her bad dream, as she’d prayed. The nightmare was all too real. She curled up in her bed that night, her head propped by a pillow, staring up at the ceiling, lifeless. There were no more tears to shed, no greater pain than she’d suffered today. She didn’t know what purpose her life held. She was tired, so tired of fighting. If it wasn’t for Ben and Rosalinda, she’d be all alone in this world.
How could she face the day, the sun shining bright bringing hope, when all Jenna felt now was darkness and despair? She’d not shed another tear, yet she bled inside for the children she wouldn’t have, for the family life she’d craved. All she’d wanted in life was to find love.
She had Ben and Rosalinda’s kind, loving support and thank heavens for them. They’d been like family to her. And their son Antonio, the eager young boy who was rapidly becoming a man before her eyes, had been like a brother.
Jenna knew they wouldn’t judge her, but how could she possibly face them? She’d been so sure, so absolutely certain the man she’d saved had been her Blue. She’d married the man, bedded him. Oh, Lord!
“Jenna Leah Duncan, you are a fool.”
She closed her eyes then and prayed for sleep. Her body needed rest, having been drained from a tumultuous two days of highs and lows. Finding love, getting married, then to have it all brutally taken away in such a short span of time, had done damage to her mind, her heart and her body. But Jenna had responsibilities she couldn’t ignore. Twin Oaks was all she had left.
“Sleep, Jenna. Sleep.”
Tomorrow would be no different than any other day.
She had a field to plow.
A loud knocking at her door startled her awake. Jenna sat up, hopeful, until the events of yesterday rushed heartlessly into her mind, pulling her down into a dark void. She rubbed her eyes, assembling her thoughts. They were at best clouded and hazy yet.
“Miss Jenna. Are you awake in there?”
“Uh, yes. Just a minute, Ben.” Jenna inhaled slowly, not quite ready to face the day.
“Just checking. It’s almost noontime. Rosalinda and me, we was worried about you.”
Noon? Heavens, Jenna never slept late. She rose up from her bed and donned her robe. Wrapping the ties around her waist, she secured the material and spoke behind the closed door. “I’ll be down in a minute, Ben. Give me time to get dressed.”
“No rush, Miss Jenna. I’ll wait on you down in the kitchen.”
Not ten minutes later, Jenna stood in her kitchen doorway. Ben was pouring coffee and Rosalinda had just set out a dish of spicy tamales, Jenna’s favorite. The older couple turned to face her with looks of sympathy in their eyes. The sweet gesture of support put a sting in Jenna’s swollen eyes.
“Ah, querida, come sit down. Let Rosalinda fill your belly with her tamales, no? Come, come.” Rosalinda approached, taking Jenna’s arm tenderly and guiding her to a seat at the table. “Sit. You must eat.”
Jenna’s stomach felt queasy. She had no appetite, but she couldn’t hurt Rosalinda’s feelings by refusing. The woman had gone to a lot of trouble. “These look…delicious.” She gazed down at the plate set before her and her stomach lurched.
“Coffee?” Ben said, coming over and pouring her a cup before she could answer. Jenna noted Ben’s quick glance at his wife. They both sat down at the table.
Jenna lifted her fork and took a small bite. Hungry or not, no one made tamales like Rosalinda. “Thank you both, but this isn’t necessary.”
“Sí, sí, Jenna. We must talk.”
Ben took over then, his voice more cautious than Jenna had ever heard. “We know the story, Jenna.”
Jenna nodded. She’d figured as much. Ben and Rosalinda rarely came for a visit so early in the day. This was one of the busiest times on the farm. Plowing came first, then the planting. Jenna assumed Cash Callahan had spoken to them, explaining the reason he’d just been run off their property. Why else would her two dearest friends have come by to check on her? “Then you know that I married a stranger.” She lowered her head.
“Do not put blame on yourself!” Rosalinda’s outrage brought Jenna’s head up and she witnessed stormy fire in the woman’s eyes. “You did not know.”
Ben took Jenna’s hand. His rough blistered palm comforted her some, the familiar work-roughened hand of a man who loved the land, who worked hard for his family. That’s all Jenna had wanted for herself—a man who would work alongside of her, till and plant the soil, then rejoice when the crop was healthy. “Mr. Callahan came to me this morning. He told me the entire story. If it means anything to you, I believe he is sorrowful. He did not mean to cause you harm, Miss Jenna.”
“He’s a gambler.” It was almost more than she could bear. To think, that she had given her body to that man, had placed all of her faith and hope in him.
“Yep, he told me that. But Miss Jenna, he couldn’t recall anything. I don’t think he would have harmed you. I don’t think that man would have taken anything off this farm.”
“But he did take from the farm. He took…my hope. My future.”
Ben squeezed her hand, his gray eyes crinkling a bit, but there was encouragement in his tone. Dear sweet Ben. He was one man who would never let her down. “Nah, he did no such thing. You have your land. The crops will come in. You have the animals.”
“And us, mi corazon,” Rosalinda added. “You have us.” Ben nodded in agreement.
Jenna tried to smile, hoping she succeeded. She loved these people, but she had dared to hope for more. She had hoped to marry, to raise a family and share a life with a man who had the same desires. “I know how lucky I am to have you both. I love you.”
Ben’s face reddened. “We love you, too,” he said, looking a bit uncomfortable. Ben wasn’t a man who spoke of such things normally. His admis
sion only endeared him to her more.
“Is he gone?” Jenna glanced out the kitchen window, looking toward the barn. She couldn’t even smile when she saw Button stretching her sleek body, a small respite away from her demanding kittens. No, she’d had only one thought, to be rid of the gambler.
“I took him into Goodwill this morning. The man offered to pay me a tidy sum, but I didn’t want money. I just was wishing things would’ve worked out better. I do believe he was thinking the same.”
“Sí. He had the most beautiful bride. It is not easy to give up such a wonderful woman,” Rosalinda said, with the slowest shake of her head.
Her friend was filled with romantic notions. At one time, Jenna had been no different, but she’d learned a bitter lesson recently, one she’d never forget. No more would she be so gullible, so trusting. That Jenna Duncan was dead and buried along with all of her hopes. “I was never his woman, Rosa. I never could be. I’m just relieved he’s out of my life. Now, I’ve got to get to the fields.”
She lifted up and Ben’s steady hand went to her shoulder, lowering her back down.
“Not today, Miss Jenna. Today, you rest. Eat this meal my wife has cooked up for you. You look tired. You sleep the day away.”
“Don’t be silly, Ben. I have chores to do.”
“They’ll wait. You just stay put and take old Ben’s advice.”
“Later, I will bring you something especial. We will have more tamales then, no?” Rosalinda cast her a sympathetic smile. Jenna was inclined to agree with her, just to keep that smile on her face. She hated that her friends worried over her.
“Oh, all right. Thank you both,” Jenna said, a bit disoriented. All she knew was working her land and in the past doing just that brought her a full measure of peace and solace. Yet today her heart wasn’t in it. She didn’t feel like doing much of anything. Nothing held appeal. There was an unfathomable void within her, an emptiness that might never be filled again.
The life Jenna had yearned for had been cruelly ripped away. How would she manage to go on? She had nothing left to look forward to and she wondered how long she’d be able to endure such powerful loneliness.
Chapter Six
Cash rode into town, grimy and road-weary, ready for a hot bath and a shave. This had been his third stop in as many weeks. He’d been making his way south, heading down toward Fort Worth, leaving Oklahoma in the dust. The only time he wasn’t thinking about Jenna was when he was holding a dead-to-rights winning hand. And even then, thoughts of her would slip in enough to stymie his concentration.
Cash hadn’t been winning. Fact was, he’d been on a sorry losing streak for weeks now, ever since leaving Twin Oaks. Hell, he should consider himself fortunate that a woman with a good and kind heart saw fit to cheat death and nurse him back to health. She’d done that, brought him back to the living. And that’s what seemed to put Cash’s mind in a commotion. She’d given him a taste of what his life could be like, a small bite of something so powerful and pure, that it nearly hurt going down. But just as fast as that lightning flash Jenna had predicted, Cash had lost it all.
He’d lost Jenna.
He couldn’t be the man she wanted. Hell, if she knew the half of it, of the life he’d lived, of the methods he’d had to resort to in the name of survival, she probably wouldn’t have even bothered with him that day at Turner’s Pond. She would have left him for the buzzards.
Now he couldn’t win a hand if he was holding four aces amid a table of drunken greenhorns on payday. But his luck would change. It always did. If Cash knew anything, it was how to survive.
So after a lukewarm bath and a pretty close shave, he strode into The Palace Saloon, waved to Chuck the barman, and headed straight into the gaming room.
“Hey, Cash,” Louella called out, hustling her buxom body over to him. The fiery redhead was a welcome sight for a man whose luck was running low. If Cash needed anything right now, it was an old and cherished friend.
“Louella.”
“Good to see you’re back. Now, take everything off. I’m an impatient woman.”
Cash stopped to a dead halt and chuckled. “You have a way with words, Louella.”
“Yeah, well. No sweet-talking me out of it, I want to see you with everything off. Now.”
Cash shook his head, marveling at how Louella got away with her demands in such a rowdy town. Blackwater, Texas wasn’t known for its church choir. But Louella ran her business the way she saw fit, and if a body didn’t agree, she and her six-foot-tall barman were happy to escort them out the door.
With a finger, Cash flicked the catch on his gun belt and unbuckled it.
Louella smiled, her light brown eyes twinkling as she grabbed the belt from his hand. “I’ll take the knife in your boot, too.”
“Ah, Lou. You’ve got to leave a man with some pride.”
“Pride, as you call it, took my man from me, right here in this very room not five years back. You know the rules, handsome. I’ve got to have all your weapons.”
Cash frowned and leaned over to pull the knife out. “Here, satisfied?”
“Honey, I ain’t been satisfied for going on five years.” She winked. “What can I get you?”
“The usual, Lou, and bring the bottle.”
“My, my, the whole bottle? You don’t ever drink hard when you’re gambling at my place.” Louella gave him a stern look. “Except when you’re troubled.”
“You gonna stop mothering me, Lou? Or do I have to take my business elsewhere?”
Louella laughed. Her loud boisterous voice boomed across the gaming room. She stood with hands on curvy hips, giving him a sly look. “There ain’t anywhere else in this dirt poor town to gamble, Cash. What’s got into you, boy? Want me to send over one of the girls to make you feel better? You always seemed to like Belinda.”
Cash shook his head. The last thing he needed was a woman. Cash had had enough woman trouble to last him five lifetimes. Jenna Duncan had pretty much ruined him for all women. Not a one would compare to her in his mind. “Not now, Lou. Right now, I need a bottle and a game. There is a game going, isn’t there?”
Louella gestured to the corner table in the back of the room. Cash recognized a few of the men. He’d had the privilege of emptying their pockets a time or two in the past. “It ain’t much, just a few locals passing the time. Higher stakes come later tonight.”
“It’ll do.”
Cash walked over to the table, pulled out a cane-backed chair and sat down. “Afternoon.”
They nodded, too deep in thought to greet him properly. Cash knew instantly they were sitting ducks, ripe and ready to pluck. He could read each one of their expressions. It was a knack he’d acquired in his youth. He didn’t quite know how he’d done it but the fact remained, he knew how to read his opponents. All he had to do was concentrate.
And not think about Jenna Duncan.
Thirty minutes later, with a stack of chips keeping his side of the table warm, Cash raised the ante. “Twenty dollars to stay in.”
He was met with lifted eyebrows, then one by one, the men folded, tossing their cards down. Cash hid his grin. Hell, all he was holding was a pair of threes.
“Game looks about over, Bobby Joe, but you come back tonight.”
It wasn’t Louella’s voice that startled him, but the name she’d used. Cash turned his head to find Louella entering the room with Jenna’s rattlesnake of a brother. Cash stood, his blood pumping hard and fast through his veins.
Bobby Joe turned white as a spinster’s sheet and took off running, nearly knocking Louella down in the process.
Cash wasted no time. He shot out of The Palace, willing his legs to move faster, pressing hard and gaining on Bobby Joe. Vile thoughts of what he was going to do to him when he did finally catch up spurred his anger and fueled his body.
Next thing he knew, he was rolling around in the dirt with Bobby Joe right smack in the middle of the street. Cash managed to straddle the man, pinning him down and pushing
his face against the ground. He reached for his gun and met with a handful of hip. Damn that Louella. She’d taken his weapon. Cash hissed out violently, “I should kill you right here.”
With a yank, Cash pulled the man upright. A crowd had formed on the sidewalk. Wagons stopped in their tracks. Cash cursed and shoved Bobby Joe to the edge of the mercantile building. With his back to the wall, Bobby Joe had nowhere to run.
“Hold on!” Bobby Joe shouted. “You got no call to kill me.”
“No? I figure death comes to someone who cheats a man, but I ain’t gonna hold that against you. It’s what you did to your sister that you’re gonna pay for. You don’t even know the damage you’ve done.”
Bobby Joe’s wary eyes studied him. He pushed his hair off his face. “Jenna can take care of herself. She always could.”
Cash gritted his teeth. He’d like nothing better than to shove a fist in his face in the hopes of knocking some sense into him. Jenna’s brother had no notion how much his betrayal had hurt her and would probably continue to hurt her for a long, long time. “Maybe that’s because she never had a choice. You never gave her a choice. She ever tell you what almost happened to her one year ago, when you lied through your teeth and cheated another man of his due? That man went over to Twin Oaks, ready to take your cheating out on her.”
“Nothing happened. Jenna told me.”
“She did, did she? I bet you don’t know the half of it. Your sister’s got more good in her than a handful of angels. You don’t deserve to claim the same name.”
“She only cares about that shabby farm.”
Cash gripped the man’s shirt collar and pulled him so they were nose to nose. “That farm is all she has. You ever pull that fake deed stunt again or cause your sister one more bit of harm and I will kill you. I’ll find you and I’ll kill you. You got that?”
He released Bobby Joe quickly and the man’s body hit the back wall. “I don’t know what’s got you so riled. Seems to me, you got no cause for revenge.”
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