Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
2017 © Universal Studios. Despicable Me 3 is a trademark and copyright of Universal Studios. Licensed by Universal Studios. All Rights Reserved.
Cover design by Thai Dao.
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First Edition: May 2017
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Library of Congress Control Number 2017934040
ISBNs: 978-0-316-50754-7 (pbk.), 978-0-316-50756-1 (hardcover), 978-0-316-50752-3 (ebook)
E3-20170421-JV-PC
Contents
COVER
TITLE PAGE
COPYRIGHT
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
CHAPTER 11
CHAPTER 12
CHAPTER 13
CHAPTER 14
CHAPTER 15
CHAPTER 16
CHAPTER 17
CHAPTER 18
CHAPTER 19
CHAPTER 20
PHOTOS
CHAPTER 1
Balthazar Bratt peered through his binoculars at the tanker ship in the distance. Armed guards paced the length of the deck, scanning the horizon. They didn’t notice his boat floating in the background. Bratt turned to Clive, his robot sidekick, and thought back to the path that’d brought him there.
Bratt had come so far since 1985, back when he was the child star of the number-one show on television, Evil Bratt. He’d played a child prodigy and criminal mastermind bent on world domination. He became known for two things: blowing bubbles with his pink bubble gum and uttering his famous catchphrase. “I’ve been a bad boy!” he’d sneer after every hideous misdeed.
Bratt became the biggest child actor of the 1980s, striking a chord with audiences all over the world. Soon his face was on lunch boxes and posters. There were Evil Bratt action figures and video games. For years it seemed as if no mug or pair of pajamas could escape his wicked grin.
But Bratt’s career came to an end in season three, when he experienced an unexpected growth spurt. Now taller, and perhaps a little awkward-looking, Bratt battled his enemies, but was no longer a cute little kid. Every time he tried to utter his famous catchphrase, his voice cracked. Soon the show was canceled.
Bratt shuddered as he thought back to those dark days. Instead of falling into the Hollywood abyss, he’d become obsessed with the character he played on television. Soon he was just as infamous and evil as Evil Bratt himself.
“You know what, Clive?” he said between chews of his gum. “Playing a villain on TV was fun—but being one in real life is even better. Heist music!”
Clive slipped a tape into the boat’s tape deck. A sweet, soulful melody filled the air.
“What? Clive!” Balthazar yelled. “What are you doing? How is that heist music?”
“Sorry, my bad.” Clive ejected the tape and flipped it to the “Heist Music” side before popping it back in. Suddenly Michael Jackson’s “Bad” was blasting from the speakers. Bratt pulled on his scuba gear and dove off the side of the boat.
He swam underneath the waves, popping up near the side of the massive ship. He moonwalked across the water and climbed up the side to the deck. When he was just a few feet from the top, he blew a bubble with his gum and tossed it onto the ship. Within seconds, a guard stepped on it.
“Ewww!” the guard yelled. “Wha-whoa! Gah!”
The bubble gum was Bratt’s secret weapon. As the guard lifted his foot, the gum grew to twice its original size; then it expanded even more, covering the deck of the ship. It was like the Blob, only bigger and faster and pinker. Within just a few seconds, it had completely engulfed the guards and was oozing down the sides of the ship.
Bratt hopped onto the deck, moving easily around the gum as the last of the guards were swallowed into the sticky pink mass. Bratt dropped down a manhole and went deeper into the ship, searching for his prize.
CHAPTER 2
Lucy and Gru sped through the water in their miniature submarines. Behind them in a miniature submarine, two of Gru’s Minions, Tony and Steve, cut through a patch of seaweed. They were doing surveillance for the Anti-Villain League, also known as the AVL. Now that Gru had changed his life for the better, he made his living capturing villains across the globe.
The radio crackled. They heard their boss from AVL, Silas Ramsbottom, speaking to someone. “Balthazar Bratt! Blast it! The Dupont Diamond is on that ship!” he said. “I want every agent in the area on the scene immediately.”
Lucy scanned the radar, realizing he was talking about a tanker ship nearby. They’d been patrolling the ocean in case something like this happened. Gru had gone up against Balthazar Bratt before, and he was ready to do it again.
“We’re already here!” Lucy said into her earpiece. “Agents Grucy are closing in fast.”
“Yes—wait, wha? What did you call us?” her husband, Gru, asked.
“Grucy. You know, Gru and Lucy mushed together. Try it,” Lucy urged.
“Haha. I like it, but not a lot,” Gru said. “I don’t like it.”
They rushed across the ocean, finally coming up when they were just yards from the massive ship. It was covered in Bratt’s signature gooey pink gum. It bubbled and oozed in places and was filled with a toxic gas that resembled helium, which caused the ship to float. The ship rose up out of the water, higher and higher in the air. Lucy and Gru could see Balthazar Bratt climbing the staircase on deck, the Dupont Diamond in his hands.
“He’s getting away!!” Gru cried.
“That’s what he thinks,” Lucy said. Their mini-subs transformed into high-tech rocket-powered hydra-cycles. Tony and Steve’s mini-submarine turned into a waterwheel bicycle.
“Wahooo!” Tony and Steve screamed. “Go, go, go!”
Lucy had her foot pressed down on the gas, pushing the engine as far as it would go. They were moving as fast as they could, but the giant ship was already out of the water. It floated higher with each passing second.
“Get ready!” she yelled as they approached.
Gru looked at his wife. “Get ready for whaaa—”
Lucy hit a button on the dash, blasting the water beneath their hydra-cycles. Gru, Tony, and Steve were ejected and were sent flying through the air toward the ship. Gru landed on the deck, but the Minions were so light they flew a hundred yards farther, crashing down on a tourist beach.
Gru had barely gotten up when he heard a familiar voice.
“Hello, Gru,” Balthazar sneered. “How’s your transition coming? You know, from world’s worst villain to world’s worst agent?”
“Oh, that’s hilarious!” Gru said, striking back. “You should be on TV! Oh, that’s right, you were—but then you got canceled.”
Balthazar pointed his huge gun at Gru, but Gru punched him before he could shoot. Then Gru pulled out an even bigger gun. Balthazar knocked that out of his hand and drew an even bigger gun.
Gru pushed it away from him. Then he reached into his pocket, pulling out… a green plastic water gun. Not quite what he was expecting.
“Oh! Girls…,” he said, realizing Agnes or Edith must’ve put it in there.
Gru squirted Bratt, but then he threw the gun at Bratt’s face. Gru went to punch Bratt, but Bratt managed to dodge his blows.
“Dance fight!” Bratt yelled.
The two danced and fought, and danced and fought some more. Then Gru saw his chance. He punched Bratt right in his nose, knocking him out cold. He laughed as he picked up the Dupont Diamond.
“Alpha team,” he said into his headset. “The diamond is secure. Come and pick up the package.”
Within minutes, Gru spotted helicopters in the distance, approaching the floating ship. The AVL team had gotten him support faster than he’d hoped. He was so happy that it took him a second to notice Bratt standing behind him. His Keytar was aimed at Gru’s chest. The weapon was a cross between a guitar and a keyboard, and it created sounds so powerful they could bring a man to his knees.
“Did you actually think I was unconscious?” Bratt asked. “It’s called acting, hoser! And clearly I’ve still got it!”
He laughed as he played his Keytar, which sent out a sonic blast at Gru. It was so intense Gru fell off the ship, and his clothes ripped off his body piece by piece. First his shirt… then his pants. His shoes… his socks. Even his underwear.
Let’s just say it was a teensy bit embarrassing.
He kept falling, naked as a baby, over the side of the ship. He bounced off a bubble-gum bubble on the way down. The gum stuck to his butt, which kept him from falling another hundred yards to his death. Gru hung from the ship by one gooey glob of gum.
Balthazar Bratt stared down at Gru. He laughed hysterically. “I’ve been a baaaaaaaad boy!” he yelled.
Just then the AVL helicopters descended on the ship deck. Agents surrounded Bratt. “Freeze! Don’t move!” one yelled.
But Bratt just leapt off the deck of the ship. He activated his wingsuit, flying out over the ocean. “This isn’t over, Gru!” he called out behind him. “You hear me? This is not over!”
“Well, I still have the diamond!” Gru yelled. He held it tight as the ship floated through the city. He was hanging, still secured by the sticky piece of gum. The ship floated on, passing a skyscraper. Inside it a dozen office workers were celebrating someone’s birthday. They pointed and laughed at Gru as he floated past their window.
“Happy birthday, dear Daaaaaan,” Gru sang quietly to himself as he tried to pretend he wasn’t naked. “Happy birthday to you.”
CHAPTER 3
Gru turned the car in to the parking lot of the Sunset Retirement Home. The wheels screeched as he slammed his foot on the brake.
“And it’s not just that Bratt got away!” he said. “It’s that he’s so smug about it!”
Lucy got out of the car and walked inside, Gru following behind her. His face was still pink from his rant. She said hello to the receptionist, and they passed the common room. Two mannequins in gray wigs sat beside each other on the couch.
“And it was just so humiliating,” Gru went on. “Dangling there in the bubble-gum Speedo.”
He picked up the old woman mannequin and moved her to the coatrack. Lucy did the same with the old man mannequin. Then they both sat down on the couch. Gru scanned his palm print on the arm of the couch as he continued on.
“And I didn’t have time to go to the gym this week! And I had a big breakfast! I was feeling a little bloated!”
The sofa propelled them up to the top floors of the building. They rode it through the streets and into the air, soaring toward the AVL blimp.
“You know what? He’s not even worth talking about. I don’t even want to waste another breath about the guy.” He sighed, but it wasn’t more than two seconds before he remembered something else. “And another thing!”
As they got to the blimp lobby, Lucy and Gru walked past another receptionist.
“Next time I see Bratt, I will moonwalk all over his stupid face!” Gru said.
Inside the auditorium, Silas Ramsbottom was already onstage. He was a huge man with a neck that spilled over his collar. The audience was filled with AVL agents. “It is with great sadness that I inform you that as of today I am being replaced as the head of the AVL.”
A few agents in the crowd gasped. One started sobbing.
“Anyway,” Silas said, “your new leader is coming directly from head office, effective immediately. She is the very gifted, very ambitious Miss Valerie Da Vinci.”
A young, tough-looking woman stepped onto the stage. She looked very put together and professional. Silas smiled at her and then continued, “As I look out over all of your faces, I am flooded with so many memories. I—”
“Blah blah blah,” Valerie interrupted. “We understand. You’re old, you’re fat, you’re done.”
He lowered down into a hatch in the floor. Valerie pushed him in the rest of the way, slamming the door behind him.
“First order of business,” she said, scanning the crowd. “Which one of you losers is Agent Gru?”
Gru stiffened. “Uh… that would be me. Although I don’t know if I’d say ‘loser’ per se, kind of a—”
Before he could finish, his phone rang. It was his adopted daughters. He fumbled with the phone, trying to switch the ringer to silent, but he couldn’t figure out how.
“Hey!” Valerie yelled. She stepped down from the stage, approaching him. “How could you let Balthazar Bratt, the AVL’s most-wanted villain, just get away? That is the opposite of what we do here!”
Gru took a step back.
“Okay, okay, yes, maybe he got away,” he said. “Again—but he didn’t get the diamond! And I am this close to bringing him in. This close!”
Valerie looked him up and down. “Uh-huh. Okay. You’re off the case.”
Gru glanced sideways at Lucy, who seemed stunned.
“What?” he asked. “You can’t do that! Look at my record: I’ve caught El Macho.”
“Dopplegänger,” Lucy added.
“Dopplegänger,” Gru repeated.
“Argue-tron…”
“Argue-tron!” Gru said. “Boy, that guy was tough. He kept complaining, like ‘No, you didn’t catch me.’”
“Huh. Interesting.” Valerie brought her finger to her chin, as if she were deep in thought. “You know what? I’ve changed my mind. You’re not off the case.”
“I’m not?” Gru smiled.
“No. You’re fired!” she yelled.
“Whaaaaaaat?” Gru said, barely able to get the word out.
Lucy couldn’t take it anymore. Who did this Da Vinci character think she was, talking to Gru like that? Acting like he was a big nobody?
“Gru is a great agent!” Lucy said, pointing a finger in Valerie’s face. “You know what? If you fire him, you’re going to have to fire me, sister sister. And do you really want to do that? Do ya?”
Valerie didn’t bother answering. Instead she pointed to two agents who grabbed Gru and Lucy by their arms and led them to the door of the blimp. The receptionist handed them each a box and then—whomp!—they were given a swift kick out.
“Well, I guess she did!” Lucy yelled as they fell ten stories through the sky, plummeting toward earth.
Their parachutes opened as they cascaded toward the ground. It didn’t feel real. Was Gru’s life at AVL really ending so soon after it had begun?
CHAPTER 4
Luc
y and Gru stood on the front stoop of the house, just staring at each other. They didn’t want to go in. On the other side of that door was real life—Agnes, Edith, and Margo. They were so smart. It was only a matter of time before they realized something was up.
“We’re going to have to tell the girls,” Lucy said.
Gru let out a deep sigh. He turned to the door, noticing that it was open the tiniest bit. What could this mean? Could an intruder have entered their home? Gru and Lucy were immediately suspicious. Gru made some birdcalls. Lucy added a few spy signals. No one responded.
Walking carefully inside, Gru waited for Agnes, Edith, and Margo to run to greet them… but nothing happened. Inside, the living room was completely dark. They didn’t hear a sound. Something was off. “Hello?” Gru said finally, peering around the room.
One of the girls ran up behind them, throwing a bag over Gru’s head. Another blindfolded Lucy and pushed both Lucy and Gru into rolling chairs. Within seconds, they were being rushed through the house and out the back door, into the yard.
The girls removed Lucy’s blindfold and the bag from Gru’s head, revealing a dinner with Hawaiian-themed lights and decorations. The dinner was perched high on the deck of the tree house. Lights crisscrossed the yard as Edith recorded their reactions with her camera.
“Aloha!” the girls cried.
“This is unexpected,” Gru said.
“Well, you never got to go on a honeymoon, so…,” Margo, their oldest daughter, said.
“We made you dinner!” Edith cried. She was wearing the pink striped hat she never took off.
Agnes, the tiniest of their girls, ran around in circles. She jumped up and down, her black ponytail bouncing. She was so full of enthusiasm, and almost everything she did made Gru smile.
“It’s a luau!” she said. “We got pineapples and coconuts and lukuleles!”
Two Minions, Dave and Jerry, started a song on their ukuleles. They were both in Hawaiian gear: grass skirts and coconut bras. “Ya malatika tika, hee ha!” they sang. “Oww oww oww ah ah ah!”
Despicable Me 3--The Junior Novel Page 1