by Robyn Carr
Sean kept his jacket closed because there were no buttons on his shirt and he didn’t want his bare chest hanging out. He spent thirty minutes with a Scotch, convincing himself that all of this was the fault of Franci and he would do what he had to do, but she would have to beg his forgiveness for the deception. And that was just the beginning! She would have to explain why, after doing that, she hadn’t contacted him and told him about Rosie before she was three and a half and old enough to know he hadn’t been around! That was unforgivable!
He shook his head dismally and thought, Wait a minute—you don’t want children, and you’re angry that you didn’t know you had one? He was confused. So confused.
“Ah, Sean?” Jack asked. Sean looked up. “Can I freshen that for you?”
“Yeah,” he said, pushing the glass forward.
Jack poured a shot and said, “Listen, Preacher’s in the kitchen if you need anything. I’m going to wander next door for about an hour, then I’ll be back.”
“Next door?” Sean asked.
“Yeah. You met the new minister, right? The guy who married Luke and Shelby? Well, we’re not real churchy, but Noah’s good people and he gives a passable sermon. Preacher and me—we trade off Sundays. The wives like to go. We’re doing our best to support the church—I think we need to keep it going. Besides, he makes me laugh a lot more often than he makes me feel guilty. I’ll be back in about an hour.”
“Sure,” Sean said. “Enjoy yourself.”
“If you’re still here when I get back, maybe we can lay a little breakfast on top of that Chivas.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Sean said.
Sean sat there a good bit longer, focused on how much this was not his fault, and finally he had bored himself to death. He figured he’d settle up with Jack later and decided to just slip out. He was inexplicably drawn to the church out of curiosity. He wondered, when Jack said they were doing the best they could to keep it going, what that meant. So he walked in the front doors of the church, which opened to the back of the sanctuary.
It was not nearly full. Maybe half. Most of the people were seated toward the front, but in the back pew on the left were a few grizzled old mountain boys with graying beards past their sternums and ponytails down their backs. Sean took the back pew on the opposite side of the aisle. He got a whiff of mountain living from their side.
He recognized a good many people he knew well—Luke, Shelby and Art for starters. Mel, Jack and the kids; Preacher’s wife, Paige, with theirs. Walt Booth sat up front beside Vanessa, Paul and the little ones. No sign of Walt’s lady friend, Muriel. She was probably out of town, which was often the case. There were others—people who’d been at Luke’s wedding. But Sean had entered quietly and no one turned to look his way.
And there was Noah up front. He wore jeans, boots, a plaid work shirt open at the collar and rolled up at the sleeves, a powder-blue T-shirt underneath. No suit or vestments like he’d worn at Luke’s wedding. Beside him, patiently listening, was his border collie, Lucy. Noah was animated, talking about Simon the fisherman, the most stubborn man alive, who couldn’t make a commitment to Jesus even after he’d witnessed countless miracles! He clung so powerfully to his pigheadedness that he almost missed out on the most amazing, life-altering commitment of the millennium! He was a real holdout, that Simon. Noah started talking a little bit about his own years fishing the Pacific out of Seattle and he spoke about his own obstinacy, which he claimed was legendary.
And Sean’s mind wandered. I could have been softer, he thought. More sensitive to her need to have a family. I could have tried to talk it out; instead, I said mean things. I said, “Go, then—have a blast! You’ll never have it this good with anyone else!” Oh man! Small surprise she didn’t return his calls!
A small voice said, Try to imagine finding your father for the first time when you’re only four years old!
While Sean was daydreaming, Noah completed his sermon and then there were a few announcements before the benediction, a perfect time to scoot out before Luke saw Sean and wondered what he was doing in church.
“The Presbyterian Women’s Group will have their first meeting here on Tuesday night at seven—please come and bring a dessert to share. Someone suggested the need for a nursery during services so the parents of little ones can concentrate on my profound and memorable sermons.” There was a chuckle. “That means volunteers—anyone interested, give me a call. It’s time to start thinking about Thanksgiving baskets for the needy, and Jack Sheridan has offered to head up the committee. He’ll round up the volunteers and will work with them to get a list of people we’d like to share with. He will need a group of men and women to help out. And, finally, one last announcement. I have bent the church secretary to my will and Ellie Baldwin has agreed to marry me.”
Laughter and applause filled the church.
“She is a generous woman,” he added. “She might make something out of me yet. We haven’t set a date, except to say it will be as soon as possible, small, simple and—”
Ellie, who had been seated at the piano in front of the church, stood. “But we will invite anyone who wants to come, right, Noah? Everything else can be small and simple, as far as I’m concerned. Except the guests.”
“Absolutely, Ellie. Whatever makes you happy,” he said. “But the reason I’m making this announcement today…” Noah said, turning back to his congregation. “We’re looking for a house. No way we can fit two adults, Ellie’s two kids and a dog in my RV. So any suggestions would be appreciated! And with that final announcement, let’s bow our heads and—”
Sean left the church quietly before anyone could spot him. He went around the back side of the church and immediately thought how silly it was to even try to be scarce; Luke would spot his SUV and, within moments, Jack would tell Luke just what Sean drank for breakfast—it was that kind of town. Still, he waited around the back of the church until it had emptied of congregants and then went around to the front doors again.
Noah had the back of his old truck loaded up with the mountain boys and stood at the open door, ready to get in, but he still had an arm around his girl’s slim waist. Sean was used to priests; it threw him for a moment to see a preacher so openly affectionate with a sexy young woman. He thought it would be best if he just disappeared before he made a giant fool of himself.
“Sean?” Noah called. He’d not only spotted him but, of course, remembered his name. “Looking for someone?”
“Never mind,” Sean said. “I can see you’re tied up.”
“After I drop these boys back home, I have plenty of time. If you’re in no hurry.”
“Noah, I’ll take ’em,” Ellie said. “Go ahead, talk to Sean. I’ll see you at Jo and Nick’s a little later.”
“You sure?” Noah asked Ellie. “Because I’m sure Sean could just—”
“Come back,” Sean interrupted, finishing the sentence for him, because it had suddenly seemed like a really bad idea to talk to a preacher about his situation. “I could just come back.”
Ellie laughed lightly, gave Noah a kiss on the cheek, pulled the truck keys out of his hand and said, “Go on, Noah. I’m perfectly happy to drive the boys home.”
Noah grinned and gave her a squeeze. “You’re a flawless female.”
“Yes, I know.” She laughed. He gave her a boost into the old truck and, while Noah watched, away they went.
Noah walked over to Sean, hand extended. “How are you?” he asked.
“Got a few things on my mind,” Sean admitted.
“Can I help?” Noah asked.
Sean shook his head. “I have no idea. First off—I’d never take this one to a priest.”
“Well, now, I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not.” Noah put a strong hand on Sean’s shoulder. “Tell me where you’d be most comfortable. There’s the church office, the RV, Jack’s. We could have coffee, breakfast or maybe even more of what you’ve been having. Your call.”
Sean grinned a lopsided grin. “I
had a little Chivas to handle the news. I just found out I’m a father.”
Noah’s eyebrows lifted and he smiled. “Depending on where you are in life, I can understand the need for a Scotch. Let’s head for the RV. We’re less likely to be interrupted there.”
“Good idea. Sorry I didn’t make an appointment.”
Noah laughed. “Did the news make an appointment?” he asked. “We have to be flexible in this business. Come on.”
Sean soon found himself settled in a slightly messy but comfortable RV behind the church. Noah closed an open laptop, cleared away some papers and poured Sean a cup of coffee. “Want to take your coat off and stay a while?” Noah asked him.
“I’m fine like this,” Sean said, though he was getting real warm. They sat at what served as Noah’s table and Sean dove right in, telling the story. He started with the ending first—how he’d found Franci four years after their breakup and realized how foolish he’d been to let her get away. Then he went back to the beginning to explain the one and only issue—as far as he knew—in which they weren’t compatible. And finally he talked about the fight that caused them to part company.
“We both said things we shouldn’t have said. It got ugly—I don’t know if we were mad about not changing the other one’s mind, or if we were each standing by our own convictions. Honest, Noah, I don’t know anymore.” And while looking into his coffee cup, he went through some of the things they’d said to each other before parting ways. The he-said-she-said of it all.
“I can’t help but notice, you got yourself a bruised hand and a shiner,” Noah said.
“Oh,” Sean said with a laugh. “Oh, man, did you think—? No way, Noah—it wasn’t a physical fight between us. I’d never strike at a woman or child. And I’d only hit another man in a fair fight. I got these ‘souvenirs’ when I ran into Franci in the grocery and got a little insistent that we get together to talk. I did grab her arm, at which point a man about the size of a Mack truck threw me into the melons and pummeled me. He was protecting Franci, though he didn’t know her. And then Franci jumped him to defend me. And then we all got arrested.”
There was silence for a moment. “Gee, Sean, you’ve had an interesting few days.”
“Tell me about it. Then I spent the night with her.” He boldly connected eyes with Noah, waiting to be told how many Hail Marys that would cost him, but Noah didn’t even flinch. “It was like coming home, I swear. I was never so happy in my life—I found my girl again. I told her how much I’d missed her, how much I loved her, and when the morning coffee was perking, her daughter came bouncing in the house after spending the night at Grandma’s. Franci hadn’t told me yet, but there was no mistaking those bright red curls and powerful green eyes.”
“You don’t have red hair,” Noah supplied.
“It’s on both sides of the family—my mother, my dad’s sister, a few cousins. Believe me—it’s Riordan hair. Besides, Franci would never—” Sean took a sip of his coffee and cleared his throat. He didn’t want to even consider the idea that someone else was Rosie’s dad. Noah listened and, at a point, got the coffeepot and refilled both their cups.
“Mind if I ask why you were so adamant about not marrying or having children?” Noah asked.
“I didn’t think it was right for me,” Sean said with a shrug. “At the time, four years ago, I was twenty-eight. I had a whole plan for traveling the world with Franci, for having the freedom to do the things we both loved. Guys in my squadron who married their college sweethearts could only afford to go on camping vacations, and they couldn’t afford regular baby-sitters so they had to take turns caring for the kids if they wanted to go out on Friday or Saturday nights. If they stayed too late at the bar, their clothes might be burning on the lawn when they got home, and they needed a kitchen pass for poker night. I didn’t want that life,” he said. “I just flat-ass wasn’t ready for that. I was young, flying fast jets, living large, had a beautiful woman—there wasn’t anything else I wanted. Plus,” he said, taking a breath and glancing away, “it would’ve helped if I’d had a chance to come up with the idea on my own. You know? She gave me an ultimatum! Now or never. I called her bluff.”
“Um, Sean?” Noah said gently. “Apparently she wasn’t bluffing.”
“I’m better at poker,” he said.
“Hopefully,” Noah said.
“This is a mess. I’m furious with her for not telling me sooner, but at the same time I’m not sure I want to be a father.”
Noah coughed into his hand. “Uh-huh, but it sounds like that ship has sailed.”
“Yeah, ask me how much that pisses me off! Plus, I can’t let her get away again. She asked me to please not break Rosie’s heart—it tears me up that she’s afraid I’d hurt the kid. I’m sure this is my fault, but it must be hers even more. It would help a lot if it was more her fault than mine.”
“You about ready for some input?” Noah asked. “It’s free advice, and you’re under no obligation.”
“Go for it,” Sean said.
“Forget all that—it’s in the past. You’ll work through it, hopefully without hurting each other. Right now? Get to know your daughter. It’s the most important part of this whole drama. Get to know Rosie. Whether you want to be a father or not, you are one, so press on—start a relationship with her right away. Both of you have been missing out.”
“How’m I gonna do that?!”
“Show up. Talk to her. Play with her. I let Ellie’s daughter put ribbons and clips and stuff in my hair. It’s a bonding experience for us both—I get to look stupid and she gets control.”
“What if she asks…?”
“Tell her before she asks,” Noah advised. “If you know for sure you’re her father, you better tell her the second you meet her. There’s a period of adjustment for both of you. Get started on it. All that stuff that went before? That separated you from Franci? You don’t have to work on that with Rosie. You and Franci will work that out. I’m available if you need me. I can help with that.”
Sean just stared at him for a long moment, silent. Finally he asked, “Do you really know what you’re doing here?”
“I do,” Noah said. “I actually studied and practiced counseling before the seminary. I have a degree and everything.”
“What am I going to tell Luke?”
“Everything or nothing,” Noah said. “The most important thing right now is not what you tell other people, it’s what you tell Rosie. She’s a little girl. Whether she knows it or not, she wants a father. She needs a father. You’re that person. Good luck—you’re going to have to learn fast to fully understand what that means.”
“The next person who needs to know about this has to be my mother. In case you haven’t noticed, my mother is a very strong woman with very firm ideas.”
“I’m not as good with mothers,” Noah admitted. “You’ll be fine. I bet she loves you.”
Sean shook his head. “It never kept her from whacking me in the back of the head if I didn’t do what she liked. Strict. My mother was strict. All five of us were altar boys. She’s wanted grandchildren for a long, long time. The fact that she’s had one for this long without knowing? Oh, man, I’m never going to hear the end of that.”
Noah chuckled. “Just duck,” he advised.
On Sunday mornings after church, it wasn’t unusual for Paul Haggerty to set up a work station at Jack’s Bar. He had an on-site construction trailer and a small office in his home, but he liked getting a little work done here. He’d set up his laptop at the end of the bar, jump on Preacher’s satellite for the Internet connection, kibbitz with Jack a little. It wasn’t quite as dreary as the trailer and there weren’t a couple of toddlers running around calling Daddy this, Daddy that. At home, he’d have one, if not two, kids on his lap.
So after church, Vanni promised to take the kids home, give them lunch and put them down for naps. Then she winked at him and said, “Naps,” again. Paul intended to get a few things done at the bar and then hurry
home.
Jack brought him a cup of coffee. “Big project?” he asked.
“Small project made big. Remember Ian Buchanan’s old cabin? His sister-in-law, Erin, wants to spend some time there next summer, but she is definitely not the outhouse kind of chick. She wants it completely renovated, enlarged and furnished. She sends me pictures of her ideas and I send her pictures back of what I have available.” Paul shook his head a little, looking off at nothing. “She doesn’t plan to be on site even once before she arrives for the summer. Busy lawyer type.” He grinned. “One tough taskmaster. Not much gets by her.”
“You have to buy her furniture?” Jack asked.
“No.” Paul laughed. “It’ll be shipped from Robb & Stucky when the interior is done.”
“Robb and who?” Jack asked.
“Top-end furnishings, pal. Ms. Foley will be living in style out on that mountain. We’re moving real fast right now to get an add-on bedroom and bath, the roofing and wiring done and a hole dug for a septic system before the first snowfall up there. I’d say we have another month and then we’ll be close to having the big stuff done. We’ve been at it since September. And there’s always spring if we get pushed. We’ll do some interior work during the winter.”
“I remember her,” Jack said. “Kinda uppity.”
“Never met her,” Paul said. “Her e-mails, which are pretty frequent, are real businesslike, but I figured her being a lawyer, they’d be that way. She definitely knows what she wants,” he said, clicking on a picture and turning the laptop toward Jack. There on the screen was a beautifully furnished rustic living room with rich leather furniture, shining wood floors, rough wood paneling, classy window treatments and a big, stone hearth. Included were accessories from rugs to throws, from artwork to bric-a-brac.
Jack whistled. “I thought Ian had himself an old wood-burning stove.”
“Uh-huh. Stonemason’s been out there for a week building the fireplace. That old place is not the same, if I do say so myself.”