by M. A. Innes
He could already understand some of it. Hearing Mason’s whispered confession in the darkness had struck something deep in him. Mason’s secret desires connected them on some basic level.
“Do you always talk like that?” Mason seemed to realize a second after the words left his mouth that they might come out wrong because he blushed again and looked down at the table. “Sorry.”
Not offended, Edward just smiled and answered his boy honestly. “I was raised very formally and most of my interactions with people involve legal matters of some sort. So yes, I have a tendency to fall back on more formal language when I am unsure of myself in a situation.”
Looking up, Mason seemed to take heart in the fact that Edward was just as nervous as he was. Edward tried to look at things from Boy’s perspective and he had to admit that he probably didn’t look nervous. Unless you knew him very well. Then the telltale signs would show.
Deciding that it was time to turn the questions back around, Edward asked. “What aspects of the lifestyle have you found a preference for? I’m very curious to see where our inclinations might align.”
Smiling, Mason seemed to recognize Edward’s nerves in that question. He found that he was quite anxious to know what portions of the lifestyle Boy desired. As Edward waited to hear what Mason had to say, he watched in silence as his boy realized he had to tell Edward what he liked. That dimmed his smile a little and his blush was back.
Taking a deep breath and looking down at his silverware again, Boy started to speak. It was hesitant at first, but Edward could only guess at how difficult this was for his boy.
“Some things I know I like…I have a binkie that I use sometimes and when I’m cuddled up at night and relaxing, I have a sippy cup that I drink out of.” Mason paused, obviously trying to gauge Edward’s reactions.
Neither example was particularly shocking. Mason was probably easing into things and Edward tried to remind himself that patience was important. Especially in this conversation.
Mason must have seen something comforting in Edward’s face because he sat a bit straighter and moved his hands away from the silverware. “I have clothing and other items that I prefer to wear depending on my mood.”
Guessing that “other items” referred to diapers, Edward tried not to react at all. From what he’d found, diapers were a common item to many in the lifestyle. Instinctively, Edward knew that any reaction, anything that might be interpreted as fear or hesitation would push his boy away.
Edward didn’t have anything against the idea in general; he simply had no idea what to think about it. Practical knowledge was definitely necessary. Diapers were not something that he would be able to analyze without more information than the internet could provide.
“Other clothing” could refer to any number of things, but again, he could only guess. Mason seemed to be waiting for a response, but Edward wasn’t sure what to say. “I am aware that depending on individual preferences there are many different styles of dress and accompaniments that are common. I found none particularly objectionable in my research.”
The grin was back. He liked pleasing Mason, but having his boy know that he wasn’t as confident as he tried to project was difficult.
“Were there any that you liked?” Curiosity shone in Mason’s eyes. Leaning forward, he seemed to forget his own nerves as he questioned Edward.
Probably, but it was hard to answer. Talking about things and looking at items online was not a good substitute for hands-on experiences. Especially in a situation like this. Just because it looked erotic online didn’t mean that it wouldn’t feel weird in person.
“I found several styles that I found erotic when I was looking online. Unfortunately, it’s hard to tell how things will feel in real life. I am open to exploring different options, however.”
“But what did you notice right away? What did you find interesting right off the bat? Even if it’s not for you once you try it.”
Trying not to feel backed into a corner, Edward reminded himself that this was information his boy needed to know. Nothing to feel embarrassed about. His boy needed to understand. “I find the diapers interesting enough to try. I think I mentioned my preference for control.” He smiled as he teased Mason.
“For more everyday roles, I was actually drawn to a selection of underwear that is similar in design to the thick training underwear that is sometimes worn by toddlers. It had a similar look to it but it’s designed for fantasy role play and those in an alternative lifestyle.”
He kept telling himself how important this conversation was but this had to be the most unique conversation he’d ever had. Between the subject matter and the need for strict honesty, this felt weirder than anything he’d ever dealt with before. Talking to the therapist hadn’t even been this awkward; but then, he hadn’t really cared if the therapist liked him or not.
Holding his breath, Mason exhaled deeply and shifted in his chair slightly. “Oh, so you mean you would want your partner to wear the underwear on a daily basis?” Shifting again, he leaned forward. “Like under their clothes all the time?”
Not wanting to come off like a control freak again, Edward thought about how to phrase his response. There was not a good way to say it, unfortunately. “Even in more conventional relationships, I have a tendency to be more controlling than most men prefer. I can only imagine from my reading and my thoughts on the subject that in a relationship like the one we are discussing those tendencies will be exacerbated. So yes, I could see making the underwear a requirement.”
Leaning back in his seat, Mason didn’t seem to be shocked by Edward’s words. Taking a sip of his water, Edward decided to continue. “The fantasy of my boy wearing the special underwear is quite erotic. I like the idea that my boy would have a constant reminder of our relationship and roles.”
“And the diapers?” Mason shifted in his seat again. His entire body seemed to tighten as he waited for Edward to continue.
“For everyday use, they seem cumbersome and impractical. However, I find that they are something that I would like to experiment with. Knowing that you would be dependent on me for such basic things struck a chord, if you will.”
Edward couldn’t help but hear John whispering in his ear…control freak. John would be right, but Mason didn’t seem to mind. From his reactions, Edward had to conclude that he wanted a partner who was more dominating.
Mason’s body was so tense he almost seemed to vibrate. Leaning back in his chair, Mason exhaled slowly. The tight reign that Mason had on his reactions was starting to slip because Edward could see the passion in his eyes. Edward was starting to get glimpses of his true reactions and emotions and not just the carefully appropriate façade that Mason tried to maintain.
Seeing his little squirms and slow deep breaths had Edward’s imagination running wild. He’d bet almost anything that his boy would be vocal and incredibly responsive once he let his guard down.
It had to be incredibly difficult to constantly hide what you wanted and what turned you on. Edward couldn’t imagine living that way for months, never mind years.
CHAPTER 5
Mason was going to come right there at the table if he couldn’t get a hold of his imagination. Listening to Edward talk with that naughty professor voice of his as he carefully explained his control issues was the hottest thing Mason had ever heard.
It might be stupid, but something about Edward’s oh so proper demeanor just made Mason want to see what he would look like in bed. Or in the kitchen…the living room…hell anywhere the man wanted him.
If he was a slut, it was only for Edward because no one had ever made him feel like this.
Maybe it was because he’d finally found someone who liked that what he wanted. Someone who found his fantasies interesting instead of weird and wrong. Maybe it was just Edward, but Mason didn’t care.
He’d finally found a guy, a sexy, successful, hot man who wanted to get hands-on experience with age play. He’d let Edward get his hands on wha
tever he wanted as long as Mason was his focus. All that control and single-mindedness had to be incredible in the bedroom.
The fact that he looked like every fantasy guy Mason had ever thought up didn’t help his imagination any. Edward was tall and broad without looking too muscular. He was sexy and strong, easily over six feet tall, but Mason loved that he looked mature and serious. With short, dark hair and a stern look, Edward radiated control. Mason didn’t want a pretty boy body builder; he wanted a daddy and that just radiated from Edward.
Every time Edward talked about controlling his boy, or god, when he said discipline, Mason nearly orgasmed. Listening to Edward describe training underwear had him so hard his cock ached.
Edward’s deep voice, with his weirdly formal sentences, talking about diapers and underwear was almost too much. Mason wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to be able to have a reasonable conversation. All the blood in his body was in his cock. There was nothing left for his brain at all.
“I just want to clarify that my desire for control over things such as the underwear would not be a problem, correct?”
And there he went again. Hearing Edward say ‘control’ had his cock leaking and his whole body tense. “Um, no problem. I think we’re on the same page with that.”
Understatement of the year. Mason had fantasized for years about having a daddy. How controlling and how dominating changed from fantasy to fantasy but the central theme was always the same. Mason wanted a daddy who would take charge and dominate him.
“Good. I hoped from your reactions that it would be the case.”
God, he hoped that Edward didn’t understand the full extent of his reactions. Mason was horrified and kind of turned on imagining how Edward would respond to Mason’s hard, leaking cock. Would he tell Mason what a good boy he was or would he punish Mason for being naughty?
He wasn’t going to make it through dinner. There was just no way.
Maybe he could sneak away to the bathroom for a few minutes. Just enough time to keep him from embarrassing himself. At this rate, it would only take him about thirty seconds, tops. Edward would never know. But thinking about how erotic it would be if Edward did know made the idea even hotter.
Mason was saved from his own imagination as Edward looked down at the menus. “I’m assuming that the waiter will be returning shortly. Please take a look and let me know what looks interesting.”
As Mason reached over to pick up the menu, Edward made no move to pick up his. “Do you already know what you want?”
“I’m a creature of habit. I always have the same thing here. They have a wonderful steak that I order every time I come.”
“That sounds good.” Mason set down the menu again. He wasn’t in any mood to browse through the menu.
“Do you have any preferences on sides, or would you prefer that I order for you?”
He could see that Edward liked the idea. His deep voice was as smooth as ever, but his eyes gave him away. Mason could see every time Edward found something really hot. Sexy-Voice-Man was definitely into control. Mason loved it.
“That would be fine.” See? He could sound just as calm and composed. He was just going to ignore the naughty little voice in his head that was doing cartwheels, jumping up and down going YES, YES, YES! Daddy is going to order for us. ’Cause that would just be weird.
The waiter returned before either of them could say anything. Watching Edward take charge of the situation and order for both of them was hot. In the past, a couple of guys had tried to do it but they’d only done it as some kind of power thing. Edward did it because he knew that’s what Mason wanted, which made it incredibly erotic.
He was going to jerk off tonight to pictures of Edward ordering dinner for him and saying words like control and discipline. He was so screwed. He was already so deep into this that if Edward changed his mind he would be devastated.
No, he wasn’t going to let himself think like that. Any man who could talk about age play like Edward had wouldn’t be scared off when they actually did something. Edward would have his own preferences and quirks, that was really obvious, but Mason couldn't see him running from anything.
Once the waiter left, Edward jumped right back in. “When you think of a daddy, how do you see someone fulfilling that role?”
Huh? That sentence required too much of his brain, which was almost completely shut down at this point. He tried to think through it. “What do I want in a daddy?”
“Yes.” Edward just looked at him like the question was obvious.
Wasn’t that conversation going to open a sexy can of worms? He was so screwed. He’d barely gotten his erection under control when Edward was talking with the waiter but the look on Edward’s face had him raring to go again.
He wasn’t sure how much detail to go into or what Edward really wanted to know. Scaring Edward off because he was too honest was a real fear. Not a completely unreasonable one, either. But leaving things out wasn’t a good way to start a relationship.
“When I picture a daddy…he…I…” Mason stopped for a moment and tried to collect his thoughts. Even Maddy had never asked him that. Fantasies were safe and no one could judge you. Well, unless your fantasy people were really fucked up. Then you probably needed to see a therapist or something.
Pushing his stupid random thoughts away, Mason thought of how to start explaining. “I’ve always pictured a very strong daddy. One who’s very take-charge but also wants to care for me.”
He felt a little crazy. Wanting to tell Edward and actually managing to do it were turning out to be two different things. He wanted to be open and honest but how do you look someone in the eyes and tell them the truth?
How do you tell someone that your fantasy was to have your daddy spank you and then cuddle you? Or that you wanted your fantasy daddy to dominate you. My fantasy daddy would be in charge of how and when I got to come. Yeah, no way to predict how he would react to that confession no matter how much he talked about control.
Edward looked at him with concern clearly written on his face. “That is a more difficult question than I intended. Let me—”
“No. It’s a reasonable question. I’ve just never had to answer it before. I promise. There is nothing wrong with it.” He didn’t want Edward to second-guess himself. It wasn’t a bad question or even one that was too personal. It was just weird.
They were both saved when the waiter came back into the room. Carrying a tray, even the waiter seemed to sense the tension in the room. Looking back and forth between them, he stopped and waited for some kind of a sign.
Edward took pity on him and inclined his head in a small nod. The waiter quickly continued deeper into the room and approached the table with the salads. Setting them down, the waiter smiled stiffly, “Your dinner will be ready shortly.”
“Thank you.” Edward was talking to the waiter but he was looking at Mason. He had a curious expression on his face. Mason could almost hear the wheels turning in his head. Whatever he was thinking had to be hot because Mason could almost see the heat radiating from Edward.
Just imagining the possibilities had Mason’s previously softening cock rock hard again. He’d read way too many dirty books because the ideas floating in his head ranged from sexy and romantic to downright naughty.
Thankful for the reprieve from the conversation, Mason dug into his salad and tried to will his hard cock under control. They made small talk while they ate, each making an effort to avoid difficult topics. Mason could still sense Edward’s thoughts going a mile a minute. He seemed to be considering something but Mason couldn’t even guess what it might be.
As they finished their salads, Edward appeared to have come to some kind of conclusion about his internal debate because he set his fork down and looked at Mason intently. “I—”
Mason was saved again by the waiter’s timely entrance. This guy was going to deserve a huge tip because Mason was sure that whatever Edward was going to say would make him nervous, to say the least.
Clearing the salad plates to his tray, the waiter started to set Mason’s plate down in front of him, but Edward cleared his throat. In his sexy, deep voice, he spoke to the waiter, “No. I’ll take both for the moment.”
A clearly confused waiter set both plates in front of Edward. Then his eyes widened as Edward picked up his knife and fork and proceeded to cut Mason’s steak. Glancing up, the passion in Edward’s eyes was so hot it radiated, heating up the entire room.
Mason couldn’t help the shiver that raced through him; his daddy was cutting his food for him. Sneaking a peek up at the waiter, Mason saw a flash of recognition in his face. The waiter was either very good at his job or he was kinkier than Mason expected. Maybe both.
Blushing as he watched Edward finish cutting his steak, Mason couldn’t help but squirm in his seat. It wasn’t really naughty or incredibly kinky but somehow watching Edward cut his food was unbelievably erotic. Just knowing that he was doing it for Mason made it hard to sit still and behave.
The calm waiter waited as Edward finished and then asked simply, “Sir?”
“Please,” was Edward’s simple response.
The waiter reached down and picked up the plate of cut steak before bringing it around the small table and placing it in front of Mason. “Sir, shall I bring anything else for you or your…companion?”
There was the slightest pause before the waiter said companion. Mason could tell that it was a deliberate move on the waiter’s part. He seemed to be carefully trying to figure out their relationship and probably the best way to navigate the evening. He knew that his tip would definitely depend on how he handled the situation.
Mason was equally embarrassed and turned on by the idea that the waiter might know what they were doing. He was also really curious to know what the guy was going to do. Yeah, he shouldn’t get a kick out of it but he was kind of enjoying it.
“Yes, more water for me and a milk for my boy, please.”