Never Again, No More

by Untamed

  She squeezed my hand. “I love you, Meka.”

  “I love you too, Misha,” I said. “What happened to you and Vince?” I asked out of curiosity.

  She turned and looked out the window. “We broke up,” she said plainly.

  Sensing that she was bitter about it, I didn’t pry. “Okay. You’ll be all right.”

  She shook her head and changed the subject. “So how the hell am I going to do this . . . living with you and all?”

  I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel as I pulled up to Charice’s house. “I don’t know, sweetie, but I’ll think of something. Just leave it to me.”

  Did I even know what “leave it to me” meant for me and my family? How the hell was I gonna take care of two children and my sister? Tony would flip the fuck out when he found out Misha was going to be living with us. I just knew it. Could my life get any more complicated? News flash to self. LaMeka, it already has.

  Now what the hell was I really going to do about it?

  Trinity

  Ever taken a step back, looked at your life, and wondered, How in the hell did I get to this place? That was how I felt. I loved my life. For all intents and purposes, I had nothing to worry about. Pooch took care of me and my kids, and Terrence was a good father to his two. I was blessed to have two men in my life that looked out for me and mine the way they did.

  Yet it was beginning to be not enough. I was tired of sitting around the house and playing housewife, for two reasons. One, no matter how well Pooch took care of me, we weren’t married, and I was aware of the fact that at any time he could get tired of me and cut me off. At that point, I would be in the same damn boat I was in when Terrence was locked up. Don’t get me wrong. Pooch and I were straight, and he was crazy jealous, so I didn’t expect that to happen, at least not anytime soon. Even so, I still didn’t like the feeling of being trapped. I liked having my own.

  Secondly, I wanted to get back to my own dreams of going to school and majoring in art design. I wanted to do something with my God-given talent. The only thing I’d done with it while I’d been with Pooch was draw murals, which I put in the kids’ rooms. That had been fulfilling at the time, but that was done, and that feeling had long since worn off. In short, I needed to feel like I was doing something with my life.

  “I am beat!” Pooch hollered, startling me out of my thoughts, as we pulled out of the parking lot at the mall.

  I sighed. “Yeah, me too.”

  “You should be. Girl, you know how to shop a brotha into the ground! I gotta make sure I hustle double time to make up for the tab I spent on you today.” He laughed as he reached over and rubbed my leg. “You wanna go to the Chop House for lunch?”

  “Huh?” I asked. I hadn’t heard a word he’d said.

  “You been real low key today. What’s going on, babe?” Pooch said.

  “Just thinking.”

  He shrugged. “Just thinking about what?”

  “Just thinking about art design and stuff. You know, thinking about going back to school and finishing.”

  He huffed. “You back on that again? Listen, you are fine. We damn sure ain’t hurting for no money and shit. The only thing you need to do is shop ’til you drop, raise them babies, and be Pooch’s girl. That’s it.”

  “But what about what I want for myself, Pooch?”

  He laughed. “You want me to buy you some coloring books or some stencils and shit? Damn, girl. It’s a hobby. If it makes you feel better, you can draw on all the walls in the house.”

  Did this Negro really just say that? Wow. I rolled my eyes and sucked my teeth. “I’m just a joke to you.”

  Pooch picked up on my attitude and rubbed my leg again. “Don’t act like that. I’m just playing. Look, you wanna draw and shit, then do it. Just don’t be talking about no school and shit. I like you being around the crib, so go get you one of them recreational classes for ’bout an hour or some shit, so you can get out of the house. That’s what you need. A little break will keep you fresh, and then you can be back at the house, waiting for Big Daddy. How’s that?”

  No, he was not looking at me with that Cheshire cat smile on his face, like he’d just solved my dilemma. I could’ve smacked his ass. He had no clue about what I wanted out of life, and I was starting to think he didn’t care.

  “Yeah, whatever.” I shook my head at his ignorance. “You can grab you something to eat. I need to go to the nail shop.”

  He flailed his hand in frustration. “Come on. Princess is with my sister, and Terrence got his two. I can take you to eat, and then I’ll take you to get your nails done.” Luckily, his cell phone rang at that exact moment. “Talk to me,” he answered after picking up his cell from the holder. “Yeah. Uh-huh. Yo, for real? A’ight. Yeah, I’ll get up with Unc and tell him that Auntie is hungry. She gonna get fed, though.”

  Whenever he mentioned someone was hungry and was going to get fed, it meant that one of his boys was short on his money, and one way or the other, he was going to get his money. I already knew the lunch and the nail trip would be canceled, and I didn’t mind one bit, either.

  “You need to go, huh?” I asked after he hung up his phone.

  He sighed and stroked my chin. “You know Daddy gotta handle his business. If I let one of these muthafuckas slide, then all of ’em think they can slide. I ain’t having that shit. I gotta put one of my sons in place, and then I’ll be free for you.”

  As if I was disappointed. Hell, I was glad I would be rid of his draining ass for a little while. “It’s cool. I’ll go get my nails done.”

  “A’ight,” he said as we arrived at the house.

  When we pulled up, I jumped out, grabbed my shopping bags, and carried them into the house. While I went into the house, Pooch stayed in his truck to make a few more calls. When I came back out ten minutes later and headed to my car, Pooch called me over to his truck.

  “’Sup, baby?” I asked as I walked up to his window.

  “You just gon’ leave without a good-bye kiss?”

  I leaned in and planted a nice soft kiss on his lips. “My bad, baby.”

  He shook his head. “Damn girl. Them lips so fucking soft. I’m gon’ make sure I dick your ass down real good tonight. You’ve been holding out on me and shit. But I ain’t having that shit tonight, babe. You feel me?”

  “A’ight, Pooch. I feel you,” I answered. It was true. Lately, I hadn’t been in the mood to have sex with Pooch. “I love you.”

  He winked at me. “I love you too. Remember that shit,” he said. Then he backed out of the driveway in his GMC Sierra Denali pickup truck.

  After Pooch pulled away, I jumped into my car, happy as hell to be away from him for a little while. I loved Pooch, but he was damn sure a dream crusher. I hated what he did for a living, but I supported him nonetheless. Now, I didn’t help out in his business, because I wasn’t getting locked up for no one, but I listened when he let out his frustrations, and I encouraged him to handle things in a way that kept him off the police radar. Did I get that support in return? Hell no. That muthasucka offered to buy me . . . a coloring book. If I wasn’t so pissed, I probably would’ve laughed at the stupidity of it.

  Once I arrived at the nail salon, I couldn’t help but be grateful. There was nothing like a little rest and relaxation to get my mind off Pooch and his foolishness. While I was waiting for my pedicure to dry, my cell phone rang. It was Terrence.

  “Hey, Terrence. The kids all right?” I asked before he could say a word.

  He laughed. “Damn. Hello to you too.”

  I giggled. “Oh hey. When it’s your weekend with the kids, you usually don’t call me. I figured if you were calling, then something was wrong.”

  “Naw, li’l mama, ain’t nothing wrong, so you can calm down.”

  “So what do you want, Dreads?”

  “Um . . . you gotta minute to stop by? I have to show you something. I promise it won’t take long.”

  “Yeah, I’m almost done getting my nails done.
I can be there in, like, twenty minutes, if that’s cool.”

  “Yeah, that’s cool.”

  “A’ight. See you then.”

  Within twenty minutes, I pulled up to Terrence’s apartment. I wonder what he wants to show me, I thought as I got out of my car. I smoothed out my khaki mid-thigh shorts and slipped out of my pedicure flip flops and into my wedges. It was still pretty warm for mid-September, and I could be out enjoying the last bit of the summer weather right now, so I hoped this trip was worth it.

  “What’s up?” I asked Terrence as I walked into his apartment after he’d opened the door.

  After he closed the door behind me and turned around, he joked, “Girl, it must be jelly, because jam don’t shake like that!”

  I laughed and gave him a playful nudge. “And that line is about as old and tired as you are. Where are my babies?”

  “Taking a nap,” he answered.

  “Wow! You get them to do the things I can’t, at least not all at once,” I said, plopping down on his sofa.

  He sat down beside me. “That’s because I’m stern and you’re not.”

  “Shit, as much as I fuss at them damn kids, I’m stern.” I rolled my eyes.

  “No, you fuss so your bark is loud, but you ain’t got no bite. Daddy got bite to match his bark.”

  Feigning shock, I said, “Well, excuse me.”

  Giving me his classic smirk, he shrugged. “I’m just saying you are a pushover.”

  “Did I come here for you to talk about me?” I asked, copping a fake attitude.

  He put his hands up. “My bad. I got sidetracked,” he said, then picked up a piece of paper that was on the coffee table and handed it to me.

  “What the hell is this?” I asked, looking over the paper. “God, family, wealth, forgiveness, and everlasting love,” I read aloud.

  “It’s all the things I want to be symbolized in my new tattoo. These are the things that are important for me to have in my life, and I want you to design something that embodies all these concepts, please,” he told me.

  I nodded happily. “That’s a good idea. I’ll have to think about it, though. I need to research some symbols for each of these and see what I can come up with, but I got you.”

  “How much are you gonna charge me?”

  I laughed. “We are so past that, aren’t we?”

  “You didn’t charge me when we were a couple. We’re not a couple anymore, and this is gonna require your time. So how much?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a one-hundred-dollar bill. “This should cover it,” he said as he handed me the money. Then he picked up his Coke from the end table and took a swig.

  “You know this is too much money. You probably need this—”

  He put his hand up, interrupting me. “What I need is for you to stop assuming that because I don’t live out in McMansionville, USA, with you and Pooch, I can’t afford to do the things I want to do or take care of my kids,” he remarked. “And I still ain’t slanging no dope, if that’s what’s on your mind.”

  I followed suit and put both my hands up. “You know what? You’re right. My bad. I stand corrected, and I apologize. You don’t have to worry about me doing that to you anymore. Besides, if you want to pay me for my hard work, who am I to refuse?” I said. I lowered my hands and put the money in my pocket.

  “You damn straight! Make people pay you for your work, even me and Pooch. God gave you that gift. We didn’t.”

  On that, we could agree. His viewpoint was a much-needed breath of fresh air. However, Terrence had always been philosophical like that. And I couldn’t knock how he felt. He made sense a lot of the time and was usually right, just as he was now.

  “How soon do you want it?” I asked him.

  “Whenever.”

  “Give me about a week.”

  “Cool.” He shrugged. “You know I trust you,” he said, looking down at my feet. “Nice pedicure. I’ve always loved the color of jasmine on you.”

  My jaw literally dropped. “You remember that? It’s been years since I’ve gotten my toes done in this color.”

  “How could I forget? It was the first color you picked out the first time I took you to get a pedicure. I loved it then.”

  “Damn. Thanks, Dreads. I can’t believe you remembered that.” I smiled and blushed slightly.

  “I’m paying attention even when you think I’m not. That leads me to my next thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  He took a brochure from the coffee table and handed it to me. “I had to pick up one of my homeboys at his job around the way, and I thought I’d help you out a bit.”

  It was a brochure for the Art Institute of Atlanta, and it included an application. “Oh, my freaking God! I have been so busy that I didn’t have time to stop there. Are you serious? You picked this up for me?”

  “Yep, and I asked some questions. Classes aren’t that bad. You can take morning, afternoon, or night classes, and tuition isn’t bad, either. Plus, I’ll work with you on the schedule and stuff. That’s if you decide to go. I’ll help you with the kids. I got your back,” he said, encouraging me.

  Screaming with excitement, I leaned in and hugged him tightly. “Dreads! Thank you so much! You don’t know what this means to me.”

  He hugged me back. “You’re welcome, li’l mama. I fucked up your dreams once, so I want to make it right.”

  “Aww, Terrence.”

  I went to pull away from him, but he held me in place and caressed me in his arms. It was as if something came over us. Staring into his eyes as he held me closely suddenly felt familiar to me. It almost felt natural. Then it happened. We kissed.

  I pulled back quickly afterward. “I’m so sorry,” I said nervously.

  He pulled me back toward him, held me tightly, and began kissing me deeply. We kissed so deeply that we both began to moan. I pulled back again, and this time I jumped up from the sofa.

  “I b-better go,” I stammered and turned to walk away.

  He stood up quickly and grabbed my hand. “You don’t have to go.” He pulled me into an embrace. “Damn. I’ve missed you, Trinity.”

  This was the second time he’d tried me. I’d always have love for Terrence. He was my first. We had history. He was my children’s father. But we were done, and that was on him. I had moved on, so I was going to have to put a stop to this yo-yo routine.

  I pushed him back. “Don’t do this to me now. You know I’m with Pooch,” I said forcefully.

  Terrence shook his head as he continued to look at me the way he used to, seductively. He bit his lip. “I know that, but on the real, Trinity, fuck Pooch.”

  Shock and anger coursed through my veins. “You can say that. I can’t. I love him. He’s my man.” I folded my arms across my chest defiantly.

  Terrence rolled his eyes. “So what was that just now?”

  “A mistake!”

  “Somebody is in denial, but it’s okay.” He sniffed and gave a cocky laugh.

  “I’m not even going to argue with you,” I said, grabbing the brochure and the paper about the tattoo. “We have children together, and that’s all we have.”

  “Why does it have to be just that?”

  Had he lost his mind? Facing him, I went completely off. “First of all, didn’t I just tell you Pooch is my man? And secondly, didn’t you dump me before you did your bid?”

  Terrence moved closer to me, gently lifted my hand, and caressed it. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he tilted his head downward as he shook it and let out a deep sigh. “I regret that, but I did that for you, not me, Trinity.” When he looked up, he gazed into my eyes with such sincerity. “Damn it. Don’t you know the hardest thing in the world that I’ve ever had to do was let you go? I only did that because I felt it was unfair to tie you down while I was locked up. I knew you’d need help with the kids, and I wanted you to live your life and fulfill your dreams. I felt like I owed it to you to let yo
u go. But trust me, not a single, solitary day goes by that I don’t regret that decision,” he confessed, cupping my face in his hands.

  Literally, I was mesmerized. All this time, I had thought he broke up with me before he went to prison because he didn’t love me anymore. I had never understood that he made that decision not because he didn’t love me, but rather because he did. But what was I going to do with this information now? Our relationship was a thing of the past, and I was in love with Pooch. I was his woman. He couldn’t fuck with Pooch. Pooch was not someone to mess with, for real. He didn’t give a shit that Terrence was my kids’ father; he would kill him.

  His confession caused my eyes to spring a leak, and he wiped the tears that fell down my cheeks. “I’m sorry that you never told me this before, but I am not going to betray Pooch. I’m sorry, Terrence.”

  He kissed my forehead. “It’s cool. I understand. One of the things I have always loved about you is that you’re loyal. I’ve tried to date some females, and no one is as loyal as you.”

  Tilting my head down, I blushed demurely. “I gotta go.”

  After he walked me to the door, I turned to face him. “Terrence, I’m sorry, for real. You know I have mad love for you.”

  As he stared into my eyes, his usual smirk turned into a gentle smile. “It’s my own fault. I handed you over to Pooch in a sense,” he said, holding my waist and pulling me toward him. His erection was evident, and truth be told, so was my wetness, but I couldn’t let him know it. “But trust me, let that nigga slip one time, and I’ma turn into an Indian giver.”

  I pulled away. “Stop, Dreads. I really better go now,” I said uneasily.

  “Yeah, you better,” he said, holding on to his crotch. “I have some stress to relieve, and it comes in the form of lotion and an old picture of you.”

  “OMG!” I gasped, then turned around to leave. “Bye, Terrence.” I took a few steps and threw back my hand.

  He reached for my hand before I was a safe distance away, and turned me around to face him. Leaning in close, he whispered in my ear, “When you fucking that nigga, I want you to think about how I used to put it down. Say what you want, but I know your scent, and I can smell it. It’s like rose petals to my nose. I crave it, and if you let me, I’ll remind you of the reason why we made Terry and Brittany. Go on back to my substitute for some snacks, but if you ever have the need for a home-cooked meal, you can come home anytime, whether it’s temporary or permanent. It’s your decision. You feel me?”