by Untamed
“I didn’t want anyone to worry about me. I’m fine, really,” I lied.
“Trinity said you had a black eye, and the other day Misha told me that Tony beat you so bad on another occasion that you had black and blue bruises all over your body. She told me she saw cocaine in your bedroom one day as well.” She looked me in the eye. “So how is all this I’m hearing make you fine, really?” she asked sarcastically.
No words fell from my lips. There was no way to explain what she’d questioned me about. How could I? The only thing that could explain it was shame. Tears fell, despite my will to contain them. Looking at her face, which showed just how upset she felt, I couldn’t hide the truth, and a wave of sorrow fell over me.
Reluctantly, I admitted my truth. With a shrug of my shoulders, I looked at my bestie and confessed. “It’s all true,” I admitted as she supportively gripped my hands, her expression filled with sadness. “Girl, you don’t know the half of it. He’s slapped me a couple of times over the past year, but within the past few months, he’s beat the shit out of me. The first time he gave me the black eye, he forced me to suck his dick, and this last time, I walked in on him cheating on me with some crackhead bitch named Kwanzie. I tried to kick him out, but he beat me and made me have oral sex with her while he raped me from behind at gunpoint. I felt so low and cheap. I feel used and abused, and I don’t know what to do.”
Charice stood, came around to my side of the table, and hugged me. “I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell me? Is it true that he’s snorting?”
I nodded. “He’s a monster. I’m scared to leave and scared to stay. I’m scared to speak my mind and far too scared to pray. I feel trapped.”
“Is there anything I can do to help you?” she asked with concern.
“Actually, I was wondering if maybe you could talk to Ryan. Maybe tell him what’s going on and see if he can talk to Tony about his behavior,” I suggested.
Charice rubbed my back but glanced at me skeptically. “I could, but do you honestly think it would help?” She put her hand up before I could respond. “Look, Meka, hear me, hon. Tony is on drugs. There is nothing Ryan or anyone else can say that would convince Tony to kick his habit. Even so, who’s to say that Tony won’t attack you for telling Ryan? What you really need to do is leave. You need to take the kids and Misha and find a new place away from Tony.”
I leaned my head on her shoulder and cried for a few moments. She allowed me to get it out. I knew she was right. I hated being around Tony, but I needed time to get things together so that I could get away from him without him knowing it, especially since his ass was always at the house.
After drying my face, I looked up at her. “If I do this, you have to tell me who this mystery man is,” I said jokingly, trying to lighten the conversation.
She laughed softly. “Nice try. If you do this, you’ll be safe, and so will my godbabies. That’s the most important thing.”
“I love you, girl.”
“I love you too. I am proud of you for getting a car and a job. You can still have a life, despite having children at a young age. You just have to fight for it, Meka. I want you to pursue your dreams. You used to love science and wanted to be a nurse. Why don’t you get your GED and then apply to a tech school? You’d have access to medical doctors, and it could benefit you, especially with Tony Jr.’s autism. I think it’s high time you stopped taking care of Tony. You’ve been his slave since the accident, and you didn’t tell him to drink that night, but you act as if you owe him your life because of it. It is not your fault.”
I couldn’t argue with her. She was right about everything she said. I had never tried to pursue my dreams, because I had always felt responsible for Tony being unable to fulfill his. I had figured if I stayed by his side and let my dreams go, it would in some way compensate for the loss of his. Now, look at the predicament I was in. I was in love with a man that I hated.
“I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was putting my family first, you know?” I told Charice.
“Yeah, I know, sweetie. And you know I understand, but there comes a time when you have to put you first. You have to say, ‘Never again. No more will I deal with this,’ and stick to it. For you, it’s about more than independence. It’s about survival.”
“I feel you,” I said as I took in the words she had spoken.
“Good, and if you need some money, let me know.”
“Damn!” I eyed her with surprise. “Ryan got you balling like that?” I asked, in shock.
“Like I said, having him as a baby daddy has its perks, but so does having my new man.”
We high-fived each other and hooted.
“Mr. Man is balling out of control too?” I said.
She winked at me. “See, I gave you a little crumb, and before you get too excited, that’s all the info I plan on delving out today.”
“Well, at least tell me how long you’ve been dating him,” I said, prying some more.
She shrugged. “A month. Give or take a week or two.”
“You are really keeping this one in the pocket.”
“He’s the first guy I’ve dated since Ryan, and I need to know for myself if this can work before I go announcing it to the world.”
“I feel you. Well, I do have one more question.”
“What’s that?” she asked before drinking some of her soda.
“Does your new man have any friends or a brother?” I laughed.
My humor caught her off guard, and she coughed, almost choking on her soda. She wiped her lip. “You ain’t right!” She laughed. “Well, his older brother is married, and his best friend is in love with his baby mama.”
“Dang. The good ones are always taken.”
“You just concentrate on getting rid of Tony,” she advised me.
“Trust me. I am.”
Just then her cell phone buzzed with a text message. She read it, laughed, and texted back. “This is my boo right now.” She got another text a second later and read that one.
“Lovebirds,” I joked.
“I texted him what you asked me, and he is laughing his ass off about it.” She giggled.
“I will be glad when I get to meet this man,” I said as she continued texting.
I was happy to see my girl finally enjoying life. With every laugh and giggle, she made me realize that there were men out there who could make you feel just as my girl felt. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life being beaten up until I got beat to death. If I did that, what would my tombstone read? HERE LIES LAMEKA ROBERTS. SHE TOOK A BEATING AND KEPT ON TICKING. Damn that. I wanted my life to mean something, and more importantly, I wanted to live a long and abundant life.
Charice
After my trip to Dallas for part of Christmas vacation, Lincoln and I battled our schedules in a way that would keep our relationship under wraps, which left us with only three times to link up in January. We were able to get together during the New Year’s holiday; the week after New Year’s, which was during the NFL playoffs; and during my one-day stay in Dallas, when he invited me to his immaculate home, which was in the neighborhood across from Ryan’s. Each time, he was nothing short of amazing.
In early February, I did get to go to the Super Bowl, where the Cowboys played the Ravens and won. However, Ryan insisted we make it a family affair with the kids and our parents. Ever since Ryan’s newfound attitude had proved to be more than just smoke and mirrors, my mom and Ryan had begun anew, and now they were nearly the best of friends. In fact, she, along with Ryan’s parents, pressured me to go to the Super Bowl VIP after-party with Ryan.
Since I was his woman, I knew it hurt Lincoln to see Ryan fawn all over me that weekend. He tried to understand since we were keeping our relationship quiet, as he had requested. However, his hurt and disappointment were never more evident than when I showed up at the after-party on Ryan’s arm.
“Westmore!” one of the offensive linemen yelled when we arrived at the party.
Ry
an high-fived him. “What’s up, champ?”
“Nothing but them salary caps!” another player yelled. “Good to see you again, Ms. Charice.” He nodded toward me. At that moment, Lincoln and a few others looked up.
“Hello, fellas,” I said with a smile, but that smile faded when I saw the confused look on Lincoln’s face.
“Ryan, let’s go speak to Lincoln,” I urged, and we walked through the crowd toward him.
“My man!” Ryan hollered as he one-arm hugged Lincoln. “You did your thing out there, playboy!”
“You too, bro!” Lincoln said. “Good evening, Charice. Glad you could make it down for the game, but it is a surprise seeing you here,” he said, then hugged me.
“Ryan insisted on making it a family affair. Our moms persuaded me to come out to the party,” I explained with a timid smile.
Ryan turned to me. “You don’t have to act like I dragged you out by your hair, Charice. I want us to have a good time tonight. Perhaps I can finally show you how much you mean to me,” he said softly, holding my hand. Then he hugged me close.
“I’m sorry,” I mouthed to Lincoln behind Ryan’s back. I could tell Lincoln was bursting with anger.
“Well, I guess I better mingle. I don’t want to be the third wheel,” Lincoln said, trying not to sound upset.
Ryan fanned off Lincoln’s comment. “You could never impose on us, but if you don’t mind, I would like a little time with my Ricey.”
Lincoln chuckled and patted Ryan on the shoulder. “Your Ricey, huh?” He looked at me. “Far be it for me to intrude. Ricey, you look absolutely amazing tonight. Have fun.”
“Yeah, bro, she really does. Lord, have mercy she does.” Ryan laughed and twirled me around as Lincoln cleared his throat, swallowed his anger, and walked away.
I spent the whole night feeling uncomfortable, because Lincoln had a permanent scowl on his face and Ryan tried his best to woo me when I would’ve rather been with Lincoln. I got a harsh dose of my own medicine when I saw Lincoln with some skank on the dance floor. The sight of them together made me rush out onto the balcony for fresh air.
“Doesn’t feel so good, huh?” I heard Lincoln say behind me.
Not bothering to turn around, I spewed, “Don’t blame me. You’re choosing to keep it a secret, not me.”
“So is that why you came here with him?”
“Is that why you danced with her?”
Pausing for a moment, he exhaled. Then he said, “Turn around, baby.”
Though I was upset, I slowly turned and faced him. “What?”
“Please understand. It’s really hard for me when you’re saying you want to be with me, and then I have to witness you two together, especially knowing how you once felt for him. I don’t even know that girl, and I’m not trying to. I just needed to know that you truly mean what you say.”
“Then let’s just tell Ryan, so we don’t have to go through this!”
“Tell him . . . now? How do you think that’s going to go down?”
In my frustration, I wanted to clear the air. Watching Lincoln pretend to flirt with some random chick and lying to Ryan was not how I was built. It was not who I was. But I also knew that this admission required a level of finesse and was inappropriate in the middle of a major party with close friends, family, and teammates, a party where alcohol was involved. That in itself was a recipe for disaster. Mostly, I knew we weren’t ready for the fallout of telling Ryan, though I was confident that we both wanted to be out in the open.
“You’re right.” I sighed. “I’m sorry for making you second-guess my feelings. I know my past with Ryan is hard to cope with at times, and it won’t get easier, because we have children, but I assure you that you are the only one I want to be with.”
He winked at me. “As are you, baby, and I’m sorry for my actions tonight as well. You deserve better, and I promise to give you that.” Just as he walked up to me, Ryan surfaced, causing Lincoln to step back.
“There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you, Charice,” Ryan said after bursting through the balcony doors.
“I just needed some fresh air,” I explained as he wrapped his arm around my waist.
“What are you doing out here, man?” Ryan asked Lincoln. “I saw that honey you were dancing with. She’s been looking for you. I know you want a relationship and all, but in the meantime, you can have some fun, bro. You need to get with that.”
I pulled away from Ryan and patted Lincoln on the arm. “Don’t listen to him. You need a real woman.” I chuckled.
“Don’t worry. She doesn’t fit the bill,” Lincoln affirmed, returning my sarcasm. “I was just getting some fresh air and chatting with Charice. I’m going to head back inside. You two enjoy the rest of the night, and don’t get in any trouble.”
“I promise, I won’t,” I said to him.
“Don’t make promises you may not keep,” Ryan said, flirting with me.
“I don’t,” I threw back sassily, and then I sashayed past him and Lincoln into the room.
“She’s feisty,” I heard Lincoln say behind me.
“I know. This is harder than I thought,” Ryan replied.
“I bet it is,” Lincoln said.
Before I left town, I was able to see Lincoln, under the guise of shopping, which smoothed our rough spot. After that trip, we continued having fun and getting to know each other in our relationship.
* * *
Now I was in Dallas again, at my man’s house, on the first day of a weeklong stay. I enjoyed the fact that we could finally spend some quality time together. Sitting by the family-room fireplace, I felt like I was in heaven as I indulged in the view and the warmth. A few minutes later Lincoln appeared with two plates of food.
“Breakfast is served.”
“I want something, but it’s not on those plates,” I said sexily.
He sat the plates down on the bricks in front of the fireplace and scooped me into his arms. “You almost made me drop those plates,” he said as I wrapped my legs around his waist and kissed him. “Damn, Ma. I’ve missed you.”
“I know, babe.” I sighed, unwrapped my legs, and placed my feet on the floor, keeping my arms wrapped around his neck. “This is so hard for me. When I’m with you, I don’t want to leave, and when I’m away, I want to hurry back.”
“That’s exactly how I feel. Now that the season is over, you don’t have to worry about that. We’ll have plenty of time to grow our relationship the way we need to. I’m going to make sure of that.” He took my hand and led me to the huge pillows in front of the fireplace. We took a seat there. “And my first duty as your man is to feed you,” he informed me, reaching over to one of the plates and picking up an orange slice.
I shook my head. “I’m not going to be able to leave this time. I feel it,” I joked.
“That’s the plan,” he admitted with a snicker.
“Lincoln Harper, are you trying to woo me into moving here?”
“Is it working?”
He held the orange slice near my lips, and I took a bite, swallowed it, and nearly choked. “You are a trip,” I said and giggled after my coughing fit subsided. He popped the rest of the orange slice in his mouth, wiped his lips, then sat back and stared at me, as if in deep contemplation. “What?” I asked nervously. I picked up the croissant on the plate closest to me and took a bite.
“Did you think that I was joking when I asked if it was working?” he questioned with a serious tone.
Chewing my food slowly, I sat back and looked at him. “Lincoln, you can’t possibly be serious.”
“Why can’t I?” he asked, moving closer to me. “All I can do is think about you. You have to be the first person I talk to every morning and the absolute last voice I hear at night. If we’re not talking on the phone, we’re texting, emailing, or on the webcam every day. With every visit, I dread seeing you walk out the door, and the truth is, I don’t want to go through that anymore. We’ve been together for only three months, but I feel l
ike I’ve known you a lifetime. I’m not asking for marriage or even for you to live with me, but I wish you would at least consider moving to Dallas.”
His plea was so sincere, so I wanted to respond as softly as I knew how without damaging his ego. I held his face in my hands. “Linc, I love the time we spend together. I really do, and you’re right. Not a day goes by that we don’t communicate in some form or fashion, and I would love to see you every day. However, I’m not prepared to uproot my children and myself to move to Dallas yet. I’m sorry.”
Disappointment danced in his eyes, and he swallowed deeply, then asked, “Okay. Well, why?”
I could hear the heartbreak in his question. I didn’t want to tell him the reason, because I didn’t want him to feel like I was rushing him when, in actuality, I didn’t want to rush myself. The truth was that I wasn’t moving to Dallas until or unless he put a ring on my finger, and he had said he didn’t want a marriage. That was fine, because neither one of us was ready for that right now, and the absolute last thing I wanted was for him to feel obligated to commit to me.
Gently, I pulled his hand into mine and intertwined my fingers with his. “Linc, let’s just take this slow. Let’s work on us first. Our families don’t even know we’re dating. On top of that, we still have to tell Lauren and Ryan,” I explained to him.
“You have a point, but my baby’s mother doesn’t care who I date. She hates me anyway. And my mom, dad, and older brother do know about you.”
“Lauren might not care who you date, but if I am a constant in your life, she will care who is around London,” I said, trying to reason with him. “Wait a minute. You told your family about me?”
He chuckled. After eating a strip of bacon, he said, “I love how you switched gears when that hit you.”
Oh, now he wants to hehe. He found it comical; however, I was both shocked and slightly fearful. “Seriously, did you tell your family about me?”
He must’ve realized how alarmed I sounded, because he wiped his hands with a napkin, turned his gaze on me, and looked me in the eyes. “Yes, I did,” he said, pulling me close. “They want to meet you.”