‘Our marriage lasted six months. Then we divorced and parted, vowing never to meet again. That was about eighteen months ago, just before I came here to start as an SHO. And we hated each other. No problems about settlements or upkeep, she came from a very rich family. Annie, I had no idea she was pregnant.’
‘She didn’t tell you she was pregnant? Toby, how could you not know?’
‘She would have only been just pregnant when we parted. And she kept it from me. She kept a lot of things from me.’
Annie was having difficulty taking all this in. ‘And why the baby now?’
‘Gail—that was her name—died a short while ago in an accident. She lived with her mother, who has decided that she can’t cope with the baby. So she brought him to me.’
‘And you didn’t even know Charlie existed?’
‘No.’
‘So how do you feel now?’
He sighed. ‘Annie, for the first time in my life I feel this is something I don’t know how to cope with.’
‘You’re not thinking of having the baby taken into care?’
He looked up sharply. ‘Never. I face up to my responsibilities.’
Annie looked at the baby. ‘He’s beautiful,’ she said softly. ‘Wipe his face with one of those wet wipes then put him over your shoulder and wind him.’
As Toby did as she told him, Annie considered his options. It was better for her to be cool, logical. Planning something took her mind off her own problems. But she knew there’d have to be a reckoning between her and Toby later, when his present precarious situation was easier.
‘Can you get any time off work?’ she asked.
‘Already have done, starting today. John Bennett’s given me a week. I said family problems—I didn’t say exactly what.’
‘Probably wise. I suppose the question now is, what do you want of me?’ she said flatly.
He nodded. ‘I want to do the best for Charlie, but I need to make sure I’m looking after him properly,’ he said. ‘And… of course, you have every right to say no, but I’d really appreciate your support, Annie. Just until things are settled and I’m confident enough to care for him on my own.’
Her thoughts racing, she didn’t immediately answer, and Toby continued. ‘If you walked out of here right now, I’d understand. It would be no more than I deserve.’
‘You’re digging yourself even further into the hole,’ she said with some irritation. ‘You know I’d never do anything like that. Now, what have you got in mind?’
He pursed his lips, absentmindedly stroking Charlie’s head. ‘The next two or three months will be the worst. There’s my mother, the job is hard enough, there’s a lot of arranging to be done. One possibility is to take leave of absence for a few months till I get myself settled. I want to be with Charlie as much as I can. One bad parent is bad enough. No parents is really rough.’
‘We know quite a few successful single parents,’ she told him.
A sardonic grin. ‘And they’re mostly mothers.’
‘You can do as much as any mother.’ She considered. ‘You need to work though, Toby, and there is the hospital crèche that you could use. Quite a few of our nurses put their children there. But most of them also have some family help—especially from mothers. You know you’ve got to involve Jack and Carly. There’s no need to tell your mother quite yet—get things settled first and I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to have a grandson. But when Jack and Carly get roaring mad at you, you’ve just got to take what they say because it’ll be true and it’ll be fair.’
‘But he’s my responsibility and I want to—’
‘Toby, you’ve got to learn to share. That includes sharing your feelings. Have you ever thought how selfish you can be?’
Silence for a while, then, ‘This hasn’t been one of the easiest days of my life.’
This was a new Toby. She had never seen him so much in doubt, so unsure of what to do. And with an unexpected surge of feeling she found him more loveable than ever.
Charlie was now drooping over Toby’s shoulder, obviously asleep. Toby stood carefully, walked into the bedroom. Annie followed him, watched as Charlie was laid properly on his back, carefully tucked in. There was a gentleness in Toby’s handling that made Annie’s eyes prickle with tears. This was silly!
She thought back to when they had been together, and she’d casually mentioned having children. He’d said that he wanted to wait until he was forty. And then think about it. A typical joking reply. But, she now realised, with some seriousness as well.
What about herself? She wanted babies, had always wanted to be a mum. In fact, for a while she had thought that she and Toby… She sighed at the memories. It just wasn’t fair.
She had to do something so she went into the kitchen and made them both tea. Anything to keep her occupied, while the thoughts and emotions buzzed around her head like bees trapped in a hive.
She took the tea into the living room just as Toby walked in. ‘He’s fast asleep,’ he said. ‘Annie, I can’t thank you enough for all your help.’
‘That’s OK. Right, you’ve now got a week to get used to being a dad, to get to know what to do. I can help you, Toby, and we’ll look at what other help you might need. You’d better phone the hospital crèche in the morning.’
Annie was silent for a moment before she asked the question that had been nagging at her since his revelations. ‘I need to know,’ she said, ‘and I suspect you need to tell someone. Who was this woman you were married to for six months?’
At first she thought he wasn’t going to answer. And when he did speak his words were curious, rather than bitter. As if he couldn’t understand things himself. ‘Her name was Gail de Sangrail. If you like, the Honourable Gail de Sangrail. She was as exotic as her name. She was small, blonde, with hair so long she could sit on it.’ A bitter smile. ‘I think she loved her hair more than she loved me. She was a member of some aristocratic family who have lots of holdings out in the Caribbean. They have pots of money. Gail was training to be a doctor. She was two years behind me. She didn’t need to work—for her, medicine was a hobby. And I helped her.’
‘And?’ Annie wanted to hide her curiosity behind a veil of indifference.
‘She was gorgeous, I fell for her and we got married. She insisted that we get married quietly. She didn’t want her family—or mine—to know about it. She said we would tell them later. I felt a bit rotten about it, especially later when I realised that she’d wanted a quiet wedding just to spite her mother.’
Annie just couldn’t understand this. She knew her own parents’ dearest wish was to see her happily married. And to be there at the ceremony. ‘So what went wrong?’ she asked quietly.
He shrugged. ‘I was a toy. And Gail quickly tired of toys. After six months she was thoroughly tired of me and we got a quickie divorce.’ He laughed. ‘You’re not going to believe how tacky it was. We went to Las Vegas and got a divorce there. I told you, Gail’s family had plenty of money. She wanted nothing from me, just wanted me out of her life. She’d lost interest in the medical course, was giving that up. It was the worst time of my life.’
It was hard, but by now Annie was coming to sympathise with him—just a little. His pain was so obvious. She reached across the table, stroked his hand a moment—but then drew back. If she was to be any help at all, she had to be detached. ‘Sounds an awful mess,’ she said. ‘Go on.’
She could see that now he was angry. ‘I could have objected, could have tried to fight for what I thought we had. Then I realised I’d be fighting for nothing. Because we had nothing. I’d thought I was in love, I was not. And I decided as we parted that never again would I fall for any woman. I liked them, I liked their company, but never again would I let anyone that close again.’
‘It seems a bit hard to judge all women by one,’ Annie ventured, ‘a bit unfair on half of the human race.’
‘True. But it’s how I felt. Perhaps how I still feel.’
Annie knew that th
is meeting was supposed to be about him and his problems. But she still had to ask. ‘Is that why you got rid of me, Toby?’
‘I was getting very…’ He seemed to stumble over the word. ‘I was getting very… fond of you, Annie. But I felt I couldn’t give you what you deserved. You never said so, but I knew you wanted love and commitment. It was better for you that I got out of your life.’
‘I still think that was a decision I should have been consulted on.’ Her voice was frosty. ‘But I can see that what you intended was good.’ She studied him a moment then asked, ‘Am I the only person in this hospital that knows about this?’
‘The only one in the city. Apart from a solicitor who acts for me.’
‘You’ve never talked to anyone about it? Not Jack, not Carly, not any of your friends?’
His voice was gruff. ‘It was my stupid mistake. Perhaps some silly sense of pride too. I wanted to forget about it.’
‘You don’t think that it might have been festering inside you? That it would be good to talk about it—just a little?’
Now he looked uneasy. ‘I don’t talk about my feelings very much.’
‘I’ve noticed. Toby, I’m not entitled to anything from you. Or perhaps I am. Anyway, I want to know more about your relationship with your wife.’
‘Why? Surely it’ll only cause you more hurt?’
‘There are few greater hurts than being deceived, being kept in the dark, Toby.’
He winced as she went on, ‘The hurt is the point. I want to know how you got the way you are. So determined never again to form a long relationship.’
His smile was grim. ‘The story doesn’t show me in a particularly good light.’
‘I’m not sure I see you in a good light anyway,’ she said primly. ‘You haven’t got much to lose.’ Then she added, ‘And you might gain something.’
He didn’t speak at once and she thought back over what she had just said. And felt just a touch ashamed. ‘Toby, I sound as if I’m cross-examining you. I’m sorry. But I’ve just got to know, I want to understand you and if I don’t… well, I’ll feel better if I do understand you.’
‘Right, then. Gail. Not an uncommon type. First of all, fantastically good-looking. Long hair, peach skin, and the biggest grey eyes. She had this technique of getting close to you—if you were a man, that is. She would hold you, touch you, and stare up at you so you were convinced you were the most fascinating man on earth.’
‘So how did you fall for this paragon?’ Annie felt a little upset by the glowing description.
‘I didn’t. Well, not at first. I was happy in my own life, busy at work and enjoying it, had the odd girlfriend but in no way was ready to form anything permanent. So when she indicated she wanted to spend a little time with me I wasn’t too bothered.’
Toby shook his head, as if unable to believe his own foolishness. ‘I remember the exact minute it happened. She asked me to help her with some work—some genetics, in fact. It was something she didn’t quite understand. Her female tutor wasn’t very helpful and she’d heard I was good at the subject. It would only take a while and afterwards we might have dinner together. I told her I had a judo tournament.’
Now, apparently, he could smile a little. ‘She wasn’t very happy about that. Taking second place to a set of sweaty men fighting each other. She’d been rejected. Something she wanted she couldn’t have. It couldn’t be allowed to happen.’
Toby stood, walked across the room and then sat down again. ‘Annie, I still can’t understand it when I look back. It was a sort of temporary madness, I was almost hypnotised.’
‘So she tried again?’ By now Annie was fascinated. It was a story that was both captivating and horrible. And, unfortunately, easy to believe.
‘With a bit more success the next time. I have to say she was cunning. Anyway, after a while I thought I was desperately in love and we got married. I did everything she wanted, not even telling my family. I suspect the affair started to fall apart before we even came home from our honeymoon. And when we got divorced I vowed never again to fall for anyone. Annie, I’d tried so hard.’
‘Not every woman is like that,’ Annie ventured.
‘I know that. My brain tells me that’s true. Unfortunately, I don’t feel it. Whenever I think I might want to commit myself, something stops me.’
‘And so you’ve been happy jumping from woman to woman ever since?’
‘Happy enough.’
‘You said that you felt almost hypnotised by Gail. Ever thought that that’s how some of your women friends might think that that’s what you’ve done to them?’
There was the longest pause ever. ‘That’s a hard accusation,’ he said. And she knew he was upset.
‘Perhaps you’ll change now,’ she suggested. ‘Who knows? You might be happier.’
She put her arms round him, pulled him to her. It was meant to be nothing more than a hug. Then she kissed him. ‘This is a kiss from a friend to another friend,’ she said. ‘You need comfort, that’s all.’ But as she kissed him she remembered how things had been between them. It would be so easy… She pushed him away, firmly but gently.
‘If you need me, I can stay,’ she said. ‘You’ve got a spare bedroom. D’you want me to stay? To help you with Charlie?’
Toby smiled. ‘I’d love you to. Thanks, Annie.’
CHAPTER FIVE
She slept well. The past two days had been hard work, she needed rest. But she still woke up quite early.
She had been up once already, Charlie was sleeping in Toby’s room and had screamed at three in the morning. Annie had heard the noise, had pulled on the dressing gown that Toby had lent her and had gone to help him. Charlie needed a drink and a cuddle. Three o’clock in the morning, both she and Toby in his bedroom, very aware that they were naked under their dressing gowns. Though it hadn’t worried either of them. Annie grinned sourly as she remembered an old midwife telling her, ‘There’s no finer contraceptive than a baby.’
She switched on the bedside light, put on the dressing gown again. It smelled evocatively of Toby and despite her churned-up emotions, she had to fight the urge to bury her face in it.
In the middle of the living room table was a note: Charlie and I have gone to fetch breakfast. Stay in bed.
Fetch breakfast? Stay in bed? Well, it would be impolite not to do as he suggested, so she went back to bed.
A short while later she heard the front door open, then he knocked on her bedroom door about ten minutes afterwards. By now she was almost used to the jerk of excitement that juddered through her. Would she ever lose this reaction? She thought probably not. He came in and stood there, holding a gurgling Charlie in his arms, and Annie felt her heart twist at the sight.
‘We thought you might like some breakfast, maybe as a little thank you,’ said Toby. ‘So we’ve been to the supermarket.’
‘At this time? In the middle of the morning? Even after he got us both up?’
He nodded. ‘I thought I might as well fetch us something exciting for breakfast.’
‘You know that all I have is tea for breakfast. Porridge in winter, cereals in summer.’
‘I know. But just for once we’re going continental. Coffee then hot croissants and a fruit compote. And you’re to have them in bed.’
She gave in and smiled. ‘It’ll make a change,’ she said. ‘Quite a nice change too.’
While he was out of the room she shook her head in bewilderment. How her life had changed in the past few hours. And the future—who could tell? Was she happy? Well, she thought, at least life wasn’t boring. Then she thought of the ancient Chinese curse: May you live in interesting times. Times were certainly interesting to her now.
‘So how are you getting on with Charlie?’ she asked when he came back in, minus his son. ‘Did you enjoy the trip out?’
He shook his head, as if mystified. ‘He was as good as gold. D’you know, yesterday, when I saw Charlie for the first time, I was just shell-shocked. But now I�
�ve had a sleep. And this morning I looked at him and everything clicked into place. Thanks to you as well, mind. He’s my son and I love him with a strength I didn’t know I had.’
Annie felt her eyes prickling as he said that. She’d always suspected Toby capable of vast love. Now she knew it. A pity even a little of it wasn’t directed towards her. ‘So what are you going to do about it?’ she asked.
‘Whatever Charlie needs, he’ll get. And the first thing is a family. Tonight he can meet Uncle Jack and Auntie Carly. It’s the right time.’
‘Looking forward to the meeting?’
‘Not entirely. I’ve half a mind to throw little Charlie into the fray first, so that they can fall in love with him and will have cooled down before I have to say my piece.’
‘Miranda will be on your side,’ Annie said with a grin, ‘and I bet Charlie will have a cousin within a year or so.’
‘I hope so. Now, I think I can smell the coffee. Be back in a moment.’
I like this new Toby, Annie thought. It’s a side of him I’ve never quite seen before. All that love! Then she felt a bit guilty. If he was capable of feeling, showing so much love—why hadn’t some come her way? She understood he had to concentrate entirely on Charlie now—but wasn’t there room somewhere for her too? She sighed.
He came back into the bedroom, placed a tray on her lap, and sat on the edge of the bed with his own tray. The coffee smelt wonderful and the hot rolls were heaven too.
‘I could get used to this,’ she said, then realised that perhaps she had said too much.
Perhaps he had been reading her mind. ‘You were really good to me yesterday, Annie.’
She looked at him with some irritation. ‘It wasn’t a case of me being good to you, Toby. I was being good to Charlie too.’
He stretched out his arm, stroked her shoulder and she tried to hide the great pleasure this simple act gave her. ‘I just want you to know that I think you’re marvellous and if things were different I—’
The Doctor's Baby Surprise - An Accent Amour Medical Romance Page 7