Can't Be Love

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Can't Be Love Page 7

by Julie Trettel


  “You do have a choice in this,” I pointed out sensibly.

  “No, I don’t. My heart already knows where it belongs.”

  Huh? How do you come back from that one? I wondered.

  “One week, slugger. That’s all I’m asking. If at that time I’m still the biggest douche on the planet, I’ll mutually break the bond and you’ll be free of me forever.”

  My heart rose into my throat, and I thought I might be sick just from considering breaking the bond. I stared at him, searching his eyes for some clue he was the man I thought he was. I started to protest, but Cole’s words came back to me. Take your own advice for once.

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  “Okay to what?” he asked.

  “All of it. I’ll go back with you.” I swallowed hard. “I’d like to get to know you before making such a monumental decision.”

  He grinned, and I knew that crooked smile was about the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.

  Thomas

  Chapter 10

  My body was still shaking from the reality of what had happened. I was calming under Lily’s touch, but my wolf was still on edge. The fact that she had agreed to go back home with me and give us a chance had me elated, and my wolf was slowly finding contentment even while still on full alert.

  I had heard about mating males losing it, but never in a million years had I thought it could happen to me. I shuddered and tried to push it all from my mind.

  “We have to go by the house before leaving. I need to explain things to my parents and pack,” she said softly. A part of her looked defeated and it worried me. She had agreed too quickly and too easily.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, sincerely concerned.

  She looked at me and smiled. “I’m fine.”

  She surprised me further when she reached over and took my hand, linking our fingers together.

  “Sorry. I don’t mean to send mixed singles. And I did mean it when I said I would give it a try. It’s just that my wolf is still edgy, and it helps her to touch you.”

  I smiled and squeezed her hand. I didn’t want to admit just how happy such a small gesture made me feel.

  “It helps mine, too,” I admitted instead.

  She led me to a car and let go of our hands as she walked around to the driver’s side. We sat in silence as she drove us to the Alpha house, then parked and walked in unannounced. Logically I knew that was normal, but it felt a little odd for me being a visiting Alpha-heir.

  “Come on,” she encouraged as if sensing my hesitation.

  “Mom?” she yelled when we entered.

  “Kitchen,” the woman returned.

  As we walked through the living room I didn’t even noticed the dark-haired woman sitting on the couch until she spoke.

  “Thomas Collier?” she asked.

  “Jesus, E, you scared me half to death. I didn’t see you there,” Lily said, and I noticed she was blushing. “Thomas, this is my sister, Elise.”

  Elise bit back a grin as she said hello.

  Lily walked into the kitchen, returning with her mom, who eyed me suspiciously.

  “Hello, Thomas.”

  “Hi, Mrs. Westin,” I said, feeling like an awkward little boy again.

  “It’s Mary,” she corrected.

  Another woman came into the room, her belly protruding with child. Lily wrapped her arms around her and I stared, envisioning her swollen with my child. I would never have pegged Lily Westin as the family type, yet seeing her with her own family made me wonder why.

  A small child came running into the room and didn’t hesitate as he launched himself at Lily. She didn’t miss a beat as she snatched him up and snuggled him close. It made my heart hitch at the sight.

  “I wuv you, Aunt Weewee,” the little boy said, causing my mate to gush over him.

  “I love you too, Z-man,” she said, tickling his neck and making him squeal and wiggle until she set him down again. He was off and running quickly.

  Everything I thought I knew about Lily changed in that moment. I didn’t just see her as my mate, but also for the first time I could see her clearly as a future Pack Mother.

  “Hi, I’m Kelsey,” the pregnant woman said, though I had already suspected, knowing Kyle’s mate was with child.

  “Thomas,” I said.

  Lily turned back to me. “It won’t take me long. I didn’t really unpack,” she confessed before disappearing.

  “Wait up,” Elise yelled, running after her and grabbing Kelsey’s arm and dragging her along with them. I watched them leave, knowing they were talking about me. I tried to do the right thing and tune them out even though curiosity kept one ear open, until I heard douchebag and then I forced myself not to listen anymore.

  I took a seat on the couch, knowing it could take her a while. Jason Westin wandered in. He feigned surprise to see me there as he greeted me, but from the shared look with his mate, I knew he was well aware of my presence.

  “What brings you to Westin, son?” Jason asked.

  I snorted. “I think you already know the answer to that, sir.” I looked at Mary, who tried and failed to hide that knowing smirk again.

  They each took a seat on either side of me, successfully trapping me in place.

  “Lily will make you a fine mate, Thomas,” Mary finally said.

  I blew out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding as she forced us all to confront the elephant in the room. I nodded, not really sure what to say. My initial reaction had been that there was no way Lily Westin was cut out to be Pack Mother of Collier, but after seeing her with her family for only a few moments, I wasn’t so sure about that after all.

  “I hope so. She’s very reluctant,” I said, cautiously.

  Jason laughed. “I can imagine. She must have been shocked out of her mind, the way she came running home with her tail between her legs. That girl has dreamed of her one true mate her entire life.”

  “And I clearly have not lived up to that dream,” I finished for him, knowing it was true.

  From upstairs Kelsey’s voice drifted down below. “He didn’t look like a douchebag at least.” And all the girls burst out in giggles.

  I nodded my head and wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans.

  “You’re aware the only time the words douche or douchebag are used in this house, it’s affectionately in reference to you?” Jason said, not even bothering to hide the humor from his voice.

  “Yup, she hates me,” I admitted.

  “She doesn’t hate you, Thomas,” Mary jumped in to defend her daughter.

  “The thing is,” I said, “I don’t even know why. She doesn’t even know me. Was I that terrible to her as kids?”

  Mary and Jason shared a concerned look.

  “Oh, dear, it’s not that. It’s, well, it’s probably best that she explains her reasoning. In truth, we think you’ve just always been the scapegoat she’s channeled her anger towards.”

  “That’s what I don’t understand. I can’t even remember the last time I saw her. I couldn’t have been more than fourteen, maybe younger even.” That was the part that had bothered me so much.

  Jason clapped a hand on my shoulder. “That’s really the problem, now isn’t it?”

  “Huh?” I asked, not really following.

  “Did you know that Lily has gone to Collier nearly every year for the annual vigil since Maddie’s disappearance?”

  I shook my head. I didn’t know that. “Not really. I knew she had been to some, but I had stayed as far away from there as possible.”

  “That’s the point,” her father said. “You weren’t there, and the rumors of the harem of women you were entertaining instead certainly helped contribute to your specific title.”

  I was stunned silent, trying to process everything they had just said—and what they hadn’t. Lily thought I had abandoned my family in their time of need. Had I? I couldn’t evaluate it in that moment, and so did what I always did, and shoved the thought into a box to meditate on later. That w
as a big one, but it explained a lot.

  How was I going to reverse nearly nine years of pent-up anger and speculations in just one week?

  “Well,” I said aloud. “I guess I have one week to change her opinion.”

  Mary’s full smile reached all the way to her eyes. “That’s the attitude! Now remember, Lily is a romantic at heart.” I cringed and Mary smacked me in the arm. “I’m serious here, so pay attention. She’s always been in love with the idea of her one true mate. That’s you, so use it to your favor.”

  “She’s also fiercely loyal and protective of those she cares about, and that very much includes your sister. If you haven’t settled things yourself with Maddie, you may want to start there,” Jason added.

  “Okay, that was already on my to-do list,” I admitted, trying to make a mental note of all the tips they were giving me. “Why are you telling me this?” I wondered aloud.

  “Simple, because you’re her one true mate,” Mary said, looking at Jason with glassy eyes. “You are what’s best for her. God makes no mistakes in that. That also means she’s what’s best for you. It won’t be easy, our Lily-girl loves hard, but she also could use some taming. Her father has spoiled her for years, and she gets away with too much.” I chanced a look at Jason, who just shrugged and smiled, not even bothering to deny it. “No filter on that one, so often whatever she’s thinking pops right on out of her mouth. That’s not always a bad thing. You’ll always know where you stand with her. You just might not always like it.”

  “We’re rooting for you,” Jason whispered as we heard the girls coming back down the stairs.

  “Ready?” Lily asked as she walked into the room. She had changed into tight skinny jeans and a blue T-shirt that highlighted her eyes. It was more casual than anything I’d seen her in, and she looked stunning. My mouth went dry and I couldn’t speak, only nod.

  We said goodbye to her family as Jason shook my hand and wished me good luck. I loaded three suitcases and two overnight bags into the back of her car and offered to drive. She seemed to hesitate, but conceded, handing over the keys.

  She was quiet on the drive to the airport, staring out the window, lost in her own thoughts. I longed to hear what she was thinking. Maybe someday, if I were lucky enough, we’d have a bond strong enough for that.

  The Collier plane was waiting at the small airport at the bottom of the mountain. She raised her eyebrows at me, but didn’t ask. I retrieved our bags from the trunk, wondering, not for the first time, if she was already planning to stay for more than a week. Dropping them off to be loaded, I led her over to the plane.

  As we headed up the stairs I muttered under my breath, “Collier may not be as prestigious as Westin, but we do well enough. It’s not just some little hick pack.”

  Lily turned quickly, almost knocking me backwards as I grabbed for the bars and she grabbed for me. “I would never call it a hick pack, Thomas. I love Collier.”

  Her vehement tone threw me for a loop. “You looked surprised to see the plane. I shouldn’t have assumed.”

  “You’re right, you shouldn’t have,” Lily spat back before storming up the stairs. She took a calming breath and sat down. “At first I expected to see a Westin Foundation logo on the side, but realized it wasn’t one of ours, It wasn’t that I thought Collier couldn’t afford a plane or anything, I just didn’t realize you had one. You and Maddie always flew commercial. So yes, I was surprised to see the plane.”

  I rubbed my temples, realizing how very little I knew about my mate.

  “I’m sorry. I’m very proud of my Pack and all we’ve accomplished. We may not have all the luxuries you’re used to at Westin, but we have enough, and everything we need,” I said.

  Lily softened and reached for my hand. “Thomas, I’m an Alpha’s kid, too. I’m not as pampered and sheltered as you seem to think. Spoiled, yes, I’ll admit that, but not sheltered. I’ve visited many Packs. I know what a hick pack looks like, and Collier definitely isn’t that. Besides, Sydney’s store is amazing. That place alone elevates Collier above Westin even. I have to drive an hour to get labels like that.”

  I groaned. Of all my packmates, why did Lily have to befriend Sydney?

  Conversation took a turn into lighter territory as she asked me a thousand questions during the flight, everything from my favorite food to the color of my favorite car. It was fun and I felt like I was finally starting to get to know her, the real Lily, instead of the one I’d assumed, imagined, or dreamed about.

  Unlike Westin, Collier had plenty of space for our own airfield, so we didn’t have another long, awkward drive, though I suspected it wouldn’t have been quite so awkward or quiet if we had. I drove us straight home after we unloaded. It wasn’t until we were walking in the door and Lily started checking things out that I realized she might prefer to stay at the Alpha house.

  “So, this is my home. I don’t need much, and chose it for its views, not its size, especially knowing that I’ll eventually move back into the Alpha house when my turn comes around,” I admitted.

  I took her hand and led her away from the bedroom she was heading for and instead toward the back of the house, where off the kitchen lay a sunroom made entirely of floor-to-ceiling windows. The view was stunning, overlooking the river and the mountains on either side.

  Her breath hitched at the sight and it warmed me.

  “It’s beautiful,” she said in awe. “It doesn’t even look real. I could grab a cup of coffee and get lost in my own world, just sitting here staring at that all day.”

  I smiled down at her.

  “Unfortunately, I have this long-lost sister that’s been really worried about you, so I think we should head over to the Alpha house and check in.”

  “Does she know?” Lily asked.

  I shook my head. “I didn’t tell anyone, well, except Sydney.” I hesitated. “And Kyle. I kind of had to tell them, you understand?”

  “Thomas, it’s fine. I just wanted to know what I’d be walking into. Dealing with Kelsey and Elise today wasn’t all that bad, but it did make it a little less awkward that they already knew.”

  I laughed. “So you want me to tell her?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t really want anyone to know unless we know it’s going to work.”

  Her short hair was cut at an angle, and it cascaded down into her face. I brushed it back so I could look at her.

  “Do you want us to work, Lily?”

  She stilled, and I wasn’t sure she was breathing. “I don’t know,” she finally whispered.

  It felt like another punch in the gut. I tried to brush it off with a smile. “Come on, slugger. Everyone knows you took off in a hurry, and three days later I did too, both of us without warning. It’s a small pack, they’re already talking, I guarantee it, so let’s just get it over with.”

  “You want to announce it to the pack?” she asked.

  “Isn’t that what mating couples do?”

  “Trial, Thomas, we agreed to a trial. Shouldn’t we wait until the week’s up at least?”

  “Fine,” I conceded a little too quickly. “But . . .”

  “There’s a ‘but?’”

  “There’s always a ‘but,’ Lily. But, if someone asks, I won’t deny it. If you decide to get drunk again and flirt with a guy, I won’t be able to not react to that, and judging by the Cole Anderson situation, it won’t be pretty.”

  She giggled. “No drinking. No flirting. No denying. Got it. Anything else?”

  “Yeah,” I grinned, pulling her so close to me I could feel her heart beat against my chest. All I had to do was look down and I knew our mouths would align perfectly. “I didn’t say no flirting. I said no flirting with other men.”

  “Oh,” she said, breathlessly. “Okay then.”

  I begrudgingly let her go. “Anything you’d like to add?”

  “Just some questions.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “First, is it okay with you if I hang out with Sydney? Outside of the ba
r, of course.” She shot me a wicked grin.

  “Sydney’s great, I think that would be fine with her.”

  “I wasn’t asking if she’d be okay with it, I’m asking if you’re okay with it. If it’s too weird during our trial period, I’ll steer clear of her.”

  My heart expanded at the realization she was worried about my feelings, not Syd’s. In a lot of ways it felt like she’d just punched me again, only this time instead of the gut it went straight to the heart. “It’s not a problem for me.”

  “Great. Okay, next, you brought me here first. Does that mean I’m staying here?”

  The air sizzled around us as my wolf perked up at the thought.

  “I’ll leave that up to you. You’re welcome to have my room at the Alpha house if that’s more comfortable for you,” I said, when really I wanted to beg her to stay. Nothing in my life felt more right than having Lily in my home.

  “You’re sure?” she asked.

  “Yeah, it’s fine. We can take your stuff over now,” I said, trying not to let my disappointment show.

  “No, I meant are you sure it’s up to me? You know, that you don’t want a say in it?”

  “Lily, I’d never force you to do anything. Of course it’s your decision.”

  “Then I’d rather stay here,” she said simply.

  “What? You’re serious?”

  “I said I’d give us a chance. I don’t half-ass things. If I’m in, I’m all in. I told you, you have a week to convince me you’re not the douchebag I’ve built you up as.” She said it with a smile on her face for the first time. That had to be progress already, right?

  “How am I doing so far?” I asked.

  She shrugged. “Verdict’s still out.”

  “Any other questions?” I asked as I escorted her back out to the car.

  “Just one more. Why do you keep calling me ‘slugger?’”

  I laughed. “Why do you keep calling me ‘douchebag?’”

  “I have my reasons,” she said.

 

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